33. Kara
33
KARA
I paced the clubhouse nervously, gaze flicking to the door every time it opened. Eventually, Hawk and Kyle appeared, Hawk’s face like a thundercloud but Kyle’s bag slung over his shoulder.
I breathed a sigh of relief as he dumped it on the floor. “You’re letting him stay?”
“Until he pisses me off, I guess I am.”
I lifted up onto my toes and kissed his mouth. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
He grumbled against my lips, but then his hand slid to the back of my hair and he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding with mine. When he drew back, his eyes were warm. “Don’t you know by now that I’d do anything for you?”
“I love you.” I let him tug me against his chest, cradling the back of my head.
A contented sigh grumbled through him. “Can’t get enough of you saying that. Need those words on your lips like I need air to breathe.”
“Then I’ll keep saying it,” I assured him.
He tipped my head back to claim my lips again then reluctantly pulled away. “Can you show Kyle out to your old cabin? We’re running out of rooms up here.”
“Of course. Hayley Jade is in the kitchen with Queenie making dessert to go with whatever Hayden is bringing home from the restaurant.” I noted the time on my phone. “He said he’d be home around now.”
“Good.”
Grayson glanced over at him. “Did you just say it was good that Hayden was coming home? I thought you two were mortal enemies apart from…” He wriggled his eyebrows.
I hid a small smile at the flustered expression on Hawk’s face.
He flipped Grayson the bird. “There is no—” He mimicked Grayson’s actions, raising and lowering his eyebrows but without any of the playful amusement Grayson had displayed— “going on with me and Hayden. Whatever you heard—”
“I heard a lot,” Aloha called from the couch where he’d clearly been eavesdropping. “A whole lotta moaning, name-shouting, thigh slapping…”
Hawk gave him the dirtiest look known to man. “Nothing happened between me and Chaos. Not that it’s any of your fucking business. Don’t you have somewhere else to be or something else to do?”
Aloha shook his head. “Nope. Just sitting here waiting for Chaos to bring the food. Same as you. Right?”
Hawk’s lips pressed into a tight line at the snigger in Aloha’s voice. “Right.”
Kyle was a deer caught in the headlights, trying to follow the conversation.
I wondered if that’s how na?ve I’d looked when I’d first come here.
I was probably worse.
“Come on, Kyle.” I touched his arm gently. “I’ll take you down to the cabin so you can get settled.”
Kyle picked up his bag, adding it to the pile of belongings in his arms.
Hawk jerked his head at Amber. “Go with them.”
“Aw, but the food!”
Hawk’s tone was no-nonsense and shut Amber up immediately.
I knew better than to argue with Hawk when he was just trying to keep me safe. He was putting a huge deal of trust in Kyle and our gut feelings about him. But if Kyle had to walk around with a shadow the entire time he was here, then that was fair enough.
Trust had to be earned in this club.
So did forgiveness.
The kiss with Grayson played over in my mind. I’d all but forgotten it in all the ensuing drama.
How on earth was I going to tell Hayden and Hawk without one of them, probably Hawk, killing him? Or maybe he wouldn’t care? He’d been all for it at Sinners, boldly whispering in my ear to go ask Grayson to…
My cheeks heated at the thought.
“Are you okay?” Kyle asked as I opened the cabin door for him, Amber a few steps behind, smoking a cigarette at the bottom of the steps.
“Of course.” But all I could think about was Grayson and Hawk up in the clubhouse, Hayden getting home from the restaurant, and what they would be talking about.
Oh God. I wasn’t ready for that conversation.
“Um, bedroom here. Bathroom there. There’s not likely to be any food down here, so make sure you come back up to the clubhouse when you’re hungry. I’ll leave you to it.” I jogged back out of the cabin, leaving Kyle with a bewildered and abandoned expression.
Guilt settled in the pit of my stomach, but I rationalized it away, telling myself I wasn’t his mother.
And that Hawk and Hayden were probably quizzing Grayson like he was a contestant on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire .
Amber chuckled as she followed me back up to the main house. “I’d run back too, if I had those three men fighting over me.”
I threw the other woman a look over my shoulder. “They aren’t fighting over me. They’re…”
“Lining up nicely to plow your pussy?”
Irritation crept up my spine. I didn’t want to make an enemy out of her. I wanted to be friends. “You know, where I come from, all the men take multiple wives. Why shouldn’t a woman?”
She took a drag on her cigarette. “You know where I come from, we just call that being a slut.”
I turned away, reminding myself her words came from a place of hurt and said more about her than me.
But it was hard not to take them to heart.
I wanted Hawk and Hayden.
I’d kissed Grayson.
People would talk behind my back. Call me names. Maybe not here, where they were used to Bliss and Rebel and their men.
But what was I supposed to do when the other moms at Hayley Jade’s school asked about her father? What if she asked? How was I supposed to say her father was none of the three men I was dating?
I wasn’t sheltered away from the world anymore. I had to live in it, and the world didn’t accept women wanting more than one man.
My quick steps turned trudging.
Amber caught up with me and sighed heavily. “I don’t say it to be mean, Kara. But you’re delusional if you think you can just have all three of them and there be no consequences. What happens behind these gates isn’t the real world, you know? I just don’t want to see you hurt.”
I didn’t really think that true, but when I glanced over at her, her expression seemed sincere, so I kept my doubts to myself. I spotted Hayden’s truck in the parking lot and hurried inside, ready to break up the interrogation.
When I entered the clubhouse, Grayson wasn’t in the hot seat after all. In fact, the only people in the room were women. Queenie and Hayley Jade sat on the floor coloring. Kiki and Fancy hovered around the closed “church” door.
All eyes turned my way.
That didn’t bode well.
I faltered in the doorway. “What’s going on?”
“Hawk called church.” Fancy didn’t spare a look, her gaze focused on peering through the tiny gap between the door and the frame. “Your men are all in there.”
I blinked. “Hawk and…”
She raised a thin eyebrow at me. “Don’t play stupid, girl. All your men.”
That didn’t make any sense. “But that’s church. Members only. Hayden and Grayson can’t go in there.”
“Whatever was on Hawk’s mind was clearly big enough he thought he needed to break the rules.” She shook her head. “Never seen that in all my years here.”
“Ugh,” Amber groaned. “They’re going to call a lockdown, aren’t they? For fuck’s sake. I can’t do that again. I’ll lose my mind.”
“Maybe they’re planning a takeover,” Kiki mused. “Maybe Hawk wants that prez patch.”
“He better fucking not be.” Fancy had venom in her eyes at the thought of her son being overthrown.
“Hawk would never,” I assured her. But worry bubbled up inside me all the same because something was definitely wrong. I glanced at Queenie, hoping she’d be the voice of reason.
Even she seemed concerned. “Don’t worry, sugar. I’m sure whatever it is has nothing to do with you.”
Nobody believed that. Least of all me.
A few minutes later, when the men all filed out of the room, nobody appeared very happy. But it was the three men I knew best who I turned to for reassurance.
Hawk’s face was a storm cloud. He kissed the top of my head but then mumbled something about needing to do a thing and disappeared into his room.
Hayden made a beeline for his, disappearing down the hallway without a word.
I looked to Grayson, trying to decipher the expression on his face and lowered my voice so no one else would hear. “Did you tell them about the… Do they know? Is that why everyone is mad?” I stared at Hawk’s closed bedroom door. Last night he’d been all for me and Grayson exploring the attraction between us, but he’d been drinking, and we’d been surrounded by sex. We’d both gotten lost in it. Was he having regrets? My stomach clenched at the thought of hurting him more than anything else.
But Grayson shook his head. “It’s not about you and me. Whether you tell them about the kiss is up to you.” He paused, his gaze raking over me. “I really hope you tell them though. Because I want to kiss you a whole lot more.”
His words sent a tingle of pleasure down my spine.
I squeezed his fingers. “I want that too.”
He breathed out slowly, his thumb stroking over the back of my hand. “Not tonight, though. There’s other things going on.”
“Why were you in church with them?” My voice was barely above a whisper because I didn’t need Fancy or the others poking their noses into my business. “They don’t let anyone in there. Not even prospects most of the time.”
Grayson’s mouth pulled into a grim line. “Hayden’s getting changed and then he’s going to fill you in.” He breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of my hair. “I don’t want to leave.”
“Then don’t,” I whispered back.
He shook his head. “I’ve got some things I need to take care of. Some people I need to check on.”
I stepped back, feeling guilty for taking up so much of his time with my drama. “Of course. I’m sorry. You have patients.”
“Something like that.”
I didn’t get to question what he meant because Hayden returned, his work uniform replaced with jeans and a hoodie. His perfect eyes focused on me as he came and fit a warm arm around me. “Need you tonight,” he murmured against my hair. “Need you to come with me.”
His fingers slid down my arm to tangle around mine.
I stared up at him. “What’s going on?”
He tugged me toward the door, his grip tight. “I’ll tell you when we’re in the truck. Queenie—”
“I’m on bedtime duty tonight. No sweat. Little Miss here has school tomorrow.”
I had no idea what was going on, but it was really starting to worry me. Impatient to know whatever it was Hayden was going to tell me, I knelt in front of my daughter, tugging her up onto her feet. “Eat some dinner and don’t forget to brush your teeth, okay?”
Hayley Jade frowned, then pulled away, running to her bedroom.
She appeared a moment later with the picture book I’d read to her at least four times before bed last night.
I took it from her fingers and passed it to Queenie. “Queenie will read it for you tonight.”
Queenie tapped her long fingernails across the book’s cover. “Sure will. This one looks great.”
Hayley Jade shook her head, pushing the book back to me.
My heart squeezed and leapt and broke all at once.
She so rarely wanted me over one of the others.
I stared down at the book in my hands. It was about families, the illustrations depicting a mom, a dad, and a young, dark-haired daughter. I couldn’t say no to her. Didn’t want to. Especially when she sat so close to my side it could almost be considered a snuggle.
Hayden and Queenie leaned on the wall, watching me read the story, Hayley Jade listening attentively to every word.
I read the short story twice and laughed when she pushed the book at me again, clearly asking for a third round.
“I think I could read this book a hundred times and you’d still ask for more, wouldn’t you? How about you come into my bed in the morning and we’ll get cozy and read it again then? As many times as you want.”
She nodded so enthusiastically, I smiled.
“It’s a date. And after, I’ll make you some of those pancakes you like.”
Hayley Jade’s gaze slid to Hayden, her expression turning hopeful.
He chuckled. “Or I could make them for both of you?”
Hayley Jade nodded, and I laughed.
“That sounds like a much better idea.” I ruffled her hair affectionately. “Night-night, sweetheart.”
Queenie whisked her away into the kitchen, Hayley Jade skipping after her happily at the prospect of Hayden-made pancakes in the morning.
My heart brimmed over with gratitude for the people I’d found here. How we were all raising Hayley Jade together. That was what a true community did.
It was what Ethereal Eden preached but had never actually put into practice. I’d had no support when she’d been a baby. Nobody had been there to help me when she’d cried all night with colic or when I was too sick to take care of either of us. I’d just been told to get on with it. To do my job as a wife because the men had more important things to do.
When Josiah had taken her away from me, not one person had stepped in to stop him.
Not one person had had my back.
Coming here changed everything.
When Hayden held his hand out to me, I put mine in it, knowing my daughter was loved.
And from the expression on his face, so was I.