Chapter Five
Milo
“Why do you have a snake on your head in this picture?” Darcy asked, shoving his phone under my notice and pointing at the photo of me and Lizzie I’d posted on Instagram. “Where did you even find a snake in the first place?”
“For your information, that is Miss Elizabeth Bennet. She is a butter royal python and she belongs to Rupert,” I said as I hefted tubs into the display freezer.
We were meant to get a warm weekend, a rare last bit of proper sunshine in mid-October before autumn really kicked in, and we were hoping to be busy.
One last end-of-season rush to give our finances a boost, and our customers a final taste of summer.
Naturally, Darcy was panicking that we wouldn’t have enough stock.
I was tempted to tell Owen to take him home for an hour at lunch and bring him back suitably de-stressed. It would benefit all of us.
“That’s a sweet name,” Alfie said, coming through the kitchen door with a box of homemade cones.
“A sweet name for a sweet face,” I said. I was pleased he agreed, because I wasn’t going to put up with anyone slandering Miss Elizabeth under my roof.
“It is a very sweet face. Jonathan and I both said it.” Alfie put the box down and looked around Darcy’s shoulder. “I mean, look at her little nose. I take it your head is comfortable?”
“Apparently! Rupert thinks it’s because I shaved my head so it’s nice and warm for her. She does make a pretty good hat.”
“Is she heavy?”
“A bit. But I’ll get used to it.”
“I’m sorry,” Darcy interjected, glancing between the two of us with astonishment. “Can we just go back a little bit please? To the point where you were at Rupert’s house. No, before that. How did this even happen?”
I shrugged as I slotted another tub into place. “You told me to make friends with him, so I am.”
Darcy stared at me, his eyes boring into the side of my skull like a laser drill.
“All this time. You could have made friends with him all this time. And you’re choosing to do it now?
Now?! After months of antagonization and stupid pranks and encouraging seagulls to shit on his back door, and now you’re, what, calling it quits and becoming besties? ”
“Okay, when you put it like that it does sound a little bad,” I said. “But you made me promise things would be better between us next summer, so I’m starting now while I remember.”
“So, what, this is some kind of game to you?” Darcy asked. He didn’t sound any less annoyed. In fairness, maybe I could have chosen better words. But what the fuck was I supposed to say? Hey I’ve discovered the guy next door might not actually be the complete arsehole I thought he was?
That would mean admitting I was wrong, and that I’d been a dickhead to him for the last five months for no particular reason.
And I didn’t fancy doing that.
“No. I just… Rupert might be fastidious and uptight, but he’s not quite as bad as I first thought.”
“Is that you admitting you were wrong?” Darcy’s lip twitched, a glint of amusement dancing in his eyes.
I scoffed. “Don’t push your luck. I am never wrong. I just occasionally make decisions based on bad information, and that’s not my fault.”
Darcy let out a long-suffering sigh, and Alfie chuckled.
Sometimes I wondered why the two of them put up with me, given that I could be an impulsive, careless, annoying wanker.
But that was the thing about being best friends, you put up with each other’s foibles and encouraged each other to be better. And worse.
“Yeah, sure. Let’s go with that,” Darcy said, rubbing his forehead with one hand. He either had a headache coming on or he was wondering why the fuck he loved me.
“Don’t worry about me,” I said. “I promise I won’t make things worse.”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.” I dragged my finger across my chest in a semblance of a cross, trying to keep my expression serious. “Besides, we all know your blood pressure wouldn’t cope, and there’s only so many times Owen can fuck the stress out of you.”
Alfie snorted, biting his lip as he tried not to laugh, while Darcy’s face flushed a delicate shade of strawberry. He couldn’t deny it though. We both knew who’d supplied him and Owen with lube and condoms the first time they’d hooked up.
“I’m going back to the kitchen,” Darcy muttered, locking his phone and putting it in his jeans pocket.
“I love you,” I called after him before blowing him a kiss. He didn’t respond. But I knew he loved me anyway. I turned to Alfie, deciding now was the perfect time for a change of subject. “How’re you and lovely Jonathan doing? Things working out okay?”
“They’re good. Really good.” He smiled fondly as he glanced down in the now-full freezer, making sure I hadn’t missed anything. “We’re going to Theo and Laurie’s wedding at the end of October. It’s only a few weeks away and I need to find something to wear.”
“You’re cutting it a bit fine, aren’t you? Is this your way of asking for my help?”
“Not yet, but maybe. I’ve been putting it off, to be honest because I don’t know what to wear.
I think I need to get a new suit. I’ve still got all the trousers from my last job, but they’re all a bit tatty.
And I don’t think I want to wear any of the shirts I’ve been wearing all summer. I want to make an effort.”
“Makes sense.” I nodded. Outside of work, Alfie was a jeans and hoodie kind of guy.
And they were usually nerdy hoodies too.
His T-shirts were the same. Meanwhile Jonathan leant far more towards Victorian or romantic gothic, with ruffled shirts, harnesses, and waistcoats.
They made an adorable couple, but I could see why Alfie wanted to dress up.
He’d hate the idea of letting Jonathan down, despite the fact Jonathan would never see it that way.
“What’s Jonathan wearing? Is there a dress code?” I continued, grabbing the scoops so I could finish setting up behind the counter while Alfie logged into the iPad. All that was left for us to do was put the boards out so people would know we were open.
“I think it’s something like ‘dress to impress’ or ‘attempt to outshine the grooms’, which we all know is impossible. But Jonathan’s got a lovely black suit with flowers embroidered on the jacket. It’s got a waistcoat too. Then a ruffled shirt and a cravat.”
“What colour?”
“Er, red. Deep red. Almost like a burgundy, but very warm.”
I thought for a second, looking Alfie up and down.
He’d struggle with anything ostentatious and he needed to be comfortable, but there were plenty of options out there.
Half of my wardrobe was vintage stuff from charity shops, and I considered myself pretty good at finding shit and knowing what suited people.
Plus, I refused to let Alfie be underdressed.
I’d met Theo and Laurie, and I knew their wedding was going to be fabulous as fuck.
If Alfie needed a suit, I was going to help him find the perfect one.
“I know you said you don’t want help, but can I make some suggestions? ”
“If you want,” Alfie said. “But you don’t have to! I was just going to go to York or Leeds and find something.”
“True, but you need to know what you’re looking for.”
“Then yes, please. I’d love some suggestions.”
I did my favourite victory-fist bump and grinned excitedly. “Awesome, okay. I’m gonna find you some fabulous shit! You’re going to look sexy as fuck and Jonathan won’t know what to do with himself.”
If I couldn’t get laid myself, I might as well make sure my friends were getting it regularly.
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Alfie said, returning my smile.
“You’re welcome! Right, I’m going to put the boards out, then let’s sell some ice cream!”
Sexy Milo
Hey I have a random question. Do you have any recommendations for good suit places please? Especially cool fabrics/prints or like vintage style. Trying to help Alfie find something for a wedding and I refuse to let him get a boring black suit. He needs to look cool!
Sexy Milo
Also how is Miss Elizabeth today? Is she as beautiful as ever?
Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad
Yes, I’ve got a few. Do you know what sort of things he’s looking for? New pieces in a vintage style or actual vintage pieces? I do also have a couple of tailors I can recommend who do nice off the rack things. I’m assuming he’s not looking for custom made?
Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad
[Sent a picture] And yes, she’s doing well. Currently doing her best impression of a scarf while I make dinner
Sexy Milo
Aww cuties
Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad
She is very cute
Sexy Milo
I meant both of you ;)
Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad
Thank you?
Sexy Milo
You’re welcome
Sexy Milo
And no, Alfie’s not looking for custom. Not enough time for it anyway as the wedding’s at the end of October! Going to be a bit of a rush to find stuff.
Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad
Oh wow, that is soon. As soon as I’ve had dinner I’ll send you some things. If that’s okay?
Sexy Milo
Perfect. You’re a star!
I grinned to myself as I stretched out on my sofa, phone in hand, as an old episode of Frozen Planet II played on my TV. Because there was never a bad time for David Attenborough.
I was surprised Rupert had answered me so quickly and part of me liked the idea that he’d been waiting around, waiting for me to message him.
Even if I knew it wasn’t true. Darcy and Alfie might have questioned my motives for talking to Rupert, but I’d been telling the truth when I’d said he wasn’t as bad as I first thought.
And yes, my overall motivation might be selfish, but that didn’t mean it was wrong.
Rupert was cute and far more interesting than I’d ever imagined.
I’d had a lot of fun hanging out with him and Lizzie, and I wanted to do it again.
Every time I thought about him, more things popped into my head for us to talk about.
Questions, opinions, playful debates, long conversations about really specific, weird interests that only one of us was fascinated by—I wanted all of them.
We wouldn’t agree on everything, it’d be fucking odd if we did, but my curiosity to see the world through his eyes had been engaged, and it wouldn’t be satisfied until I got the answers I wanted.
Plus, it would be nice to have someone else to talk to.
I loved Darcy and Alfie with all my heart, nothing would ever change that, but I was all too aware things had shifted between us this year. They were both in relationships now, and from the way they each looked at their boyfriends, I doubted either of them would end anytime soon. If at all.
In fact, I’d be pissed if they did because of how much effort I’d put into sorting their love lives out.
But both of them having partners meant our friendship would always come second.
I’d accepted that, because I’d be a dick if I didn’t, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t starting to feel pangs of loneliness creeping in around the edge.
Running Lick It! together meant I’d always get to spend time with my friends, and I’d make sure we did pub nights and beach days if it killed me, but outside of that, I was becoming startlingly aware of how much time I’d have to spend in my own company.
Especially over the winter when the shop was closed.
If I made friends with Rupert though, I’d always have someone to chat to and hang out with. And I’d be fulfilling my promise to Darcy to foster good neighbourly relations. It was a win-win.
I just had to get Rupert on board and make him see that being friends with me was a good idea.
Sexy Milo
Btw I had a great time hanging out with you and Lizzie the other day. Would you like to do it again some time? I can bring you more ice cream if that sweetens the deal
The response took a few minutes to come through, but when it did, it made a fizzing sensation of pure delight fill my chest.
Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad
That would be great. When works for you? And I’ll definitely say yes to more ice cream please
Sexy Milo
Amazing! Does next week work? Maybe Tuesday? Looks like it’s going to be a busy weekend for us sadly. Also, what ice cream do you want? Or can I surprise you?
Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad
Tuesday works
Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad
And yes, surprise me =)