Chapter Ten
Fuerza.
That word alone told me everything I already feared, but this… this proves it all. Mariana is, in fact, the lost cartel princess. War is playing inside my head. I shouldn’t be happy to know this is the outcome, but I am. I’m happy that she can finally know the truth about who she is, but I’m also torn by the fact of who she is. Who she was born to be. A leader of the Mexican Cartel.
Would it be wrong if I never told her the truth?
Could I be so evil to hide who she really is?
The answers to both are so obvious, but I can’t help to think she’ll be happier without them. She’s a good woman with a pure soul, but knowing she was born for bad may twist her into a totally different person. Not to mention the pain and agony the cartel causes to so many people and families each and every day. I will never condone that kind of life for her.
But she has a right to know.
And I could never be known as a monster in her eyes.
The war between right and wrong. A moral compass I live by daily. Which is also why I need to push everything I feel for her aside because not only is she a cartel princess, but she happens to be a part of my murder investigation. Her sister’s case, more importantly. I can’t cross that line. I refuse.
But all I want is her. To feel her skin against mine. Her lips as I trap them between my teeth. I want to hear her whimpers and pleas. Her pussy has to be absolute perfection with a body like hers. She’s so fucking beautiful that it breaks my heart whenever I have to let her walk away. And I have to because of my morals and my job. I won’t allow myself to become corrupt because of her. The Cartel Princess.
War.
Fucking war is all I feel inside of my head and soul, so I do the only thing I can think to do. I drop down to my knees with my praying hands in front of me, begging to a god I’m not so sure I believe in anymore. I’m calling this moment anything but a prayer because I need him to understand how dire my situation is. I need him to see how wrong it is for me to feel the things I do for her. Surely, he has to see that I’m trying to do right by my old sins.
“Please help me clean my mind of thoughts of her. Help guide me away from my sinful thoughts.” Because he knows those thoughts I’m having are anything beyond pure. “Keep her beautiful presence a mystery to me until I can think clearly.” I bow my head feeling like the weight presses down harder on my shoulders. Does this mean he won’t help me in my time of need?
I scrub my hands down my face feeling like a broken man once again as I peel myself offmy floor. I really need to figure this out on my own for once. I doubt I have the support of my god that I’ve always cherished and followed to a degree. I know I’ve been sinful, but I’m really trying to be better. Not saying I haven’t had a one night stand or two since I started to better myself, but I think I’ve earned a little bit of help.
Knowing I’m all alone with this moral mission of mine is sitting heavier than I would like for it to. How am I going to talk with her if I have nothing but menacing thoughts about her? How do I look her in the face and beg her to tell me what her sister’s job is instead of telling her to sit on my face as I make her scream my name.
But she isn’t mine to keep.
??????
My shift goes through without a hitch. Lieutenant Andrews went over some information he found while digging deeper into Phillips. It seems he and Hayley had known each other for quite some time, very intimately, so to speak. He found his alias, Thomas Hunter, as well. We just don’t know how he did it, or why. There has to be more to it than that.
I’ve been wracking my brain for hours, but I can only think of one solution. Mariana. I have to get her to tell me what Hayley’s job was, and I need to be the bad cop to do it. Fuck, with anyone else I wouldn’t have a problem doing this, but with her… With Mariana, this is the last part of me I want her to see. I need to get the truth out of her before it’s too late.
I hurry out of the precinct and to my off duty car. With efficiency, I speed over to her apartment. The living room light is on, which is odd because usually this late, she already has the light in her bedroom on and the living room dark. I’m not a stalker, but she’s mentioned being afraid of someone before. I drive by every night after shift or make a trip to check after I take her home from the theater. I know her schedule better than she does at this point, so I know this isn’t right.
Jumping out of my car, I take the steps up to her floor. Her apartment isn’t in a safe area to begin with, but the fact I can get to her so easily sets me off beyond belief. She isn’t safe here in the slightest. I rush to the room number I know she’s in and see the door partially cracked open. My heart leaps into my throat, evacuating my chest. I knock lightly, announcing myself. “Natalia, it’s Detective Martinez with the Piper Falls Police Department. Are you here?” I’m met with silence as I quietly push open the door. “Natalia Sutton?”I call out again as my world slowly starts to spin. “Natalia!” I shout louder as I start to move forward with my gun drawn.
Silence.
Deafening silence is all I hear as I start to check through every possible spot inside her small apartment. Empty. Just like my chest now that reality is sinking deeper. She’s gone. I yell out with anger as I look around the empty room. No signs of a struggle. Not a single carpet fiber out of place. What the hell happened, and where did she go? Why did she leave?
Quickly I pull out my phone and start to call the two people I know can help me the most, one of which I know can tell us the truth and will do it because he cares about her just as much. The other I know will have my back despite what I’m going to have to tell him.