Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Franky
No one had told me being pregnant would be so emotional.
Scratch that, everyone had told me. I had plenty of women in my life who had already been through this, but I had assumed my innate lack of sentimentality and my ability to logic my way out of any problem would apply here. I wouldn’t get upset because I said so.
But the last month had been tough. The holidays were my favorite time of the year. I loved having time off to decorate my apartment, see more of my family and friends, and catch up on my scientific journal article Tbr. Only, I hadn’t reckoned on how much I regretted my fight with Jason.
Or how much I would miss him.
All the hockey franchises had a two-day break, so I knew he would likely be spending it with his family.
Knowing he was less than a mile away and not speaking to me had been excruciating.
I had picked that fight, and here he was apologizing.
That should be me, but I didn’t want to explain why I’d done it. Why I needed to push him away.
And now I was acting like he had upset me, when he hadn’t. Not one bit.
He moved in quickly beside me and placed an arm around my shoulders. I sank into him like he was my weighted blanket and a cup of hot chocolate, all in one.
“Francesca, what’s wrong? You’re feeling okay, aren’t you?”
“Y-yes, I’m fine. Physically. Everything is as it should be. It’s just …”
His lips touched the top of my head, then strayed to my temple. As much as I loved having them there, I couldn’t take the risk.
I drew back. “I hated that we haven’t been talking properly.”
His expression shifted from concern to relief. “I’ve hated it, too.”
“And for you to come over today with these gifts. Even ones for B&B, who don’t deserve it—”
“Everyone deserves a Christmas gift, even a little asshole like Bunny. Beaker, too.”
I chuckled. “I suppose. It’s made me realize that you will always have the moral high ground with our kid.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No. Maybe. I think you’re going to be the amazing, thoughtful, fun parent, while I’ll be the logical, boring, let’s-look-at-this-reasonably parent.”
“Pretty sure we need both types of parenting styles. And I need to learn to look at things reasonably, too, such as your career plans in January. That situation needed a bit more logic and a lot less knee-jerk reaction. I tend to blow up, but I usually calm down pretty quickly.”
His hand on my back was so soothing, so perfect. I’d missed this closeness.
I was falling for him, this man who would be my child’s wonderful dad. I had to get a grip. Even if I couldn’t wish it away entirely, I could minimize the damage.
“I know you like to be in control,” I said. “I think we both do, so that makes for locked horns, on occasion.”
“Yeah, there’s that, but also …” He hesitated.
“What?”
“It occurred to me that maybe you wanted to hide the pregnancy from people you know. People we know. If you’re in a different city, you wouldn’t have to answer questions about it or reveal who got you into this fine mess.”
He really thought … oh my God. “Jason, when the time is right, I will be happy to tell people you’re my child’s father. Did you really think I planned this guest lectureship with subterfuge about my pregnancy in mind?”
“Stop it with the big words, Doc. You know it turns me on.”
I shook my head. “You’re impossible. No one will believe it, but I won’t mind them knowing. The Nerd catches the Jock—what a story! That Hot Goss rag will be all over it.”
His lips twitched. “Pretty sure the Jock caught the Nerd. I had to beg you to let me deliver the goods.”
And that had us both thinking about the night we conceived our baby, and how sexy it all was. How crazy the chemistry was between us whenever we were in the same room together. I needed to douse the flames, and the best way to do it was to recalibrate our relationship.
“Can we be friends again?”
His brow crumpled, just for a second. “Were we before?”
“I thought we were getting there. And as co-parents, friends would make it easier.” A position I was determined to maintain. I couldn’t have him any other way, but I needed us to be here for each other.
“And I’m assuming this is a friends without benefits kind of deal?”
I gave him a prim look, to which he answered with a naughty grin.
“I think that’s why I’ve been pushing you to be with someone. If you were, I wouldn’t feel like a placeholder in your life. The person you can screw because screwing anyone else makes you feel like a bad person.”
He considered that. “You feel like a placeholder?”
“Somewhat. I’m attracted to you, Jason. Very much so.
But I’m also exceptionally hormonal, so the combination of ‘you’re the daddy’ with ‘awesome orgasms’ is pushing this into shaky territory.
Neither of us went into this looking for a relationship, at least not with each other.
A relationship with our child, yes. And I want to put the baby first. We need to do that. ”
He nodded. “The baby will always come first.”
This was good. Both of us were children of divorce, and I knew that marriage or anything like it was not for me.
I was too weird, too insular, too out there to hold the attention of a man, let alone one as conventional and normal as Jason.
He had also made his position clear: he wasn’t interested in a relationship, either.
At least, that was his mantra now. This man could get anyone—images of Miss Perky Texan Tits flooded my brain—so when he decided that was back on the table, that fatherhood wouldn’t block him from a truly fulfilling life, he would do it.
And I would be happy for him. Because the man was my co-parent and now, my friend.
“So, we’re good?”
He blew out a breath. “We’re always good. There’s another gift.”
Right, something for me. This was a medium-sized box, and when I opened it, I was greeted by a black and white cushion with a cat face on it, Hello Kitty style.
“A cat cushion?”
“Turn it over.”
I did and found a cat … skull? It took me a moment.
“Schrodinger’s Cat? In cushion form?”
He shrugged, almost diffidently. “I saw it on Instagram and thought it was cute. For the science nerd in your life.”
That was me. Holy Superposition, Batman.
“I went as Schrodinger’s Cat at a Halloween party at Theo’s. The one before last.”
He grinned. “You wore a cardboard box and kept bumping into people with your sharp edges.”
A metaphor for my life. I couldn’t believe he’d remembered.
“I have one more gift,” he said.
“Jason! Let me give you something before I faint with embarrassment.”
“Alright. Better be good.”
As if I could compete with all this perfection. I headed to the tree and picked up a wrapped gift.
“I’m behind with wrapping all the others, but I bought this one a while ago.”
Unlike my calm approach, he ripped the paper off in seconds. He opened the lid of the box and stared at it.
“Francesca.” His voice was a low, sexy rumble. Almost reverently, he touched the front of the dark green T-shirt emblazoned with “Hockey Dad.” I thought it would go nicely with his eyes.
“I know we haven’t announced it yet, and I’d rather see the OB first before we do that. Just to make sure everything is okay.”
“In the meantime, I’ll wear it around the house.” He looked up at me, his eyes shiny with emotion. “It’s a great gift. Thank you.”
“There’s one more, underneath it. I can do plural gifts, too.”
Chuckling softly, he pulled the soft cotton aside. Holding up the onesie I had bought, he burst out laughing.
“Too right I did!” The onesie said, “Daddy slipped one past the goalie.” “I love it.”
My phone buzzed and I checked it quickly. It was a text from Violet.
I’ll be there in about ten minutes.
“That’s Violet, telling me she’s on her way. She’s giving me a ride to Dante and Cade’s for Christmas lunch.”
“Okay, I’d better be off.” He placed the box I’d given him in the shopping bag he brought, and I followed him to the door. “Sorry I wasn’t all that helpful with the gift wrapping. Just with the gift unwrapping.”
“No problem.” As I pulled his jacket from the coat hook, I noticed the cap of something familiar. “Is that an EpiPen in your pocket?”
“Or maybe I’m just glad to see you.” He waggled his eyebrows. “I figure it doesn’t hurt to carry it in case I come across someone who might have an allergic reaction.”
Perhaps he knew someone else who was deathly allergic to nuts, but I suspected that was for me. He wanted to be ready.
I could barely get the next words out. “I’m glad you came over. That we cleared the air.”
“Me, too.” He turned at the door and held my gaze, clear and true. “You look good, Francesca. Pregnancy suits you.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, and for a moment I was tempted to say, “stay. Be here so I can tell Violet you’re the dad. You’re the one.”
But that would be absurd. Wishful. Besides, Vi knew me too well. She would see my lovelorn expression and figure out that I was in love with the father of my child.
What a disaster.
“I have one more gift.” He slipped a small, wrapped box out of his jacket pocket and placed it in my hand. “Text me about the doctor’s appointment.”
“Okay.”
For a moment, I thought he might kiss me. For all my insistence that we were friends and nothing else, I would have welcomed it. A holiday kiss under the—well, I hadn’t put up mistletoe, but I could have imagined it was there.
But he was conscious of our secret, and with the reflexes that made him a star on the ice, he left before I could beg him to stay.
I unwrapped the gift, not carefully as I had done with the others, but frenzied and completely unlike me. It was a jewelry box. With shaky fingers, I opened it and found a charm embedded in velvet.
A silver snail with a black pearl for its shell.
Ten minutes later, when Vi knocked, I was still standing at the door, stunned at Jason’s generosity and thoughtfulness.
And with none of my presents wrapped.