Chapter Sixteen
I don’t know how long we stayed. I only knew, when the chill rose, that Alex’s phone showed it was midnight.
I rose but went instead to wrap my arms around El’s gravestone, as best as I could. Whispered words tumbled from my lips as they grazed the stone. “I’ll love you forever, El.”
I kissed it, finality settling comfortably around me like a hug from El herself.
When I walked away, Alex stood handsomely nigh, illuminated by stars and her phone flashlight.
Without a thought, I pulled her into my arms, but by the time I realized how inappropriate that might’ve been, she hugged me back, holding me firmly against her chest. “Thank you,” I whispered, and I smiled when I felt her lips in my hair.
“You’re welcome.”
Alex made no move to part. When my arms finally loosened, she kept her hand on my back as we walked back to her car.
I was so drained, all my reserves empty, no shame left to hide. And so, when we reached her car, I did not hesitate to speak. “Alex, at the risk of making this the most awkward car ride of all time, there’s something I need to say. A few things, actually.”
Alex stood quietly. “All right.”
“You did a lot of shitty things when you were manic.” It was simply a fact.
It would infantilize her to claim otherwise.
“But just because it was your actions, it doesn’t mean it’s who you are.
It sucks to say, but you’re a lot like my dad.
He had his demons. He had meds, but he coped with alcohol and made some terrible choices because of it.
And, ultimately, he disappeared on my mom and me when things got hard.
That was who he was—a piece of shit who abandoned a six-year-old girl and doomed the woman he supposedly loved to an eternal cycle of poverty.
He even got better, you know. He got the help he needed and decided it was easier just to start a new family instead of make amends.
“And you know what, Alex?” I continued, studying the consternation in Alex’s face. “You’re right. It isn’t if you have a bad cycle again. It’s when. I know that. And I accept that.”
“You think you mean that,” Alex said, heartbreak in her words, “but I’ve hurt so many people. I won’t forgive myself when I hurt you. It isn’t if. It’s when.”
“Then we’ll hurt together. We’ll get through it together. I mean every word.”
Alex shook her head. “I know you do. That’s how I know I don’t deserve you.”
“Alex, the first night we were together, you didn’t sleep with me.
You said you liked me too much and I deserved better.
That doesn’t sound like someone destined to hurt every woman in her path.
It sounds like someone capable of caring about another person’s feelings more than her own.
You don’t want to hurt me; hell, you dropped everything just to pick me up and drive me to Sedona.
It’s not about what you deserve, but you’ve definitely more than earned my trust. I know it could be ugly.
And I promise…” I swallowed my hesitation.
She needed to hear it; I needed to mean it.
“…I promise if it gets too ugly, I’ll do what I have to to keep both of us safe.
Do your part and stay away from the vices, and I’ll do my part and get you help. ”
I stepped forward, daring to infiltrate her space.
“For the first time since El died, you made me feel safe. I hated you because you were everything I thought I could never have. I was afraid. I wanted you, so I hated you, because otherwise I would’ve had to admit that I wanted nothing more than to know you, and now that I’ve gotten to know you, it’s better than I could have ever imagined.
The closer I was to you, the safer I felt.
With you, I don’t feel broken. You make me feel brave.
You…” I lost my train of thought as I gazed up into her eyes, so perfectly reflecting the starlight.
“…you make me feel like I’m worthy of love. ”
Alex was close, her lips a mere breath away, but I refused to bridge the gap. I had done my part. It wasn’t a grand gesture. It wasn’t fireworks or an objection at a wedding. It was a confession beneath the most beautiful sky of stars on earth.
I remained still. Tense. Waiting.
And like a flower, her butterfly kiss met my lips, leaving me blissful and bright.
Just one perfect kiss. Alex pulled gently away. “It’s late. We have a long trip home.”
I stood firm. “That’s not an answer, Alex.”
And for the first time all night, my heart swelled at the shadow of that fuckboy grin. “I need time to sort through my thoughts, Princess.” Her good nature faded slightly, just enough to cause my heart to ache. “Because you also make me feel like I’m worthy of love. That’s a lot to process.”
I took her hand, relieved when she didn’t fight the touch. “What if we didn’t go home tonight? What if we got a room and slept and woke up in this beautiful town?”
It was my final pitch. I could have collapsed when she smiled. “Okay.”
“Okay!” I fought to subdue my glee, finally allowing her to open my car door.
The cemetery was soon behind us, leaving El to her final resting place.
In the dark car, her hand felt for mine as we returned to Oak Creek and followed the signs toward Sedona itself.
The streetlights cast fleeting light across Alex’s tragic countenance, illuminating her dewy eyes and tear-streaked face.
All I could do was squeeze her hand, lest I break the tentative peace.
Time passed, and she followed the signs to a resort I couldn’t pronounce the name of—a good sign for quality, I supposed—and parked by the sign designated as valet.
An attendant emerged from the building, hustling his way to the window. “Good evening. What name do you have reserved for parking?”
From her wallet, Alex handed him her black Amex card. Her voice took on a tone I hadn’t heard before, somewhere in the realm of elegant and snooty. “My name is Alexandria Winthrop, and I don’t have a reservation. I’m sure you’ll find a room for us.”
The attendant’s eyes widened. “Absolutely, Ms. Winthrop. A concierge will be right down to help you with your things.”
“We don’t have any things. I’ll need the concierge to get us some.”
The valet nodded as he opened Alex’s door, who stood nigh while he opened mine as well and assisted me out of the car.
What an odd shift, and I felt Alex’s coy smile as she came behind me to take my hand.
The valet muttered into the small radio on his collar as Alex escorted me to the door. “Are you hungry?”
“Very,” I replied, the realization that I was starving starting to leave me spinning.
The concierge met us at the door. “Ms. Winthrop, it’s an honor to have you at our establishment. Housekeeping is preparing a room for you and your guest now. Should just be a few minutes, but I heard you may need some assistance from me with shopping.”
“I’ll send instructions to the desk,” Alex said, “but yes. In the meantime, my guest is hungry.”
“Of course.” He looked to me. “Ms.—”
“Stern,” Alex finished, and something about it made me blush.
“Ms. Stern, I am happy to provide a menu, but if you have a specific request, the chef will accommodate anything you desire.”
…What the hell did rich people eat? I looked to Alex. “Would you pick for me?”
Half of what she said was in French. The concierge nodded along until a well-dressed employee whispered in his ear.
“Your room is ready,” the concierge said, passing along a key card.
“We’re technically fully booked, but we like to keep our executive suite available for priority guests such as yourself.
Will you be dining in the room or in the kitchen? ”
“Room,” Alex replied.
“Then I will escort you straightaway.”
The building smelled of aged wood and a hint of incense.
We followed him to an elevator, where we rode to the very top floor.
How I wished it were daytime so I could stare out the glass wall to the outside, but instead I saw only my own reflection, a clear interloper in this world of luxury and old money.
But my self-conscious thoughts faded when the concierge opened the door to the executive suite. I couldn’t care about anything when I saw how enormous the bed was.
“If you don’t wish to call, you can text all instructions to me personally,” the concierge said, handing Alex a card. “Dinner will be delivered as soon as possible. Don’t hesitate to ask me for anything.”
Alex offered him a rolled-up bill in return. “Pajamas, first of all.”
“Absolutely, Ms. Winthrop.”
He left. I looked to Alex. “He didn’t ask for sizes or anything.”
“It’s his job to know,” Alex replied, a bit of pride in her grin. “Do you like it?”
“It’s more than I could have imagined,” I admitted. “I’m kinda into snooty rich-girl Alexandria, not gonna lie.”
“Well, she’s kinda into spoiling smart-mouthed baristas.”
“And I’m kinda into being spoiled, so carry on.”
I went to the window, enamored by what, in my uneducated view, seemed like a stunning room. Outside, the light of the room overpowered what I was certain was a stunning view. “Alex, could you turn off the lights?”
She obeyed, and all those brilliant stars reappeared, plus a beautiful balcony. “Can we eat outside?” I asked.
“Anything for you.”
When I looked back, I saw pure adoration in her gaze.
Food appeared quickly. Once I was satiated, I realized how exhausted I was.
Regardless, the idea of being clean superseded all other needs, my body begging to purge myself of the memory of sitting in Cliff’s car and all that had followed. I put myself in the hotel shower, amused by the 360° glass and the realistically perfect view Alex had of my body.
Of course she sneaked glances. And of course I noticed. I blushed even as the steam fogged up the glass, the obscured view somehow even sexier.
I wasn’t entirely sure where we stood, but after the day’s events, I was too exhausted to overthink. I’d presented my heart. I’d bared my soul. Now the ball was in Alex’s court, and I felt at peace.
In the interim, I was here in this beautiful place, safe from all manner of horrors, and now, as I scrubbed away the final emblems of grime from my skin, I was renewed.
When I finally emerged from the shower, a soft robe had been laid out beside my towel—something that had not been there before. I dried myself and let the robe envelope me, then stepped back into the room proper.
The lights were dim, with only the bedside table lamp illuminating the scene. Alex sat on the bed, wearing an identical robe. She gazed up at me with exhausted eyes, her smile sincere to juxtapose. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I sat beside her, daring to lean my shoulder against her.
She said nothing else, instead stealing my lips into a fervent kiss.
I gasped but melted into the motion, following her lead as she deepened the kiss with an open mouth. My fingers tangled in her cropped hair, holding her there, a silent plea to stay.
She whispered against my lips. “If you just want to sleep, I understand. You’ve been through so much today.”
The question lay unspoken, but I heard it in the hitch of her breath. “I want you,” I said, the depth of those words never more poignant. “Please make love to me, Alex.”
Make love—I’d never called it that before, but that’s what it was, wasn’t it? We could have all the sex we wanted, yet something deeper always seemed to connect us, leaving us breathless and free.
I was amiable as Alex guided me into bed. She wasted no time before touching me beneath my robe, parting the neckline, and freeing my breasts.
I loved her hands, strong from disciplined violence, yet so gentle here and now. She groped me as her lips trailed kisses across my sternum, then took one of the sensitive nipples into her mouth, leaving me groaning.
There she stayed, sucking to the light chorus of my moans. One of my hands wrapped itself into her cropped hair, soothing tender lines across her scalp. Oh, she was such a tease, heat brimming in my core from just her mouth on my nipple.
Her mouth stayed put as she busied her hands with the ties of my robe, soon parting the entire thing to reveal my naked form. She kissed down my stomach, then lingered at my hipbones, gracing them with soft caresses before moving to my thighs.
She parted my legs, lavishing praise upon the soft skin. I shuddered at the first touch of her tongue to my vulva folds, the vision of her feasting too hot for words. I pushed up onto my elbows to get a better view, enamored as she kissed softly and slipped her tongue in deep.
“Fuck, you feel good,” I managed to say, weak when she glanced up and winked.
I fell back against the pillow, sighing as her tongue lapped at my entrance, the shallow fucking utterly meteoric. She truly was an artist with that tongue of hers, painting pleasure like the master she was.
When she kissed up to my clit, her fingers teased my entrance, electricity jolting through me when she sucked with all the care as she had to my nipple. I gasped as she pushed inside, the missing piece of my soul.
Perhaps she felt the shift too, given she left my clit and instead came up to kiss me with perfect, soiled lips.
Her thrusts were slow, deliberate, forcing me to savor the moment.
And oh, did I ever, smothered by her body, her kisses, feeling her move deep inside me.
Alex was pure pleasure; she’d lit in me something that had been dormant for years.
But more than that…when she left my lips, I caught her gaze, entrapped by those beautiful eyes. “Stay here,” I whispered. “I’ll touch myself.”
Alex obeyed, stealing my lips once more. My hand crept down, numb amid her fucking, and rubbed furiously against my clit, the pleasure immediately escalating. I cried into her mouth, all manner of expletives and words of adoration smothered when she snaked her tongue into my mouth.
But, oh God, did I adore her. It was so dangerous and brilliant and new.
Orgasm took me. I spasmed against her body, my cries smothered by her kiss. Her thrusts suddenly pounded, milking the last few moments as my vision blurred. My soul left my body.
And Alex was there to coax it back to earth.
With some reluctance, she withdrew. As my breath settled, she pulled me against her chest with a childlike desperation. I held her in turn, kissing her hair when I felt her break in my arms. “Alex—”
“I’m sorry,” she sputtered, breath heaving. “I never should have let you go. Y-You could’ve been killed, and I never would have told you how stupid I was to lose you.”
“It’s okay, Alex. I promise. You have me now, if you want me.”
“I want you in my life, Princess,” Alex said, and though my heart wanted to soar, it shattered for her broken words. “It’s a shit life, but I’m yours.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that a last-minute reservation at the fanciest resort in a premier tourist city was hardly a ‘shit life’. Instead, I planted a kiss on her cheek, tasting salt. “I would love to be yours, Alex.”