Shoe Charming – by Tracy Reed
SHOE CHARMING
BY TRACY REED
Oh man, that’s a lot of people. It’s a sea of colorful ants.
At least that’s what they look like from up here.
This must be what a rock star sees when they’re on a stadium stage.
I wasn’t expecting to see so many people.
When I saw people gathering outside a couple of weeks ago, and they told me why, I laughed.
I mean, who does that sort of thing? Why would anyone want to stand here just to wave at us?
It’s not like we can make out their faces.
If it weren’t for the big screen monitors, they wouldn’t recognize us either.
But then I remembered two things, these people weren’t here for me, but for the man standing next to me.
I wanted to put my hand down and stop smiling, but apparently that’s not allowed…. along with a list of at least three dozen other things I can’t remember right now.
I looked out at the sea of colorful ants and was reminded of the words I had heard every day since I arrived.
“You are living out every little girl’s fantasy.
” Everyone who uttered those words was smiling and nodding.
From the sound of it, that was the line they were instructed to say to try to make me feel better about this change in my life.
Newsflash… I wasn’t one of those little girls who played princess dress up.
Nor am I that woman who went around secretly hoping her Prince Charming would come in and take her away from her dreary life.
I liked my life and it was anything but dreary.
I had no desire for the Prince Charming on a white horse fairytale.
My fairytale featured me heading a Fortune 500 company with a hot model looking assistant named Boris.
In fact, I was sad when I was told I had to abandon my job.
My fairytale also featured a fine dark chocolate man whose kisses tasted like fine port, with a successful career, who was kind, fun, a good provider and loved God.
Instead of a white horse, he’d fly in on a white jet or drive up in a white Bentley.
This right here, was never a part of my life plan.
I looked to my right at the only person up here I trusted, and he failed to fully disclose how this day was going to play out. All he said was, “You’ll be a modern day Cinderella.”
Cinderella my ass. No offense Cinderella, but this right here is definitely not the fairytale he said it would be.
My mouth muscles and jaw ached and my arm felt like it was going to fall off.
And don’t get me started on this heavy thing on my head.
It’s beautiful, but I really needed more time to practice wearing this jeweled weight.
Right now, the only benefit I saw in wearing a crown was it kept me from falling down.
This morning, when the Protocol and Etiquette teams burst into my suite to discuss the day’s events, it was made clear I was to smile at all times, because cameras would be everywhere.
Oh great, now I have to pee. I don’t know what’s worse…
risking public embarrassment by letting my bladder explode or lowering my arm.
I looked around at the many stoic faces surrounding me and got my answer.
Peeing on myself wouldn’t be a problem, but lowering my hand and not smiling would definitely be an act of disrespect. It might even land me in the dungeon.
I needed to go to the bathroom and once I emptied my bladder, I would need to refill it with a glass of champagne.
Scratch that, a bottle would be more suitable.
But like most everything else that had taken place the past couple of months, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be left alone for such a mundane body necessity.
It’s not like I’m not allowed to go to the bathroom by myself.
It’s just someone would be standing outside the door to make sure I had some privacy.
That’s a joke. Thanks to my new husband and position, I would never be left alone again when I went to the bathroom or anywhere else. Man, I missed my private potty time.
“My love…” He looked at me with those dreamy eyes.
I loved how he makes me feel like I’m the only person in the room. We could be in a crowded room or courtyard with thousands of people and it would always feel like it was just us.
“Yes…”
“How are you doing?”
“I uhm…” Here was my moment to escape and he mesmerized me with his sexy smile. “I’m fine.”
“Perfect. We only have to be out here ten more minutes.” He lifted my hand to his mouth, kissed it, and the crowd went insane.
He may have said ten minutes, but my bladder heard ten hours.
I scanned my mind trying to remember where the nearest toilet was, because I knew there was no way I was going to make it back to my suite, the way my bladder was expanding.
I told them not to give me tea this morning, but that group of people behind me insisted the chamomile tea would keep me calm.
Here’s a tip, if the bride…scratch that. If the princess asks for coffee, give it to her.
I should give in to my bladder and watch them go into a panic. The thought of one of those protocol people or body guards following behind me with a mop would be worth it. I laughed to myself.
I’m sorry, how rude of me. I’ve had you all up in my business and failed to introduce myself.
Sophie, Princess of Rialta. I know it sounds made up but it isn’t.
Rialta is a real country with a population of approximately one and half million people, give or take a couple of thousand.
I’m still not quite sure where it is, because it’s so small.
When it was pointed out to me on the map, I blinked and couldn’t find it again.
As I was saying, my official title as of three o’clock yesterday afternoon, is Her Royal Highness The Princess of Rialta.
Or if we’re being formal, it’s Her Royal Highness The Princess of Rialta, Countess of Timzies, and Duchess of Arceneaux.
How do they expect me to get that on a driver’s license?
Or on my credit card. Heck, I’ll need a passport just for my name.
I looked around the team of people who had been controlling every minute of my life for the past sixty three days and felt a little payback was in order.
Especially since they wouldn’t let me sleep with my husband last night.
I didn’t see where there was a problem. According to the Secretary of Registry at the civil ceremony, we were married.
Last night, after dinner, I was whisked away to the far end of the palace to a suite with a couple of guards posted at the doors.
I was awakened at the crack of dawn and told there would be no communication with my husband until after the formal ceremony.
I was also told, hot tea would be better for my digestion and nerves.
If they wanted me to remain calm, then they should have given me the coffee I requested, along with my morning workout and a phone call from my husband.
I looked out the corner of my eye and switched waving arms.
“Oh, my God…she switched arms,” one of the Etiquette assistants announced.
“What is she doing? We didn’t rehearse it that way. Oh, my God, that’s not protocol,” screamed out the Etiquette Director.
“She’s blocking the prince’s face. Quick, somebody fix this,” said the Director of Protocol. “Didn’t you tell her to never block the prince’s face?”
“Yes, but it seems she’s forgotten,” the Etiquette Director announced.
My little move of revolt was worth it to see her freak out. I laughed to myself and then I grabbed my stomach.
“Now she’s holding her stomach. Somebody do something with her hands!” the Protocol Director shouted. “The last thing we need is for the country and the rest of the world to think we rushed this wedding because she’s pregnant.”
I laughed so hard to myself, my bladder almost ruptured. I collected myself and concentrated on waving otherwise, we’d be standing in a golden pool
“Quick, someone get the prince’s publicist. We need to draft a press release explaining why she switched her hands. Say the Princess was waving a fly away from the Prince,” said Maurice, my husband’s Chief of Staff.
“What if someone asks about her hand on her stomach?” one of the assistants asked.
“If anyone asks, she was scratching.”
“I think we can come up with something better,” Maurice said.
“You’re right.” The Protocol Director said.
Thanks to the marble floors, I heard her pacing. I hated to admit I was getting a lot of pleasure from this act of rebellion.
“Why don’t we just wait and see if anyone asks,” said one of the assistants.
“Are you insane?” the Protocol Director snapped back. “Do you know how many people are watching this?”
“Yes, but…”
I looked out the corner of my eye and saw this woman was in full panic mode.
“Anybody else have an idea?”
As much as I wanted to laugh at the near riot going on behind me, I couldn’t.
I really needed to pee, and unless one of them was holding a bucket, I had to rely on one of those hysterical people behind us to help me get to the nearest toilet.
Crap! If I didn’t behave, my new husband and I would be standing in a golden puddle.
I quickly switched arms back to what we rehearsed. However, my left arm was grateful for the short break.
“Christina,” Maurice called.
“Yes.”
“You might want to take a look at the balcony.”
The perfect sweet kiss. My charming husband picked that moment to kiss me. His simple romantic gesture excited the crowd and instantly brought peace to Christina’s world.