Chapter Eleven
Friday
“You stupid bitch,” Liam muttered.
I failed to give any sort of scathing look, too exhausted from a night of no sleep.
Those headlines haunted me, the mystery of whatever had happened to Alex’s beloved niece irritating me like a rock in my shoe.
But I was on the clock, and I faked a smile for a customer before turning back to the scowling Liam.
“Took you long enough,” Liam continued, quietly lest anyone else overhear. “Made out in the car, sure.”
“That really is all—”
“You go on one date, and you’re positively twitterpated.” He shook his head. “When does the U-Hauling begin?”
A smile tugged at my lips. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“You want to though.”
I had nothing to say to that.
He turned away from the espresso machine to glower at me. “I’m proud of you. Dumbass.”
I smiled as I accepted a customer tip, then sniped back with a, “Proud of what?”
“Accepting that maybe you’re just a goddamn lesbian.”
It’s what I’d called myself in high school, a word I’d cherished, tended to like a tender plant, and kept proudly in the sun.
When El had died, I’d put the plant into the shadows, where it had wilted. I’d willed it to die.
Truth couldn’t die, no matter how cruelly trauma tried to grind it to dust.
My smile came softly. “Yeah.”
“You know, before I transitioned, I wondered sometimes if I was a lesbian,” Liam said.
“But when I embraced my true self, I found my whole truth. And then I found Derek. Being bi is cool. It’s my truth.
You should focus on accepting your whole truth, too.
” He paused, his teasing grin returning. “You found Alex.”
“Alex and I have gone on one date.”
“You’ve known Alex for a year. More than a year! And literally everyone knew you liked her.” He glanced at the break room. “Okay, maybe not Barbs. But me and the night shift all knew.”
I resisted rolling my eyes. “Well, she warned me that she wouldn’t make it in today, so you don’t get to tease her, sorry.”
“Seems I was doomed to suffer.”
I floated through the next half hour or so, occasionally teased by Liam, but how could I not love it? He was right. Everyone had seen that Alex and I were meant to be, except for me.
The bell chimed around 1. I began my speech. “Welcome to—”
Cliff.
He rushed to the counter, hands held in defense. “I know you don’t want to see me, but I can’t not explain myself.”
Liam physically pulled me away from the register. “You’re banned from this establishment.” He glanced at me. “Get Barbs.”
I managed to back away, terrified beyond measure as he stared at me like headlights on a frightened deer.
“Terra, just listen, please. I saw that rich chick come back in, and I don’t care if you like chicks.
I’m a progressive guy, you know? I love two girls together.
I’ll wait, okay? And, hey, if you ever need a third—”
“Will you just shut up!”
The words burst out of me like a firework, drawing everyone’s attention. Cliff, the customers, and even Barbs from the doorway to the break room. I didn’t care. I just saw red.
I shoved terror aside, and Liam too. “I don’t like you.
I don’t want you. I’m sorry you feel like I led you on, but I only slept with you because I hate myself.
I slept with you because you wouldn’t take no for an answer and because you terrify me.
But I hate you, Cliff. I hate you even more than I hate myself, so block my number, and get the fuck out of my life! ”
Shell-shocked, he took a step back. Who was the deer in the headlights now?
The moment ended when Barbs’ voice pulled me from my vengeful stupor. “Terra, take your break.” She looked to Cliff. “You heard her. Get out.”
And to my utmost amazement, he obeyed. He left, the bell chime signifying what was hopefully the end of the cruelest era of my life.
Barbs turned to me. “I understand why you did that,” she whispered sharply. “Never do that again. Now, take your break and cool off while I call the cops. Business as usual.”
I disappeared to the break room, my adrenaline fading into relief. I’d have to text Alex and let her know, but…hell, maybe she’d be proud of me too.
When 5 PM neared, I sat beside the door, anticipation preventing me from even losing myself in any shitty app games. Alex had let me know when she was leaving, and so I watched the clock, my phone, studied the many pictures on the wall….
Finally, I heard a knock.
I slipped on my golden heels, hoping they wouldn’t make me too tall. Though maybe Alex wouldn’t mind if I was. So many unknowns, and I was excited to learn them all. I grabbed my bedazzled purse—from the dollar store—to complete the look and took a steadying breath before opening the door.
And it was a good thing I had, because I certainly forgot how to breathe now.
Alex looked incredibly dashing in her slacks and fitted jacket, her visage soft as her eyes settled upon me. She held a bouquet of pink roses and quickly offered them forward. “My gut said you were the kind of woman to prefer pink to red.”
I accepted them, bringing them to my nose to savor the aroma. “Thank you. You can come inside while I—”
I gasped when Alex pulled me into her arms. “Are you okay?” she asked.
Right. There had been an incident. “I’m fine. Liam drove me home.”
“And I am eternally grateful to Liam. How are you feeling? If you’d rather stay in, I understand.”
“I feel good.” I paused, the weight of that admittance leaving me light. “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt better.”
“Well, I did also speak to the cops and maybe left a message with his coach. Nothing too condemning. Just enough for him to ask enough questions to get Cliff nervous. But if you want a restraining order, I’ll make it happen.”
“Yes, please. For good measure.”
“I’ll take care of it.” When she pulled back, her gaze was a distant storm. “I swear it. You’re safe with me.”
My blush burned bright. I recalled, then, that I was holding a bouquet. “I’ll be right back.”
I was suddenly starkly aware of the dirty dishes in the kitchen next door, the couches older than my mother, and the obviously handmade wall décor.
Between that and the faint cigarette smoke from the neighbors next door, I moved a bit swifter.
I riffled through the cupboards, knowing there was a vase somewhere, but Mom wasn’t home to ask.
In a panic, I finally settled on a clean pitcher from the dishwasher. Thankfully, I was out of view, so I dumped in the plant food, filled it with water, and set the makeshift vase aside where Alex wouldn’t see it.
When I returned, Alex waited politely near the door, studying the photos on the wall. “You look like your mom.”
“We get asked a lot if we’re sisters.”
My heart sank to follow the line of her finger, to a rollercoaster photo op from Disneyland. I screamed coming down a drop, and there was El, holding tight to my hand as she laughed. Our last trip before college had started. Mom wouldn’t let me take it down.
But although Alex’s focus lingered a few seconds more, she said nothing of it, instead pulling something from out of her jacket. “I got you something.”
She offered me a sizeable jewelry box, wrapped in a ribbon. I accepted it with shaky hands, uncertain of what to make of it as I tugged the wrapping.
“You mentioned that you loved astronomy,” Alex continued, a bit sheepish, and when I opened the lid, my hand flew to my mouth.
A gorgeous necklace glittered against the natural light from the window, the gems delicate and arranged artfully into a constellation I knew well: monoceros.
Those who didn’t know it would see an eclectic but tasteful span of pink topaz strung together with minuscule diamonds, but I would recognize it anywhere, my favorite assembly of stars.
With utmost apprehension, I brought myself to finally touch it. “I can’t accept this. This…it must’ve cost more than my rent.”
“Add a zero. Maybe two,” Alex replied smoothly, nonchalant as she added, “but you can pawn it if you hate it.”
“I definitely don’t hate it.” I lifted the necklace from the padded display, breathless as Alex gently plucked it from my hands.
“Let me.” Her hands came around my neck, where she latched the necklace. Sparks flew where she brushed against my skin, positioning the necklace just so at the dip between my collarbones. “Perfect.”
She held up her phone camera, my own startled image looking back. It was stunning, large enough to span the entire space between my breasts. Around my neck, it turned both me and my cheap dress into works of art.
“I-I don’t even know what to say,” I managed. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She matched my gaze, fervent as she added, “I know today was stressful. I just wanted to see you smile.”
I certainly couldn’t help myself, my cheeks beginning to ache from my smile’s span.
Alex offered a hand. “Ready?”
It felt so natural to hold her hand, so right. Once outside, she held up her other to block her face, presumably from the sun, but all her previous confidence faded. She shifted oddly, glancing back and forth like a child trying to cross a busy street.
“Hey,” I said, though I tried to keep it light. “No one’s watching us. It’s okay.”
Her nervous smile remained. “Caught me.”
I coaxed her to stop. “There are no cameras at my shitty apartment, I promise.”
Her exhale slumped her shoulders, her stress apparent but perhaps fading slightly. She paused, looking me up and down in the sunset’s light. “You’re stunning. Brilliant. A face to launch a thousand ships.”
“Just say I’m pretty,” I teased, but she brought me close, my breath catching at the proximity of her lips.
“Gorgeous,” she crooned, and I grinned as she sealed our lips together, her kiss shameless and leaving me floating.
She brought me to the vehicle, where the door opened on its own accord. She helped me in, even gathered my skirt for me, and off we went.
She took back my hand once we were on the road. I couldn’t imagine letting go.