Chapter 5
5
EIGHT MONTHS LATER
June. It’s supposed to be bloody June, the start of summer, warm weather, and light nights – everything I have been waiting so, so patiently for. Instead, it’s been raining nonstop forever (well, at least two weeks), and it’s the really grim kind that soaks through anything it touches, gently carries itself under umbrellas, and makes the world look like it has some kind of dystopian filter on it.
Sometimes I feel like Mother Nature is against me. Whether it’s having a rain cloud follow me around or sending me my period right before I’m supposed to be going out – Mother Nature is not a girl’s girl. Girl code means nothing to her.
I should keep my voice down because I am going out tonight, and she’s already sent the rain. I hate going out in weather like this, but I’m meeting Lou for a drink and a catch-up, so I’ve made an effort. I’ve curled my hair, winged my eyeliner (perfect, for once – exactly as I intended it, and symmetrical, so of course the rain is going to ruin it) and dressed in my best. If I look like a drowned rat when I arrive, then I do, but know that I did my best before I left my house.
We’re meeting at Thin Aire, a swanky rooftop bar in Leeds city centre that we love to visit. You know the type – nondescript, funky ambient music, drinks that cost more than a meal, beautiful people everywhere. It sounds awful, when you put it like that, but when you’re raised on a diet of Sex and the City and glossy magazines, sitting here (whether you can really afford it or not) gassing with your gal pals actually makes you feel like you’ve ‘made it’.
I’m here – albeit with less impressive eyeliner, and hair that I can practically hear frizzing – and I’m excited for my ￡18 drink.
With the exception of the doorway, Thin Aire is made entirely of glass, giving you panoramic views of the city… usually. Not today though, thanks to the rain and the dark, it’s hazy out there, definitely not a day for sitting on the terrace, but it’s lovely and warm inside, with ambient lighting. It’s so romantic – not that I’m here for romance.
I smile and wave as I spot Lou, sitting at one of the tables in a great spot by the window. Oh, she has Ellis with her. I thought it was just going to be the two of us.
Actually, now that I’m getting closer, I can see that there’s another man at the table too. He isn’t anyone I recognise, but he’s definitely with them. I smile widely to try and fight off any looks of confusion or disappointment that it isn’t going to be just me and Lou.
I wonder who he is, this mystery man. He’s tall and broad in a way that is almost intimidating and – look, I love a strong brow – but his thick, close-knit eyebrows make him look permanently angry. He definitely isn’t giving welcoming, friendly vibes right now. Then again, neither am I, probably.
‘Hello,’ I say brightly as I take a seat at the table. ‘Sorry I’m a bit late.’
‘If you haven’t learned by now that the time I give you is always ten minutes before the actual time…’ Lou jokes as she leans over to give me a squeeze.
I look between her and the boys expectantly, hoping she’ll clue me in on what’s going on.
‘Ellis and his friend, Mark, just happened to be coming here on their night out too – I bumped into them downstairs, outside the lift,’ she absolutely lies . ‘So I said why not join us for a drink.’
‘Oh, okay, cool,’ I lie too.
What, so Ellis – her fiancé – and his friend Mark just bumped into her, outside her favourite bar, randomly? I know for a fact that Ellis is more of a pub kind of guy – he hates coming here. Does she really think I’m falling for this? Oh, no, no, no. Lou might be able to read me like a book but I can read her too. Look at her, the look on her face says it all, it’s those hopeful doe eyes that are silently telling me to give Mark a chance. This is a set-up – a stitch-up, even.
I notice Ellis give Mark what I think was supposed to be a subtle prompt with his elbow.
Mark clears his throat.
‘Mark – Mark Best,’ he introduces himself, in a very James Bond sounding way for someone who is not at all James Bond like.
‘Molly,’ I reply. ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘Best by name – best man too,’ Mark informs me.
‘Oh, you’re the best man?’ I reply.
That’s interesting. I would have thought that Rick, the man who I thought was Ellis’s best friend, would have been his best man.
‘Mark is Ellis’s oldest friend, from their school days,’ Lou explains. ‘He lives in Cornwall now.’
‘Devon,’ Mark corrects her – you can hear the offence he’s taken in his voice. Oh, boy. Would I be that bothered if he thought I was from Lancashire instead of Yorkshire? Absolutely not.
‘Sorry, Devon,’ Lou corrects herself. ‘Mark, Molly is my chief bridesmaid.’
‘So, we’re sort of a pair, at the wedding,’ Mark suggests.
Once again – absolutely not.
‘Mark is a plumber,’ Lou informs me. ‘He has his own business.’
‘Impressive,’ I say, trying to sound like I mean it, because it is impressive, I’m just not sure what else to say.
‘Mark, Molly works in recruitment,’ Lou continues, turning to Mark.
‘Hmm,’ Mark says, rubbing his chin.
‘Hmm, what?’ I can’t help but ask – not that I think I’ll like the answer.
‘So your job is to find people real jobs,’ Mark points out. ‘That’s not technically a job in itself, is it?’
My polite smile drops from my face.
‘It is technically a job,’ I inform him. ‘It’s called recruitment, and it’s challenging and rewarding, and I really enjoy it.’
Mark laughs in a way that suggests he thinks I’m taking myself too seriously and it boils my blood.
Part of me thinks that I’m just not giving Mark a chance because I haven’t dated a man since him (I refuse to even think of my ex’s name), and I don’t plan on doing so if I can avoid it. Lou, my dear, dear friend Lou, is trying to prevent me from avoiding it by force. But then again, come on, the man is telling me to my face that he doesn’t think my job is a real job.
‘It’s just funny to me that your career is, well, getting other people a career,’ he persists.
‘Anyway, so,’ Lou interrupts him, leaning forward in her seat, trying to physically put herself in the middle of our conversation before it’s too late. ‘Molly, you went to the cinema last night, right? Mark loves to go to the cinema too.’
‘I do,’ he says, cautiously for some reason.
‘You saw that new Will Ferrell movie, right?’ Lou adds, working overtime to find some common ground between us.
Mark scoffs.
I pull a face and tilt my head curiously.
‘Comedies,’ he says, reading my mind.
‘What’s wrong with comedies?’ I ask.
‘Nothing – if you like to laugh,’ he replies.
Doesn’t that just say it all?
‘Doesn’t everyone like to laugh?’ I say.
I can see the look on Lou’s face, out of the corner of my eye, and it’s one of mild panic, like the situation might be getting away from her.
‘I like to watch something with a bit more substance,’ he informs me. ‘Ellis tells me you’ve been single for ages – you might need to broaden your horizons.’
I look to Ellis.
‘I didn’t say that,’ Ellis insists. ‘I?—’
‘You’re both single,’ Lou points out. ‘And there’s nothing wrong with that.’
‘I’m just saying, she might have more luck if she steps out of her comfort zone,’ Mark says.
‘Me?’ I reply. ‘ I’m fine. I have no trouble dating, thanks.’
‘So, you date around?’ he says, and there’s that tone again.
‘I didn’t say that,’ I clap back.
‘It’s cool, I respect that different people have different ideas of what is preferable,’ he replies.
Just not when it comes to movies, I guess.
‘Sometimes, it doesn’t have to be a big deal, if two people don’t get on, but they have needs, they just want someone to keep them warm at night, or at a wedding…’ he continues and, wow.
‘Lou, I’m just nipping to the loos, do you want to come?’ I ask her, because not only do I need to stop having this conversation, but I need to start having one with her, like: what the hell were you thinking?
‘Yeah, okay, I could do with going too,’ she replies.
‘I’ll never understand that about women,’ Mark says as we make a move.
I imagine there is a lot he will never understand about women. The man actually has negative game.
Lou hooks her arm with mine as we head for the toilets.
‘He’s nice, isn’t he?’ she says optimistically.
I snort with laughter.
‘Lou, what are you doing to me?’ I cackle. ‘That guy? Really?’
She sighs heavily.
‘Ellis told me he was great – he’s his oldest friend,’ she insists.
‘That’s why Ellis hasn’t realised what a tool he is as an adult,’ I reply. ‘Oh my God, who doesn’t like to laugh? And what was all that about – was he suggesting some kind of friends with benefits arrangement?’
‘Yeah, that was, well, ew…’ Her voice trails off. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s fine,’ I reply, holding her arm a little tighter to reassure her. ‘But you know that I’m not ready to date anyone, right? Even if he had been a dream date instead of a nightmare, I wouldn’t have been interested.’
‘It’s been eight months, Mol,’ she reminds me – as if I need reminding. ‘You can’t let that clown Dean stop you from living your life.’
I sigh.
‘Listen, I know that you mean well, and I know that I shouldn’t let Dean ruin all men for me. I’m just not ready right now,’ I tell her. ‘But I will be, and when I am you will be the third, if not second, person to know.’
‘Okay, okay, I am reading you loud and clear but, well, if you let it go on another eight months, let’s say we’ll have this conversation again?’ she suggests.
I laugh.
‘Okay, sure,’ I reply. ‘As far as terms and conditions go, I only have one. Can we go somewhere else?’
‘I’ll do you one better,’ she replies. ‘You go join the boys, I’ll go grab us some drinks, and you tell Ellis I asked if he’ll give me a hand, what I’ll actually do is suggest he and Mark go elsewhere. At least that way it won’t be awkward.’
‘Perfect,’ I reply. ‘Thanks for trying though – I’m not sure if I’ve said that already. I love that you never give up on me.’
‘Hey, even if you’ve given up on yourself, I will never give up on you because you’re amazing, the best friend a girl could have, and you can do much, much better than Mark. In fact, I’d be surprised if Ellis still thinks he’s best man material after this.’
‘I mean, don’t go changing your wedding plans, just because I think the best man is a bit of a knobhead.’
‘Anyone at that table would have thought the same,’ she says. ‘So go, put the plan in motion, and then we’ll have a good night, just the two of us.’
I smile. Now there’s an idea of hers I can get behind.
The boys look deep in conversation when I arrive back, just in time for me to catch the tail end of Mark ranting.
‘…you never said she was so boring though. I suppose so many girls are, so I wasn’t expecting miracles, but I at least thought her dry spell might make her a bit more up for it. Tonight, at the wedding even, but nope, she’s not even up for that.’
I should walk away and pretend I didn’t hear that – no, I should say something, because how dare he talk about me like that?
What I actually do is stand there with my jaw dropped. Ellis notices me first, then Mark, whose smile quickly fades when he realises I heard what he just said.
He’s going, I know that, so let’s just make that happen. I don’t want an apology (although what are the chances I would even get one?) and I don’t think there is anything I can say to him that will change him.
‘What did I miss?’ I ask, sitting down with a smile.
Neither of them says a word. They both look embarrassed – Mark because he got caught, Ellis because he brought him here. Ellis is a good guy, there’s no way he would’ve brought Mark here if he knew this was going to be his attitude. Mark might live in Cornwall, or Devon, but the two of them seem worlds apart.
‘Ellis, Lou says can you help her with the drinks,’ I say.
‘Erm, yes,’ he replies.
You can tell he’s thinking twice about leaving the two of us here alone. It turns out he has nothing to worry about because once he’s gone, Mark and I just sit in silence. It’s an awkward silence, for him at least, but I’m just glad I’ll soon see the back of him.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason I don’t want to date. The world is full of Marks and Deans and I’m just not interested. I’m not saying I want to stay single forever, of course I’m not, but while eight months might seem like ages to Lou, to me it’s felt like no time at all. I still find his things in my house – just random things he won’t be missing – and I still have tickets for a gig we were going to go to together. It’s impossible to feel that closure when the door still feels like it’s open, just a little, but I’m getting there. I thought Dean and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together, whether we were married or not, so now, I don’t know, I need to figure out what’s next, but what I do know is that the last thing I want is a man.
And definitely not one like Mark Best, the worst man.