Chapter Eleven
For a few minutes, there was only the sound of raindrops gently falling against the black umbrella the billionaire held over them, mingling with the occasional splash under their shoes.
They walked close to each other, close enough to touch, but somehow they managed to keep apart, that one last inch of space between them defined by a myriad of emotions that both of them still had to unravel and resolve.
But even so, it was okay.
They both knew it was okay, and they had all the time in the world to make sense of what it meant to be together.
As they turned around the corner, the billionaire’s need to speak suddenly became irrepressible, and he thought, what the hell.
“I suppose you’re—-”
“How did you know—-”
Jaak and Ilse broke off the moment they realized they had been speaking at each other the same time. Their gazes collided, his blue eyes wry, her brown ones rueful, and the slightest of smiles slowly formed on their lips.
The billionaire inclined his head. “Ladies first.”
Ilse said simply, “I think you can guess what I want to ask.”
And it has begun, Jaak thought self-mockingly. He had seen his brothers grovel, and they had done so quite admirably. He could only hope that he could do half as good as them.
His gaze returning to hers unflinchingly, he said quietly, “I came looking for you at your office, and Gloria told me where I could find you...among other things.”
“I s-see.” He had come looking for her at the office? Why? But then the rest of his words penetrated her mind, and Ilse’s gaze shot up to his at its possible ramifications.
Easily interpreting the stunned, wary look in her eyes, he said quietly, “Yes. I know.”
“About everything?”
“I know about Issac, Natalia...”
Ilse didn’t know how to react at hearing the billionaire speak of names that should only have mattered to her. He knew. He knew. But if she thought that was the worst, she was wrong.
“Ilse—-” And when she looked up at him, he said flatly, “I know everything.”
And she knew he was talking about Jan.
“My boss has a b-big mouth.” He knew, he knew. The realization made her feel exposed and vulnerable, and Ilse was at a loss. So what now? Where did they go from here?
“Ilse—-”
She knew she should look at him, but she couldn’t. Just his tone alone told her what he intended to speak of, and she really didn’t want to hear it.
“When we were apart, I tried my damnedest to forget—-”
She cut him off, saying his name unevenly. “Jaak.” Without meeting his eyes, she said, “I know, too.” When he didn’t say anything right away, she made herself look up, not wanting him to think she was blaming him. “And I get it. You didn’t owe me anything. We weren’t—-”
That she was trying to find a way to stop him from feeling bad made the billionaire’s jaw tighten. God. He didn’t really deserve her at all. “I’m sorry.” Harsh regret underlined his tone.
“It’s okay.” She tried to make a joke of it, saying, “If I could, I w-would’ve done the same.” But the way her voice trembled made everything a lie.
“No.” The billionaire’s smile was grim. “You wouldn’t have.” Her pain-clouded eyes clashed with his, and he asked hoarsely, “And do you know why that is?”
She shook her head.
“Because the woman I love...”
Ilse stared at him in shock.
“—-isn’t the kind to be as weak as I had been.”
“J-Jaak...” Her voice came out a choked whisper.
His hands shook as he carefully tucked the loose strands of her hair behind her ears. “The woman I love wouldn’t have been an idiot.”
Ilse almost swayed on her feet. “W-what are you saying?”
But he only looked at her, saying without speaking that she knew – they both knew she knew what he had said.
“I was there the whole time, you know.” His voice was deliberately casual, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes at all. At her bemused look, he said, “When Issac spoke to you—-”
Ilse stumbled to a stop, thinking that she might never get used to the billionaire speaking of names that should have been buried in the past. “I don’t understand.”
“I was there,” he said flatly, “when he called you ethereal.”
“What?”
“I heard him all the way to the end, when he told you he would break off his engagement, no matter what.”
“Oh my God.” Ilse shook her head dazedly. “I can’t believe you were there the entire time.”
“You probably didn’t notice,” he murmured, “because you were too shocked at seeing your first love.”
She choked and laughed, but she didn’t say a word. She might be reeling right now, but she wasn’t stupid, and she refused to take the bait even though she knew what the billionaire wanted to hear was most likely the truth was well.
Issac was not her first love.
But if he wanted to hear that, he only had to ask.
The reproachful look Ilse gave him made the billionaire grimace, and he didn’t even think of pretending he didn’t understand why she was looking at him that way. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be. It’s just that you’re used to playing games—-” Ilse shrugged awkwardly. “And I’m not.”
“You don’t have to be so polite.” He laughed humorlessly. “You were right about me from the start. I have too many damn secrets—-”
Ilse flinched. “I’m sorry.” And because she couldn’t bear it, she added in a rush, “I realize now I might have been a little harsh—-”
“You only spoke the truth. I was pretending the entire time—-”
Unable to bear the way he was mocking himself, she pressed her fingers to his lips without thinking, and the billionaire stopped speaking.
Their gazes collided, and the way his blue eyes stared so intensely at her threatened to make her lungs stop working.
Oh, Jaak.
“I had secrets, too,” she whispered shakily. “And I used to pretend, too.” A tremulous smile touched her lips. “It’s why I knew you had them, it’s why I knew you were pretending, and it’s why—-”
Her fingers slowly lowered from his lips.
“I wanted to help you with them.” She swallowed. “I wanted you in my life, Jaak, and that’s why I wanted to help you face them. Every time I looked at you, I saw the way those secrets were hurting you—-”
The billionaire whitened.
“And I just thought...at least with me, you wouldn’t need to keep secrets or pretend—-”
Ah, God. He had gotten her so damn wrong, and yet she was still here.
“I just wanted to take the pain away...” Her voice trailed off, and Ilse wondered if she had said too much again.
And then she heard the billionaire say, “Thank you, Ilse.”
Oh.
Her head jerked up.
And the billionaire said again, “Thank you.”
He looked at her, and he knew it was too late for both of them.
“Y-you would have done the same to me.”
He didn’t say anything, unwilling to shatter her illusions of him. Love was like poison in the heart, and he was poisoned, with the way his heart could stop and start beating at just one word from Ilse.
Her brown eyes clung to his, and the poison in his heart grew, spreading from one heartbeat to another, rising and falling with every breath one took, swaying from pain to joy with a single glance.
“J-Jaak?”
The sound of her voice told him that the poison in his heart was neither flimsy nor ephemeral. It was not the kind that could heal with only time as its antidote, wasn’t the kind that might not have needed a cure at all because it hadn’t been poison in the first place.
This poison was real. This poison was once in a lifetime, and it was as beautiful as it was agonizing, as powerful as it was terrifying.
He looked at her, and she was so damn innocent, so damn pure, that it was obvious she believed she only needed the words.
But he knew better.
And so instead of answering her, the billionaire dropped the umbrella he was holding and started to lower his head.
Ilse stiffened. “Jaak?” She started to lean back and step away, but the billionaire’s arms suddenly went around her, yanking her forward, imprisoning her in his embrace.
A gasp escaped her, and she tried shoving him off. “Jaak—-”
And that was it.
That was the last word she spoke before her first kiss.
Oh God.
Her first kiss—-
Their first kiss—-
And it was more than she could ever dream and hope for, leaving her unable to think. It only allowed her to feel, and a shudder racked Ilse’s body as the billionaire’s lips moved gently over hers, nibbling and nibbling, and she shuddered anew when he suddenly started sucking hard on her lower lip.
She had never ever thought a kiss could be both carnal and sweet, but every second of the billionaire’s kiss made Ilse realize just how little she knew.
And when the billionaire finally managed to coax her lips to part, Ilse realized dazedly just how much more carnal and sweeter a kiss could get.
His tongue boldly slipping inside her mouth, the billionaire teased her tongue with his, and as her tongue slowly and shyly moved against his, the billionaire moved to deepen the kiss—-
Ilse gasped against his lips, but the billionaire didn’t let up.
He kissed her even harder, and her senses started to swim.
When he finally let her up for air, she felt like the kiss had reduced her brain into mush, and she could barely hold on to a single coherent thought.
Goodness, Ilse thought, utterly overwhelmed.
Oh my goodness!
The blank look on her face made the billionaire curse under his breath. “God, Ilse.” He forced himself to release her and bent down to pick up the umbrella from the ground. Pulling her close to him, he muttered, “Stop staring at me, or I’m going to lose my head and fuck you right here.”
Ilse gasped, but he didn’t take the words back. She had to realize soon enough that there was no limit to how much he wanted her.
They started to walk again, Ilse acting sweetly docile and silent by his side, and he gripped her hand tightly. He had always considered possessiveness a tiring trait, the billionaire thought, but with Ilse he was beginning to see the need for it.
When they reached her workplace where her bike and his car were both parked, Ilse glanced up at him, seemingly startled that they had walked so far without her noticing.