Chapter 30 Noel
Noel
“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”- Benjamin Franklin
And so I started an illicit affair with my literature professor. Except it didn’t feel illicit. In my book, it wasn’t dirty, or wrong, or in any way shameful. It was the purest relationship I’d ever had with anyone.
I hated that we had to keep it secret, but I had to admit, I loved hoarding her all to myself. She showed me the parts of her no one else got to see. She opened up and talked, and in return, I talked too.
Our nights together were always short and never lasted long enough.
I usually had to wait until late, after work, until I could go see her.
Then I woke at the butt crack of dawn for training.
I hated leaving her bed while she was still warm and sleeping, all curled up and beautiful under the covers.
I just wanted to crawl back in with her and stay there the entire day.
But what I despised most was spotting her on campus.
It was more difficult than I could’ve ever imagined to walk by the woman I’d just spent the night with and couldn’t wait to spend the night with again without even acknowledging her.
I also loathed hearing people bash her because she graded so strictly.
I couldn’t defend her. I couldn’t kick their ass.
Everyone still assumed I didn’t like her.
And I really despised not being able to tell other girls who hit on me that I was no longer available. It was strange. I’d never even considered being a one-woman kind of guy. But now that I was, I didn’t miss the other way. I was so obsessed with Aspen I didn’t even want anyone else.
So when Tianna started flirting with me one day in the quad just as Aspen walked past in her frumpy power suit and black briefcase, my body instantly ignited.
I couldn’t help but glance over T’s shoulder to watch my woman pass.
But when she briefly glanced back, I could see she was pissed to see the groupie hanging around me.
I was able to ward Tianna off without too much drama; I tried to convince her she needed to give my boy Quinn some attention, maybe pop the poor kid’s cherry.
But just to make sure Aspen still knew I was thinking about her, and no one else, I made a risky move and dropped another quote on her briefcase when I passed her desk later that morning as I entered class.
Something I knew would make her mood lighter.
“Why do people say ‘grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” - Sheng Wang
My plan worked; she couldn’t stop smiling as she started class. But I still hated how we had to hide so much. When she called me that evening, I was sure she was going to mention Tianna, but she merely said my name and sniffed, letting me know she was crying.
Heart instantly leaping into my throat, I pushed up from the couch where I’d been writing my latest literature essay for my hard-ass, totally hot English professor. “Aspen? What’s wrong?”
“My...are you...I just really need to see you right now. Can I come up?”
“Come up?” Wait, what? “You’re here? Outside? Right now?”
“Yes, I...it’s a bad time, isn’t it? I’ll leave.”
“No! Don’t go. My roommate just left. Come up.
Your timing’s perfect.” I rushed to the door without bothering to end the call.
She’d never come to my place before, so whatever was bugging her must be big.
As soon as I popped my head into the hall, I saw her exit the stairwell.
Her face was white, eyes swollen and red, and her hair was a scattered mess.
“Baby? What’s wrong?” I yanked her into my arms, kissing her unkempt locks. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
When she burrowed into me and buried her face into my chest, my heart twisted painfully. I hated seeing her this way.
“It’s my dad,” she finally croaked.
I squeezed my eyes closed. She’d told me all about his diabetes and pneumonia. Sounded like the guy was going to bite the big one any day. “Is he—”
“They’re going to amputate his leg. But his circulation’s so bad they’re not certain if that will even help.”
“Jesus. I’m sorry.” Kicking the door shut, I carried her into the apartment and sat on the couch where she coiled into my lap.
“And the worst part is my mother didn’t even call to tell me.
It was their housekeeper, Rita. She...she thought I should know.
And now I can’t go see him because then they’ll know Rita’s feeding me information, and I don’t want to get her into trouble because she’s always been so nice to me, but why.
..why wouldn’t my own mother tell me about this?
How could she possibly think I didn’t deserve to know? ”
Probably because she was a cold, selfish bitch who never considered her daughter’s feelings, I wanted to say, but held my tongue. “I don’t know.” I rubbed her back and kept holding her, trying to show her the best support I could.
“I don’t think they’ll ever tell me they love me,” she whispered.
It broke my heart. My mom had never said the words either, but I’d always had Caroline, and Colton, and Brandt.
And strangely, I was glad I’d ended up with the parent I’d had.
At least I’d had freedom to do whatever I’d wanted.
I’d never been controlled and brainwashed the way Aspen had.
I’d never felt alone or repressed while I was being neglected. Not the way she had.
Loathing her parents with a burning passion, I laced our fingers together, palm to palm, and pressed my forehead to hers. “Not saying it to you is their loss.”
She studied me, her lashes still wet from the tears she’d cried and her nose red. But she still looked beautiful enough to take my breath. Anyone had to be stupid not to tell her how they felt about her.
I opened my mouth to tell her...shit, I don’t know. She’d completely altered my world in the past few weeks, and I wanted her to know how amazing she was. I wanted her to know what she did to me. It reminded me of the next quote I wanted to slip to her.
“When we find someone who is brave, fun, intelligent, and loving, we have to thank the universe.” -Maya Angelou
But Aspen set her fingers over my lips to keep me quiet.
Then she smiled softly and leaned in, dropping her hand from my mouth so she could kiss me.
I groaned against her lips and slid my palms into her hair.
Her bottom shifted until her warmth covered my erection.
Then she ground down on me, and hell, I had to bump back up into her.
My fingers found their way under her shirt and to the back of her bra where I opened the clasp.
Just as I began to swoop my way around to the front, the door to my apartment rattled before swinging open.
Aspen yelped out a scream and dove against me, hiding her face in my chest, and I scrambled to sit up, pulling my hands out of her shirt.
Ten stepped inside. “Man, I forgot my fucking wall—” He jerked to a stop. “Shit. Sorry. My bad.”
He stuck his hands in the air and began to back out of the apartment, but Aspen lifted her face and glanced at him. Slamming to a halt, he stared at her hard.
“Get out!” I yelled, and grabbed a couch cushion to throw at him. But it bounced off his head unnoticed.
Tipping his face to the side, he studied her from a different angle. “Why do you look like...?” Then it hit him who she was. His eyes bugged. “Holy shit.”
“Out,” I ordered, scooting her off my lap so I could jump to my feet and block his view of her as well as charge toward him.
The fucker still didn’t move. “Jesus Christ, man. She’s—”
I pushed him into the hallway and shut the door.
And that’s when he lost it. “You’re banging the teacher. Oh, my fucking God, you’re banging the fucking teacher. Holy shit, Gam, this is so...boss. You are the man. The man!”
Slapping my hand over his mouth, I gritted my teeth and cast him a warning glare before glancing worriedly toward the closed door. “Shut. Up,” I hissed, threatening him with my eyes.
He pushed my hand away. “Shut up?” he hissed right back.
“Are you kidding me? My roommate’s officially badass.
You’re doing her for the grade, aren’t you?
So you can keep your scholarship? Damn, you’re brilliant.
I mean, I knew you could charm the ladies, but to get hard-ass Kavanagh to drop her panties is. ..epic. Wait till the guys hear—”
“No!” I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him close. “No one can know, Ten. Jesus, if you tell anyone...fuck. There’s nothing to tell, okay? You didn’t see anything. Nothing is going on. This is a...non-issue. Got it?”
“The hell with that. You’re banging the fucking teacher. You’re going down in history as—”
“Did you not hear Coach after the volleyball scandal? If we’re caught with any faculty member on campus, we’re off the team. I’ll lose my scholarship. She’ll lose her job. Everything will go to hell. Tenning, please. You. Didn’t. See. Anything.”
I begged him with my expression, and he finally growled out a sound. “Damn it. You know how to suck the fun out of everything.”
He stormed past me and ripped open the door to the apartment before I could stop him. “I’d say hi,” he told Aspen as he entered. “But apparently I don’t see anything.”
She was pacing the floor in front of the couch, her face pale and arms crossed tightly over her chest with her hands tucked into the sleeves of her shirt as if she was cold.
Without speaking to him, she watched him march to the hall and disappear into his room.
He returned seconds later, waving his wallet and looking at neither Aspen nor I, before he moodily slammed out of the apartment again.
I blew out a breath and sagged against the wall, rubbing my hands over my face. “You’re freaking out, aren’t you?”
“I should go.” She hurried toward the exit, her face down. But I grasped her shoulder and pulled her close so I could press my mouth to her cheek. She remained stiff in my arms.
“I can trust him,” I whispered.
She lifted her chin, her eyes wet and scared. “I’m glad you can.”
“He won’t say anything. I promise you.” I’d kill him if he did, and I was sure he knew that.
She just shook her head. “I shouldn’t have come here tonight. I was...what was I thinking?”
“I’m glad you did.” I kissed her cheek this time. “I’m your boyfriend, Aspen. I want to be there for you when you go through rough shit.”
“My boyfriend?” she choked out and incredulous sound. “How can you be my boyfriend when I can’t tell a single soul about you?”
Growling through clenched teeth, I scowled at her.
“I’m your boyfriend because I’m your boyfriend.
We don’t need any more explanation than that.
It just is. I’m the one who’s there when you’re happy, and when you’re sad, and when you come apart in my arms. This.
..” I slammed her body against mine so she could feel what she did to me, “makes me your boyfriend.”
A tear trailed down her cheek. Lifting her fingers, she gently touched my lips. “I wish I had your confidence.”
I kissed her fingertips and brushed the tear away. “You don’t need it. I have enough for the both of us.” And with that, I had her talked off the ledge. She stopped resisting me and leaned in to me when I kissed her. When I led her back to my bedroom, she smiled and tugged my shirt off.
It wasn’t until after she was asleep later that night and curled around me in my bed that my own doubts rose.
With Ten knowing, our risk had just doubled.
It was selfish of me to keep her, to keep doing this, because it could so easily end up hurting her and my family.
But then I realized I still didn’t care enough about the what ifs because my determination to remain hers had also doubled.
Aspen had gotten so deep in my blood I was more than willing to take any chance I had to just to be with her another day longer.