Chapter 17 #2
They are nothing like Brian. And that thought shocks the hell out of me. Had that worry been percolating in my subconscious this whole time?
A noise from the door drop-kicks me out of my happy stupor. Pen walks in, a grim look across his face. I straighten; alarm shoots through me. “What’s wrong?”
His head darts up, and it’s obvious that he’s surprised to see me. “Nothing’s wrong.” He frowns. “It’s late. Why are you up?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” I admit sheepishly. “So I came out here to play and hopefully get inspiration.”
“Did you?”
“Did I what?” I meet his eyes, which still have a hint of ire in their green depths.
He shakes his head and smiles. “Did you get inspired?”
“Yes,” I say with a chuckle, then quickly sober. “Now tell me the truth. Why do you look upset?”
“It’s nothing. Dom just—he’s just frustrating sometimes… But don’t worry about it.”
I slowly get up from the loveseat and place the guitar in its stand. Pen reaches me in three long strides and I gently grip his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I’m only an inch shorter than Pen, so we’re almost eye to eye. As he stares into my eyes, a softness creeps across his face. “I promise you, Callum, I’m good.” He leans in and kisses my nose.
That little gesture is what I love about Pen Gallagher.
Looking at the muscular bodyguard, one would never guess that he’s such a cinnamon roll—always thinking of others.
But now he’s gifted me that sweet kiss, and when a whiff of his brown sugar body wash is added to my sensory load, I’m suddenly craving his lips, and an actual cinnamon roll.
I smile huge at the image in my head. Pen laying naked on the bed with the bakery confection smeared across his body. And me, licking it up.
“What are you thinking about? Your face turned five shades of red,” Pen says with a smirk. “And that’s added to your blues, yellows, and greens.”
No! Jesus. “Nothing.” I feel my cheeks heat up even more.
“Now who’s lying?”
I clear my throat and step away from Pen. “Where’s Dom?” I look to the doorway.
“He went to talk to Fig and Jordan. He’ll be back in an hour. Why?” His soft growl has me shivering.
Is he thinking what I’m thinking?
I don’t know what to do. Should I say something? Or just come out and bluntly say what I want?
As I look at Pen, doubt begins to filter in, making me distrust my own feelings. I’m so attracted to him, but I’m equally attracted to Dom too. And I know they are each attracted to me, to the point that both want a throuple relationship. A commitment.
Could they be misreading their desires for me? Mistaking physical attraction for love?
I never thought I’d be in love with two men. But to give both of them my heart would expose me to hurt. Maybe I’m not ready to bare my feelings yet. Not until I’m sure they feel the same as me.
But that kiss. Pen’s kisses are so sweet. Loving even. Not five minutes ago, I’d realized that it’s up to me to make the final decision if I want these two men in my life, if I want to be in a relationship with them. And I do. Just how to convey that…
Pen’s kisses. Can it be that simple?
“What are you thinking about?” Pen grips my hips, gently turning me—and a smile brightens his face.
“Kiss me.” I reach out, sliding my hand around the back of Pen’s neck and slowly bringing his lips toward mine, leaving mere millimeters between us, letting him decide whether we go any further.
“Oh yeah?” he whispers against my mouth, and a spike of lust shoots straight to my cock, leaving no room for disparaging thoughts. From the impressive hard-on he is pressing against the equally steely length in my pajama pants, he wants me as much as I want him.
This close, I can see a shift in Pen’s eyes to something more electrifying.
Demanding. A silent command for me to say yes.
Giving him permission, like I did all those months ago when we first touched each other—it’s a thrill for me.
I might not be ready for a relationship, but loving on each other is what I’ve been hungering for.
To take and be taken—it’s what I need right now. To forget the world outside.
However, Pen pulls back slightly and studies my face. “You know I would love to worship you—make you feel good. But I don’t think you’re healed enough.”
“I’m not asking you to, Pen. I’m telling you to. I need this—I need you.” I spell it out so he can’t misunderstand me. Then I kiss him, hoping he gives in to my wish.
“Callum,” Pen growls low. He leans in and kisses me back gently, dipping his talented tongue into my mouth before moving away. “I know that look.”
I let out a sigh. “What look?”
“That look on your face. You have something up your sleeve,” he says with a smirk. “What about Dom?”
“Dom isn’t here,” I whisper and take his mouth in a full-blown kiss, all lips, tongue and teeth. I don’t care if my mouth and jaw still hurt a little. Something about the way Pen is cupping my cheeks so carefully has my heart bursting with more emotions.
Pen pulls back again and looks deep into my eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Hell yeah, I’m sure.”
The second my words come out of my mouth, Pen wraps his arms around me and hoists me off my feet. With his mouth on mine, he carries me into the master bedroom.
With simple ease, Pen lowers me to my feet, steps back and commands, “Take off your clothes and lay down.”
A shiver ripples through my body as I comply. Then I scoop up one of the pillows and tuck it behind my head as I lay on my back. All the while I watch my gorgeous bodyguard take off his clothes.
First, he peels his skin-tight, black t-shirt from his broad chest and thick, ropey biceps. Then he lowers those jeans… Holy fuck.
My mouth drops open at the image before me. Pen is wearing a colorful sport jockstrap that has me drooling. He turns around, exposing his bare ass to me. “What do you think?”
“Damn,” I utter, while liquid heat pools in my groin. I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard while just looking at someone.
The one night Dom, Pen and I fucked, I was so out of my head—wanting to forget the terrible argument I’d had with Brian, I had stolen a bottle of Raef’s expensive Macallan and drank four shots. I’m such a light weight that I don’t remember what their bodies looked like.
I didn’t get to trace to memory of every dip and curve of my men’s muscular frames.
My men—and I can say it clearly now because they are mine.
“Pen,” I say with fervent need. I reach out my hand, needing the contact.
He laces his fingers with mine and climbs on top of me, straddling my waist. “Is this okay—am I hurting you?”
I shake my head. “No. I like it when you’re on top of me.”
He leans over, our cocks—separated by only his jock—rub together as he links his other hand into mine. “Now I have you, Callum Fitz. What should I do with you?”
“Love me.” The words slip out of my mouth so easily that it doesn’t dawn on me until Pen’s eyes widen in surprise just what I said. “I-I mean—I would love—”
Pen slams his mouth onto mine as his body molds to me as though we’re one.
His weight, the heat of his body and our intense kiss… and I’m done waiting. “Pen.” Uttering his name is enough of a push.
Pen slowly makes his way down my body, licking, kissing and nipping along my tender flesh until he’s at my erect dick.
“Hmm. I’ve been dying to taste you again.” Without a moment’s hesitation, he takes me into his mouth and sucks my tip.
I groan from the pleasure of that simple action. “Don’t fucking stop.”
“I won’t baby.” And then he sucks the tip back in before licking up and down my length. He grips the base of my cock and swallows me down the back of his throat.
I nearly let out a shout of desire, but I clamp my teeth tight and ride the wave of pleasure until I’m about to come. Then Pen does the unthinkable. He pops off of me and says, “Don’t come yet.”
“What the fuck,” I groan out in dismay.
“I promise you’ll love this,” he explains before he spits onto his fingers and presses one tip against my asshole. “Mmm. So tight.”
A soft hiss leaves my lips as that single digit breaches my hole. Then he adds a second, and a pleasured pain courses through my lower half, but I need more. I shift my legs slightly wider apart and start moving my hips, getting the friction my body is craving.
“So fucking eager,” Pen says as he presses a third finger inside me. “How does this feel?”
“Yes.” I stretch my neck back, as his three fingers slide inside my body and have me riding the edge. “Fuck—yes—don’t stop.”
Pen chuckles, then drops his head and sucks my cock with hard, greedy pulls. I lose it right then and come like a geyser down his throat.
Not once does he pull his fingers from my body. “You taste like sunshine.”
I bust out laughing, covering my eyes with my arm. “Pen.” Not sure what else to say to his goofy praise.
“What? You do,” he defends as he finally pulls his fingers out of my ass and lays down next to me.
“Okay,” I say, and slowly turn to face him.
His smile is radiant and for the first time in a while, he looks happy. Then I realize that he’s that way because of me.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, touching my still bruised cheek.
I lean into his touch, but keep my eyes locked with his. “I wish I could bottle this moment up so I can pull it out later when I have a shitty day.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you afraid of with us, Callum?” That question startles me.
Pen or Dom had never asked me why I fear this connection with them.
Or why I’m so hesitant to form a relationship.
But maybe this is the time to fess up to my trepidation.
If I can’t tell Pen—who is the most genuine and honest person I know, then who can I explain my fears to?
“Brian,” I say softly, because I don’t want his name to taint the moment.
“Your father?” Pen’s eyes narrow slightly, and a glint of anger sparks in them. “What does he have to do with us?”
“You know how my parents are. They are constantly fighting. It was even worse back when we lived in Australia. My mum—as much as I love that woman, she could never stand up to Brian. He’s a manipulating cunt, especially when he wants something.
If it weren’t for my granddad, we would probably be dead because of the bad shit Brian was into. ”
Pen opens his mouth, then shuts it like he wanted to say something but decided against it.
“What?”
“You knew that your father was into some heavy crap back then?”
I have to think for a second before saying, “All I know is what my granddad said to my mum before he gave us money to leave the country.”
“And what was that?”
“The friends—Granddad used his fingers as quotes—Brian was hanging out with were a bad crowd and if Mum didn’t leave with me in that moment, we would end up dead and buried out in the Bush. Granddad never messed around, so I took him seriously.”
“That’s all he said?” Pen questions, but something in his tone catches me off guard.
I sit up and face him. “What’s going on? What are you not telling me?”
“I think we should wait for Dom. He can explain better—”
“No, Pen. I want you to explain it to me now. If this is about Brian and my mum, I need to know,” I demand, then get up from the bed and start dressing. “Now tell me, please.”
“Tell you what?”
I swing around and find Dom standing in the doorway, and he doesn’t look happy either.