Chapter Forty-Two
Jayson
Driving over to Chloe’s apartment, I pick up my phone and contemplate trying to call her. With a curse, I throw it back down into the cup holder and turn up the radio. Here I am once again chasing after her. It occurs to me that I’m the one who feels like I can’t breathe; I’m the one who wants to punch something until my hands are bloody, and she is just sitting on her pretty ass in her apartment. I don’t think I have ever been so angry in my entire life; actually anger is not even the right word. If it hadn’t been for Madison’s phone app, all of us would have thought she had been kidnapped or worse. I wonder if she ever even thought of that.
Logically, I know she has a lot of baggage and what she went through at the restaurant was a terrible shock. But, how much more do I have to do to convince her that I’m not leaving her. Or at least, I wouldn’t have left her. Right now, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. I’m not only angry, but humiliated because I look like a fucking tool running after her again. If she were anyone else, I would have dropped her by now, but I can’t because I had to fucking fall in love.
Not even paying attention to what I’m doing, I hear sirens and wonder if there is an accident. I look into my rear view mirror and my day just got better; I’m being stopped by an HPD officer. Feeling like my head is going to explode, I wait for him to approach. I can see him running my license plate and I just want him to hurry the hell up.
He approaches my window and says their usual spiel, “License, insurance, and registration please.”
I tell him the insurance and registration is in my glove box because I don’t want to get popped with him thinking I’m going for a gun. That’s the joy of living in Houston.
I find all of my information and hand it over to him and he tells me he will be back with me in a moment. All I can think of is if Connor used my name or ID and I’m in trouble, he is another one that will be hurting tonight. Not that he would do anything illegal, just stupid crap that might get the police called on his ass. You would think a 23-year-old man, and I say that loosely, would not involve himself in mailbox baseball anymore. Yes, I am being a bitch right now, but since I can’t get to Chloe and I certainly can’t tear into the policeman, Connor is getting the brunt of my anger.
When the officer hands me back my documentation, I decide Connor gets to live today because obviously nothing showed up against my license or license plate number.
Taking out his ticket book, he asks me, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
I really don’t know so I just decide to be honest. “Actually, I have no idea,” I tell him.
Instead of starting to write like I expected, he asks, “You got something going on that you’re trying to get to?”
Without meaning to, I laugh and say, “Yeah, the love of my life who I hate right now!”
He snorts and I see his mouth curling up. He starts writing in his ticket book and says, “You were going 87 in a 75 mph zone. Considering I’m a romantic and a good guy, I’m going to let you go with a warning. Slow it down because the next dude that stops you might not be as understanding as I am of the ways of the heart.”
I nod my head in agreement while trying not to laugh; wishing I could have recorded this for Connor to hear; this is the strangest traffic stop ever! He hands me my warning, gives me a little salute, and walks back towards his car.
Slowly getting back on Hwy 59, I feel my anger cool somewhat. While I hate getting stopped for speeding, maybe it’s for the best since now I don’t have the urge to rip into her quite as much. Trying to decide how I am going to approach the situation, I turn into the parking lot of Chloe’s apartment complex. Her car is sitting in its spot and I feel a little better that she isn’t packing to hit the road.
As I’m unlocking her front door, I’m telling myself that she probably just needed space and was embarrassed; that had to be why she left. I walk into the living room and suddenly my anger has now gone into the triple digits. She is sitting there reading a goddamned book on her Kindle! She looks up at me and it’s apparent that she thought it was going to be Madison coming in the door.
I’m pretty positive I’m in danger of having a stroke right now. In two steps, I’m standing in front of her and pulling the Kindle out of her hands.
“Are you really reading a fucking book right now,” I ask?
Obviously thinking that being a smartass is her best defense, she says, “Yes genius, I am!”
Throwing the e-reader down on the couch, I say, “You better be glad I don’t throw the fucking thing out of the window! What the hell were you thinking leaving like you did?”
She opens her mouth to answer me and I say, “Shut it until I tell you to talk! Do you know what you put all of us through taking off like that? Or do you even care? Obviously not, because someone who was worried wouldn’t be reading a freaking romance novel right now! I can’t even begin to tell you how humiliated I am, not to mention that once again, you didn’t trust me. You just made decisions for both of us.”
I can see her lips trembling and I say, “Don’t even start with the tears right now!”
I know I’m being the biggest dick this side of the Gulf of Mexico, but I’m so angry, I can’t seem to reel it in.
Evidently, this pisses her off because she glares up at me and says, “Can I speak now, O Great One?”
Now, I feel both my heart rate and blood pressure spiking. “Do you think this is a game,” I ask? “Whatever you do, you need to choose your next words wisely.”
Sitting there quietly, I think I might be getting through to her until she says the last thing I ever expected her to say.
“Why, are you going to shove your dick in my mouth again if I don’t say what you want to hear?”
That did it; she’s getting her ass whipped and yeah, I may shove my dick in her mouth, too, for good measure!
Leaning down into her face, I say in an extremely quiet voice, “Stand up now.” She starts shaking her head no and I say, “Chloe, stand up or I will pick you up.”
At this point, we’re in a staring contest until she says, “I don’t even know who you are right now, Jayson.”
Picking her up off the couch, I walk towards her bedroom door and say, “That makes two of us, princess.”
Once I get us into her bedroom, I lock the door then set her down. She immediately crosses her arms and glares up at me from the bed. I actually start praying to whomever might hear me right now because this girl is going to be the death of me! I begin unbuttoning my shirt and her eyes get big.
“Uh, what do you think you are doing? We are not having sex right now, if ever!”
I don’t answer her except to kick off my boots, pull my socks and jeans off, and stand there staring at her in my boxer briefs. I guess you could call it nonverbal communication.
Finally I answer her, “We are going to do an exercise in trust-building. You can either participate and I stay, and maybe we will work things out. Or you can sit there glaring and I walk out of your life for good. And trust me, I know I’ve been a pushover for you, but when I make up my mind for something, I don’t change it. So, you have about 10 seconds to get your clothes off and get over here.”
My heart is beating overtime because I don’t know what her response is going to be. Yes, I’m still angry, but I don’t want to lose her. I hope she picks the right option because I’m serious about leaving for good if she doesn’t. All of a sudden, she kicks off her shoes, unzips her skirt, and unbuttons her shirt…leaving her standing there in her panties and bra.
I hold out my hand to her and say, “Come over here to me.”
I’m standing in front of her large dresser with a mirror and the significance isn’t lost on me. I can tell she doesn’t know what to do, but I’m proud of her because she walks to me and places her hand in mine. I pull her to me for a moment, letting my guard down, because I thought I was never going to hold her again. I let her go because now it’s time for some “tough love” and I wonder if it will make us or break us. At this point, it’s all I have left to try to get through to her, so I pull her in front of me, facing the mirror.
Looking at our reflection, I see she is looking down…most likely afraid to look up and face our situation. Knowing I’m doing the right thing, but feeling like a huge dick, I pull her chin up until she is looking in the mirror. Except she isn’t…I can see her face, but her eyes are looking away.
“Chloe, look into the mirror; I want to see your eyes looking right back into mine.”
When she does as I ask, I see the glimmer of tears and the pain in the depths of her eyes and the ice around my heart cracks.
I know I’m hurting her, but I can’t stop. It’s one of those things where there’s some pain before relief. I’ve seen it many times working in the ER. People come in with broken limbs that have to be set and it’s painful, but once it’s done, they get relief. That’s what I have to do with her and I know it’s not going to be easy. As Connor said earlier, I have three years of conditioning that I am fighting against. But I’m determined to win this war; she’s worth it even if I’m angry with her right now.
So I say it again, but this time with more force. “Chloe, look into the mirror. Do you see us?” She shakes her head yes and I say, “No, I don’t think you really see us. Look again.” I try to convey to her with my eyes how much I love her. The tears start to run down her cheeks and I say once more, “Do you see us this time, baby?”
In a quivering voice, she says, “Yes, I see us.”
Satisfied that I might be making some progress, I say, “You hurt me today. Just like you hurt me awhile back. Because you didn’t trust me; you didn’t trust us.”
By this time, her sobs are so loud and they are gutting me, but this has to be done. Getting a tissue off of her dresser, I turn her towards me and wipe her cheeks and have her blow her nose.
I turn her back towards the mirror and ask, “Do you see a man that is going to leave you? And answer me truthfully, I need to know what your thoughts are.”
Looking right back at me, she says, “I don’t know. I don’t think you would, but if I were you, I would leave me.”
And that’s our problem right there…she is predicting my behavior through her own self-judgement.
Right now, I’m at a loss for words. I honestly don’t know how to get through to her or if I’m even equipped to do so. But I have to try one more time.
I tell her, “I want you to really look into my eyes and tell me if you see someone who loves you or who is going to leave you. You know the answer; you’re just afraid to admit it or even say it out loud.”
For the longest time, we stare at each other in the mirror and finally she says, “I see someone that loves me and that will never leave me.”
Feeling my chest unconstrict, I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her hair.
After a few minutes, she turns in my arms and says, “Did I pass your trust-building exercise?”
I laugh and say with a very dirty grin, “We haven’t even gotten to that yet. Turn back around and face the mirror.”
She looks a little worried, but follows my directions anyway. I reach around to the front clasp of her bra and snap it open. Her mouth drops open and I hurriedly pull it off of her shoulders. Now we are standing there with both of our chests naked and the picture in the mirror is carnal, but beautiful. She has the best looking tits of any girl I’ve ever seen and I admire her for a moment until I move onto the next article of clothing. I begin pulling her panties off of her hips and she stops me.
I kiss her and say, “Trust-building, remember?”
Finally, I have her naked and with her standing in front of me, I put my arms around her chest and cup her breasts. Her nipples are already hard and her head falls back against my chest with her eyes closed.
Now that my dick has woken up and is raring to go, I tell her, “Open up your eyes and look into the mirror. Don’t stop looking unless I tell you to.”
She nods her head quickly and I run my hands up and down her body. Squeezing her ass, I ask, “Do you remember what I told you before we left to go to the restaurant…when you outed me to my mom?” With a swift intake of breath, she says, “yes” in a quiet voice.
I squeeze her again and say, “I think that is the least of all the things you need to be spanked for.”
Fear crosses her face and I almost give in, but I can also see desire in her eyes so I continue. Yes, this might turn into something sexual, but I am going to make a point as well. I don’t plan on going through something like this again. I will do everything I can to help her through the emotional baggage she is carrying, but the bratty selfish behavior has to stop.
Leading her towards the bed, I sit and pull her in between my legs.
Cupping her face, I say, “This is where the trust-building really begins. I want you to lay across my lap.”
We stare at each other for what seems like hours and to my surprise, she does it.
She lays across me and I hear her whisper, “Don’t hurt me Jayson.”
I know she isn’t talking about physically, she means emotionally. I finally get what my mom was talking about when she said not to do anything out of anger.
I stroke her back and say, “I will never hurt you, Chloe. Your heart is safe with me.” With that statement, I feel her body relax into mine and it feels like we might be all right.
I begin caressing her beautiful ass and for a moment get lost in what I’m doing. What can I say, I’m definitely an ass man.
Getting back to my original intentions, I say, “Remember I’m not doing this to hurt you; I just want you to be more aware of your actions towards us.” With that being said, I bring my hand down on her right ass cheek and say, “This is for the time you came to my bedroom and told me I must be a bad fuck.”
Her whole body shakes and I feel her grasp ahold of my leg. I see my handprint on her pale skin and it actually hurts me a little. Instead of stopping, I continue because in some weird way, we both need this,
I stroke her reddened cheek and once I’ve soothed her, I switch to the left side. Sliding my palm over her ass, I spank her again.
With a growl in my voice, I say, “This is assuming that I lied to you when I said that Alyssa and I only had a sexual relationship.” Moving back, I spank her right cheek again and say in a hard voice, “This is for leaving me to go to Galveston without telling me where you were going.” Not even waiting to soothe her, I swat the base of her ass where it meets her legs and say, “This…this is for not trusting that I wouldn’t leave you when you told me your story.”
I feel her squirming against my leg and to my surprise, arousal from her body is seeping down her legs onto mine. She hasn’t made a sound the whole time. Feeling her warmth, my dick gets harder than it’s ever been and I want to fuck her so badly. I slide my fingers between her legs and into her pussy. She immediately begins fucking herself on my fingers. I tell her, “Not yet, princess.”
Stroking her ass one more time, I give her the hardest spank of all across her whole bottom. “Don’t you ever leave me again, do you understand me?”
She nods her head frantically and I pump my fingers into her pussy. Moaning, she says, “Jayson, I need to come…”
With one hand I spank her ass while pinching her clit with the other and she comes screaming all over my hand.
I pull her up from across my legs and push her down onto the bed. Yanking off my underwear, I tell her, “This is going to be rough, Chloe. I can’t do sweet right now.”
She pulls me down to her and says, “I don’t want sweet…I want you to fuck me so hard, I’ll feel you forever.”
I pull her legs around my hips and say, “That I can do, baby.”
Biting her lower lip and then moving down to her neck and shoulder, I want to mark her in every way possible. I feel so crazy after almost losing her that I want both she and the world to see the marks I’ve left. I move down to her breasts and suck her nipples into my mouth, biting down lightly. Her breasts seem even more sensitive than usual and she writhes under me as I lick and scrape my teeth across each one.
Knowing that I’ve been in control this whole time, I flip us over and give into her. She takes the same path that I did licking and biting every inch of skin she can reach. When she takes my nipples into her mouth, I want to come right then, but I hold it back. She moves even further down and takes my cock into her mouth. I want to fuck her mouth, but I want her pussy more. Although it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, I pull my cock from her mouth and drag her back up my body.
I look up at the face that I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with and say, “Take my cock and put it in you, baby. I want you to ride me until you come around my dick.”
My words make her whole body shiver and she does just what I ask. I help her put me inside of her and she begins to slide back and forth trying to find what feels good for her. I help her move up and down and by this time she is mindless in trying to achieve an orgasm.
When she leans closer to me, I pull her nipple into my mouth and swirl my tongue around it. She tastes like the Velvet Sugar bath wash she always uses. Her moans get louder and I start thrusting my hips upward trying to hit the spot she needs while desperately holding off my own orgasm.
I begin stroking her clit and right as I feel her pussy tighten around my dick, she reaches behind her back and caresses my balls. With that move, I drive my hips as hard as possible into her and detonate like a motherfucking bomb. She falls across my chest while we both try to catch our breath.
She whispers, “Oh my God, what was that?”
I smile and say, “That was nothing but pure fucking, baby. And where did you learn that move with my balls, I know I didn’t teach you that”
Grinning, she says, “From my Kindle that you were gonna chuck out the window.”
I wink and say, “We are keeping it and I’m getting you a huge ass gift card to download more books.”
We lay there for a bit longer and she says, “I know you said that was only fucking, but there was love too, right?”
I kiss her with everything within me and say, “There will always be love in everything we do, just like I told you in the shower.”
She grins up at me and asks, “Even when you are spanking me?”
I swat her sweet little ass again and say, “Especially then.”
I pull her face up to me so I can see her eyes and ask, “I didn’t hurt you, did I”
She shakes her head and says, “Only a little, but it was worth it. I won’t ever leave you again, J. You’re my life, I hope you know that. Sometimes I get into my head and that’s the worst place for me to be. I need for you to pull me out and if this is the way you have to do it, then I’m all for it.”
With a look of total trust on her face, she says, “I know I have a lot of things to work through. I just need you with me.”
I roll her under me and say, “You’re not getting rid of me again. I’ll help you through whatever you need. We’re in this together from now on. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve having you in my life, but baggage or not, we're in this together forever.” Smiling a smile that rivals the sun and stars, she says, “I wouldn't have it any other way."