Chapter 11
Todd looked up from his computer screen, the familiar weight of pride settling in his chest as two more Keepers, Frazier and Cole, walked into the main workroom.
The space, with its massive conference table commanding the center with state-of-the-art computer stations arranged around the perimeter, never failed to impress him.
Down the hall was a gym, locker room, equipment room, weapons room, and employee lounge.
But this command center room represented everything Logan had built, everything they’d all accomplished together.
The pride burned as bright in his chest as in even his proudest Marine recon missions.
Those had given him purpose as a younger man, but what LSIMT represented was a deeper camaraderie forged not just in duty, but by choice.
He was older and wiser… thinking of Sadie, he mentally scratched the wiser part.
He was a lucky bastard, and he knew it. For nearly fifteen years, he’d planned on finishing his twenty with the Marines, then staying on as an instructor.
Military life had structure and predictability.
But then his eyes had been opened to something else entirely—a way to continue using his skills in the civilian world without the suffocating weight of military bureaucracy pressing down on every decision.
His family had scattered, all of them drawn to the Lighthouse Security network. William was in Maine, and Abbie was in California. With Todd settled in Montana, it gave their parents the perfect excuse to travel the country visiting their kids.
It wasn’t lost on him that he’d ended up in the most geographically isolated branch, surrounded by endless sky and mountain peaks that seemed to touch heaven itself. It was just the place for him.
Now, just like every day, Todd’s gaze swept across the room, taking inventory of the team, feeling that familiar surge of belonging. Then, as if drawn by unbidden desire, his eyes drifted to Sadie’s empty workstation, and his chest constricted like a fist had wrapped around his heart.
That happened every damn day, too.
He would glance at her when no one was looking.
Her dark hair pulled haphazardly on top of her head, just like the first moment he’d seen her.
A crinkle would form between her brows when she was bent over her computer, working desperately on a mission.
He remembered the jolt he felt when her gaze turned toward him.
Her fingers were delicate as they flew over the keyboards, and the memory of those fingers dancing over his skin always sent a longing through his chest.
But now, her absence created a void that seemed to suck the energy from the room.
The easy banter felt forced without her quick wit to balance it.
The technical discussions lacked her sharp insights.
He missed the way the overhead lights glistened off her dark hair.
He knew he had it bad and only had himself to blame for not being able to call himself more than just a fellow Keeper.
They’d maintained their careful dance for so long, being professional colleagues who made conversation, occasionally shared jokes, and worked seamlessly together on assignments.
But underneath it all, tension hummed between them like a live wire, carefully hidden so the others wouldn’t pick up on the electric current that could burn them both.
Before his thoughts could venture into that familiar minefield littered with regret and impossible longings, Logan strode into the room, and their morning briefing began.
The assignments were standard fare: several security installations, a protection detail for a scientist traveling to Germany, another for a high-level financier attending meetings in Japan.
Todd listened with professional attention, but part of his mind remained anchored to the empty chair where Sadie should have been.
“About the security detail,” Frazier said, referring to the European assignment. “I know you guys will have my back, but damn, I’ll be glad when Sadie gets here.”
“Yeah, man,” Dalton agreed. “She’s probably soaking in some hot tub right now, letting all her stress and worries just melt away while simultaneously tracking everything at that spa.”
Cory nodded. “She deserves it to be a real vacation and not a mission. I hadn’t realized she’s taken very few days off since she was hired.”
The words hit Todd like a sucker punch to the gut.
He’d known because there was nothing about her that he didn’t notice.
Sadie worked with relentless determination that would eventually break even the strongest person.
He’d tried to bring it up, tried to breach that careful wall they’d built between them, but she’d shut him down every time with that sharp efficiency that could cut glass.
“I’m a big girl, Todd. I can take care of myself.”
The memory of her voice, crisp with dismissal, made his jaw clench. Of course, she was tough. She had to be to survive being one of the few women working with mostly men, but that didn’t mean she had to carry every burden alone. It also didn’t mean she couldn’t accept help from someone who...
He sighed. Someone who what? Someone who’d royally fucked up the one chance he’d had to be something more to her than just another coworker.
Logan’s voice cut through his spiraling thoughts.
“Mary mentioned it months ago, but I kept assuming Sadie would take care of herself. This mission is not a vacation for her, and as soon as she returns, she will be on mandatory leave. I’ve instructed Mary that while leave days can accrue, everyone has to take time off each year. No exceptions.”
“You don’t have to twist my arm,” Devlin said with a grin. “I love this job, but I love having some downtime too.”
“Evie already has plans for a trip to Disney World.” Sisco chuckled. “And her mom and I think it’s just the right age for her to enjoy the magic.”
“If anyone deserves Disney World, little Evie does,” Logan said what they all were thinking. Sisco’s little stepdaughter was in remission from cancer and deserved nothing but the best from now on.
The others nodded in agreement, but Todd felt like he was drowning in his own guilt.
He should have pushed Sadie harder, should have found a way to make her listen, should have done something other than watch her slowly disappear into her work because he’d made it impossible for her to trust him with anything deeper.
“Since you’re not on an active mission right now,” Logan continued, his attention shifting to Todd, “I’ll have you fill in for Sadie. We’ll need the computer skills for cyber assistance when Dalton is deployed.”
Todd nodded, already turning toward Sadie’s workstation. They all had cross-training in multiple areas, which was part of what made LSI Montana so effective, but as he pulled up her screens and saw the complex systems she navigated with such ease, he felt a fresh wave of respect for her abilities.
By afternoon’s end, Todd was wound tighter than a compressed spring. The gym called to him, promising the kind of physical punishment that might quiet the chaos in his head. He wrapped his hands with practiced efficiency and approached the heavy bag like an old enemy.
The first punch landed with a satisfying thud, echoing through the space.
Then another. And another. Each impact sent shock waves up his arms, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the voice in his head that whispered all the things he should have said, should have done, should have been brave enough to try.
He knew she was the most special woman he’d ever met, but becoming coworkers so quickly after their initial meeting sent them both into a panic.
And God knows, I’m not good at expressing myself.
When his knuckles were raw and his shoulders screamed in protest, he moved to the weights, pushing himself until his muscles burned and his vision blurred with exhaustion. Only then, when his body was too depleted to sustain the endless cycle of regret, did he finally stop.
The walk back to the bunkhouse was filled with dread. Sadie wouldn’t be there, and he was grateful to find the common areas empty. The last thing he needed was a well-meaning conversation from his teammates.
He grabbed his toiletries and headed for the bathroom, desperate for the scalding spray of the shower to wash away more than just the physical evidence of his workout. Standing under the punishing heat, he let the water cascade over his battered body and tried to find some measure of peace.
Instead, his treacherous mind opened the floodgates he’d been trying so desperately to keep sealed. That day. That perfect day when I met her had changed everything.
He’d been working since dawn, helping Cole secure the hangars while other team members installed security cameras around the perimeter.
It was the kind of honest, satisfying work that reminded him why he’d chosen this life.
When Logan had suggested he knock off early, Todd’s first instinct had been to stay.
He was still proving himself, still earning his place among these extraordinary men.
But something had called to him that afternoon, some restless energy that demanded solitude and the simple pleasure of a good meal. The bar in town had become his occasional refuge, a place where he could sit quietly and appreciate the rare luxury of having nowhere else to be.
He’d settled into a spot at the bar, ordered his usual burger and onion rings, and was enjoying the peaceful anonymity when the woman sitting a few stools down asked the bartender about the onion rings.
And then she ordered them to go along with her meal.
He grinned, knowing the large servings the bar provided.
He doubted she’d be able to finish her meal, much less a platter of onion rings.