Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jayson
Once I’m in my truck, heading down I-45 towards Galveston, I feel like I can breathe again. I have a bitch of a headache from the alcohol and the Houston heat isn’t exactly making it better. I try to think of what I’m going to say to Chloe, but her saying I meant nothing to her just keeps repeating itself over and over in my brain. I have so many mixed feelings towards her right now…I want to kiss her, spank her, hug her, fuck her, well you get the picture. The rational part of me wants to turn this truck around and go home and forget her.
Since Galveston is not far from where we live, I don’t have much time to contemplate what I am going to do or say. I feel like I am getting a migraine so I stop at a gas station and get some headache reliever and a Dr. Pepper. Once I’ve got my emergency headache cure in me, I park on the Seawall not too far from her hotel and sit on the railing staring out at the water.
I am more confused than ever. I love her and I know that she has been through something traumatic in her life that makes her behave the way she does. I can even accept that in her own warped way of thinking, she thought she was protecting me…from what, I don’t know. That’s the thing, I still don’t know what the problem is. My other issue is that I hate her for how she treated me. I have always been respectful of women and to be treated like I was a human dildo was disgusting. Then, the things she said to me, I don’t think I can forget them even if I forgive her. Or if I do forgive her, I don’t think I can take her back.
The idea of us not being together makes my chest hurt and I wonder if it is really possible to physically have a broken heart. My medical training tells me no, but I think it may be wrong. I sit there for a while watching the waves come in and like I’m watching a movie, I can hear and see her all over again telling me I meant nothing, I’m a cheap fuck, not a good one either… I’m so pissed off at this point that I grab my drink and walk to my truck.
I’m sick of being the one that’s present in this relationship, ha, what relationship , and I’m going to tell her exactly what I think of her. Who gives a shit that she’s had a rough life? Right now, I really don’t. All I want to do is tell her what I think of her and get the hell out of here. I don’t know why I didn’t listen to Connor. But no, as usual, I have to be the twin with the heart…well, that’s changing as of today!
I drive the couple of miles to the Seaside Inn. After parking, I go up the stairs to look for room 208 and there she is…sitting outside her room in one of the deck chairs staring at the water. I stand there for a moment just watching her. She looks so peaceful and I’m so torn up; I fucking hate her right now. I decide I’m not staying and as I start to go back down the stairs, my shoes make a noise and she looks up. The look on her face is full of emotions: fear, happiness, sadness…you name it, it’s there.
“Jayson…what…what are you doing here? How did you find me,” she asks?
I can barely get the words out of my mouth. “I don’t know why I’m here…probably because I’m an idiot and I found you through Madison. Obviously, you two have some kind of phone locator through your cell plan and she told me where you were.
“Were you leaving” she asks?
My chest hurts as I answer, “Yes, I think so. I got what I came for.”
Softly, she asked, “What did you come for?”
I stare at her for a moment and then say, “I came to see if I could ever handle the thought of looking at you while remembering what you did.”
“And can you” she asks?
Without looking at her, I say, “No, I don’t think I can.” I hear her crying and I say sharply, “NO! No, don’t do that. You can’t do that to me. You are the one that ripped my heart out. You don’t get to cry over it now!” Mortified, I realize that I have tears rolling down my face. I turn to walk away and she run towards me.
She grabs my arm and begs, “Wait, please, just wait. Just let me talk to you, I’ll do anything if you let me talk to you.”
I walk past her and push the door of her room open. We both walk in and she asks, “Do you want to sit?”
I answer her in a curt tone, “No, I don’t want to sit…what do you want to talk about?”
Wrapping her arms around herself protectively, she says, “I want to tell you I’m sorry and that I never meant to hurt you.”
That makes me fucking laugh. “You never meant to hurt me? What in the hell would you do if you did mean to hurt me?”
We’re both quiet for a minute and she asks in a small voice, “What can I do to fix this?”
I’m so angry and hurt right now that the bastard I’ve been holding in since I got here lets loose. In the meanest voice I’ve ever used, I say, “You want to know what you can do to make it better. You can get on your knees and suck me off, that might help me feel a little bit better.”
We stare at each other and she walks over to me and kneels down. Placing my hands at my side, she unbuckles my belt, pulls down my jeans and underwear and sets my cock free. Like the sicko that I am, I’m hard as a rock. Without looking away from me or speaking a word, she begins to stroke me and takes me into her mouth.
It feels fucking awesome and at the same time, I feel like shit. I try to block out my more “noble” instincts and intertwine my fingers in her hair. Right now, I just want to fuck her mouth and make her feel like she made me feel…a human sex toy. I look down into those violet eyes that have tears pouring out of them and I know I can’t do this.
In a sharp tone, I say, “Stop, Chloe…right now!” She lets me go and I tuck myself away in my pants.
Looking bewildered at my sudden change of heart, she asks, “Why did you make me stop?”
I look at her beautiful face and I know this is it; I’m letting her go.
Trying to keep my voice from cracking, I say, “Because I can’t do what you did to me. This was a mistake for me to come here. It’s like I said in my voicemail…I love you, but I hate you more.”
I pull her to me and let myself feel her body up against mine one more time. I lean down and kiss her cheek and tell her, “Have a good life…that’s what I want for you. I want for you to find peace and start living…it just can’t be with me.”
More and more tears fall from her beautiful eyes and I know if I don’t get out of there, I’m going to cave in. I turn away from her, walk to the door and open it, knowing I’m walking away from the girl that would have been my wife, the mother of my children, and all the other important parts of my life. My heart hurts, my gut burns, and I feel like my head is splitting in two. Still hearing her cry, I shut the door and walk down the stairs to my truck. I know this is for the best…for both of us. So, why do I feel like my other half died and I’m left to be in this world alone?