Chapter 21 Cethin #2
“If you bear the title, it will make them second-guess their intentions.”
“How will it be any different? You offered your protection, and I was still attacked.”
The words rankled him because they were absolutely true.
“And had any of them survived,” he gritted out, “their fate would have been sealed. But you left none alive, tiny fiend.”
“Exactly. I can protect myself. So I fail to see the advantage of moving the union up. A queen in title only does not offer me any more protection than I have now.”
“It comes with the title itself,” he pushed. “Right now, you are simply my betrothed, but with the title… It’s not a lot, but it’s something,” he finally admitted. “We can get you an additional guard, or a different one entirely, if you wish for added protection.”
“No,” she said quickly. “I mean, one is more than enough, and Razik is fine.”
Razik is fine.
It took everything in him not to say something about that. Or her quick response to keeping the male around. If anything, he wanted this union moved up to make a point to everyone: she was his and no one else’s.
“When would it be moved to?” she asked after several beats of silence.
He winced internally, bracing himself for her reaction. “The next full moon.”
He watched her brow furrow as she mentally calculated. Then her eyes slowly slid back to his. “That is tomorrow night.”
“It is,” he agreed.
“You want this union to happen tomorrow,” she repeated.
“I do.” In a rush, he added, “The celebration can wait another moon cycle as planned. We can do things our own way.”
Something flickered across her features at the words. “Do things our own way,” she murmured, more to herself than him.
He nodded, forcing himself not to reach for her hand. “We do the union tomorrow night under the full moon. Then we have a full moon cycle to prepare for the kingdom celebration. You have more time to acclimate, but you are still afforded all the privileges of the title.”
“In title only,” she clarified.
“Yes, in title only.”
She rolled her lips, turning back to the horizon. “For how long?”
“It was already stated the union was eternal, Kailia,” he deadpanned.
“I mean how long will it be in title only?”
His brows shot up. He hadn’t been aware she wanted anything more than the title, considering he was coercing her into that to begin with.
Clearing his throat, he said, “That has to be a unanimous agreement of the advisory council and I.”
She looked at him, her beautiful features almost glowing in the spring sun. “Would you agree to it? Right now? If I agreed to move the union to tomorrow?”
He’d manipulated a lot of this, but he couldn’t lie to her. Not about this. “No, Kailia,” he answered. “I wouldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because these are my people. I took a vow to protect them, and I’m having to force you into doing that,” he said. “I cannot give you the power to rule over them if I’m having to force you to protect them.”
She nodded, appearing to mull that over. “So I need to be convincing in more ways than one,” she said.
Unable to help himself, he reached out and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. A single point of contact, but she still grimaced.
“No, Kailia,” he replied. “In order for me to agree to you being more than queen in title only, I’d need it to be real.
I’d need you to not wince at my touch or freeze in my proximity.
I’d need you to truly care about the people in this kingdom, not just about getting your arrow back.
I’d need you to be able to walk through the streets without worry.
I’d need this—all of this—to be so much more than what it is right now. Not just a means to an end.”
He released her chin, taking a measured step back and putting space between them before he did something truly stupid. That was all this was anyway. A means to an end. Something he’d orchestrated to get what he needed.
“I need to earn it then?” Kailia asked, her head tilting in question.
“This is not a competition, Kailia,” he spat, the mere idea making his lip curl in a snarl. “My people are not a godsdamn prize.”
She nodded, returning to staring off at the horizon.
He sighed. This was clearly going nowhere.
Leaving her to her thoughts, he went back into the room, making his way to the bathing chamber.
While Kailia needed another day of healing, he did not.
He filled the tub nearly to the brim. Stripping down, he lowered into the steaming water, contemplating his next moves.
It wasn’t the ocean, but the water was still soothing, unlike his thoughts.
Maybe he’d been wrong about this the entire time.
Yes, they needed her weapons, but at the expense of her believing his kingdom was some kind of prize?
That he was somehow using his people to negotiate with her?
Who thought like that? How could he put someone in the position of queen who thought like that?
He couldn’t change that now. Not with the bargain in place.
But it was clear he could never make her anything more than the queen in title.
He’d have to come up with something else until there was an heir, and who knew when the fuck that would be.
She couldn’t stand being touched, and creating an heir definitely required some touching.
What a godsdamn mess.
When he emerged sometime later, he was no closer to an answer than before. She’d come back inside and was standing near the chair he’d been sleeping in, as if waiting for him.
“Need something?” he asked, planning to go downstairs and eat with the others tonight.
He needed a bit of normalcy, and he suddenly found himself more than ready to go back to Aimonway.
There was a reason he didn’t stay here anymore.
For the briefest of moments, she’d helped him forget.
Given him something to focus on. Was the exact distraction he’d needed her to be.
“I’ll do it,” she said.
“Do what?”
“Agree to the union tomorrow night.”
His brows shot up. “Why would you do that?”
“I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“Yes, but you don’t. You have no reason to want that, and I already explained my people are not some competition or game,” he said, turning to leave her be.
“I know that,” she called after him.
He turned back to find she’d closed some of the distance between them.
“I know that,” she repeated, rubbing the tips of her fingers together before shaking out her hands. “It isn’t a game. I understand that. I didn’t mean to imply that it was. They are real people. No one understands that better than I do.”
He somehow doubted that, but he crossed his arms, waiting for her to go on.
“In all my years, no one has given me a chance to choose my own purpose, and you are doing that,” she supplied, this entire conversation clearly difficult for her.
“Not only that, you’ve been patient with me and my shortcomings.
I know I’m not a practical choice for this role, but you chose me anyway.
I’ve been trying to figure out why. I still don’t understand it. ”
By the Fates, that was the most she’d ever spoken at any given time.
She was looking anywhere but at him as she said, “Being a queen in title only feels pointless. The responsibility gives me purpose. You choosing me for this gives me a purpose, and it’s something I’ve been seeking for a very long time.”
He studied her, waiting for her to willingly meet his gaze again. When she finally did, he said, “I won’t just give it to you, Kailia. Even if I change my mind down the road, there’s still the council.”
“I know.” Then she gave him a small smile. “But I have to start somewhere.”
She shrugged, clearly out of words to say, and even as he stared at her, he knew this wasn’t the conclusion he should come to. He’d sat in the steaming tub and gone through every reason this was a terrible idea. Why it had been a terrible idea from the start.
But he still found himself saying, “Tomorrow night?”
Her smile grew a little more, one of the most genuine he’d ever seen from her. She nodded. “Tomorrow night.”
This was a terrible fucking idea, but he’d claimed her as his. He wasn’t about to let her go now. He wasn’t sure he could, even if he wanted to.
He wasn’t surprised to find Tybalt there when he entered the dining room. He was, however, surprised to learn he’d sent Jarek and Fallon back to Aimonway, Wren returning with them.
Grabbing a bottle of ale from the icebox, he turned back to the male, bracing himself for wherever this conversation was about to go.
Except his mind was already back on the female upstairs and the fact that tomorrow night, he’d be calling her wife.
Something he’d fought so hard against for so long.
Something that had been pushed on him for decades, only to be the one pushing it on someone else now.
That was some twisted irony, but he supposed that was fitting given everything that had been happening this year.
“Where is Kailia?” Tybalt asked, seated at the table.
“Upstairs,” Cethin answered, pulling out the chair at the head of the table, the wooden legs scraping along the rug.
“You are both healed?” Tybalt asked, watching him.
Cethin sighed, sitting back in his chair and steepling his forefinger along his temple. His eyes flickered to Razik, seated across from the Commander. His face was apathetic and unreadable as always.
“There is no need for pleasantries, Tybalt,” Cethin said, picking up the ale and taking a drink.
“There’s always time for pleasantries,” Tybalt replied, settling back into his chair as well. “Sometimes I think we skip over them far too often. It’s damaging in many ways. Like skipping straight to a meal without the alcohol.”
Cethin huffed a small chuckle under his breath. “While I see your point, I think we can all agree the past several days have been intense.”