Chapter 30 #2
“Close to ten.” I had fallen asleep during the hockey game, so that was at least four hours ago. “I got in about an hour ago. You didn’t reset the alarm.”
“I hadn’t intended to stay. You should have woken me up.”
“You looked so peaceful and like you needed the rest. So, do you usually break into random houses and watch hockey?”
I smiled into the decorative sofa cushion. I still hadn’t turned around. “Not a break-in, but guilty as charged to watching hockey. You played well.”
“So you saw the game? Or did I send you to sleep?”
“I was awake for most of it.”
“I liked seeing you here on my sofa.”
Don’t get used to this. I turned in his arms, the comfort of it overwhelming. “I borrowed a key from Lauren. I wanted to give you some Thanksgiving leftovers, but then I found you were well stocked up.”
“I am. But I’ll never say no to more.” He rubbed a hand soothingly over my stomach. “Does your body feel different?”
“Not really. I’ve been getting sick in the morning, but I take ginger and feel better. And my clothes still fit.”
“How was the holiday with your family?”
“Nice. Rosie and her dads were there, too. We usually share the holiday with them, which I’ve always loved.” Though this time, I felt a little off about it. Seeing everyone so loved up made me feel the lack of a partner for the first time.
So foolish. Here I was growing a child without having to go through the steps of settling down with a man, and I was feeling left out? Perhaps that’s why I was here, looking for comfort in all the wrong places.
“It’s pretty cool to have all that support.”
“It is. I’m very lucky.” I needed to appreciate it more instead of wanting things I couldn’t have.
He stood from the sofa and winced.
“What’s going on? Are you hurt?”
“Just a little sore after the game. I’m going to enjoy the next couple of days off.”
I was abruptly aware of what I’d done. Crashed this man’s life when all he wanted was some peace and quiet.
“I should leave you to rest.”
“I napped on the plane and now I’m hungry. Let’s break bread together, Francesca.”
I couldn’t say no to that.
There was no missing the extra care he took to walk toward the kitchen, and this place was big, so it took a while. I followed, taking note of his gait. He was hurting.
“How about you sit, and I’ll heat up some food?”
“You’re a guest,” he said.
“I’m an intruder. Let the woman feed the victorious warrior, home from battle.”
“I know you’re being sarcastic, but I kind of like the fantasy that presents, so carry on.” He took a seat at the kitchen island.
I removed a few containers, but before I went about reheating anything, I put together an ice pack inside a Ziplock and a Rebels dishtowel (the team had cornered the merch market on everything). Wordlessly, I passed it over and he took it equally silently, save for a grateful nod.
“So, what’ll it be?”
“Uh, everything?”
I grinned. “Going whole hog Henry the VIII, huh?”
“The fat king with the zillion wives? Never understood the appeal.”
“Women are drawn to guys with power and riches.” I started dividing the leftovers onto plates according to required cooking times. “Looks don’t always factor into it.”
“Might have had something to do with the fact he could execute you and your family if you didn’t return his interest.”
“Or the fact that every woman thinks she can change a man, even a murdering psychopath.”
He gave me a look.
“I don’t mean you.”
“I’m a lot of things, but murdering psychopath isn’t one of them.” He paused a moment. “I’ve changed my opinion of you.”
“Well, that’s hardly surprising. Your opinion of me was wrong to start with.
What I mean is a guy’s fundamental nature.
If he doesn’t want to settle down or stay faithful or change his bottom-line understanding of how relationships work, then no woman is going to be able to overcome that.
It would require … therapy. And the percentage of guys who are willing to do that kind of work is minuscule. ”
“So what’s my fundamental nature?”
I was speaking in general terms. I hadn’t expected him to call me out.
“You’ve already told me that you don’t want a long-term relationship or marriage but that you do want a child. On the surface, those wants appear to be antithetical to each other. Most men who want children also want the security of a wife or partner to go with that.”
“But I don’t.”
“But maybe you did at one time? Want a wife?”
He thought on that for a moment, a strategy he used when he needed to reframe his thinking—or hide something. “A little woman back on the homestead, cooking up homemade meals, and keeping the house nice?”
“Deflection. The tool of the scared.”
“Not deflecting and certainly not scared. I like leaving my options open when it comes to women but choosing the woman who will be the mother of my kid is a different prospect. She needs to be a certain type—mature, responsible, ready for motherhood.”
“Ah. Which is generally not the personality type of the women you like to date. So you had a dilemma—”
“And you presented me with the perfect solution. A woman that will make a rockin’ mom and who I trust as a co-parent.”
But not the kind of woman he wanted to keep the home fires burning.
“And you don’t see yourself with a wife?” Apparently, I really wanted to know.
“I’m pretty happy with my life now. The kid will change that because my kids will always come first, but I won’t have to spread my bandwidth over multiple competing interests.”
He had a lot of people in his life: three families across multiple generations and now a child on the way.
Of course he wouldn’t have time for anyone else—now.
I hadn’t missed how he pluralized “kid,” either.
Ours wouldn’t be his last. He might think he had no time for relationships, but he would eventually fall. Men like him always did.
I shifted my attention to the artwork on the fridge. “Tilly did a great job of these shell whorls.”
“She’s a smart kid. But our kid will be smarter.”
I had wondered if her intellect might be “normalized” by the gene pool at my disposal, but I was starting to realize that Jason Isner was one of the smartest people I knew.
“That’s not really how it works. But we’ll adore her anyway.”
“Her? That’s what you think?”
I smiled. “Until I hear otherwise, I’m carrying a Valkyrie. A Viking shieldmaiden.”
“I know what a Valkyrie is, Doc. I’ve seen the Thor movies.”
Of course he had.