Chapter Eight
Rupert
For a brief moment, when I pressed my lips to Milo’s, I felt my mind go blissfully quiet. No rushing thoughts, no worries, no fears, no half-wondering what I was going to have for tea tonight. Just perfect silence.
His mouth was soft and blissfully sweet, my body relaxing as it remembered what it was like to be kissed.
It had been a painfully long time since anyone had tried, too many cut off by my sharp tongue and panicking brain before I’d let them get close enough.
But Milo had seen my harsh edges and instead of walking away he’d simply wrapped them in tea towels and carried on.
Like they weren’t something to be afraid of.
I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But in the meantime, I was going to allow myself to want.
Slowly, we broke apart, sitting back slightly but remaining close enough to touch.
Milo smiled, stars dancing in his eyes. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what was right.
What if I said the wrong thing and fucked everything up?
A flash of panic burst in my chest, red and dazzling, like someone inside me had fired a flare gun into the night.
Milo put his hand on my knee, tilting his head slightly to meet my eyes as I tried to look away. “Hey, what’s up? I can hear you worrying.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Really? Because your thoughts are very loud.” He grinned and squeezed my leg, gently grounding me before my thoughts ran away from me. “If it helps, that was awesome. Yes, I liked kissing you. Yes, I’d totally do it again. And no, you didn’t fuck anything up.”
I let out a soft chuckle, more of a release of nerves than a laugh. “Get out of my mind.”
“No. It’s nice in there. Very interesting.”
“It’s really not.”
“Well I think it is, so there.” He blew a raspberry at me and I snorted.
This man was so bloody ridiculous, and it was more endearing than I’d ever expected.
I’d never thought I’d actually like him.
Maybe I shouldn’t have written him off from the first moment I saw him, standing in the sunshine and laughing, confidence radiating out of him.
He’d entranced and terrified me all at once, so of course, I’d thrown up my walls and been spiteful, determined to protect myself from him before he’d even opened his mouth.
If I hadn’t done that, would we have gotten to this point sooner or would I inevitably have fucked it up over the summer?
We’d both been very busy for the last few months, and I didn’t always react well when I was tired or stressed.
It exacerbated my ADHD and although I was medicated, it wasn’t a complete cure-all.
It couldn’t overcome me being exhausted or stop me making bad decisions.
And blaming my ADHD for lashing out was a dick move.
Being neurodivergent wasn’t an excuse to be an arsehole.
I had to take responsibility for my actions.
“Want to tell me what you were thinking about?” Milo asked.
“Just… I mean it’s ridiculous, really.”
“So? Doesn’t matter. I want to know.”
“I didn’t know what to say. After we’d kissed.
I knew I should say something but what if the words that came out were the wrong ones?
What if I said something truly atrocious and you never wanted to be seen with me again?
” The words all came out in a rush, a torrent of whispered fears tripping off my tongue like a river bursting out from behind a dam.
“First of all, I really want to know what atrocious things you’d say to make me run away,” he said with a teasing grin, his hand casually finding mine and interlacing our fingers together.
“And secondly, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.
It can just be ‘wow’ or ‘kiss me again’.
You don’t have to suddenly give a speech about the virtues of my mouth—I already know how awesome it is. ”
I snorted, trying and failing to raise an eyebrow at him. It was impossible to be serious when Milo was looking at me like that. “I don’t even know. What if I said something about your breath? Or compared you to an ex?”
“Would that really be the first thing out of your mouth?”
“No.”
“Did you think either of those things?”
“No.”
“Then why are you worried?” Milo asked softly, squeezing my hand.
“I don’t know. It’s my default state.” I tried to smile at him, but I had a feeling it looked more like a grimace. “I’m trying to be better, to worry less, and my therapist says I’m doing well. I just wish it would go away.”
“You can’t do any more than you’re doing. And baby steps are still steps.”
“Thanks.” I did manage to smile then, my body starting to relax. I shook my head. “I’m sorry, we just kissed and then I made it all about me.”
“Don’t worry. I’d rather we talked about where your head’s at than you go back to work and spend the afternoon panicking.” He was smiling too, joy and confidence radiating out of him the way it so often did. I was going to be thinking about it all afternoon.
“I suppose I should go back to work soon. Otherwise Norman will worry. No, actually, he’s more likely to tell people where I’ve gone and then do something like volunteer me for something.
Last time, he agreed to supply two deluxe hampers to St. Michael’s summer fete and said I’d be happy to help run the tombola,” I said, scowling as I remembered.
Fred, the vicar of St. Michael’s, had been so pleased I hadn’t had the heart to say no.
But it did remind me to volunteer Norman for something the next time I saw her. Maybe the Christmas fair. He’d make a good elf if she had someone in mind to play Father Christmas. If I was feeling truly mean, I’d suggest Sidney for Santa. That would cause an absolute storm.
“I bet you ran that thing with military precision,” he said with a chuckle. “And I bet you looked so cute with your ticket book and microphone. Did you wear a waistcoat too?”
“Of course,” I said. “It was yellow, unwittingly to annoy Norman.”
“Does he have something against yellow?”
“He does. His husband, Sidney, also has a yellow waistcoat and Norman keeps threatening to burn it. So, of course, Sidney wears it whenever Norman annoys him. They’re… an interesting pair. Vicious, petty, and yet they absolutely adore each other. They’ve been together for fifty years.”
“I guess when you’ve been together that long, and you feel safe with that person, then you can be like that. Because you know they’re not going to leave,” Milo said slowly, musing on the thought.
“Exactly. It’s an established dynamic in their relationship,” I said. “Sometimes I wish I could’ve known them in their youth, when they were actors in London, but I think they’d have terrified me.”
Milo laughed. “Same, but I bet they have some good stories.”
“They do, and some sad ones. They lost a lot of friends during the AIDS epidemic. But if you ever want to know about their scandalous youth, ask Norman sometime, he’ll happily talk your ear off.
” I’d heard so many of his stories, and every time it felt like I was living a little slice of queer history.
One day, I wanted to record him and Sidney talking so I could write everything down.
Nobody else might care, but I wanted to keep a piece of them with me forever.
Norman would love it too. It’d give him more chances to be dramatic.
“I will,” he said. “I want to hear more about your scandalous youth too.”
“Not much to tell there.”
“Then I just want to hear more about you.” He leant forward and kissed me again, the press of his lips stealing the air from my lungs and wiping all my thoughts away, like he’d pressed control, alt, delete on my brain.
“If you keep doing that, I’ll forget all the things I have to tell you,” I said, a little smile spreading across my lips as we broke apart.
“Does that mean you never want me to kiss you again?”
“No… maybe if you do it more, I’ll remember how to think properly afterwards.”
Delight lit up Milo’s face. “I’m always happy to help.”
“I bet you are,” I said, my stomach fluttering at the idea of kissing him again. Maybe in somewhere less public. Then I could get my hands on him too. And vice versa.
Thinking about spending time in private reminded me where we were, and I looked around Novel Tea, half-wondering if anyone was watching us.
But if they were, they’d managed to look away before I spotted them.
The rain outside had gotten heavier, lashing against the windows and making it hard to see anything else.
Thank goodness we didn’t have to walk far, otherwise we’d get completely soaked.
“We should get back before we get too distracted.”
“We should,” Milo said but he didn’t look totally happy about it.
I got it. I didn’t really fancy going back to work after such a lovely break.
If it was possible to run the shop while staying cosy in here with him, exchanging soft kisses over tea and cake, then I’d absolutely do it.
But that would leave Norman as the physical representative of the shop, which would never end well.
Who knows what I’d be volunteered for by the end of the day.
I didn’t want to find out.
Neither of us moved, Milo’s hand still in mine.
“Maybe we could do this again soon?” I asked slowly, ignoring the worry trying to rise up inside me. “Another lunch? Or you could come to mine again? I have more documentaries we could watch.”
“Or, I could come to yours and kiss you more?” Milo asked casually. It was everything I’d been thinking, and I was very glad he’d said it. It meant we were both on the same page.
“I’d like that. I’m free tonight. Or tomorrow. Or this weekend. Next week is good too. Whenever works for you.” I was probably talking too much, but I wanted Milo to know how much I wanted this. Whatever this was.
“I’d say tonight but I promised Alfie and Jonathan I’d go for dinner with them,” Milo said. “How about tomorrow?”
“Perfect, thank you.”
“You don’t need to say thank you.”
“But it’s polite and I have manners,” I said with a wry smile. “Maybe I should teach you how to say thank you?”
“Mmm and how would you do that?” Milo asked, leaning in closer and lowering his voice.
It made my face heat and my stomach twist, my cock suddenly very interested as my brain supplied a delightful selection of ways to make Milo do as he was told.
I was sure he’d sound so pretty when he begged. Or pleaded.
Had he ever been edged before? It would be perfect for him.
I was sure he’d come so hard when I finally allowed him release.
Milo had said he hadn’t hooked up with anyone for a while—and was clearly frustrated by that—and neither had I.
He’d also said he’d been teasing when he asked if I fancied a casual shag, but I hoped he hadn’t meant it. The teasing part that was.
Now I just had to find a way to ask if he was actually interested in doing that. With me.
I had twenty-four hours to figure it out. Surely that would be enough time to come up with a way to say it which didn’t sound desperate or forced, but also make it clear what I wanted. And I supposed, if I couldn’t get the message across with words, I could resort to physical action.
Throwing myself into his lap and taking my clothes off would definitely make my intentions clear.
“I have my ways,” I said. I leant closer and stole a teasing little kiss.
“Don’t say that. Not when we have to go back to work. That’s just mean!” He pouted and huffed, then he smiled. “By the way, I’m saying your actions are mean, not you. Leaving me hanging with those words. They’re all I’m going to be able to think about.”
“What words? I simply said I had my ways to teach you,” I said wryly as I stood and picked up my coat.
“Exactly! You cannot have meant that innocently!”
“What if I did?”
“What if you didn’t?” Milo asked. He was stood so close to me it would have been so easy to pull him into another kiss. But I was now painfully aware there were people around, including two at the next table, and I wasn’t about to air my sex life to the rest of Heather Bay.
“I guess you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out,” I said, shooting him a smirk.
Then I turned and walked towards the door, pulling my coat on as I went, knowing Milo was right behind me, desperate and cursing my name.