Chapter 36—Payton
I’ve never been in the hospital. Not long-term, anyway.
A sprain here, a yearly checkup there, but nothing that would require an overnight.
But despite my lack of knowledge on the matter, even I know it’s unorthodox for him to be given the all-clear so quickly after arriving.
He has broken ribs, and while there doesn’t seem to be much for the doctors to do with him, wouldn’t he be better cared for somewhere with doctors and nurses on hand instead of back at his place with just me looking after him?
But that’s exactly what he asked for, and he got it.
Not a single person batted an eye at it. Not even his mother. And she’s a lot.
She basically made us engaged. Or at least we are in her mind. No matter that there’s no ring and I was never asked.
But if I was….
The answer would be yes.
Oh wow, what a day this has been.
Has it really only been a day?
Feels like a lifetime ago that we were together on the table just behind me, where I let every part of myself go and became his. That was the moment for me. Though I’d been falling for him since the beginning, I think. Since he made me feel like more than a stripper, more than a ballerina.
That first night I danced for him, and every moment after that.
He made me feel safe. Cared for. Taught me it was okay to learn new things and showed me I could overcome my fears.
I still can’t believe I shot someone.
I wipe the tears away that slide down at just the thought of it.
It’s going to take time. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, but maybe one day I won’t weep at the thought.
But I did it for Tommy. And if I had to do it again? I would.
I love him. I’m completely in love with the man.
He’s Mafia, so I should be scared. Terrified. And a part of me is. But a larger part is afraid of a life without him in it. Without his family—while frustrating and overbearing, and Danny’s still on my list of people I want to step on with my pointe shoes, I’ll take them all.
They gave me the one thing I thought I’d lost forever.
Family.
“Food should be here in twenty,” Tommy says as he sits on the couch next to me a second before he picks me up and moves me onto his lap.
I nod at his words but just play with the collar of his T-shirt.
He’s still in the same pajama pants from the famiglia clinic, just like I’m in the same clothes from when I left here.
Neither of us has changed since we got back about ten minutes ago.
One of Bobby’s men—Marcus, I think was his name—dropped us off. Along with a whole team of men.
I came upstairs and sat on the couch while Tommy dealt with… well, whatever it is you do with a group of five bodyguards.
“Danny’s going to give us new phones, and his team is already working on new locks and security for both here and the club. If Dante knew about it, Danny wants it wiped clean and updated.” He runs his fingers through my hair, and I settle into his touch.
I like that he’s sharing this with me. That he’s not hiding things, not completely. I’m sure there will be things he can’t tell me, things I won’t want to know. But this? About the safety measures? It doesn’t make me afraid. It sends a warmth through me that feels like a hug.
Once, I was the only person concerned about protecting me. Now I have an entire team carrying that burden for me.
“Hey.” He lifts my chin with a single finger till I meet his eyes and my hand stills on his collar. “You still with me?”
I nod, but from the small narrowing of his eyes, I know to add words. “Yes.”
It’s a short answer, but the truth. To whatever his question might mean, it’s all the same answer. Do I still want to be with him? Am I okay with what happened?
He cups my jaw before moving to my neck and bringing my forehead closer to his.
He breathes me in with his eyes shut, and I close mine, too, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped in his arms as much as he’s finding peace with me in them.
“I meant what I said at the clinic.”
I open my eyes and move back, just the smallest amount he allows, so I can see his whole face when he opens his eyes.
Is he talking about when he told me he loved me? Or was there something else? Something I missed?
“I do want to marry you.”
My lips part to allow for the quick breaths that I need to keep my heart from beating right out of my chest.
“Not today. Today is for us. Tomorrow will be too. And the day after that. But one day, I want to put my ring on your finger and make sure the world knows the truth. That you have my heart, body, and soul, and you’re willing to share yours with me too.”
It’s my turn to move my hand to his face. My touch is hesitant, not out of fear, but because I’m filled with so many emotions that I almost fear I might hurt him with how my hands shake.
“I don’t want to share it.”
I lick my lips and see a leap of sadness cross his eyes before he looks down.
“I give it freely. All of it. It belongs to you.”
His eyes flash to mine with a wide streak of desire coursing through him, with lust and hunger mixed in. I smile at the look, happy to see it on his face. That I put it there.
“Your mother might not give us the time you want, though.”
He barks out a laugh at my words, and I giggle as he nods. “You’re right. She’s probably picking out the china pattern already.” He lets go of my neck and runs his hand through his hair with a soft chuckle.
I stand up but then slowly sit back down, this time with a knee on either side of him and my hands wrapped around his neck.
“Am I hurting you?”
“You could never.” He smiles softly as his hands move up and down my cloth-covered thighs.
“You know I don’t care about that, right?
” He tilts his head at my words. “The china and stuff.” I wave my hand around and hope he gets what I’m saying.
“When I was a little girl, I never thought of a life outside of dance. When my parents died….” I take a second to swallow the emotion that bubbles up.
We still don’t know what part they played in this.
I’m not even certain that I want to know.
I’m sure Tommy and his brothers will find out the truth, or will try at least. But unless someone else was involved, everyone who might know the truth is dead.
Digging it up won’t change the fact that it’s all in the past. A past that can’t change how I feel. Not anymore.
“When they died, I just hoped to make it to the next day. There was no future. But then you showed up and gave me everything missing from my life. Gave me a choice to keep the past and the present and still find a way to be me in both. I don’t care when we get married or how big and grand your mother makes it. ”
Because I can already tell she will. The woman was practically salivating at the hospital, firing off question after question about what my favorite things were.
Favorite foods, color, even if I like a certain song, no doubt putting all that information into a memory vault to use to make our wedding magical.
“I just want you. Only you.”
“And you have me.” He moves his hands up from my thighs, rounding my back and cupping me close to him. “All of me.” He leans in close. “Forever.”
His lips touch mine, and I open to him, giving him all my love. All my fears, hopes, dreams. Everything. If I have it, I give it to him. I’m no longer afraid to give this part of myself over to him. To explore it together and see where it leads.
I have him. He has me.
And there’s nothing else that matters.