5. Ghost Busted
Ghost Busted
I didn’t have a proton pack with a neutrona wand like the Ghostbusters had in the movie franchise, so I’d have to improvise if I was going to catch the thieving specter who’d stolen my cash stash. But what could I do?
Fortunately, the spiked cider had lubricated my mind, and an idea flowed into it.
I dashed to the garage, grabbed the long-handled pruners, and carried them back through the house and out the front door.
Kids in costumes appeared confused as I rushed past them and through the yard to the spider web.
I raised the pruners and cut through the ropes just before the knots, freeing the web from the tree.
After stashing the pruners safely behind the rosebushes, I grabbed the ropes and took off in search of the ghost. I might not be a spider, but I could use the web like one and catch that darn ghost in it.
As angry as I felt, I’d be tempted to eat my prey like a spider, too.
I ran to the end of the driveway and looked up and down the street.
There was no ghost in sight. I wasn’t sure whether to turn left or right.
I had a fifty-fifty chance of choosing wrong.
But that also meant I had a fifty-fifty chance of choosing right.
There was no time for eenie, meenie, meinie, mo, so I decided to go left.
There were more people in that direction.
I figured the ghost would have gone that way to try to blend in.
I sprinted down the street, ropes in hand.
My gaze darted side to side as I kept my eyes peeled for someone in a sheet.
A-ha! I spotted a person dressed head to toe in white, and aimed for them, running as fast as I could.
I caught up as they turned toward a house, and raised the net to toss it over them.
It was only at the last second that I realized the vision in white was not a ghost but an angel, one with blond curls and wings and a glittery halo, not to mention eyes wide in surprise when she saw a woman dressed in leaves about to throw a net over her.
“Sorry!” I cried. “I thought you were someone else.”
I continued on, looking down the side streets as I made my way.
I came upon a teen girl wearing a silvery wig, white face paint, and a white cape.
Not the ghost I’m looking for. I came upon another wearing a black hooded garment and a distorted ghost face mask from the movie “Scream.” Not my ghost, either.
A trio of girls were all dressed in dingy, plain white nightgowns, trick-or-treating as the dancing ghost girl from the series “Pretty Little Liars.” Not the right ghost, either.
Finally, I spied a child of about seven dressed in a retro Casper the Friendly Ghost costume that had probably been worn by his grandfather back in the day. Cute, but nope.
I was five blocks from home and about to give up when a white apparition passed under a streetlight ahead.
It’s him! The ghost was much taller now than he’d been when crouching down on my stoop.
Energized by rage and made fearless by rum, I issued a war cry and took off after the ghost at full speed.
He turned back as I gained on him. He must have heard my feet stomping on the sidewalk behind him. His brown, amber-flecked eyes bugged out and his mouth formed the words, “Oh sh—!” But that’s as far as he got before I tossed the ropes up in the air. The web came down over him like a net.
I grabbed the edges to hold the web together. “Gotcha, thief!”
He turned to run but I held on tight, pulling back and doing my best to slow his escape without losing my footing.
It wasn’t easy. He dragged me along with him for half a block, fighting the net as best he could, before he stumbled and fell to his knees, cursing as his kneecaps impacted the unforgiving concrete.
Momentum carried me forward and I landed on his shoulders, knocking him facedown.
Once again, he dropped his plastic pumpkin, littering the sidewalk and grass with hard cinnamon and butterscotch candies he’d probably bought himself at the dollar store to make it appear as if he’d stopped at other houses before coming to mine.
The envelope of cash slid out of his pumpkin and across the pavement.
Several times he reached for the envelope, but each time I kicked his hand away. I’d worked hard for those tips. No way would he be getting away with them.
Shouting obscenities, he tried to buck me off and rise, but I kept him from escaping by hanging onto the ropes, wrapping my legs around his torso, and riding him like a barrel racer in some sort of warped rodeo.
Those ten extra pounds I’d gained from eating my feelings after Dakota and I split were helping me out now.
My phone was in the back pocket of my jeans, but I didn’t dare let go of the ropes to try to use it. Instead, I looked around and shouted, “Someone call the cops! This guy just robbed me!”
A trio of adolescent boys dressed as Mario, Luigi, and Donkey Kong from the Super Mario Brothers world stopped walking and stared, their mouths gaping. One said, “What did he do? Take your candy?”
“No!” I hollered. “He stole my money!”
Rather than take helpful action, the boys simply continued to gape as I hung on for dear life, trying to prevent Joey’s escape.
Fortunately for me, a police cruiser rolled slowly up the block.
When the officer at the wheel saw me fighting to keep the ghost contained, he turned on his flashing lights, pulled over to the curb, and leapt from his vehicle.
It was Officer Steele. His eyes widened in surprise when he stepped up.
“This is a coincidence.” He ran his gaze over my leafy sweatshirt and beanie. “Cute costume.”
“Thanks.”
He looked from me to the squirming ghost under me. “You tackle this ghost all by yourself?”
“Sure did.” I beamed with pride … and inebriation.
“Why?”
“He stole my tips.” I pointed to the envelope lying on the street nearby. “He came to my house pretending to be a trick-or-treater, and he took that envelope from a drawer in my foyer.”
Joey bucked once more. “She’s lying!”
I was tempted to grab his hair and slam his face into the asphalt, but I didn’t want to get arrested for assault.
Officer Steele knelt down and ordered the ghost to stop struggling. “Be still, ghost! No funny business.” Returning his attention to me, he said, “Taking this guy down was either very brave of you or very stupid.”
I let go of the ropes to raise my palms. “Can’t it be both?”
I climbed off Joey’s back. No sooner was I off than he popped up like a prairie dog and took off running through a yard, the ropes still over him, the sheet dragging behind him like the train of a bridal gown.
He threw the sheet off, but made it only a dozen feet before Steele caught up and took him down to the grass.
The two rolled around like fighting tomcats for a few seconds, and a crowd gathered to watch.
The battle ended when Steele wrangled Joey into a prone position and put a knee in the small of his back.
He yanked Joey’s hands up behind him and cuffed them, then gave him a quick frisk. Fortunately, Joey had no weapons.
Now that Joey was under control, Steel turned him over. He took one look at the young man’s face and frowned. “You again?”
The young man turned away, but not before casting me a glare as hot as the toddies I’d enjoyed earlier.
“You know Joey?” I asked Steele.
“Yeah. His real name’s not Joey, though.
It’s Bodie Crane. He’s a baby-faced grifter.
He pretends to be a penniless college kid to gain people’s trust so they’ll hire him for odd jobs that give him access to their homes.
I arrested him six months back after he burglarized a home where he’d previously been hired to pet sit.
He’s out on bail awaiting trial. He’s got priors for burglarizing two other homes where he was paid to wash windows.
He left a window unlocked at each house so he could access them later.
Stole thousands in jewelry and silver.” He turned to Bodie.
“No doubt the judge will revoke your bail. I hope you weren’t expecting a visit from Santa this year.
You’ll be spending the upcoming holiday season behind bars. ”
The booze gave me the confidence to break out in a celebratory song. “Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-lawbreaker!” Lest I risk arrest for public intoxication, I didn’t attempt a second verse.
Steele escorted Bodie to his cruiser, where he wrangled him into the backseat.
Once his suspect was secured, he stepped over to take my witness statement and contact information.
He took Bodie’s sheet, my rope web, and the cash envelope into evidence, but merely counted the cash before returning the money to me.
“Thanks,” I said. “I really need these funds. I’m in the middle of a divorce. Turns out it’s not cheap to get rid of a cheat.”
“I’m divorced, too,” Steele said. “Married too young. Got a couple of great kids out of the deal, though.”
“Same here. I wouldn’t change the past for anything, but I’m looking forward to what the future might bring.”
The soft smile he offered in response said he might be looking forward to the future, too. “Can I give you a ride home?”
“I’d appreciate that. Thanks.”
Bodie Crane shot daggers at me with his eyes as I climbed into the front seat of the cruiser, but he had no one to blame but himself for his current predicament.
Officer Steele drove slowly down the street, keeping a close eye on the costumed crowd, and waving back to parents and kids who raised their hands in greeting.
When we reached my house, he turned into my driveway, cut the engine, and climbed out to walk me to my door.
“The prosecutor will want to talk to you, so expect a call from the district attorney’s office. ”
“I’ll be sure to keep my ringer turned on.”
He cocked his head. “Would you mind if I stopped by the bar and grill again when I’m off duty?”
“Not at all. If you come at nine this Saturday, we can get drinks in the bar after the dinner rush ends.” Cops didn’t get paid nearly enough for everything they had to put up with.
The least I could do to thank him for his help tonight was treat him to a beer or cocktail.
With any luck, the drinks might lead to a date.
He smiled. “I’ll be there.”
Two kids in costume eased around us to knock on the door.
Francie opened the door, surprise flashing in her eyes when she saw me standing on the porch with the handsome officer.
The children called out “trick or treat,” and she gave them each some candy.
She handed another packet to Officer Steele.
“Great cop costume. You’re really pulling it off. ”
The three of us shared a laugh, then Francie and I went inside, closing the door behind us.
“Tell me everything that happened,” she said.
“I will,” I said with a grin. “Over another hot toddy.”