Chapter 25
Lorali
T he biting wind of the dark morning hours chilled Lorali to her core as she walked down the cobbled stone streets. She hid within the Order, sanctifying its halls by day and replaying Athanasios’ words in her mind by night, unable to sleep. Searching for truth in the old god’s words she had first heard four weeks ago. A gnawing feeling within her said that she would find it with Eldric.
The moon had waxed and waned since she was last within the ivy-laden walls of her home and now hung full overhead in a clear sky for the first time since the new year had begun. Light reflected off the snow, stars glittering above and creating the brightest night she had ever seen.
Things are not always as they seem, little star.
The god had been tender and caring, providing her comfort when she could not do so for herself. When she had no one to turn to, unable to tell even Heinrich what had driven her back to the Order’s doorstep. When her goddess left her countless prayers unanswered.
It had taken all this time for her to find the map to her courage and follow it. Now every step down the dirt-covered road and up the stepping stone path made the throbbing within her quiet.
Nose reddened by the icy wind, Lorali quieted her chattering teeth and stilled the shaking of her hand, resting it on the handle. She stilled as it gave way beneath her palm, lips turning downward as the door opened on well-oiled hinges. He never left the door unlocked, always checking it at least three times at night before he went to sleep. It was strange as she peered into the warm house and saw Eldric’s deep grey cloak on the hook and boots by the door, his sleeping form curled beneath blankets next to the warmth of the fire and a pillow held close to his chest.
Careful to avoid the floorboards that would creak beneath her weight, Lorali entered her house like a thief in the night—which she very well could have been since he left the door unlocked. His forgetfulness was her salvation, since she wasn’t ready to face him, and the sound of a turning lock would have woken him. She moved toward the couch, the carpet muting each step and watched as his pinched brows relaxed. As if he felt the same rush of relief as she softly brushed hair away from his sleeping face .
The flickering firelight danced across the planes of his face. It looked hollow—as if these past weeks had taken their toll on him. She shook her head with regret, knowing that she didn’t look any better.
Lorali steeled herself as she left him there, stepping silently through the house and ducking into Eldric’s room with its small bed and wardrobe that did not match the nightstand. The covers were strewn across the bed, as if he had been unable to sleep soundly. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she did not dare to light the candle at his bedside, instead relying on the rays of moonlight that filtered through the curtains. Papers were piled on his nightstand, ripe for picking. Lorali rifled through them, breath catching as she recognized the date of the Veridian celebration. She grabbed the papers, tucking them beneath her arm. There wasn’t time to look through them; every moment she spent within the home brought her closer to sunrise, the waking hours when she was needed at the Order. Increased the chance of him waking to find her.
She tentatively stepped through the open door, surprised to find her bed made and sheets turned down. Dirty clothes she had left behind were no longer scattered on the floor, but cleaned and tucked into her wardrobe .
Sitting in a stream of pale moonlight that spilled across her desk was the very folder she had come in search of. The bracelet he had given her during the Summer Solstice sitting atop it, mended like an unasked question. As if he had been waiting for her return, knowing that, eventually, she would come back in search of answers. She hurried, stuffing the folder beneath her arm and headed toward the door, but wasn’t able to leave yet. The clarity of her mind and the lack of pain so enticing that she wanted to stay. She breathed in deep, inhaling the scent of burning cedar that warmed the house. Her hand on the door, she hesitated. Unable to help the pull to turn around and sit on the single seat next to the couch. Count the sound of Eldric’s even breaths. She waited for goddess knew how long, lost in guilty relief and dangerous comfort. Stared at the folder clutched between her motionless hands that she couldn’t bring herself to open.
“Lorali?” A sleep-addled voice caught on itself, confusion clear as it tried to discern reality from the realm of dreams.
Her breath caught in her chest, frozen like a fawn at the crack of a branch. He stirred, hand rubbing the sleep from his clover eyes. Blinking into the burning firelight as he came to realize that this was not a dream, that she was here .
Lorali stood too quickly, making for the door before his feet could hit the ground. Hand turning the knob as she made to escape his grief-stricken voice as he cursed, tripping over the covers that tangled his legs.
“Lorali, wait!”
She didn’t look back. If she did, she knew she would crumble. That she would take his honeyed words and offer understanding. Forgiveness that he might not deserve. She needed to be alone, to learn what truths lay within these pages and make her own decision. Give herself the privacy to mourn whatever part of herself she was about to lose.
Dawn crested the hill as she ran into the sun-painted snow that crept through the trees, Eldric’s shouts for her to stop growing quieter as the distance between them grew; she ran and did not turn back.