Chapter 10 #2
So, I took a breath, and carefully tried again to get to the bottom of what was bothering her.
“Do you know what I’m really, really good at?” I asked casually.
Hailey took another careful lick of frosting. “What?”
“Listening.”
She frowned but didn’t say anything.
I sighed. “Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you, Hails? I don’t like seeing you sad.”
She froze. Her eyes shone like she was holding back tears. She swallowed hard, her cheeks flushing red.
“My friends asked me today when my birthday party is,” she confessed.
She scraped a little frosting off the cookie with her finger, staring down at it.
“My grandma always plans my birthday party,” she continued, her voice getting smaller. “She makes decorations and everything. She always makes the cake, too.”
Her lip trembled. “But she’s not here,” she whispered. “And I don’t know if I’m even having a party this year.”
Oh. My heart absolutely shattered.
I reached across the table and grabbed hold of the hand that wasn’t covered in frosting. I squeezed.
“Well,” I leaned forward, “that sounds like a problem we can fix.”
She frowned up at me. “What do you mean?”
“What if I help plan your birthday party?”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
“Really.” I nodded. “We can make decorations, I can bake the cake, and invite your friends—everything.”
For a second, she stared at me. Then her whole face lit up. “Can we have unicorn balloons?”
I laughed. “I think that can definitely be arranged.”
“And sprinkles!” she added quickly. “Lots of sprinkles.”
“Obviously.”
Her shoulders relaxed. That inherent happiness slowly returned to her expression.
After a moment, she took another huge bite of her cookie, smearing frosting across her cheek.
“Do you have a grandma and grandpa?” she asked.
“Oh.” I cleared my throat. “No. Not really.”
“What about uncles? Do you have those?”
My face warmed, but I kept my smile in place. “No. I never really knew my family.”
The memories stirred anyway—buried ones, from when I was about Hailey’s age. From before I’d been taken away from my father.
Hailey studied me, concern pinching her face. “What do you mean?”
I pulled on the perfected smile I’d accidentally let slip.
“My family wasn’t very nice to me,” I explained gently. “So I didn’t live with them for very long.”
She chewed thoughtfully on her cookie. “Does it make you sad?”
I shook my head. “No. It was better not to be around that.”
Her brows drew together, and I was suddenly so grateful she couldn’t understand what it was like to grow up without love.
“Who took care of you, then?”
The question cut straight to the bone. I brushed a curl back from her face.
“Different people. It was almost like one big slumber party. I got to stay at lots of different houses.”
It was the one way I’d found to describe growing up in foster care that didn’t make kids uncomfortable or confused.
Hailey considered that. “Was it fun?”
I hesitated, then shrugged. “Sometimes. I got to take care of kids like you, and I liked that.”
It wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a lie either. I’d liked helping out with the younger kids at the homes when I could. Part of me hoped that if they saw how helpful I was, they might want to keep me.
Hailey was quiet for a moment, then took another bite. She chewed slowly.
“Daddy and I can be your family now,” she said decisively.
I blinked, stirred by her openness.
“You’re really nice,” she added. “And very pretty.”
My face heated. “Hailey—”
“I know Grandma would like you too,” she continued in earnest. “When she comes back with everyone, they can be your family too. They’re the best.”
My entire body felt hot and cold at the same time as myriad emotions raced through me. This was so dangerous. This silly, brilliant, kind little girl was making that fickle hope swell inside me.
My life didn’t work like normal; I had accepted that. I took care of people, and when they no longer needed me, I moved on.
But as I stared into Hailey’s sure, optimistic eyes, I couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful than belonging to something so precious. But I couldn’t indulge it, no matter how much I wanted to. I had promised myself that things would be different this time. My heart needed to survive this job.
I leaned back in the chair and wrapped my hands around my mug of hot chocolate, forcing myself to smile as if she hadn’t scraped at an old wound.
“Tell me about them,” I prompted, needing to change the subject. “Your grandparents and your uncles, what are they like? Other than being the best, obviously.”
Hailey lit up.
“Oh!” She practically bounced in her seat. “Okay, so my grandma makes the best hot chocolate ever, and my grandpa always sneaks me candy even when he’s not supposed to—”
She launched into it with enthusiasm, her words tumbling over each other as if she’d been holding them in all day.
I sunk into the conversation, losing myself in her world as she spoke about the people she loved the most.
I especially enjoyed hearing about Roman’s brothers.
There was the youngest, Reid—Uncle Reidsy—who Hailey adored completely.
Then Uncle Gus, whose real name I was pretty sure was August, and who sounded like the complete opposite of Roman’s broody grumpiness.
Fox was August’s twin, though quieter and apparently brilliant with computers.
And then there was Graham—Uncle Ham—a nickname that made me laugh out loud the first time she said it.
Hailey talked about them with so much admiration, so much happiness, that by the time her plate was nothing but crumbs and our mugs were empty, she seemed more like herself.
Before Hailey and I could get up to leave, there was a soft tug on my hair.
My entire body went rigid.
The sensation was so familiar it sent a strange jolt through my chest. For a second, I wondered whether I had imagined it. My hand lifted toward the back of my head—
When the gentle tug came again, I stilled.
Across the table, Hailey was frowning at someone behind me.
Cautiously, I turned and saw Maverick standing there, staring at me.
He was small for his age, a five-year-old boy with dark hair that stuck up in every direction and big blue eyes. His fingers were tangled in the soft ends of my hair.
The sight of him made every thought in my head collapse. It felt like I hadn’t seen him in forever, even though it had only been a week since his parents had fired me.
I smiled softly at the little boy, keeping the concern from showing on my face. “Hey, Mavie.”
He immediately looked away, but didn’t let go of my hair.
His fingers curled tighter around the strands, just like he always did. It seemed to ground him and helped him feel safe.
I leaned closer to him. His gaze darted around the busy cafe, never settling on my face, but that wasn’t unusual. Maverick rarely made eye contact.
“I’ve missed you,” I said calmly, fighting to keep my voice from breaking.
He started to rock on his feet.
At first it was small, barely noticeable, but then the movement grew a little sharper. His grip tightened on my hair. Tears prickled unexpectedly.
Before I could say anything else, a sharp voice cut across the cafe.
“Maverick!”
Both of us jumped.
I looked up in time to see Kayla, Mav’s mom, rushing toward us. Her cheeks were flushed as she practically shoved people out of her way in her hurry.
She grabbed Maverick the moment he was in reach, pulling him away so abruptly that a chunk of my hair tore free in his hand. I didn’t react to the sharp pain, not wanting to add more chaos to the moment.
Maverick immediately became more agitated. The soft rocking turned frantic as he made distressed noises in the back of his throat.
Kayla seemed overwhelmed and frazzled—but when her gaze landed on me, her expression hardened instantly. She shot me a cold, furious glare.
“What are you doing here with him?” she demanded.
I blinked at her, startled. “I-I was having hot chocolate in the cafe.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Did you know Maverick was here?”
I shook my head quickly. “No. I had no idea.”
My gaze flicked toward Hailey, who was staring at the whole interaction with confusion.
Seeing the worry on her face, I forced another one of my practiced smiles.
“I’m actually here with Hailey,” I explained gently. “I’m nannying for her now.”
Kayla didn’t say anything, but her nose lifted into the air like she’d smelled something unpleasant.
She continued to scowl, as if I had done something wrong.
The noises coming from her son grew louder, more desperate, and it took every ounce of restraint I had not to reach out and help calm him.
Kayla glanced around the coffee shop, realizing Maverick was gaining attention, and she became even more flustered. Ignoring me as if I wasn’t even there, she started to pull Mav toward the exit, mortified.
I sat there, staring after them, completely gobsmacked.
My chest throbbed with a hollowness that threatened to swallow me whole.
I knew Kayla loved her son; I’d seen it in the years I’d worked for them. They did their absolute best to take care of Maverick. But she was also a mother overwhelmed and too proud to reach out for more help when she needed it.
Watching it unfold from the sidelines made me feel utterly helpless. I couldn’t shake the feeling that Kayla saw me as some kind of threat, and I had never understood why.
“Palmer?” Hailey’s small voice pulled me back.
I blinked over at her. She was watching me carefully, and I forced another smile, trying to shake off the lingering ache.
“That was Maverick,” I explained, hoping I sounded normal and not like my heart was broken. “He’s another little boy I used to take care of.”
Hailey frowned, her brows drawing together. “Why didn’t that lady seem to like you?”
I deflated a little inside.
“Well,” I sighed, “I really wanted Maverick to go to a special school that would help him learn better. But his mom and dad didn’t like the idea.”
Hailey’s concern deepened. “So are they mad at you?”
“I’m not sure.” I shrugged, like it wasn’t important. “But since I’m not watching Maverick anymore, that means I get to watch you.”
I grinned, though it felt a bit unnaturally wide. “And that makes me very happy.”
Hailey’s mouth curved into a tentative smile.
Before she could ask anything else, I stood and gathered our empty mugs and plates.
“Come on,” I said. “It’s getting late. We should probably get home and start dinner, okay?”
Hailey nodded and slid out of her chair. Her fingers curled easily around mine, warm and trusting.
I kept my smile in place, but my thoughts drifted back to Maverick’s fingers tangled in my hair…the way he had clung to me like something safe. Like something he needed.
I swallowed hard, my scalp stinging where the strands had been yanked from it.
This was exactly why I had promised myself things would be different this time. I couldn’t let myself care too much. I couldn’t get so attached.
This was why I had to protect myself.
No matter how hard it was, I couldn’t let the Ramseys take my heart.
Because if they did…I wasn’t sure I’d make it out alive when they didn’t want it anymore.