Chapter 21
Lorali
L orali ate her lunch in the temple’s atrium, enjoying the last shreds of warmth the sun offered. Colder weather had seeped into the daylight hours and before long, she knew that even beneath the midday sun she would see her breath puff into smoke before her. While the sun warmed her body, a creamy soup of potatoes and leeks warmed her soul, fresh baked rosemary bread making for the perfect spoon.
“You have got to get me one of those,” Heinrich said as he sat down with his own lunch.
“The soup?”
“No, the husband. Everything he cooks you always looks and smells so—” he gestured into the air, as if that would explain the concept he was trying to get across. Somehow, it kind of did. “—y’know? Meanwhile, I’m stuck with a grain salad.”
Lorali chuckled as he stabbed his fork into a piece of squash with a scowl .
“The lunches here aren’t so bad. I ate them most of my life and turned out fine.”
“Yes, but I have a more delicate palate than you. A taste for the finer things in life. Like that soup.” He raised his brow with a smirk, the unasked question hanging in the air. Lorali sighed and pushed the bowl over so he could get a taste.
“Tell Eldric next time you see him to make extras and I’ll bring them to you,” she said with a roll of her eyes.
“When would I get the chance to see him? You’d see him before me.” Heinrich dipped a spoon into the soup, scooping it into his mouth with a sound of delight.
“You told him about my parents so I figured the two of you were on speaking terms now—it’s okay, Hein.” She laughed, rolling her eyes when he froze like a deer who’d been caught. “I’m not mad. He was actually really sweet. It was…nice to have someone with me that day.”
Heinrich didn’t speak, watching her with careful eyes before he shook his head with knitted brows. “Lorali, I haven’t seen him since the day I stopped by your house.”
She felt a pit in her stomach and an unnatural chill spread throughout her. Dread filled her as she shook her head with an awkward, unconvincing laugh. “I must be misremembering, then. Forget I said anything ”
But as Heinrich leaned forward on his elbows, pinning her with his intense stare, she knew what he said was true. “You’re the last person to misremember something. Tell me exactly what was said.”
So, she did. She told him—about that day a month ago when Eldric had found her on the northern hill. Letting Lorali believe that her closest and longest friend was the explanation for why he knew the day of her parents’ death. It sounded like something Heinrich would do. Even he murmured in agreement.
“But he never confirmed your thoughts?”
“He didn’t deny them.”
The high clerics sat in silence, Lorali’s soup chilled and Heinrich’s own meal looking rather pitiful as cold wind cut them to the bone.
“I don’t think it’s as bad as it sounds,” Heinrich offered after the silence had gone on for much too long. Long enough for Lorali’s mind to spiral through every scenario and reason she could think of.
“He lied to me, Hein.” Lorali’s hands were clasped tightly in her lap as she worried her lips between her teeth. “What if he’s been using me to get information on the Order? It’d explain why he’s gone all the time, why our bond is so painful. Like he’s going out to—”
Her eyes widened as she shut her mouth, keeping the words in. Like he’s going to see Daeson. Daeson wasn’t just his friend, but his comrade. She knew that from this summer when she went to that house to save Saraina. She had thought, foolishly, that Eldric had kept his oath to her. That he was a man of honor.
Oathbreaker .
The word whispered through her mind, sneered at her all those months ago. His reaction to it was so visceral. As if she were too close to a truth he didn’t want her to see. She felt herself pale, the blood leaving her face as her hands tightened into fists.
“You made an assumption,” Heinrich’s voice cut her off with a pointed look, knowing the disasters her mind was creating. “He let you believe it. Similar, but still different.”
“How did he know it was the anniversary of my parents’ death, then? How do you explain that?” she whispered, her hair standing on edge—and not from the cold. The walls she had gradually begun to let down were rebuilding themselves at a rapid pace and there was little she could do to stop it. “Something’s not right.”
“I don’t know,” he said, hand covering his mouth as he thought. “You have to talk to him, or you trust him.”
“I did trust him. ”
Heinrich leveled his steady stare at her, unwavering. She saw the knot in his throat bob as he shook his head. The way he always did when he was about to say something she didn’t want to hear.
“You trusted him when it was easy. Now, you need to trust him when it’s hard.”
As Lorali stared down at the whorls on the wooden table, her jaw tensing as Heinrich defended her bonded with such fervor. Her trust in Eldric, which she had given so freely, was wavering as fear crept in, undermining her confidence. Doubt filled her mind as she wondered if she had enough courage to seek the truth. To have his honesty, or worse, another lie. At least for now, it was all in her mind. Theoretical. Potential disappointment was better than being disappointed. She felt the claws of fear sinking deeper into her as she realized she couldn't bring herself to ask.
Her throat tightened and she wanted to run, to flee, to go back to a time when it was just them in the starberry patch beside the sparkling waters of the jewel. When anything seemed possible, when she was just beginning to care.
She couldn’t ignore him until their year was over... or could she? Her mind raced with the thought. There was only a month left until the Wynter Solstice, and she would only become busier with preparations until her devotions began. He already knew that she would be coming home at the darkest hours and leaving before the sun. She could endure that pain. It would be easier to handle than a broken heart.
“Lorali.” Heinrich reached forward and covered her fists with his hands, squeezing them tight to stop their shaking and pull her back from her racing thoughts with his voice of reason. “Just ask. I’m sure there is a logical explanation. The two of you have something special—don’t let your fears ruin that.”
She swallowed, closing her eyes to his earnest look. His faith that she could face this head on with courage, while knowing in her heart that she was only a coward.
“I’ll try,” she whispered.