Chapter 40
40
Shiiiit, I can’t believe I’m doing this.
I’m here, at the entrance to the resort, just trying to take it all in. This place is fancy, and huge – it’s like Disneyland for brides. Suddenly I’m not at all surprised that Lou wants to get married here, this place isn’t just her, it’s everyone. Even my imagination is starting to run away with me, and I’ve never been the kind of girl to fantasise about her wedding.
Of course, my imagination and my bank balance do not play nice together, so I should nip any thoughts of tying the knot here in the bud, asap. I don’t even have a partner, so I’m way, way ahead of myself.
It’s virtually impossible not to be impressed by this place, even if I am a woman on a mission. It’s just so picture-perfect, like something out of a bridal magazine, and of course the sun is shining brightly in the cloudless sky, ricocheting off all of the shiny surfaces below. I hope tomorrow is this beautiful for Lou – I’m sure it will be.
Hot pink flowers lead the way along the pathway, their petals fluttering in the faint breeze that takes the edge off the heat. Here the air feels just right, warming and cooling at the same time, and I know it isn’t true but I can’t help but wonder if that’s something that is included in the price.
If I weren’t so preoccupied, and if I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up, I might stop to admire the scenery a little longer, but I need to speak now, or forever hold my peace – that’s what they say, right?
I’m walking with purpose, like I know what I’m doing and where I’m going, when in reality I only really know vaguely where I’m headed because Lou has taken me on so many virtual tours of the place, and shown me so many photos, that I feel this odd sense of déjà vu as I walk around. And as for what I’m doing, well, I’m sort of winging it, making it up as I go along, hoping the right words will come to me at the right time.
I’m not usually one for confrontation – even if the only thing I’m confronting is my feelings – and I’ve never been brave enough to make the first move. Okay, granted this isn’t the first-first move, but it’s the first one that feels like a big deal. I’m terrified and excited and yep, going to throw up, definitely going to throw up if I don’t get this over with soon.
I need to tell him how I feel. He needs to know. I need to know if he feels the same way and, if he doesn’t, well, at least I tried. But I can’t carry it around with me forever, that I didn’t try, so I’m here. I’m trying.
I turn a corner and briefly stop in my tracks when I spot a row of French doors up ahead that is definitely the ceremony room that Lou showed me. Obviously I knew that I was heading here but, shit, I’m actually here now.
I pause outside the doors for a sec, smoothing down the dress that I threw on so quickly with trembling hands. I can’t second-guess whether or not it was the right dress now, it’s not like I can do anything about it, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t give it a second or two of thought.
I gulp down nothing but air and push the door open, slinking inside, just in case the ceremony has already started.
The light is so soft here, filtered through sheer curtains that dance in the breeze – again, I wonder if you can pay extra for them to make the sun do this, because it’s just too perfect.
It’s every bit as beautiful as Lou described – even better in real life, perhaps.
I spot Harry and Nolan, standing through a doorway, in some kind of waiting room. Relief floods through me. The ceremony must not have happened yet, so maybe I can talk to Travis first, get this over with, done and dusted without having to sit through a wedding ceremony, photos, maybe even a dinner before we get a moment alone – and that’s if he doesn’t just tell me to leave.
‘Is the groom ready?’ a man in a neat navy-blue suit asks Nolan. He’s holding an iPad, so I’m guessing he’s some sort of wedding coordinator.
‘Yeah, just some last-minute nerves,’ Harry replies, not that Nolan looks all that worried. ‘But he told us he’s on his way.’
Wait, what? My chest tightens, my breath catching in my throat. I must have heard wrong. I have to have heard wrong.
‘Honestly, what is Travis playing at?’ Nolan says to Harry, now that they think it’s just the two of them again.
Harry laughs.
‘Don’t worry, Owen’s talking him back into it. He’ll be fine,’ Harry replies.
Those lying bastards. They’ve spent all week telling us all that it was Nolan who is getting married, but he isn’t, and who is? Travis. Fucking Travis.
The realisation hits me like a punch to the gut, and suddenly I can’t breathe at all. I need to get outside, to get some air. I need to get out of here.
Suddenly so much makes sense in a way that pisses me off so much. He’s the one getting married. That’s why he cares so much about the wedding. Why he was so worried when he thought he’d lost the rings – they’re his bloody rings. This is his goddamn wedding.
Oh my God! It’s hard to say which feeling is the strongest: sick, cold, totally fucking stupid. I think that last one might be winning right now.
I head out of the door as quickly as my legs will carry me, but I’m only out of the door for a step or two when I collide with something – technically someone.
‘Oi, watch it,’ a sharp voice snaps.
Oh, and just when you think things can’t get any more awkward I – quite literally, I might add – bump into the bride.
She’s perfect, everything you’d expect a bride to be – everything I’m not, if we’re being honest. Her dress clings in all the right places, and all the places seem pretty perfect anyway, so that will help. She’s model slim, with curves in exactly the right spots. Her glossy brown hair shines like glass in the sunlight, cascading down her back in immaculate waves. Even her annoyed expression just makes her look like a supermodel, on a catwalk, giving attitude.
‘I am so sorry,’ I tell her, my voice all squeaky and barely audible. ‘I was just… I didn’t mean… I’m sorry.’
Her frown softens slightly, like she thinks there might be something wrong with me, but she doesn’t say anything. She just stares at me until I take the initiative to piss off out of her way.
I’m such an idiot. How could I have been so blind? So stupid? All week, everyone’s been talking about the groom, and I’m not going mad, they said it was Nolan. And I, what, just believed them? Have I learned nothing about men during my time on this earth? Clearly not.
Travis could have told me. If not at the start then at the end. Bloody hell, telling me while he was inside me would have been better than finding out like this. Not much, but a bit.
I can feel the tears creeping up on me, my vision is getting kind of blurry, and I’m feeling a bit dizzy.
I should hate him. I want to hate him. He let me believe there was something between us, and maybe there was, but it was never going to work out, was it? He was taken from the day we met – which was only a week ago, so why does it hurt so much?
I really can’t face telling the girls yet. I’ll just say that I changed my mind, or that I chickened out. I’ll let them make fun of me for being a big baby, because that sounds much easier to take than the pitying looks and the angry man-hating, wine-drinking pity party that we had after Dean broke my heart.
Yep, anything is better than the truth, because the truth is that I fell for someone else who was never going to be mine.
God, I’ve been such a fool. Again. Is it always going to end this way?