Chapter 31
Kailia
She was never one for pacing.
It involved too much movement. Gave away too many things.
Exposed too many weaknesses. No, instead she’d been trained to stand still.
So still, even her ashes had no reason to drift or flutter.
No movement drew no attention. It was easier to observe.
To blend in. To disappear into the shadows and smoke when the time came.
No one missed what they never noticed to begin with.
Even when she heard the door open, she didn’t move from her post near the window in their bedchamber.
Still able to see the sky, despite the moon being hidden behind clouds tonight, she’d been waiting in here on purpose.
It gave her time to gauge his current mood, even if it was only for a few seconds.
She’d come to differentiate their footsteps now. Knew this was Cethin and not Razik returning for some reason or another. And she could tell Cethin was still upset from earlier today. His footfalls were harsher, more pronounced than usual. Those were the types of footfalls she’d feared as a child.
Those types of footfalls signaled unacceptable failure.
But she was no longer a child, and now those types of footballs had her descending into a place of focused calm.
The world quieted. All her senses honed in on the approach, waiting to see if this was a threat.
Was this prey coming to her? She much preferred the hunt, but sometimes, they came straight to her anyway.
Cethin didn’t even pause when he entered the room, going straight to the dressing closet. She knew he’d seen her. He always seemed to know where she was. That much was evident today when he’d found her at the small dance studio with Razik.
I’m glad to see Cethin has finally figured out you are getting lonely.
Razik’s words had rolled around in her mind these last hours while she’d waited. She wasn’t lonely. Was she?
No. She definitely preferred solitude and being alone. People were too…complicated.
Like right now. She needed to learn to dance appropriately, and Razik had offered to teach her. She didn’t understand why Cethin was so upset by that. It was a solution to a problem and one less thing for him to handle.
He emerged from the dressing room some time later, having changed into a soft grey tunic and fresh black pants for dinner. His silver hair was pulled back, half of it tied up, and this time, those silver irises glanced over at her. Briefly. As if simply scanning the room.
As if she were that easy to dismiss.
Most of the time, that was what she wanted. She wanted to be the one that blended in so seamlessly, it wasn’t noticed whether she was there or gone.
But for some reason, she didn’t like being dismissed by him.
When Cethin started to leave the bedchamber, she found herself calling out, “That’s it?”
He paused, not even looking back at her when he asked, “What?”
“You’re going to say nothing to me?” she asked, still unmoving.
This time, he did look back over his shoulder when he said, “No, Kailia. I have nothing to say to you right now.”
She frowned. “I do not understand why you are angry.”
“I know,” he answered, turning away and attempting to leave once more.
He knew?
But if he knew, then he was intentionally leaving her confused, and that was…
a cruelty she’d always known he possessed.
A cruelness that was only the beginning of what he was capable of, despite how well he kept it hidden from his people.
Even she was questioning herself, which is why these little reminders weren’t a bad thing.
“Let’s go to dinner,” he said after a moment, and he sounded beyond weary. He sounded as if he hadn’t slept in weeks, and maybe he hadn’t. She wouldn’t know outside of the two nights he slept in the same bed as her.
“No,” she replied, working to keep that one word controlled rather than a shout of defiance.
He’d made it a few more steps before he stilled once more. When he turned to face her, he was rubbing at his brow, stray silver strands framing his face, dancing across his sharp cheekbones and brushing his jaw.
“Kailia, I cannot do this with you right now,” he said, still not looking at her.
“But I wish to discuss this now.”
“No.”
“You and that godsdamn word,” she growled, unable to keep her irritation from her tone any longer. She’d taken two steps towards him before realizing it, her fingers inching toward the dagger.
But he…
He had taken two steps back.
“If you won’t discuss this now, then I won’t go to dinner tonight,” she said plainly, trying to figure out what kind of game he was playing this time.
He never backed away from her. If anything, he crowded her while somehow also giving her space.
It was a perplexing contradiction she’d spent far too much time contemplating as of late.
“Then you won’t be upholding your end of the bargain,” he said just as simply. “You know. The convincing part.”
“So you are allowed to come and go as you please, but I am required to attend whatever you demand?” she asked. “Is that how your parents portrayed the thrones as well?”
“My parents are not part of this discussion.”
“I have no one to model the desired actions, Cethin,” she said, her ashes vibrating.
Her soul vibrating with confusion and anger and a helplessness she hadn’t felt in a very long time.
A helplessness she’d vowed never to feel again, and yet since coming here, that very emotion had been slowly winding around her. Tightening. Strangling.
“This is something we can discuss later,” he said, again turning away from her.
“Then I will see you after dinner. Or tomorrow, I suppose. Since spending time with me in these rooms is as appealing to you as sleeping in the stables with the horses,” she snapped.
He turned back, that exasperation turning into something a little darker.
A simmering fury at what she could only assume was her pushing back.
A king was used to being obeyed without question, but he was the one who’d made her his queen.
If anyone was at fault for any of this, it was him. He was at fault for all of it.
“I find the stables quite comforting actually,” he answered, and she felt her mouth drop open. What kind of answer was that?
It took her a moment before she said, “That sounded like you’d prefer to sleep with the equine rather than spend any amount of time with me.
” When he only stared back at her, she added, “If that is the case, then I truly do not understand why you care if I’m dancing with Razik, spending time outside these walls, or if I were to find my way to another’s bed because—”
Darkness rippled, a wave of inky fog undulating along the floor until she was standing in a knee-deep flood of magic. The iciness of it had her gasping, sharp pricks of bitter cold against her flesh that had her whole body shuddering. Not from the cold but because it wasn’t fire.
He was a few steps away from her now, and she wasn’t entirely sure when he’d moved. But that darkness drifted in his eyes, making them look like swirling silver orbs.
“Do not ever suggest sharing another’s bed, wife. The day you took that Mark, you became only mine,” he snarled, his magic pulsing with each word.
She lifted her hand, flipping it over to look at the Mark on her palm.
She could swear it had a pulse of its own, beating at an erratic rhythm.
Bright as the hidden moonlight, she’d spent a good portion of her nights these last weeks wondering if it had been a mistake.
If she should have found another way. But spending too much time on the what-ifs distracted from the things she could control.
The pieces she could move and the outcomes she could guide.
“You have nothing to say to that?” he demanded, his hands fisted as he shoved them into his pockets.
“So now we are discussing things?” she asked. “Minutes ago, you said you didn’t wish to discuss anything. If that’s no longer the case, explain your reaction at the dance studio.”
“Kailia!” he barked. “You can’t…” He trailed off, pulling his hands from his pockets. One went to his hair, remembering too late that it was tied back. His fingers got caught in the strands, more of them falling free.
“If you can’t, then I can,” she retorted, taking one step, the space between them fraught with tension but something more.
Something she couldn’t name, but something that made her want more of it.
“You do not get to throw a fit when I am simply trying to do what is required of me. The Union Celebration is next week. I understand there will be dancing required. I am trying to prepare for what will be expected of me.”
“Then ask me,” he snapped, his breaths shallow and sharp, as if he was wrestling with some kind of unseen threat.
“When?” she cried. “When am I supposed to ask you? When you’re absent during the nights?
When you’re gone all day? Between conversations when I’m on display at meals?
You shoved me into an arena and told me to fight with no training.
Which is fine. I’m used to such things, but you certainly don’t get to question how I teach myself to fight and survive when you can’t even be bothered enough to ensure I have proper weapons. ”
“Because I do not trust myself around you right now!” he snarled, taking two steps towards her, and it was too close.
She stumbled back, but he was having none of it. For every step back she took, he closed the distance until she was backed against a wall.
With his fists shoved into his pockets once more, she could feel him.
Feel him vibrating in the same way she was—with fury and desperation and helplessness—but what could he possibly feel helpless about?
The king of the continent that had once ruled the realm.
A king who could have anything and anyone laid at his feet.
A king who would do anything to get what he wanted, no matter the costs.