Chapter 8 – Cove
Chapter Eight
Cove
Fighting with Ravvi always leaves me an emotional mess. I’ve never seen him so bitter, but I don’t have the first clue how to go about fixing things between us.
He made it clear what he thinks of me. He honestly believes I’m using him and Damian for their connections to the label.
I’m sure a lot of people believe that.
In reality, I told them that I was going to make a go of being a musician one way or another. They were the ones who suggested how much of a powerhouse the five of us could be.
Riot and Creed have always had aspirations of their own. They wanted to make it in the industry, no matter what. But I can’t lie and say I didn’t know Ravvi and Damian only came along for the ride because they didn’t want me surrounded by strangers.
Is that really my fault, though?
I know what I want out of life.
They made their own choices.
I didn’t force them to sign the contract.
I hate this.
I don’t know anything anymore.
By the time the bus starts moving, I’ve spent the last hour talking on the phone with my mom and sisters. I don’t say a word about the tension with Ravvi or that I can tell how miserable Damian is.
I keep it nice and simple by focusing on how homesick I am and how much I miss them.
Normally I try to keep things cheerful, but I don’t have it in me tonight. I know they worry about me, and that makes me feel even guiltier.
I’m lucky to have a family that I’ll always be able to count on, and I don’t want them constantly wondering if I’m okay.
I am.
Touring is just a lot lonelier than I expected it would be.
After changing into my pajamas, I head out into the hallway. My bladder is uncomfortably full, and the running water from the shower doesn’t help.
The downside of sharing a bathroom with three guys is that they rarely think to give me a courtesy heads-up before jumping in the shower.
Is that a feminine urge?
I don’t know.
I have two sisters and two brothers.
My sisters and I always gave each other a warning if we were jumping in the shower.
My little brothers rarely did, but they also took five-minute showers… At least, until they hit puberty.
Ugh.
Men.
The only positive to being surrounded by guys is that they don’t leave hair stuck to the shower walls like my sisters.
It was crazy when Riot and Creed were on the same bus as us. It’s a little better now, but I seriously have to pee. They have no shame, coming in while I’m in the shower.
Glancing around at the bunks, I notice Damian’s and Declan’s curtains are closed, while Ravvi’s is open. That must mean he’s the one in the shower.
I’m not sure I’m ready to face him, but I should apologize and try to make peace. I think he just wanted to check on me, but I got defensive, then it spiraled into something ugly.
That happens a lot with us lately.
I knock and wait, bouncing on my toes.
There’s no response, and my bladder is becoming an emergency. Ripping open the door, I slide inside and freeze dead in my tracks.
Declan reaches out of the open shower door to grab his towel. Since the hook is on the back of the door, he’s stretched over my head. He snags the towel while I’m frozen in place, and water drips from his outstretched arm onto my cheek.
I squeak. “That was bad timing. I thought I could pee and be out before you were finished.”
I swallow thickly, trying to force my eyes away from his strong chest. It really doesn’t help, considering his abs lead down to his slender hips and…
Oh my god, woman.
Get yourself together.
Declan is way too old for me, but damn, he’s sexy. All those years he spent in the military show in his physique.
“You plan to keep gawking?” he asks, pulling the towel to block his chest.
“You were supposed to be Ravvi,” I say, even though I have no idea why.
He scoffs, finally standing upright instead of leaning over me. “Go on, then, use the toilet. I’m about to cut off the water, but I’ll dry off in here.”
My nose wrinkles. “You’ll be able to hear me pee.”
“You saw my dick.” He laughs. “Seriously, princess. I don’t know what you want from me. Either use the toilet or get out.”
My eyes narrow.
He’s such an asshole, but I really do need to use the bathroom… After that, I’ll escape back into my room and not come back out until tomorrow.
The next morning, it becomes clear that Ravvi was never actually on our bus last night, and the thought makes my stomach wobble.
“I mean, did you even want him to come back?” Damian asks, sitting across from me in the living room area on the bus.
He’s busy rolling a blunt. Declan doesn’t smoke either, so I can’t help but wonder if he plans to smoke that thing on his own.
“Because just from your energy, it seemed like you didn’t. ”
“We got into a fight,” I admit, grimacing as I pick at my cuticle a little too deeply. It starts to bleed, and I bring my finger to my lips.
“Stop that,” Declan grumbles, stretching over to grab my hand. “You’re making yourself bleed.”
I roll my eyes.
That’s the point of shoving it into my mouth—it stops the bleeding.
Declan reaches over, grabbing a paper towel from the messy coffee table. He snatches my hand and wraps the makeshift bandage around it. “Leave your other fingers alone.”
“You and Ravvi fighting. What’s new?” Damian laughs. “It’s like, the more he tries to make amends, the angrier you get.”
“I don’t.”
That’s not exactly fair.
As long as he’s not spewing crap about how we’re meant to be together, I’m happy to be around him. I miss the friendship we used to have back when there wasn’t so much pressure.
It’s hard.
He’s always been so confident.
It almost won me over.
I never told him about my feelings, but that was in part because I didn’t want to disappoint him. He gets so excited about everything, and I felt like if I told him that I wanted to date… He would’ve acted like it was the equivalent of asking him to marry me.
It was a lot of pressure at eighteen years old.
I’m still not sure if I put that on myself or what, but he proved that he couldn’t be counted on when I really needed him.
“Okay.” Damian shrugs, bringing the cigar to his mouth as he rolls it between his fingers and licks the seam.
“If you want the opinion of someone on the outside looking in, then I can tell you…” His blue eyes cut to mine.
“You kinda do. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my brother.
Anyone else could do or say the same thing, and you’d be fine, but if Ravvi does or says something, you freak out. ”
I squint as I study his face.
I don’t think I can deny that. At least, not without being a hypocrite.
“I was going to apologize,” I say, and it sounds weak, even to my own ears.
Damian stretches over, grabbing a lighter with his tattooed fingers. He pops the blunt between his lips and lights it. “You can apologize, but it doesn’t mean much if you keep torturing him. He can’t change the past.”
My stomach tightens.
I don’t think he’s wrong. I have been downright hateful to Ravvi at times. Even when he’s tried to check in on me, I’ve treated it like an attack rather than a friend being concerned about another friend’s well-being.
If one of them was losing hair, vomiting three to four times a week, and having migraines every day…
I’d be worried too.
I don’t like how moody I’ve become since this tour started.
The longer I take suppressants, the more I become someone I don’t recognize.
Is being hateful a side effect?
It’s not one of the symptoms listed on the packaging, but I’m not going to pretend like I haven’t been awful to everyone.
Ravvi probably has taken the brunt of it, and that’s not okay. I need to figure out how to fix it…
For real this time.