Chapter Seven
Chloe
Am I evil or what? I had to introduce Jayson to Carlos because I knew exactly what his reaction would be. I don’t blame Carlos at all. Jayson IS a big 6’2” slice of man meat and I’ve got my fork and knife ready to go. And my bib, because Lord, this boy is fine! All joking aside, I really could see myself liking him and that scares me a lot. I don’t know what he would think or say if he finds out about my past. I can’t even comprehend telling him. I know if we are going to have anything together that I will have to do it.
Shaking my head internally at my thoughts, I wonder why I keep thinking we are going to be together. This is supposed to be a simple study session but it feels like a date. I’m just going to go with it for now. Maybe we can just do something casual. Am I thinking with my hormones today or what? I’m thinking about casual sex with Jayson and that’s a laugh because I’m probably the last college aged virgin alive.
Right before I get to our table, I see Jayson looking at me with a sweet smile on his face. He stands up and pulls out the chair next to him.
“Here you go. I thought you would want to sit next to me so we can get some work done. With Connor here, it might get a little loud.”
I say, “Sure” and then of course, I blush.
Why do I have to freaking blush every time he talks to me? It’s like a sign that says circus freak: last virgin on the planet. I push those thoughts aside and turn to him.
“That’s great. I’ve got some ideas that might be good for our project. But, I want to hear what your ideas are as well.”
His mouth starts twitching and I realize the jerk is laughing at me! “Are you laughing at me” I almost growl? He doesn’t know it, but that is a major peeve for me. It makes me feel like I’m completely out of control when it happens.
At this point, he laughs a true belly laugh and says, “Put your claws away, tiger. I just thought it was funny that you might be willing to consider a country boy’s ideas when it concerns your grade.”
I don’t get his point. “How do you know that I think you are a country boy and what does that have to do with it?”
He winks at me and then I know he is just yanking my chain. Well, two can play this game. I lean in really close to his ear and say, “I love country boys so I’m ready to hear anything you have to say.”
Ha ha, that worked because he looks like he is ready to tackle me to the ground. He laughs again and winks at me. “So you like to play with fire, huh? Ok, that works for me.” Then he leans in really close and says with his lips touching my ear, “I love sweet princesses and I can tell you’re one, so this is going to work out really well for me.”
Well crap, I guess he won that one since I’m about to combust and he is just sitting there stuffing his face. Still, I’m not completely out of the fight, so I slap him on the shoulder and say, “Whatever!” Just then I notice we have an audience. #2 is laughing at us and Madison looks like she won the lottery. I know it’s going to be a long night because she is going to want to know everything that was said and analyze it to death. Speaking of death, we have a project that isn’t going to get itself done, so I take out my tablet and get ready to type.
The one thing I am good at is my schoolwork. It centers me, especially when I feel out of my element. Hmm, I think I might be a little bit of a control freak. But, it helps me get good grades so I’m not complaining.
I ignore Connor and Madison and ask Jayson for his ideas on our presentation. He mentions that he wants to be an ER doctor and that he thinks it would be a good idea to profile various situations in which a person is told of their family member’s sudden death. Then he says he also thinks it would be good to include a variety of ages and their reactions. Finally, he says maybe we could spend some time at the hospital observing these situations and how people process grief.
OK, he is really smart. Obviously, there is more to him than just a pretty face. This blows my idea out of the water. So, I wink at him this time and say, “Sounds good, country boy, let’s do it.”
He looks really confused and asks, “Don’t you want to tell me your idea?”
No, I do not because compared to him its crap and it hits too close to home. In fact, as I sit and think about what he is proposing, the memories overwhelm me and I feel myself beginning to lose it.
Clenching my fists under the table, I try to blink back tears and tell him, “No, your idea is good. I think it would be a great idea for both of our intended professions.” I immediately lower my head so he can’t see my tears. “I’ll be back.”
I rush to the bathroom praying he doesn’t follow and that he didn’t see me crying. Just like this morning, I am standing in front of a bathroom sink and I can’t look in the mirror. I can’t believe what I’ve done and now I know there is no way I can be around him. I make up my mind to tell him to find another study partner as soon as I get back to the table.
The door flies open to the restroom and Madison rushes in. Like the great friend that she is, I don’t have to explain myself to her; she just wraps me up in a hug and lets me cry.
After my ugly crying stops, she looks at me and says, “I heard what y’all were talking about. Why are you taking that class?”
I shrug my shoulders and look away. “It’s one of the classes in my program and I just wanted to get it over with.” I try to sound flippant, but it doesn’t work on the one person that knows me better than anyone else.
Sighing, she says, “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Chloe. This class and project are going to bring up issues that you can’t or won’t deal with. Maybe after you have worked through everything, you can try again. I think you need to drop the class. You obviously aren’t handling it very well.”
I’m about to agree with her and then the little thought that I probably wouldn’t see Jayson again sneaks in and that makes me extraordinarily sad. On the other hand, I know I need to deal with this head on because I can’t spend my time crying in bathrooms. This class might be my chance to get some closure.
“No, I’m sticking with it. Let’s go back to the table,” I tell her. She doesn’t say anything, but I can feel her disapproval, which she knows I hate.
When we get back to the table, both Jayson and Connor look worried and the atmosphere is strained at best. I don’t want to deal with this right now so I don’t look at them when I speak.
“I had an eyelash under my contact…it made my eyes water.”
Neither looks like they believe me and I hear Connor say something under his breath.
“What was that, #2,” I ask him with a sharp tone in my voice.
He seems surprised that I called him out, but he winks at me and says, “I didn’t say anything, sweetheart.”
“Oh, good lord, can you quit with the winking and calling me sweetheart?” I snap back at him.
But he just laughs at me and looks at his brother. “Looks like your little bit has some claws…might be fun, you know?” They laugh and I am ready to explode. I think to myself that he isn’t just Jayson #2, he is #2 because he is full of shit!
I’m not going to let him get under my skin. I know that I am trying hard to deflect attention from my crying because I don’t want to answer any questions. Then it occurs to me that maybe Connor is trying to deflect attention away from what happened as well. If that is what he is doing, I’m more grateful than I can say.
I think Jayson knows this because he doesn’t make any comment except to jump right back in to our previous discussion. Determined to put it behind me, I quickly make the decision that I'm keeping him, and we continue working on our project without interruption while Connor and Madison laugh and talk.