Chapter Fifty-Nine
Tovi
Tovi slammed the door to her guest suite, slumping up against the ancient wood and tried and tried to calm her racing heart. Her eyes stung while her stomach twisted—she wasn’t sure if she needed to cry, wretch, or both.
No.
This wasn’t who she was. She didn’t crumble. She didn’t break. Yet, why did her heart ache?
I would never.
The room shrank, the walls closing in her around her as Eldrick’s earlier words, laced with such disgust echoed.
Tovi hadn’t meant to hear. She’d simply made it through the crowd quicker than Bétar and Yennifer and found Eldrick first. He, nor the alphas, noticed when the word queen caught her attention, and then her vampyr hearing took over.
She’d listened to every word, every protest Eldrick had uttered. And it had hurt.
Then he danced with her like Tovi was the only thing that existed in this world, and she hurt all the more.
Tovi rushed to the side table to pour herself a glass of wine. Sip after sip, she reminded herself it didn’t matter. She shouldn’t care. They’d agreed to remain allies.
The Vadon Mountains are a wonder—werewolves, too.
His people, his home. Bloody hel, how could she forget he was an alpha, destined to lead his own people one day?
Of course he didn’t want to marry her. Perhaps that’s why it hurt.
They both had their duties, their people to consider.
Yet, out there, they’d been celebrating fate, thanking her for the marvelous gift of being carried through life, and yet Tovi cursed fate for weaving her heart for a male she could not have. What a silly, foolish, girlish fantasy—
The door slammed open, and Eldrick charged in, only stopping when his gaze spied the tears on her cheeks. Heat flushed through Tovi, and she wiped them away.
“Vampyrs are accustomed to knocking,” she said, hating the tremor in her voice. She swigged more wine.
“What’s wrong?” Sincerity laced his tone, and his chest rose and fell like he’d rushed here.
Like he’d ran to find her.
Tovi swallowed, bracing her hands on the side table.
She could lie, demand he leave her room.
A large, aching part of her wished to. But she wasn’t a silly girl.
Withholding what she knew was childish. It was better to let it out, to be honest. To finally clear the air and be done with this mess between them. To brace for the pain to come.
Tovi talked to the groves in the table, unable to meet Eldrick’s beautiful stare.
“I overhead your conversation with the Drabeks. When Ragna suggested a marriage between us, you . . .” Tovi cursed, swallowing her pride and turning to him.
“You shot it down so quickly like . . . Like it was a wretched idea. Bloody hel, I have no right to care because we agreed, but your rejection—”
“Moons,“ Eldrick breathed, raking a hand through his hair. “Tovi, I’d marry you this very hour if you’d have me.”
Tovi stilled, anger and disbelief warring inside her. “I don’t understand—I heard the disgust in your voice, Eldrick. “
The alpha planted his hands on his hips, for once untethered and lost as he struggled to finds words.
Tovi braced, waiting for the gauntlet, the “but” of his reasoning, to hear the speech about Eldrick’s duty to his pack and homeland.
She understood it more than anyone else, and she had to accept it.
Finally Eldrick sighed, leveling his gem stare on her and not breaking it. “Marrying you would be the greatest honor of my life, but basing it off a political alliance would also be my greatest crime.”
Tovi sucked in a breath, rocking back at the intensity of his words.
He stepped closer. “Your parents threatened your happiness with an arranged marriage, suitor after suitor, decade after decade. I know the pain they caused you. A match made for political reasons feels far too close to what they wanted for you, and you deserve to be cherished. To be loved by the male you one day marry. I refuse to rob you of that chance . . . to find a partner you also love.”
Eldrick’s voice cracked on the last sentence. Goddess, he’d been thinking of her. Respecting her. Even when it’s what he wanted. This male. This werewolf. Tovi refused to hold it in any longer—physically couldn’t. Not when he was so honest, so true and patient with her and wrong about how she felt.
“You are the male I love.”
Every fiber and muscle of his being stilled. “What did you say?”
She shook her head, unable to contain her emotions. Weeks. Weeks she’d let this fester inside her. “I’m in love you, Eldrick Drengr, and have been for some time now.”
Eldrick blinked. “Then what are you so afraid of?”
Her blood ran cold. She battled reason and sense. What was best versus what she wanted. “I am a queen—”
“No.” Eldrick took two long strides so they were toe to toe.
He cupped the sides of her face, tilted it so she was forced to peer up at him.
“No, you don’t care what people think. You don’t care for status or titles.
You may love your people, but this has nothing to do with ruling Drystan.
You’re afraid of something. I can feel it.
Have for weeks. Tell me what is. Let me support you. Together we can figure it out.”
He knew her, read her so well. “Eldrick . . .”
If only it were that easy—if only she truly understood why she wanted to run from this. There it was, that pull, that instinctual tug to lean into him, to accept it. Her body and mind didn’t feel like her own, yet her heart ached for him.
“Tell me, Tovi.” He caressed her cheek, and she shuddered at his touch. “Trust me.”
Oh, how this ground felt familiar. They’d been here before, only it had been her asking him for trust. It’d taken time, but Eldrick had.
He’d allied with her, killed for her, and admitted his love for her.
She could do the same for him, wanted to do the same for him.
When she blinked, the memory of that night when the Blood Goddess had created her family into vampyrs tattooed the back of her eyelids.
“I witnessed what love did to my father,” she whispered. “What it made him do. It’s what drives Riven to destroy Sorin, all so he can bring back his wife and child. What if I’m like them?”
Eldrick’s expression softened, and he brushed away her tears with his thumb. “You’re not, Tovi.”
“No?” she scoffed. “I’d go to war for you. I’d burn this entire world to save you. If we stood on a battlefield against Riven and it was you or my people, I’d chose you. That is what frightens me, Eldrick.”
He tucked a stray strand behind her ear and gripped her chin, making her look at him. “Why not agree to love each other fiercely but also accept our responsibilities to our people?”
Tovi shook her head. “It’s not that simple.”
“If we feel this way about one another, we can make it work.” Eldrick’s tone wasn’t a plea but a declaration. His beastly energy wafted off him waves.
Tovi swallowed, blinking back tears. “When we have children, where will we raise them?”
“I . . .” Eldrick blinked. “I always envisioned my children in the Drengr Village.”
Tovi nodded. “And I always saw my children running through the halls of Drystan Castle.”
Eldrick rested his forehead against hers. “I’m not saying it’ll be easy. Stars above, I know that. We’ll split our time between our homelands. We’ll figure it out.”
“What about us?” The past, present, and future blurred through Tovi’s mind. She tried to think straight, rationally while Eldrick’s spearmint scent engulfed her. “Will we live separately? Will our beds be empty of the other while we lead our people?”
Eldrick was silent for a moment, and Tovi felt his heart beating in his chest. It was surprisingly calm, and Tovi found solace in the tempo, like he grounded them both. He pulled away and placed his hands on her hips.
The look he gave her, thank the Goddess he held her upright, undid Tovi’s resolve at the seams, and only one thread remained. The one connecting their souls.
“You’re right. There are challenges we might face, but all I ask is that you give us a chance. To just be together. This love between us is real. I know it. I’ve never trusted anything more in my life.”
They’d stood like this once before, being pulled together. They’d agreed for so very little from one another. No feelings. No distractions. Now, they were about to walk a path that asked everything of them.
Tovi was frightened.
She didn’t trust her heart, but Goddess, she trusted Eldrick. Not because she second-guessed her answer. Fears regarding her fierce love for him aside, Tovi understood, or at least suspected, the gravity of this love, this bond between them. Yet, this decision was of her choosing.
“Okay,” she whispered. “Let us try, Eldrick Drengr.”
Eldrick’s gem eyes drank her in. He leaned down, inch by inch, and placed his lips against hers. His kiss was slow, hesitant, as if at any moment she might run from the room and take back her answer. Yet, Tovi felt the smile through their kiss.
He paused for a single breath. “Turn around. Let’s get you out of that beautiful dress.”
Tovi, tingling with tension, obeyed, exposing the crisscrossed laced back.
Eldrick took his time, pulling each and every loop loose, the dress’s release from her body was like a tease, the process agonizingly slow.
Eldrick paused every so often, lining kisses up and down her neck, occasionally nipping her shoulder, which shot pleasure to her toes.
He turned his attention to peeling her sleeves off, the dress falling inch by inch and finally collecting at her feet.
A silk underdress remained, Tovi’s nipples peeking through the thin fabric.
She turned, sucking in a breath at the sight of want in Eldrick’s eyes.
Raw, unabashed desire. Green, dark, and beastly.
Tovi drew her finger down the sharp edge of his square jaw and—Eldrick snatched her hand away and crashed his lips to hers.
His desire shifted to hunger. Tovi matched it, opening her mouth wider, running her tongue along his.
A growl rumbled through his chest, and Tovi pushed him backward.
They grew clumsy, a mess of steps and limbs as they fumbled with Eldrick’s tunic, releasing it from his waistband and tossing it across the room.
His pants came next, his britches last. Tovi hissed as Eldrick’s fingertips grazed up her thighs, grabbing fistfuls of her underdress to pull up and up and over her head.
Tovi blinked and became airborne, squealing as Eldrick picked her up and deposited her onto the bed.
He crawled atop, and their naked bodies molded to the other.
The tempo of their kisses built, and Tovi savored the taste of him, the feel of his lips on hers.
Heat hummed through Tovi, only growing as Eldrick kissed down her neck, peppering her skin with promise.
He gripped the back of her thighs and gave them a gentle, glorious squeeze as he opened them wider and dipped two fingers into her ready sex.
“Stars above, dove,” he hissed.
He circled her clit, and Tovi’s chest rose and fell, her breath turning ragged as release built, built, and built within her.
“I need you,” Eldrick whispered.
Tovi understood and nodded. This was different than the other times they’d laid together. It suddenly felt all the more real. Meaningful. It wasn’t urgent or hurried. They’d declared their love for one another, and their bodies begged to celebrate it, to mirror their words’ pleasure.
Emerald and jade clashed as Eldrick aligned himself at Tovi’s center.
Their stare didn’t break as he pushed into her entrance, inch after inch, until he was seated to the hilt.
They both moaned and shuddered, and Eldrick rocked into her.
Once, twice, a third time, and Tovi melted around him, adjusting to his size.
His pace was slow, thoughtful, to the point Tovi felt every ridge of his manhood, the pleasure and tingle reaching to her toes. Eldrick leaned his forehead onto hers, and their breathing turned ragged and spent. Wine, sweat, love. It all mingled and burst in the tiny room.
A crescendo built at Tovi’s core. She ran her hands down his back, memorizing the dips and bends of his muscles. She trailed her fingers up until they weaved into his tousled strands.
“I love you,” she whispered.
The gem light in his eyes flashed an otherworldly shade. “And I love you.”
Their declaration to one another sent them over the edge.
A wave of beautiful, blissful release cascaded through Tovi, and Eldrick growled into the nape of her neck, trembling as his own release filled her to the brim.
Their hearts, their breath, their pleasure beat in tandem—a tune that felt like one they had weaved, not fate herself.