Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
To: Franky St. James
From: Marcus Bilson, Chair
Subject: Adjustment in laboratory funding
Dear Dr. St. James,
A recent audit of your laboratory’s funding has uncovered a processing error which resulted in an overpayment to your staffing budget.
These funds were used to hire an additional assistant in the Malacology Lab, a hiring decision that will need to be reversed at the end of the fiscal year unless you can obtain renewed funds to cover the shortfall.
With the current research funding climate, I expect this will be difficult, but I am happy to discuss your lab’s options when you return to Chicago. My door is always open.
Marcus Bilson, PhD
Chair, Department of Biology
Lakeshore University
Franky
“So show us,” Violet said.
Standing, I positioned the phone to take in my very round, six and a half months in, belly. I patted my bump and whispered, “Let’s cook for a little longer, Super Kid.”
Cat went “aw,” and when I took a closer look at my laptop screen, Violet’s eyes were suspiciously shiny.
“If anyone should be emotional, it’s me.”
“This Boricua can get emotional for both of us. Your father will be annoyed he missed you.”
I chuckled. “He probably won’t mind missing my frequent visits to the bathroom or my whining about my back pain.”
Vi grinned. “Oh, he remembers it all when I was pregnant with Rosie and Devon.”
“Where’s my little brother today? On a hockey rink, I suppose.”
“Yes, but he’s doing much better in algebra after you gave him online tutoring. Got a B+ on the last quiz.”
I so wished I could be there. I hadn’t realized how much I would miss my family. I longed for my own space, my cats, and time to nest before the baby was born.
Though I imagined my pregnancy hormones were contributing to my homesickness and mood swings.
Also contributing, the various micro-aggressions I was suffering from my department chair, even when I was over a thousand miles away and in a different time zone.
I bitched about him to Cat and Rosie, but kept mum around Violet, as she would probably slash Dr. Bilious’s tires or chuck a brick through the window of the office she thought should have been mine.
Instead, we chatted about the anniversary trip my dad and Violet were taking to Scotland this summer for the first time in over twenty years.
Violet looked teary-eyed again. “Remember the two of you at Loch Ness, both of you pretending the monster didn’t exist?”
When I was ten and Cat was twelve, we visited my dad’s place of birth the glorious summer after he won the Cup and fell for Violet. Getting down on one knee on the muddy shore of the loch, he proposed to her while Cat and I squealed our heads off.
“It was so romantic,” Cat said. “Best proposal ever.”
“Agreed,” I said. “But I was most definitely not ‘pretending’ about the Loch Ness monster. It’s a myth, and I was very aware of that fact at the time.”
“Sure.” Violet laughed. “But you still brought those high-powered binoculars you borrowed from Dante.”
“So I could look for wildlife typical of the British Isles.”
“Like Nessie.”
Maybe I had been a touch hopeful as I scanned the murky surface of the loch, watching every dark ripple for signs of monstrous life. The dreamer in me wanted to abandon logic and embrace the possibility of magical thinking.
“It was a special trip for all of us, the happy ending we all craved.”
Violet looked wistful. “I couldn’t believe how blessed I was. This man, these girls, my sisters—a life I barely allowed myself to dream of. Watching the two of you grow into such lovely young women has been my greatest privilege.”
“Vi.” Cat sniffed.
“We were the blessed ones,” I said.
“And now, one of you is a mom and the other is about to become one. Carino, I’m so happy for you and Jason. Every time I run into him, he’s constantly asking if I’ve talked to you, if you’re okay, if you’re getting enough food and sleep. He’s going to be such a great dad.”
I didn’t doubt it. Each morning, I sent him “proof of life” photos of my growing belly and whatever I was eating for breakfast. Toast and tea weren’t good enough for Super Kid; I was up to my neck in fresh fruit deliveries and enough folic acid to supplement multiple growing babies.
“I’m lucky to have such a great partner in all this.”
“And maybe more?” Cat said with a cunning tilt to her lips.
Before I could issue a forceful denial, Violet spoke up. “You’ve never told us and I haven’t asked, but”—she lowered her voice—“did you and Jason conceive this child naturally?”
“Violet!” My cheeks heated.
“I saw the way he looked at you at Theo’s party. That boy has the hots for you!”
That was over two months ago, and our conversations since had remained disappointingly unsexy. Understandable, given my appearance.
“He was merely being supportive because Kendra was there, absolutely shocked at this turn of events. He was also happy that the secret was out, so he displayed an exuberance suited to the moment.”
And later he made me feel better by going down on me in my kitchen. Standard friend behavior.
My stepmom looked skeptical. “I know you went into this, thinking it was the Franky & Baby Show with everyone else as a supporting character. Literally, because we are here for you, Franks. All the way.”
“She’s right, sis,” Cat affirmed.
“But if you and Jason—oh, please don’t cry! I don’t mean to upset you.”
I swiped at a tear. “I don’t want to feel this way about him. It’s so inconvenient.”
“And how exactly do you feel?” Cat asked. “Fond? Horny? Mad about the boy?”
Rather than answer, I made my case for not being in love with him.
“We’re not suited at all, you know. He likes young, pretty, perky blondes who gaze at him adoringly and tell him he’s the best, the absolute best.” I added a flirty fluttering of my eyelashes that likely made me look demented.
“And he wants a trad wife who cooks five-course meals for him and his multiple children before she dons lacy and likely very uncomfortable lingerie that embeds in her butt crack. I don’t have time for that. I have important research to do!”
They blinked at my very scientific assessment of the situation.
Violet broke the silence. “Has he said he wants this butt-cracking Wunder wife?”
“Oh, Jason Isner claims he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, but I don’t believe that for a second.
I’ve never met a hockey player who’s happy to go solo.
” The man would make someone a wonderful partner, but he certainly didn’t see me in that role.
“I think it’s better we stay friends and adhere to the contract.
Anything else risks upsetting the careful balance I’m trying to curate here. ”
My stepmom sighed. “That’s the thing about love, Franks. It’s not really something you can curate.”
Cat gave a sympathetic nod. “Franky, if you have feelings for Jason, and you’d like to be more than co-parents, then you should talk to him.”
A nubbin of hope sparked into a flame in my chest. Jason and I talked all the time, and not just about the baby.
I kept him abreast of my research, and he told me all the ways I could insult someone Boston-style.
The night of Theo’s party, as we lay in bed together, we had both admitted to feelings of jealousy—he about Sean, me about the ravenous readers of Chicago Renegades fan fiction—but that was normal, given what we meant to each other. Wasn’t it?
Despite our growing closeness, the idea that it might signify more than concern for our joint enterprise felt distinctly unreal.
I had no doubt he cared about me—and that he once found me attractive—but daring to think he might want more without clear evidence defied the logic and method that had been my watchwords all my life.
The Deroceras invadens was resting in the terrarium, though with slugs, it was hard to tell. I made some notations on a clipboard, then rubbed the twinge I felt in my back.
A slight cough sounded behind me, and I turned to find the department chair, Dr. Al-Hadi. While I had met him several times in his office and at a couple of faculty mixers, this was the first time he had appeared in the Malacology Lab.
“Dr. Al-Hadi, welcome.”
“Dr. St. James, I hope I’m not disturbing you.” He surveyed the lab with interest. The chair’s research was focused on bumblebees, particularly nest behavior and thermoregulation, so our worlds, or the worlds of our subjects, rarely intersected.
“Not at all.”
He came forward, smiling. I’d always found him an amiable individual, and not like the typical fuddy-duddies I usually encountered in academia.
“How are you feeling? At this point in my wife’s pregnancy with our first, she was ready to punch anyone who came near her.”
I chuckled. “I’m not quite there, but I can definitely empathize. It’ll be good to be home in Chicago with my family.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. We discussed once the possibility of making Harvard your home. We still believe that your research would add a missing dimension to the department’s scholarship.”
“My work is rather esoteric.”
“But important, nonetheless. We must remember that we can learn so much from the tiniest organisms.”
My thoughts exactly. “I appreciate the offer to apply, Dr. Al-Hadi. I’ve loved my time here, but with the baby about to be born, I’m anxious to maintain the support network I’ve built.
My family is in Chicago, as is my baby’s father, and while I’ve no doubt we could thrive here, those connections are key in the early years of a child’s life.
Perhaps, I would reconsider when my child is older. ”
Cat’s advice had needled its way under my skin. If you have feelings for Jason, and you’d like to be more than co-parents, then you should talk to him.
With each day we came closer to meeting our child, I wondered if there might be a chance for us as a couple. Once I was back in Chicago, we could discuss the potential for a partnership beyond co-parenting. Investigate if a man like Jason Isner could love an odd duck like me.
Dr. Al-Hadi nodded. “As long as I’m chair, a place will always be open for you, Dr. St. James.”