Chapter Sixteen
The tropical conservatory at the Mercy Janeck Botanical gardens is massive.
It’s a huge glass house with full-size trees, meandering pathways, and all kinds of nooks and corners.
To get to the conservatory, you enter the gardens through the main house, and then make your way through the winding garden path.
Normally, this happens during daylight, but with the nighttime bloom of the Cereus Cactus, this special event happens after dark.
The pathways have been lined with flickering lights that mimic candles, and the gardens are unlit.
A Cereus cactus blooms once, from midnight to dawn and tonight is that night.
It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Actually, it’s happening all week, because technically each bloom performs once, but they don’t all bloom at the same time, so each night the event repeats itself.
Of course, you can’t think too deeply about this because it loses its mystery, so for me, and hopefully Martin, this is the night.
Tonight. In ten minutes, my watch is saying.
I’m standing on the outskirts of the path, halfway in the light, but not half enough to be creepy, waiting for Martin. I know he’ll figure out my clues. He’s a master Googler, and he’ll be driven by the puzzle of it all, and he’ll be here. I know it.
People are traversing the dimly-lit path in pairs and groups, in an elegant assortment of couples, not feeling like a crowd. They make eye contact with me as they pass and enter the conservatory, finding their way to their once-in-a-lifetime moment.
As the pathway empties, I see a single figure round the corner and my breath stops.
It’s Martin. He sees me in the half-light and his walk switches from his where-am-I-going gait to his I’m-just-taking-a-stroll pace.
He locks eyes with me at this distance, smiles, and doesn’t look away.
His hands slide into his jacket pockets, then reappear, then disappear again into his jacket.
I don’t move. Except for maybe my ever-growing smile, which I can’t contain. “You figured it out,” I say.
“A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I wouldn’t miss it,” he says, approaching.
I instinctively take a step further into the darkness, and he follows, never breaking eye contact.
I reach down to grab his hands, which he slides from his pockets and offers, palm down.
I hold them gently, rubbing my thumbs across the tops.
I feel him trembling gently, or maybe it’s just me, I can’t tell.
I realize I’ve looked down at our hands and force myself to look back into his eyes.
The blue ocean looks back at me, glistening in the shadows.
I maybe had some ideas about what I wanted to say, but my mind is both blank and full, and so words just flow, but in a slow-motion kind of way.
“You are the most important person in my life, Martin. I don’t know what I would be without you, and I don’t ever want to find out. You mean so much to me.”
He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes glisten more, blinking slowly.
My right hand drops his, and makes its way to his neck, then slides up into the hair behind his ear. He doesn’t flinch or turn, but I feel the muscles of his smile in my hand. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I just keep pressing on, “Can I ask you something?”
He nods, his free hand sliding onto my side.
I’m hoping my eyes are communicating more eloquently than my words. “Can I kiss you?”
Before I know what’s happening, Martin’s lips engulf mine, hungry, then light, his hands are on my neck, under my ears, and my vision goes blurry, then dark.
I feel the world around us disappear into starlight and I can’t cling to him hard enough, can’t get enough of a finger-hold, like he might slip away.
I feel his tongue on my lips, his breath igniting me, and my spine flares like a sparkler.
We’re moving instinctively backward into the darkness, my hands moving from his waist to neck to ribs and back again, like we’re trying to close in whatever space there might be between us.
I feel the heat from his chest pressing into me, heaving, and I realize I’ve backed into the conservatory itself, clear off the main path.
Our lips slide together, and his breath fills me. The warmth is transporting. I can’t get enough. His muscles twitch in my grasp.
His lips leave mine and head for my neck, kissing and breathing a path down to my collar bone.
My skin ignites and my knees weaken. He’s gasping, and kissing, and speaking all at once.
It overloads my senses. “I’m so sorry, Liam,” he breathes, then nibbles lightly on my collarbone, “I just wanted you to have some fun. Just an adventure. I didn’t mean to hurt you. ”
My vision is blurring, and my hands are tingling, sliding under his jacket. “It’s okay.” I’m groaning. “I’m okay.” I can’t think straight.
I reach a hand behind his neck and pull him back to me, I feel his lips part for my tongue and he presses into me.
I grab him through his jacket, under his arms and flip us around, pressing his back into the building.
I think this wall is actually a window, but I don’t care.
My hands slide to his waist under his rising shirt, I feel the heat of his core in my fingertips as my lips travel down his neck, under his ear.
He tilts his head back to expose his neck to me, gasps and grunts: “It was all just fun until you stole that book. That changed everything, Liam. I’ve never seen you that way.
” He moans in a way that makes my back tingle, and I feel his hands sliding into my shirt.
I’m intoxicated by the pull of his fingertips on my ribs.
“I wasn’t going to let that moment slip away.” I breath into his neck. I never want this moment to end. “I felt like I was starting to be real for once.”
He moans again when I nick his Adam’s apple with my teeth, and kiss along the other side of his neck. He’s breathing hard between his words. “And then you just inspired me, Liam. At every turn. You blew me away and I felt like your adventures were changing me.”
I pull his torso into me, knees to knees, chest to chest, and come up to meet his eyes, kissing him hard, and then looking back into his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“I became alive,” he breathes, “I was finally living for real. By being with you, by hearing about what you were doing, by seeing you like I’ve never seen you before.
” He presses his lips into mine in a long, hard pull.
The moment is hungry and slow. I feel my soul catch fire, and we seem to be out of words.
He spins me around again. I’m worried about this window, now. Is it a window?
He presses in for another kiss, and I stop him with a look. “It bothered me a lot that I was following this guy, and that guy wasn’t you.” He looks from my eyes to my lips and I feel his fingers rise up my back. Mine are moving too. “It’s you, Martin. It’s always been you.”
Suddenly his lips are on mine in a whole new way, soft and slippery.
Slow and deep, like a new language that we both suddenly know how to speak.
I take it all in, the slow curling of his fingers up my back, the soft brush of stubble against my chin, the breath that stokes the fire igniting my brain.
We stay like this for a while, letting our souls merge into a single, slow mass of molten something.
Slowly, he pulls away, only a fraction, and looks me in the eye.
His pupils are blown, and his eyes are sparkling.
“I love you Liam.” The words are soft and real.
And not a demand for a response. Just like he’s stated something the universe has posted as obvious.
His lips are on me again, and I kiss him back, allowing the sensation to run through my body, letting this moment settle into the crevices of my life, feeling it puddle in all the gaps.
I lose grip on the world and my mind clears, leaving only him and me and this perfect moment holding us together.
“I love you, too, Martin,” I breathe, in-between long kisses, but the words seem futile compared to the way he kisses me. I’m lost in it.
After what seems like both forever and not enough, his lips release mine and he leans his head into my shoulder and neck. We both breathe softly and chuckle in the realization that we are welded together in the garden darkness. We catch our breaths and don’t let go.
“Who’s Gregory?” I ask, without thinking, peering down at him on my shoulder. He starts laughing, and I can’t help but join.
“That’s my great-uncle,” Martin says, laughing. “I can’t believe you went to see him.”
“I would do anything for you, Martin,” I say with a laugh, “I think that’s what I’ve learned about myself from all this.”
“He loved you.” Martin says, standing up and looking me in the eyes. “Almost as much as I as I do. He won’t stop talking about you.” He slides one hand onto my cheek, and presses in for another long, soft kiss. I close my eyes and let the sensation move through me, trying to map it for later.
When he pulls away, I look away for a moment, and then back into his eyes. “I don’t know what this is, Martin. What I’m feeling.” I see the smile on his face straighten slightly. “All I know is that…”
He places a finger over my mouth. I feel the tenderness in his fingertip and never want it to leave my lips.
“I’m going to stop you there,” he whispers.
He moves his hand from my mouth and places it on my chest, over my heart.
The warmth of his fingers passes through my shirt and ignites my skin.
“Whatever you’re feeling here, I feel it too.
It beats between us, and we don’t need to define it.
We don’t need to assign words to it. We can just let it feel.
” He smiles again in such an affirming way.
I place my hand over the same place on his chest and we stand there for a minute, feeling it beat between us.
I hear an old man’s voice in my head saying, “You don’t need permission.” I believe in that voice with every molecule of my being.
It beats between us.
Releasing his chest, I grab his cheeks and pull him into me, kissing him long and slow. I never want this feeling to end.
Time elapses around us, and the darkness of the garden holds us together for what seems like forever.
We eventually, leave the window and walk hand-in-hand through the meandering pathway around the conservatory.
Our eyes have adjusted enough to whatever light is coming from other areas of the garden, that our darkness doesn’t seem so dark.
The shrubs and trees almost seem to sparkle around us.
“You never lied to me,” I murmur.
He looks at me, lifting an eyebrow, without losing step.
“That’s what I realized. When I found out it was you, I was hurt because you lied to me.” I squeeze his hand in mine. “But, then I couldn’t find a single time you lied to me. You worked out the whole adventure, listened to me tell you about it, and never lied to me.”
He smiles a gleaming smile at me, “I really just wanted you to have fun, dream a little, enjoy the mystery. That was the idea. Then, you changed me. You challenged me to be real and the adventures became something else. Your inhibition became intoxicating and I struggled to keep up. The day you bought me a coffee and didn’t know it, I will never forget that day.
You inspire me, Liam.” He squeezes my hand.
We walk for a long while without speaking, letting the light from the stars guide our steps.
“I have something for you,” he says tentatively.
We stop, turning to face each other, and he looks at me, imploring. I smile at him. I have everything I need, right here.
“It’s probably a bit much. Tonight’s a bit overwhelming, but I’m going to go for it anyway.”
“Ichi-go Ichi-e,” I whisper. He looks deeply in my eyes, and his face curls into a smile.
He giggles, then looks away. My attention is drawn to his jacket pocket, where he’s pulling out a rectangular item.
It’s a small box, long and narrow. He presents it to me in the dim light with both hands and I see the word “Halloway Jewelers” printed across the top in gold lettering.
The words glow in the darkness. And in my brain, which starts firing rapidly.
“From Halloway’s?” I breathe. Suddenly, my eyes erupt into rivers and I can’t hold back the tears, I’m wiping my nose with the back of my hand.
I don’t even care what’s in the box. I know what this means to Martin, and through the tears my brain is click-clacking all the moments of that day into place.
The jewelry store, the missed phone call, Martin’s mom.
I can’t see through the tears and I can’t stop them.
Martin looks down at the box. “At some point during your adventure, I lost track of what I was doing. I was just taking risks with our friendship, I guess. I was scared to mess it all up, and scared to let it slip away. I’m not as brave as you, Liam. I want you to have this.”
He lifts the lid to the box and inside is a gold puzzle piece. On a gold chain. Like the one Martin wears around his neck. I find myself checking his neckline to see if it’s still there, like he’s giving me his. It’s there on his neck. And in this box.
The tears are flowing freely. My hands refuse to move.
“We’re a fit, Liam. You and me. We fit together in a way I never dreamed.” He looks from the box to my face. His lower lip is quivering. “I was going to tell you that day, but…” His voice breaks.
I’m stunned. Wordless. I focus on the necklace, hoping it will ground me in some way, anchoring me back to this spot.
I reach for it, fumbling slightly. We are both shaking.
He helps me get it around my neck, which brings both tears and laughter, and all I want to do his hold him. Pull him close. Never let him go.
So I do.
The garden rolls around us for who knows how long, and we end up finding a bench in the darkness of the sculpture garden.
We spend half the night talking, laughing, understanding, and the other half holding, leaning, kissing.
Before we know it the sky is bluing and the shadows of the garden begin to fade.
Martin sits upright in a lurch, “The bloom!” he bellows. “We’re missing it.” I’m gasping. He grabs my hand and we run, full speed through the garden, taking a wrong turn twice before we find the entrance to the conservatory again.
The door is locked. There’s no one in sight. I pull on the door handle as Martin leans his back against the glass, grabbing his forehead.
“I’m so sorry!” he laughs and heaves. “We missed the once-in-a-lifetime moment.”
My smile stretches painfully and I can’t stop it. I walk over to Martin, wrapping my arms around his waist, behind his back. He places both hands over my shoulders, holding me in. I get within a centimeter of his lips and whisper, “No we haven’t” and then kiss him hard and long.