36. Kara
36
KARA
T he next few days, everyone was on edge. Hawk hovered around, stressed to the eyeballs and seeming like he wanted to call a lockdown at any minute. Every time the men disappeared into church, the other women and I held our breaths, waiting for their decision.
I wrung my hands nervously, hating their lives could all be severely impacted because of me. Kiki and Amber told stories of the last lockdown they’d had and how they’d hated every moment of it. Queenie was too sweet to say anything, but the dirty looks Fancy threw my way told me nobody was very happy with me for bringing this to their doorstep.
But each time the men came out, it seemed Fang and the others had talked Hawk off the ledge.
I was glad for it. Not because I was selfless. Lord knew I’d been more than selfish a time or two lately. But because the fact was, nothing had happened.
The police had come by, and Hawk had yelled at them for a good hour, while they assured him they were investigating the kidnapping threats and that they’d issued an order for Josiah’s podcast episode to be removed.
That hadn’t been enough for Hawk, and Hayden and Grayson had sat by quietly, not looking too happy about it either, but nobody could get a word in around Hawk’s ranting.
He’d taken me to his room that night, and we’d had slow, sweet, lovemaking sex. The kind I doubted anybody but me knew he was even capable of.
It had been full of fear and love, and it broke my heart to see him the way he was.
Hayden had the restaurant, and Grayson had his job to distract them.
But in the absence of War, who was still holed up in his love nest with his family and new baby, Hawk’s focus was solely on keeping not only me but the entire club safe.
The toll was beginning to show.
But the world didn’t stop turning because we had problems.
Hayley Jade kept going to school because keeping her sheltered from the threats and happy was my main priority. She was thriving in the company of other children. She got herself up every day and was dressed and ready hours before we needed to leave. Once or twice, though she still didn’t make a sound, I caught her lips moving as she tried to read the simple, two-or-three-words-per-page books the school sent her home with.
I volunteered at the hospital more than I ever had.
Partly because I loved it. Partly because wherever I went, Hawk went, and if anyone needed to be in their happy place right now, it was him.
The hospital was truly turning out to be that for him. He and Grayson bantered back and forth every time they found themselves in the clinic together or on the same ward on days the clinic didn’t run. I didn’t miss the way Hawk asked him questions any chance he got, comfortable enough with Grayson or Nurse Willa to show interest in something, even if they were the only two he did that with. He still curled his lip at the doctors who acted like nurses and volunteers were so far beneath them they didn’t even get the courtesy of a hello. I couldn’t blame him. Some of them were horrible.
The Friday free clinic rolled around, and Hawk actually whistled beneath his breath, despite the fact the parking lot was unusually full and we had to walk farther than normal.
I nudged him. “You’re in a good mood.”
He shrugged. “I like it here. I like feeling useful and like I’m doing something that actually matters.” He glanced at me. “I think we should enroll for the GED classes.”
Excitement lit up inside me. “You do?”
He slung an arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “I can’t exactly keep pretending I’m only here as your bodyguard.” His gaze strayed to the ambulance sitting in the ER dock and the paramedics milling around it, restocking supplies and marking things off on their checklists. “I want that.”
“The rush of treating patients in an emergency situation? Or the paperwork?”
He chuckled. “I’m all about the action, Little Mouse. Hopefully, my partner will be better at crossing T’s and dotting I’s than I am.”
I put my arm around him and squeezed. “You’ll be an amazing paramedic.” I meant it with all of my heart. I didn’t think my future was there beside him in an ambulance. I didn’t thrive in high-pressure environments like Hawk did.
But as I walked inside the clinic full to the brim with waiting patients, too poor to go to a doctor at any other time, my heart settled into something that felt a lot like happiness.
If someone had asked me in that moment what I wanted to spend my life doing, I would have easily answered, this. I didn’t know if that meant becoming a nurse, or maybe a physiotherapist or a dietitian, but I knew all of that started with just getting my high school equivalency so I could begin.
All my years of studying the Bible weren’t going to help me here. And I couldn’t wait to learn something more than scriptures. Something inside me craved it as much as Hayley Jade did. I smiled at the thought of getting up early with her every morning, her practicing her reading while I studied before the breakfast Hayden would make in the kitchen. Hawk joining us with books. Grayson looking over our shoulders and offering help while he fit his tie around his neck, a day of work stretching ahead of him.
I bit my lip at the daydream, knowing I was crazy to think it could be that easy.
Except it felt like it might be.
When Grayson was the first person we saw as we entered the hospital through the staff entrance, my heart lit up and a tiny voice whispered inside my head that he was the thing in my life that could make it complete.
“Hi!” I said a bit too loudly, nerves suddenly fluttering around my belly at the sight of him in fitted suit pants and a button-down shirt rolled to his elbows. His forearms, thick with corded muscle, drew my gaze, and it lingered there, while my stomach did backflips at how attractive he was.
I didn’t know how I hadn’t seen it earlier.
But ever since that night at Sinners, and since he’d kissed me at the beach, I was struggling to think of Grayson as a friend.
I wanted him to be so much more.
His warm gaze settled on me, and I breathed out slowly, trying to calm my nerves.
Hawk pulled me in so his lips were to my ear. “Settle, Little Mouse. I can practically smell you getting wet over the sight of him.”
I was sure my cheeks went bright red.
I hadn’t told Hawk or Hayden about the kiss on the beach but I had a feeling they knew something had changed between me and Grayson.
“Morning, Doc,” Hawk drawled. “What’s on the agenda today?”
Grayson jerked his head toward the waiting room. “It’s already crazy here. We’re so busy. Which in a way is good. I’ve been pushing the hospital board to extend the clinic’s hours, because clearly the community needs it. One day a week isn’t enough. They disagreed, but after this turnout, they have to see that we need more resources. More time. More everything.”
I peeked around the corner at the waiting room, and my mouth dropped open. Every seat was full. People stood around the edges. Some had taken up seats on the floor, like they’d been there for hours and were too tired to stand any longer.
Grayson grimaced. “Willa was here early. She said they were lined up around the block, waiting for the doors to open.”
Grayson’s phone rang, right as a voice from the examination cubicle behind me called my name.
All three of us glanced over.
Hayden sat on a bed, legs dangling over the side, his work uniform still on but his hand bandaged with thick white strips of cloth. He waved the injured limb pathetically.
“Oh my God!” I rushed to his side. “What are you doing here?”
Hayden shrugged. “Small kitchen injury that wouldn’t stop bleeding. I just need a couple of stitches—"
Hawk followed close behind me, immediately going to Hayden’s side and picking up his hand, unwrapping the messy bandage to examine the wound. “So you came here instead of coming to me? That’s fucking insulting. Do you have any idea how long you’ll wait here for someone to throw a few stitches in that?”
Hayden huffed at him. “You and I aren’t exactly besties lately.”
It was true. The two of them had been mostly avoiding each other since the night of the infamous threesome that was apparently never to be repeated, because Hawk and Hayden were too busy trying to one-up each other.
Hawk pressed his lips together and then drew the curtain. “I’m still perfectly capable of stitching up your finger.” He lowered his voice. “Even if I didn’t want to fuck you.”
Hayden watched him carefully. “You wanted to fuck me. You still do. That’s the whole problem, isn’t it?”
Hawk paused in rifling through the supply stand for a suture kit. “Do you want your finger fixed or not?”
Hayden held out his hand with a sigh. “Just stitch it, you know-it-all.”
Grayson stuck his head around the curtain, gaze landing on what Hawk was doing. He half covered his eyes with his hand. “I’m going to act like I don’t see you doing that, unlicensed, in a hospital.”
Hawk didn’t lift his gaze from where he was taking great delight in spraying Hayden’s cut-up finger with some sort of stinging antiseptic that had Hayden flinching. “We were never here, Doc. You saw nothing.”
Grayson didn’t seem convinced. He glanced over at me. “Stitches are one thing, but please don’t let him attempt any open-heart surgeries while I’m gone. I know he’s confident, but some things actually do require proper training.”
I chuckled. “I’ll do my best.”
“I’d rock an open-heart surgery,” Hawk muttered, his entire attention focused on his work.
Hayden just rolled his eyes. We all knew Hawk’s arrogance was out of control. But it was also something I kind of loved about him. I wished I had half the confidence in myself. I had no doubt in my mind that if someone had actually desperately needed heart surgery, and Hawk was the only one there to do it, he would have at least had a go.
I shook my head. “I need to get out there. Willa will be run off her feet, no doubt, and begging for some help.” It suddenly registered that Grayson had said he was leaving. “You aren’t actually leaving are you? The clinic…”
Grayson cringed. “I know. But I just got a call and I need to run home. I’ll be as quick as I can.”
Hawk glanced over at him finally. “You ditching us like your stuck-up doctor friends who think they’re too good to help the people who really need it?”
Grayson gave him a dirty look. “You did not just lump me in with Tahpley and his crew. I think you know me better than that by now.”
Hawk eyed him, then nodded. “Fine. Go. Don’t know what’s so urgent it can’t wait ’til five, but whatever.”
Grayson’s mouth pulled up at the corner. “That attitude is what’ll make you a great paramedic. Don’t lose it.” He turned to me. “Tell Willa I’m sorry and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I nodded, watching him break into a run as he made his way down the corridor to the exit, swiping his staff card on the box by the door so they would let him out.
The noise from the waiting room was reaching a swell, and the nurses trying to keep the peace out there floated back to me. It was a job I could do for them, freeing them up for the actual medical procedures. At least the ones Hawk wasn’t stealing from them. “I need to go. Will you two maybe manage to be civil to each other while I’m gone?”
“Can’t make any promises like that, Little Mouse.” Hawk stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth and stabbed a needle into Hayden’s finger, pulling through a length of cord and neatly closing the slice mark in Hayden’s skin. “But I won’t kill him. So go on out there and do your thing. I’m nearly done here. Once I send old butterfingers here back to work, I’ll come join you.” He made another stitch. “Honestly, how the hell do you cut yourself this bad? Aren’t you some sort of hot-shot chef? Don’t you have any knife skills?”
Hayden ignored him and turned to me. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely. See you tonight. Unless Hawk here has given me a staph infection and I’m back here in a few hours with a raging fever and gangrene.”
Hawk glared at him. “Sometimes I really wish I’d just left you to bleed out on the side of the road, you know?”
“Sometimes I wish I’d aimed that gun higher than your leg.”
I sighed. “And sometimes I wish the two of you would just admit you want each other and kiss, but hey, we can’t all get what we want, can we? I’m going out to help some people who aren’t in the middle of using an argument as foreplay.”
Hawk stopped his sewing and stared at me. Hayden’s mouth dropped open in shock.
I snorted on a laugh and left them gawking.
Men were idiots. At least the two of them were.
Stupid, sexy, lovable idiots, who really needed to get on the same page because I hadn’t stopped thinking about being sandwiched between their naked bodies.
I really wanted it to happen again. Even if I wasn’t going to admit that to anyone but myself.
Maybe Grayson could join in too.
I was suddenly glad he’d left because my cheeks flushed hot, and I was sure the images playing on a loop behind my eyes were wanted by no one but me.
Dirty, sexy, foursome images, just rolling around in my head, blinding me to what my reality actually was. But for a sweet moment, as I made my way through the waiting room to where Willa sat behind the nurses’ station looking frazzled, I let myself have the fantasy.
I’d later blame that for not noticing that the number of people in the waiting room had doubled since my first peek. I didn’t notice the swell of voices when I entered, the volume getting loud, so I couldn’t pick out overall words until they were shouts.
“That’s her! I’m sure of it! Josiah’s wife!”
The mention of my husband’s name sent a chill of fear down my spine.
A swarm of men, men who I’d thought to be patients, stood from their chairs, all spinning in my direction. One glared at me with a hate so startling I took a step backward, hitting my hip painfully against the nurses’ desk.
I shook my head fast. “No,” I lied. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Kara,” Willa asked behind me, concern filling her voice. “What’s—”
“You must repent!” A man lunged for me, his expression twisted in hateful devotion to the man who’d made my life a living hell for the past five years.
I screamed, his fingers wrapping in the sleeve of my shirt and yanking.
The sound of tearing fabric cut through the sudden din in the waiting room, at least a dozen men swarming me, forcing me back farther and farther as they came at me with hate in their eyes.
Hate Josiah had put there with his words. His podcast. His insane reward I knew these men would never see a dime of because that was just how Josiah rolled. He’d think nothing of offering money to have these people do his dirty work for him, knowing all along he had no intention of paying.
I yanked my arm away from the man, backing up until I hit a wall.
“Someone call security!” one of the nurses shouted.
But I already knew security would be too late.
The room spun. I tried to suck in air around my panic, more and more people spilling into the waiting room, a planned attack in progress that I’d been stupid enough to walk straight into.
“Get back!” Willa shouted, her and two other nurses putting themselves and chairs and anything else they could find in the path of the mob who had me in its sights.
“Repent.” A low chant started. “Repent. Repent.”
More and more voices added. One of the nurses screamed when a man grabbed her, shoving her roughly in order to get to me.
The voices grew louder, people not involved fleeing in fear and furniture crashing to the floor in their haste to get away. But the mob outnumbered everyone else, and they enclosed on me like hungry sharks.
“Stop!” I yelled. “Please! He’s not what you think! He’s a liar. He’s not giving any of you any money! This is a hospital. There are sick people here. Just stop!”
“Repent. Repent. Repent.” They pushed forward again, fights breaking out amongst each other as they tussled to get me.
At the back of the room, I caught a glimpse of Hawk and Hayden, but they were quickly swallowed by the crowd between us.
“The Devil has control of her tongue!” the ringleader shouted.
“Cut it out!” another replied.
“She’s worth a hundred K! Get the fuck out of my way!”
My blood ran cold.
I’d listened to the podcast. Josiah had asked for me back in one piece. Unharmed.
These men didn’t care. Their gazes were wild with the hunt, and a brand-new fear unlocked inside me, swirling up my throat until it felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Willa flung her nurses’ pass at me. “Get back behind the security doors!”
I stumbled, another hand catching me, sharp fingernails cutting into my skin. A scream ripped from my throat as I dragged myself away.
“Kara!” Hawk and Hayden’s bellows of my name were simultaneous.
But I couldn’t get to them, and they couldn’t get to me. We were separated by an impenetrable wall of people.
Willa shoved me through the security doors, falling in after me, a doctor rushing in from behind to yank the doors closed.
Willa scrambled to her knees, groaning in pain but her gaze all for me. “Are you hurt?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t think so. But—”
Pounding came from the other side of the door. The wood rattled, and Willa and I both got to our feet, preparing to run.
Through the tiny glass window, we watched in horror at the pandemonium on the other side. An all-out brawl had broken out, men running at the door and barging it with their shoulders, trying to break it down.
“Call a code nine,” Willa urged the doctor, staring through the windows, terror in her eyes at the patients and staff we’d left on the other side in order to save ourselves.
The doors weren’t going to hold.
We both screamed as something solid hit them. They were using a chair as a battering ram.
“Kara!” Willa shouted. “Run. They’re going to be in here any minute!” She grabbed at my arms, my hands, trying to pull me away.
But through the doors, Hayden’s gaze met mine.
I signed Hayley Jade’s name, my fingers moving fast.
Hawk appeared beside him, breathing hard, a cut on his face dripping blood, showing me he’d already been fighting. I signed it again, this time screaming her name along with the sign.
Because I wasn’t the only one Josiah had wanted.
This mob would be at her school too.
“Go!” I screamed at them through the door, tears streaming down my face, sure they couldn’t hear me but unable to keep the word from ripping straight from my soul. “Go to her!”
Hawk’s expression was pure anguish. His soul clearly torn between staying here and fighting for me.
Or leaving to save the little girl he’d so obviously fallen in love with.
“Hawk, please! Go!”
He let out a bellow of anguish that was torn from somewhere so deep inside him I was sure he might never recover. He spun on his heel, the crowd swallowing him up and jostling Hayden so roughly I lost sight of him for a second.
The crack of breaking glass splintered through the chaos.
“Kara! We have to go now!” Willa screamed. “If they get through those doors, there’s no telling what they’ll do to you!”
But I couldn’t leave until I told Hayden the one thing I should have already said.
When our gazes locked through the crowd, I made the same sign he’d shown me in the truck.
The one I knew in my gut meant I love you.
He silently mouthed the words back at me.
Hayley Jade was the last thing I signed, praying he would go to help Hawk, as the locks gave way and a mob full of men hunting me down stormed through the doors.