Chapter Twenty-Two
Two men skied down the slopes in neck-breaking speed, identical in height and build. One was suited up entirely in white, the other in black, and upon making the hairpin turn at the end, the two of them soared in the sky-—
It was like watching two angels in a furious race against each other – one who still had his wings, another who had fallen from grace.
Their skis pounded the snow as they made their landfall, and those who were in the vicinity cheered wildly as the pair skied to a stop.
The men took off their helmets, and Willem raked a hand through his blond hair. “That was crazy.”
“I told you it was,” Jaak answered dryly. “But you insisted on going anyway.”
“I had to.” The older de Konigh’s tone was blunt. “I had to make sure you wouldn’t suddenly succumb to the urge to take your life.”
As they walked off, Jaak asked about Serenity.
“Still not talking to you,” Willem answered pleasantly.
“Ah.” Jaak’s lips twisted. “Can’t say I blame her.”
They went on their separate ways after that, both of them agreeing to meet at the chalet for dinner.
After taking a shower at his hotel room, Jaak took the snowmobile to get to the family chalet, where Willem and Serenity were staying.
Normally, he wouldn’t have any problem playing the third wheel with the couple, but it was different now.
Serenity hated him, and he respected that. She was being completely loyal to Ilse, and he respected that even more. But more than that, it was because of where they were living, and the billionaire’s face took on a grim expression as he considered the timelessly elegant facade of the chalet.
He had been twenty-one the last time he had come here. He had been a troubled twenty-one then, struggling with feelings of isolation and despair because most of his soul had still been trapped in the past. Eleven years down the line, and it didn’t seem like much had changed.
He was still alone, his soul just as broken.
When he came knocking on the front door, Jaak prepared himself to face a militant-looking Serenity, but the family butler showed up instead to usher him in. “Goedenavond, mijnheer.”
“Goedenavond, Bertrand.” Everything inside still looked the same, with a twenty-foot crystal chandelier showering the receiving area with golden light.
The white brick walls made the living room appear even more spacious, and the marbled fireplace hadn’t lost its majestic appeal even after all these years, with its column pillars and scrolled header.
“Are the master of the house and his lady still upstairs?” he asked with a crooked grin.
“Sir Willem is waiting for you at the dining room, mijnheer.”
“And Serenity?”
“Dining out with friends, mijnheer.”
“Willem Jr. actually has friends?” Like her mentor-slash-fiancé, Serenity was a notorious workaholic, to the point that her small circle of friends mostly consisted of wives of Willem’s own friends.
Bertrand’s stoic look refused to crack. “It appears so, mijnheer. May I take you to Sir Willem now?’
“Please do,” Jaak answered with a sigh, knowing from experience that the old man was absolutely against smiling during work hours.
Inside the dining room, Willem was indeed waiting for him, seated at the head of the table.
Dinner was a brisk but enjoyable affair, the family chef making sure to serve shared favorite dishes of the two brothers.
Afterwards, Willem invited Jaak to join him in the library, and Jaak acquiesced with a gracious nod of acknowledgment, knowing that the rare firm tone Willem used meant he didn’t really have a choice at all.
Willem poured them their drinks. “Proost,” he murmured as he raised his glass in the air.
“Proost.” Their glasses clicked before the two brothers downed their whisky in one gulp.
As Willem lowered his glass back to the table, he said quietly, “You should know what I want to talk you about, ja?”
“Ja.”
“Then I shall go ahead and say it straight.” Willem looked at his younger brother. “What the hell are you doing?”
Jaak leaned back against the couch. “You already know what I’ve been doing.”
As he poured himself another shot, he heard Willem bite out, “Your woman’s breaking apart.”
The words killed him, but Jaak didn’t allow himself to react and only downed his second shot.
Seeing that Jaak’s face remained expressionless, Willem snarled under his breath, “Luister je?” Are you listening? “Your woman’s about to lose it—-”
Jaak’s shot glass smashed against the wall, snarling back, “Yes. I know. I fucking know she needs me. I fucking know the moment she started to need me, and guess what? I wasn’t there for her.” He shot to his feet, growling, “I wasn’t fucking there for her, and doesn’t that sound fucking familiar?”
Whitening at the pain on his brother’s face, he sprung to his feet, gritting out, “Stop it, Jaak.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop with the self-sabotage.”
The words hung viciously in the air, both men breathing hard as they stared at each other.
Finally, Jaak muttered, “This is stupid.”
“Is it?” Willem challenged. “How is never letting yourself believe you deserve to be loved not self-sabotage? How is always thinking the worst – that you would always fail the people around you – not self-sabotage?”
Willem watched a muscle tic in Jaak’s jaw, but when his younger brother still didn’t speak, he cursed under his breath—-
“Goddammit, Jaak. I know how your mind works. You made yourself believe you’ll eventually fail Ilse, so you made it happen so you could tell yourself I told you so.”
Willem’s words made Jaak swung away, but even so his brother’s biting voice continued to reach him—-
“Vier woorden.” Four words.
And they slashed at him, tearing his heart open, forcing Jaak to see the possibility—-
“Four fucking words.”
The most amazing, the most heartbreaking possibility of how they could be...
“Are they so important that you’re letting it dictate the rest of your life?”
If he had just let himself stay and make it up to her.
The thought had Jaak swinging away clumsily. “You’ll never know how much I want to be with her, but you don’t see it the way I do. She’s better off without me. I’ll just hurt her more if I stay, and I know—-” He struck his chest hard with his own fist. “I know I can and will hurt her—-”
“I know you can,” Willem snapped. “You can and you will because she loves you.”
The billionaire froze.
“That’s how love works.” And when Jaak didn’t say anything, Willem laughed humorlessly.
“Surely, you understand now? Think about it, Jaak. Mother ignored us the entire time, but we loved her anyway. Father may have spoiled you, but only when he remembered that you existed. The rest of us, he didn’t give a fuck about.
Neither of them loved us, but they still had the power to hurt us. ”
Memories from the past swirled in Jaak’s mind, crystallizing into bloodstained images.
“It’s the greatest irony in life, Jaak. When you love someone—-”
The words began to hammer into Jaak’s brain, and his heart began to pump fast.
“You give that person absolute power over you—-”
Too goddamn fast, almost like it only had minutes left to beat—-
“Even if that person doesn’t love you back.”
The truth in Willem’s words crashed down on Jaak, and he stumbled back.
“You know how I fucked up with Sere,” Willem said quietly. “The whole fucking world knows, and it’s even documented. But none of you know the worst of it. None of you—-” Willem breathed hard. “None of you know how I entrusted Seri to her family, and it allowed Shane to beat her up—-”
Jaak sucked hard at the look of devastation on his brother’s face.
“They nearly crippled her, fucking broke her ribs.” Willem lifted his pain-ravaged gaze to his brother. “Do you think those memories don’t eat at me every night?”
Willem dragged breath into his lungs.
“They do, Jaak. Every damn second. But I can’t – don’t – let it stop me from going to her because she loves me.
And for as long as Serenity wants me to love her, then I will.
I don’t give a damn if people think I’m too old for her or that I don’t deserve her.
It’s only what she wants that matters. So if she loves me, and she wants me to love her, I’m not fucking complaining.
“When I look at you, Jaak – didn’t you ever think that it would be the same for me? That I would think I failed you, too?”
Jaak blanched. Such a thought had never occurred to him because in his eyes – in all his younger siblings’ eyes – Willem had been perfect.
But seeing the bleakness in Willem’s eyes told him he should have.
And he would have, if he hadn’t been so damn blinded by his own weaknesses.
“You were never to blame,” Jaak said fiercely. “You let our father beat you up, for fuck’s sake.”
“But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about you.”
Jaak jerked.
“I keep asking myself if there was something I could have said or done differently, some way I could have helped you to keep you from losing it—-”
“Bullshit,” Jaak snapped.
Willem smiled grimly. “Exactly, Jaak. If you think blaming myself for what happened to you is bullshit, then accept that you blaming yourself for what happened in the past is the same fucking piece of bull.”
Ah.
“If you love her—-”
“And she wants you to love her—-”
“Then, goddammit, Jaak, love her.”