Chapter Four #3
Why did she have to smile so tenderly? This wasn’t her fuckboy grin; this was something soft and sincere, a kindness I couldn’t repay.
I lingered. So did she. What a fool I was, to respond in turn as she leaned closer. I felt her breath, then her lips, and we kissed in the parking lot, shielded by rain and shadows. She tasted clean, like faded mint, the gentle motions drawing immediate heat to my cheeks.
We parted, the tension broken yet strung anew, at least, for me. I couldn’t repay…or perhaps I could. I could hate her and fuck her at the same time, right?
And so I surged forward again, this time slipping my tongue between her lips. Her ensuing groan lit something hot inside me, a fire that never quite sparked when men touched me. This was immediate. Gratifying. Perfect.
I could hate her and want her at the same time, right?
When her calloused hand cupped my cheek, I couldn’t help but lean in, even as my stiff fingers fell to the buttons of my work shirt, the unsexy fabric parting slowly to reveal cleavage and the edge of a—thankfully cute—lacy bra.
The fact that she didn’t even notice was equal parts hot and demoralizing—the price I paid for being a damn good kisser, alas—so I moaned with purpose, hoping she’d break the kiss, and when that didn’t work, I grabbed her free hand and placed it right on my breast, nothing but thin lace between us.
Alex finally noticed. “Oh,” she said stupidly, breathless in her stupor. She stared, frozen in the presence of my revealed tits. “Look, it’s not that I wouldn’t want to….” She pulled her hand back. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“I just wanted to show you my tits,” I teased, pressing the cleavage together with my arms. But when I tried to bring her hand back, she suddenly grasped mine.
Her breath trembled as she inhaled. “We can’t do this here.”
Though startled by her intensity, I spared a glance for the apartment door out the window. “Do you want to come in?”
Alex removed her hands, then sat back in her seat, facing the front. She brought one hand up, perhaps to block me from view, or perhaps simply out of exasperation. I withered as she exhaled. “I can’t do this tonight.”
I was stupid. So damn stupid.
The memory of her lips suddenly soured. I grabbed my purse, fighting tears from behind the curtain of my hair. I couldn’t face her, instead placing my hand on the car’s handle. “Thanks again.”
“Before you—”
I was already out the door.
The cold wind and rain immediately battered me. I pulled my unbuttoned shirt around me and slammed the car door down too hard, no doubt, but the sooner I was inside, the sooner I could collapse in the shower and die from embarrassment.
“Terra!”
Alex’s voice cut through even the storm. I paused, hoping the rain would give plausible deniability to any mortified tears escaping my eyes. But to my horror, when I looked back, she was already approaching, the water making a mess of her perfectly tousled hair.
I was a pathetic wretch, standing there in the rain, white shirt clinging to my icy skin, drenched down to the lacy bra she hadn’t wanted to see. But Alex was at my side before I could consider an escape. She said, “I like you.”
I must’ve misheard, but she said more.
“I like you too much to fuck you in the front seat on a whim.”
Even in the dark night, beneath a burned-out streetlight and a sky filled with clouds, I saw reverence in her gaze, as though I were some holy relic. I nodded, praying it would send her away, and felt it like a punch in the stomach when it worked.
Alex stepped back, then turned away, the car soon shielding her from both the storm and my own virulent world.
I shuffled to the front door, trembling from shock and residual want.
Empty house. I flicked on the lights, the daze of my encounter leaving me floating.
I touched my lips, tingling from her kiss. The sting of rejection left my head spinning, a toxic concoction of humiliation…and relief.
My phone buzzed, pulling me out of my stupor. The unknown number: Got the car. What’s the address?
I dropped it back in my purse, leaving Chase on read. Yes, it was rude. Yes, I’d owe him. But I didn’t care. Not right now. Not with the burned image of Alex’s eyes undressing me with her gaze.
“I like you too much—”
It was too much. I opted to sit in the hot shower instead, imagining the soothing water was kind hands stroking my back. In my perfect world, they could’ve been Alex’s, touching me softly as we made love for the first time—
I shoved it aside. Make love. I hadn’t done that in a long time.
Unwillingly, El entered my memory. Our first time, just two awkward teenagers in my bed.
My mom had been working, and we’d explored each other like travelers to an uncharted map, using our hands and mouths with all the gracelessness a first time brought.
I’d gotten off; she couldn’t quite get there.
But it hadn’t mattered. The memory was pristine, regardless, and it should’ve set the bar for the kind of sex I deserved. Unfortunately, it only reminded me of what I was missing.
I breathed out the memory, letting it wash over me and down the drain.