Chapter 17
Ian looked at Sam in his living room and thought about what he needed to say, now that they’d made it this far.
Yes, he wanted to see Sam. But he had some rules .
. . maybe he should call them guidelines.
He had some guidelines he needed to put into place before anything else happened, especially after that kiss.
He didn’t really want to do this now, but they needed to have the conversation he’d been avoiding since the first time they hooked up.
He also needed to make sure Sam understood that this might not lead to anything. Thinking you maybe might kinda want more than sex wasn’t good enough. What if it turned out he didn’t? He couldn’t mislead Sam. Jurgen would never forgive him.
Ian took a breath. “So, if we’re going to start—” he cleared his throat “—seeing each other regularly, maybe we need a few, um, parameters.” Parameters—that was the perfect word.
Sam stopped looking around and turned to Ian, silent for a long second. “Parameters?” he asked.
“Yeah, so there are no misunderstandings about how serious this is going to get.”
Sam fiddled with the strap of the pack hanging in his hand, frowning. “You’re going to put a limit on how serious this will be? What’s this, exactly?”
Okay, yeah, excellent place to start. “This is you and me, hooking up a few times a week because we have hot sex. And I like you, you know, platonically.”
This time there were many, many seconds of silence while Sam studied him with slightly narrowed eyes.
“Sooo . . . by ‘seeing’ me, you meant you’ll see me naked in bed a couple times a week, but you won’t be seen with me.
In public. Were you going to get me a Batphone or something, so you can call me up and tell me when to meet you in the Batcave?
What about Batgirl, is she invited? Because I don’t really want to perform for her or, you know, involve her. ”
Ian laughed, but it fell flat on the floor. He choked it off. “Well, yeah, it’s about sex—”
Sam pointed a finger at him. “I’m not going to be someone’s secret gay hookup.” He pulled his hand back and slapped himself in the forehead. “I should have known when I found out you were passing as straight to just stay the hell—”
“I’m not passing as straight.” He was so surprised he took a step toward Sam. “I used to when I worked for the fire department, but I’m not denying I’m gay anymore. Is that what Jurgen told you?” Dammit, Jurgen would do anything to fuck this up for him, wouldn’t he? Asshole.
Sam looked at him from under his hand. “Nik told me,” he mumbled.
Ian clenched his teeth and counted to ten in his head. Fine. He’d never told Nik and Jurgen otherwise. Not to mention getting mad at Nik wouldn’t get him what he wanted. “I’m not going to hide you away,” he said evenly.
“Okay,” Sam said. He didn’t sound convinced. He gripped his too-long hair, pulling on it.
Dammit. Ian took another step forward. “I’m honest about it with people if they ask. I’m not sending announcements out, but I’m not lying anymore.” One of his hands wanted to reach for the kid, but he didn’t let it.
“’Kay,” Sam said, nodding slightly. “So . . . did anyone ask you after that night at Fatty’s?” He lowered his hand to his side, looking up at Ian from under his brows.
Hell. “Yeah. Two people.”
“And you told them?”
Ian took an unobtrusive deep breath. “I told one, but the other guy . . . he wasn’t really asking.
The guy who made that remark about you, Tierney—he was just trying to give me shit.
I’ll tell him eventually.” Ian had the sense he was losing Sam, here.
“I told my assistant Andrea when she asked, though.”
Sam chewed on his lip. “So . . . Andrea works with you, and so does Tierney?”
“Sort of. He’s the government affairs officer of the local ambulance company, and the liaison to my department from the State Ambulance Association. I went to college with him, and he helped me get this job.”
Sam ran a hand through his shaggy hair. “And you didn’t want to fuck that up?”
“He’s a ’phobe, but me telling him isn’t going to change our working relationship. I mean, I’ll have to deal with him no matter what. I’m going to say something to him, but I’ve known the guy fifteen years without outing myself. Doing it now will be . . . difficult.”
Sam sighed. “Maybe you should tell me about your ‘parameters.’”
Another step forward, trying not to spook Sam, but getting close enough to make his physical presence felt.
“I’m doing this for you, setting parameters.
You don’t want to get into this not knowing where you stand, or thinking it could be more serious than it is.
I’m a casual guy.” A casual, emotionally connected guy.
Sam blew out a breath and dropped Ian’s gaze. “I sort of knew that already.” He added something too low for Ian to catch. This wasn’t looking good. He needed to get Sam to focus on the benefits of being with him.
“Look at me,” Ian barked. Sam did immediately. “See?” he continued in a softer voice. “You respond to being told what to do, don’t you? You like it, even.”
Sam swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down his throat. “Sometimes.”
“With me.”
Sam nodded jerkily.
“You ever have sex like you do with me, Sam? That good?”
Sam’s nostrils flared. “No.”
“It’s fucking hot for me too. You know I have a hell of a lot more experience than you.” Ian had to tread carefully—more carefully—here. “It could be even better. Maybe the best sex I’ve ever had.”
Hell. So much for treading carefully. But Sam didn’t look mad or upset, and for whatever reason that irked Ian. Sam should be pissed it wasn’t the best sex Ian had ever had, shouldn’t he? Instead, Sam cocked his head curiously and asked, “How?”
Ian shook off his annoyance. He had Sam just where he wanted him, right?
Right. He took a step closer, within intimate touching distance.
He meant to grip the back of Sam’s neck, but instead he tucked a chunk of sort-of-too-long sandy hair behind Sam’s ear, then rested his hand on the back of Sam’s neck. “I want you to trust me.”
Sam sucked in a quick breath. “Why?”
“You have fantasies. You need to trust someone before you can get into them, right?” Sam nodded hesitantly after a moment.
“Maybe you want someone else to take away your choices. Just during sex,” Ian added quickly when Sam opened his mouth.
“Tie you up.” Tension invaded Sam’s neck under his palm.
Ian leaned forward, speaking into Sam’s ear.
“Tell you when you can come. Feed you his nuts until you choke on them.” Sam gasped, and Ian watched his cheeks flush.
“If you trust me, I can make those fantasies real.”
Sam wouldn’t quite look at him. “You can’t tie me up until I’m ready,” he said quickly.
Ian’s surprise and curiosity flared up, but he only squeezed Sam’s nape gently. “Of course not.” They sure the hell were going to be talking about that later.
Sam slowly raised his eyes to Ian’s, parting his lips to lick them. “Maybe,” he whispered. Ian smiled at him, circling Sam’s wrist with his free hand and pulling him forward. Before he could press his mouth against Sam’s and slide his tongue into it, Sam asked, “But what about your parameters?”
Parameters? Oh, those. “How about just that one, for now.”
“What one?” Damn he was stubborn.
“About this being just sex.” Ian didn’t give Sam a chance to answer; he pulled him forward with the hand on the back of his neck and kissed him.