Tonight I’m Gonna Party (190s Flashback #4)

Chapter 1

ONE

But the biggest Sliding Doors moment of my existence is one that haunts me almost every single day.

What would have happened if I never left Frankie?

Was I too hasty? Would we have broken up eventually? Would we now be happily married with several children?

“Rach!” Anna interrupts my thought spiral.

I look up. “Sorry. What?”

“Where were you just then? You seemed a million miles away.”

“Oh, it was nothing. Just thinking about the meaning of life.”

She chuckles. “That’s all, huh? Well, personally, I think life takes on the meaning you give it.”

“But what about the decisions you make? Do you think there are some that irrevocably alter where you end up?”

She shakes her head adamantly. “Nope. You always end up where you’re supposed to be.”

“Wow. There was no hesitation in your answer just now.”

“I mean, I think there are decisions that can take you off track for a while. Say, for example, when I met a certain frustrating defence lawyer who happened to still be obsessed with his first love. But I eventually found who I was supposed to be with.”

“Do you regret all that time you spent with Ed and not with Kurt?”

“I used to say yes, but lately, I’ve come to realise that the time with Kurt might not feel as precious if I’d had him from the start.

And I wonder if I had met him when we were younger whether his life would have been better off.

He might not have moved overseas and established his career.

And he wouldn’t have gotten to date supermodels… ”

I playfully slap Anna’s arm. “You’re way better than any supermodel, and Kurt knows it. I’ve never seen him so happy as he is with you.”

She beams. “Aw, that’s lovely. I’m glad I’m not just imagining it.”

“Speak of the devil.”

Anna looks up and sees Kurt—her husband and my cousin—enter the room.

They got married last year and have been even more sickeningly sweet than usual.

But Kurt had to work in the studio this morning, so it’s just been me and Anna hanging in their Brisbane living room.

We’re planning a collaboration between the art gallery I manage and her café.

“How are two of my favourite people?” He kisses Anna on the cheek and winks at me.

“Rachel was just musing over the meaning of life and whether particular decisions change where you end up,” Anna says.

“You always end up where you’re supposed to be,” Kurt replies.

I laugh. “You two have obviously discussed this before.”

Kurt gives Anna a look, and she shakes her head minutely in response.

“What? What was that?” I ask.

“Nothing,” Anna says.

“I have some left, you know,” Kurt says to her.

“You should have gotten rid of it like I got rid of mine,” she says.

“I just wondered…”

“You, of all people, should know better by now.”

“But it could be helpful for Rachel.”

“I don’t think we should go messing around with it again. We were lucky we recovered, but what if it has unintended consequences like with Ed?”

“But didn’t it ultimately make him less of a douchebag?”

“What on earth are you two talking about?” I cut in, exasperated.

Kurt gestures at me while still looking Anna. “I think we should leave the decision up to Rach.”

She huffs. “Fine. Do whatever you want. But don’t either of you come crying to me when it doesn’t work out.”

“If what doesn’t work out?” I ask, now seriously confused.

Kurt exhales and looks at me. “What I’m about to share with you is something that will help you realise you will probably always end up at the right place.”

“What? Have you somehow magically accessed the secret of the universe?”

“In a way.”

He says it so nonchalantly that I snort. “What is going on with you two today? Are you bored and wanting to pull a prank or something?”

Anna raises her hands. “For the record, I already said I don’t want anything to do with this.”

“Fine.” I face Kurt again. “What is this mystical information?”

“It’s actually something I’m going to give you, but it comes with instructions.”

I’m starting to feel like he really is just messing with me, so I play along. “All right. What is this something you’re giving me?”

“Just a moment.”

He hurries off down the hall, and I glance at Anna. She shakes her head. “Not getting involved.”

Kurt reappears, holding a small box. “In here, I have a product called Youth Compound. You’re actually quite lucky, because I still have some of the shorter duration, which means you can test it out before deciding whether you want to use it for longer.”

He pulls out a small jar and hands it to me. “This one lasts two hours.” He pauses for dramatic effect. “If you take this, you’ll pass out and wake up in your teenage body.” He looks at Anna. “I’m assuming it will be 1999 now?”

Anna nods reluctantly. “Probably.”

“Um, okay. Did I just enter the Twilight Zone? Are you trying to give me psychedelics? You know I’m not into that kind of thing…”

“It’s not a psychedelic in the traditional sense, but it will alter your consciousness. Anna and I have our suspicions about how it works, but we’re not completely sure.”

“And what are your suspicions, exactly?”

“You’ll revisit the same date as today but in 1999, and you’ll be able to experience new events and learn new information—but when you wake up, nothing here will have changed.”

I narrow my eyes. “You think I’ll fall for this?”

Anna seems to forget that she didn’t want to get involved and suddenly warms to the topic. “Kelsey was sceptical like you, but she quickly came around.”

“Wait. Kelsey is in on this too? And did you say Ed had an experience with unintended consequences?”

“Oh, yeah. Ed accidentally took it without knowing what it was. He almost had a nervous breakdown, but he’s fine now.”

“So reassuring.”

“You want me to come with you?” Kurt asks.

I wrinkle my nose. “What?”

“I can take some as well. I’ll go back to 1999 and meet you.”

“What? In your younger body too?”

“Yep.” He frowns. “Although, I don’t know where I was back then. That might make things difficult.”

I already feel like I’m in an alternate timeline right now. “What about Anna?”

“I was in France, so I won’t be able to get to you in time. But I refuse to go back anymore anyway. It stresses me out too much. I almost lost Kurt because of my meddling.”

Kurt smiles gently. “You never would have lost me. And because of the compound, we got to meet in the first place. And you got to know me before we met in the present.”

“Yes, but I had to start over every time like in Fifty First Dates. It was exhausting.”

I rub my temples. “Wait, wait. I’m struggling to follow your weird roleplay. You had to start over?”

“Yes, because I hadn’t met Kurt back then. But with everyone else, they just didn’t remember any of the events from the previous visit. The original timeline stayed intact.”

I suddenly feel eerily calm. “Fine. Give me this magical compound. But if it doesn’t work, I won’t speak to either of you for at least six months.”

“Do you think it has an expiry date?” Kurt asks worriedly.

“I’ll guess we’ll find out soon enough,” Anna reasons.

“I wish we could track down Bernard and ask him a few more questions,” Kurt says.

“I, for one, am glad he disappeared,” Anna says.

“Who’s Bernard?” I feel like I’m watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

“The scientist who made this stuff. He probably didn’t disappear, but he did leave the lab where he worked without telling anyone where he was going.”

“Again, so reassuring.”

“I’m not forcing it on you,” Kurt says. “I’m just giving it to you in case you want to test out your theory about life decisions making a difference in the long term.”

Hmm. I still don’t believe this supposed compound is going to do anything, but I am curious about decisions I made in the past.

“All right. What the hell. Let me try this stuff so we can end this ridiculous charade and return to normality.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Anna says. “Note that I’m not the one encouraging it.”

“Fine. I won’t hold you responsible.”

I open the jar and look inside. The contents are purple and smell faintly of chlorine.

“I’ll just get you some water,” Kurt says.

He goes to the kitchen to get a glass and a teaspoon and returns to me. “It doesn’t taste great, but don’t worry. You’ll get used to it. Also, you’ll be asleep here for about two hours, so we’ll put you on the couch.”

I raise an eyebrow as I watch Kurt mix some of the compound and hand it over. After a second’s hesitation, I swallow it one gulp, wincing slightly. I then make my way to the couch and lie down. “I’m trusting you didn’t just poison me.”

“I promise I didn’t. We’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

I stare at the ceiling and wait. “What am I supposed to be feeling? How long does it take to—”

Whoa.

The room spins, and I close my eyes.

It’s like I’m on an amusement park ride, and I can’t get off.

“I’ve changed my mind,” I say. Although, maybe I just think the words. I’m not sure if my mouth actually worked.

If this spinning gets any faster, I might throw up.

Oh God.