Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
I’m not sure I can handle how honest Frankie is being right now.
If someone had told me tonight’s interaction would have gone this way, I’d be annoyed that they exaggerated just to get my hopes up.
Is this really happening?
I’m too scared to ask about his current feelings toward me.
“I… uh… I don’t know what to say,” I respond honestly.
He chuckles. “Sorry. I did kind of drop a bomb, huh?”
“You did,” I confirm. “I… I guess the reason I reached out was to see if you really did regret the way we ended. But I didn’t think much further than that.”
“That might be a good thing. I’m happy to just let the night unfold naturally and see what happens.”
What does he mean by that? Is he implying in a romantic way?
Agh. This is too hard.
Thankfully, the food arrives as a helpful distraction, and it is delicious. As is the wine.
Frankie seems to realise I’m a little overwhelmed and keeps things light.
He still does most of the talking though, which is just like our original dynamic.
I’m not a quiet person by any means, but whenever I was around Frankie, I found myself wrapped up in his stories.
It turns out he hasn’t lived in Brisbane continuously since 2002, and he spent a couple of years travelling, including three months in Europe.
When I tell him I also spent three months in Europe, he bites his bottom lip.
“Damn. I wish we’d done that together. I would have loved to have spent a day wandering around the Louvre with you.
Every time I visit an art gallery, I think of you, and I hear the words you’d say in response to whenever I’d ask if you thought a painting was good. ”
“If it resonates with you, then it’s good,” I say.
He laughs. “I used to take myself so seriously. How on earth did you put up with that pretentious weirdo who wanted to analyse the crap out of everything?”
I laugh too. “I quite liked the way you explained the subtext in all the movies you watched. And while art has themes and context too, I believe you can appreciate a work without that and apply your own meaning. There’s no right or wrong approach.”
He sighs. “I really miss talking to people this way. Most of the guys I work with in landscaping are very different to me. They all like going to the football on weekends, and they’re not interested in discussing anything beyond the latest NRL match or how best to barbecue a steak.”
“I suppose everybody has the things that make them happy.”
“I’m happy sitting here with you right now.”
I blush. “It’s nice to see you again too.”
“I’m sorry I made so many assumptions about our life together when we were married.
In my head, I figured you could transfer your studies to Sydney and that you’d have more job opportunities there once you graduated.
It stupidly never occurred to me that you wanted to stay in your hometown close to your family. ”
“It’s all in the past now. You can’t spend the rest of your life regretting it.”
“I know. But I do regret it.”
“Getting that position was important to you.” I think back to when I ran into him in 1999. “Was that job in Sydney the first one you applied for?”
He smiles sheepishly. “Not exactly. I applied for a few. And I’d actually applied for that same one a year before, but someone else took it.
I think it was a friend of the boss. Apparently my predecessor refused to review anything mainstream, which is why he left.
I only found that out after I complained about the same thing. ”
“If you had been applying for jobs interstate, why didn’t you tell me when we met?”
“Because I was an idiot. But also, I stopped applying interstate once we met. The offer I got was due to my friend putting in a good word for me without my knowledge. I wanted to repay him for his kindness and finally work in what I thought would be my dream job.”
Hearing Frankie explain how everything happened lessens the frustration I have toward him. But can I forgive him completely?
“Do you have any room for dessert?” he asks when our dinner plates have been removed.
“I’m pretty full. I think I’m done.”
“What about coffee? Or tea?”
I look at his hopeful expression and feel strange. He’s being so much nicer than I could have imagined, and I don’t know what to do with it.
“I’ve had a big day, so I might go home. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise. It should be me who is apologising for not considering your energy levels. I don’t seem to have learnt anything about allowing for other people’s needs.”
“You’ve been more than considerate.” I almost tell him about Jarvis and the will, but it doesn’t seem like the right moment to mention I have another ex-husband I have also recently interacted with.
“Can I see you again? Will you come to Brisbane? Or I can come back here? When are your days off?”
“I… I have weekends off.”
“How about this weekend, then? Do you feel like a night in Brisbane?”
I’m not sure if he means a night as in overnight, or just an evening.
“Can I get back to you? I have to check a couple of things first.”
“Of course. I’ll give you my number. Feel free to call or text anytime instead of using Messenger.”
“Okay.”
I hand him my phone, and he enters his details in the contacts. I then hear a beep as he sends himself a text.
I almost make a joke about him presumably getting over his distaste of mobile phones, but I don’t want him to take it the wrong way. Everything is still too new between us for me to risk a comment not landing right.
We stand, and despite my protests, he insists on paying the entire bill. “I’d like to try and make up for my past behaviour by treating you the way you should have always been treated.”
I blush again. His attention is too much.
“Did you drive here?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m parked near the gallery.”
“I found a spot up the road the other way, but I’ll walk you back to your car first.”
“No, that’s okay. Thank you, though.”
“Are sure?”
“Yes. Thanks for dinner. It was very kind of you to pay, and the food was delicious.”
“My pleasure. Be sure to let me know your schedule, and we’ll make a plan.”
He reaches out for another hug, but this time he lingers longer. It somehow doesn’t feel how I remember, but maybe I’m overthinking it.
He steps back, and our faces remain only a few inches from each other.
I suddenly get the impression he wants to kiss me again, but this time, not on the cheek.
I squeeze his arm in what I hope is a gesture implying I appreciate his attention, but I want to keep things neutral. “Goodnight.”
I quickly retreat and walk in the direction of the gallery. I don’t look back, but I’m certain Frankie’s eyes are on me.
My head starts to throb, and I wonder why I’m not more excited.
Shouldn’t I be happier?
***
It’s not until I’m settling in for the evening at my apartment an hour later that I remember I agreed to go to Scotland with Jarvis sometime in the next two weeks.
How does that reconcile with me meeting up with Frankie again?
It was clear he was angling for some sort of reconciliation, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
We’re very different people to how we were in 1999, and I’m not ready to jump back into a relationship before I learn more about who he is now and what shaped him over the past two decades.
He said he was too embarrassed to contact me, but if I was his single biggest regret, shouldn’t he have made more of an effort to get back in touch?
And why would he only look me up online today after I reached out to him?
Was he feeling too proud? Maybe he’s only saying he looked me up today, when really he’s been keeping tabs on me for longer.
Am I getting ahead of myself? Is he just being polite? Maybe he’s trying to assuage his guilt from being inconsiderate back then. For all I know, he’s that level of friendly with everyone these days.
This is too confusing.
I send Anna a text. I need to debrief with you sometime soon. Life just got very complicated.
She writes back immediately. If it’s because of the Youth Compound, I apologise. I should have been stricter with Kurt when he suggested you take it.
Me: It’s not all because of the compound. I need to tell you about the inheritance, amongst other things. Are you coming to Shell Beach anytime soon?
Anna: I’m afraid not. My publisher is making me go to Sydney to talk about the next cookbook, so Kurt and I have decided to make a road-trip of it and take a proper holiday.
Sorry, I meant to tell you on the weekend that it was a possibility, but it slipped my mind. We’ll be leaving tomorrow morning.
Me: Oh, that’s okay. A road-trip sounds like fun. I guess we’ll talk properly when you get back.
Anna: You want to talk now? I can call you on the phone?
Me: No, it’s a bit late, and you’ll need a good rest if you’re driving tomorrow. It can wait.
Anna: I promise I’ll make up for being a bad friend by being extra available once I’m home.
Me: You’re not a bad friend. And you have your own life to live! Have a great time!
It’s only after I’ve ended our text conversation that I realise I didn’t ask Anna if she found out whether she was pregnant. But I figure if she is, she’ll tell me when she’s ready.
After everything that happened with Frankie and Jarvis, I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight.
I switch on the TV and flick through the channels.
Free-to-air is terrible these days, so I click over to streaming and see a trailer for 17 Again.
That was a fun movie, but it’s not exactly the same concept as what I recently went through.
Zac Efron’s character got to be young in the present day rather than back in his original timeline.
I’m contemplating watching it anyway when the doorbell rings. It’s quite late, so I have no idea who it might be.
I open the door, and Kelsey is standing there, grinning.
“Hey, stranger.”
“Oh, hey. What are you doing here?”
“Visiting Mum. The café is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, so this is my weekend. Anna mentioned you had a lot going on and that you might require moral support. Do you need to talk through a Youth-Compound-induced existential crisis?”
I laugh. “I forgot Anna told me you’d tried it too. But it’s more a current crisis than one related to time travel.” I step aside to usher her in. “Do you want to come in for a bit?”
“Of course.”
I put on the kettle to make tea, and Kelsey sits at the counter. “What’s this current crisis?”
I relay the events of the last few days, suddenly realising that all of this occurred in the span of less than seventy-two hours.
She chuckles. “Wow. You’ve been busy.”
“I know. And now I’m overwhelmed and confused.”
“Well, first things first. You don’t have to commit to anything or anyone if you don’t want to.
If you can’t afford the six hundred dollars to get a disclaimer drawn up, I’ll lend you the money, and you can pay me back later.
I know other people might say it’s crazy to turn down an inheritance, but I understand you might not want to feel indebted to Jarvis. ”
“It’s not that I can’t afford it. It just seems unfair I have to spend that money to turn down something I didn’t ask for.”
“How do you feel about going to Scotland?”
“I don’t know!” I wail.
“And what about Frankie? It sounds like you got an outcome you thought you wanted. But it’s okay to change your mind.”
“I don’t know about that either!”
“Well, if it were me, I’d put Frankie on ice for a couple of weeks.
The choice you’re making with him is an emotional rather than practical one, and you guys have been apart for over twenty years.
What’s another few weeks? As for Scotland, I say take advantage of the free holiday and maintain whatever distance from Jarvis you need to make it manageable.
I’m sure the will doesn’t specify you have to fly in the same row or that you can’t stay in a hotel on your own once you arrive. ”
She has a point. If I have to see Jarvis, I can limit how much.
And to be honest, I have always wanted to revisit Scotland. I found it such a welcoming and beautiful country.
Maybe I can make this work with minimal emotional turmoil.
After all, I’m a mature adult.
I can act rationally.
Can’t I?