Chapter 38
SKYLAR
Mack:
I’m already here. I’m inside.
I pocket my cell after getting out of my car and stare at a building that is most certainly not a restaurant. Which is too bad because I’m starving.
“Uptown Rage Rooms,” I say to myself and then laugh at the fact that Mack tricked me into coming here.
I feel bad for scaring this old man, but he knows how important this is to me.
Plus, what else is there for me anyway? I make my way to the front of the building and swing open the door.
I look over my shoulder at the parking lot one more time and notice that Mack’s old, beat-up truck isn’t out there.
Yet he just texted me saying he was inside. What is he up to?
Stepping into the lobby, I’m greeted by a small girl who doesn’t look a day over eighteen. Her big smile stretches across the span of her face, and her wild black hair drapes in front of her delicate features.
“Welcome to Uptown Rage Rooms!” she practically screeches at me, her small voice piercing my ears. I give her a warm smile as I approach the front desk.
“Are you with a group or by yourself?” She begins tapping on the computer in front of her and I notice she’s standing on a milk crate just to reach the counter.
“Um, well, I’m supposed to be meeting someone. Mack?” I say his name like a question. Her gaze snaps back to me as if his name startled her.
“Oh yes, he’s already inside. He told me to get you suited up and bring you back.
” You know when you can tell someone is lying to you, but they have no reason to be?
That’s the look this young girl is giving me right now.
She couldn’t be more obvious that she’s hiding something.
Shifty eyes, fidgeting fingers, and not being able to hold eye contact are just a few of her behaviors that started the second I said Mack’s name.
“Right,” I say, drawing out the word as I narrow my eyes on her.
She hops off her crate and steps in front of me.
I follow her to a small room behind the counter and watch as she starts grabbing protective gear from the walls.
A full white jumpsuit, pair of goggles and a pair of gloves are handed to me.
She’s still unable to look me in the eye.
“Right, as soon as you get dressed, I can take you back. All the tools are in the room, and everything is already set up for you to have some fun.” I’ve never been to a rage room, but I understand how they work.
Really, it’s just a room filled with breakable items such as plates, glasses, mirrors—really anything that’s easily breakable.
The person then chooses a weapon, which is almost always a bat, and they get to break any and everything inside the room. That’s really it.
Honestly, it sounds fun, but I’m quickly realizing that Mack is probably doing this in hopes I will release some of my anger towards my parents and not leave tomorrow.
Sorry to break it to you, Mack, but spending an hour breaking things is not going to dismiss the years of trauma my family put me through.
It was worth a shot though, and I admire his persistence in trying to get me to change my mind.
She brings me to room six and stops at the door.
“Here you are. Have fun. When you’re done, a small alarm will go off.
Leave all weapons in the room, and I will be waiting for you out here.
” She doesn’t wait for me to respond; she turns and practically runs back to the lobby.
That was fucking weird. I turn towards the door, twist the knob, and pull it open.
Stepping inside, I let the door close behind me, taking in the room full of china, mirrors, a few TVs and other knickknacks that will be easy to break.
“Alright, Mack. Why am I—” I turn to my left and freeze.
Instead of coming face-to-face with Mack, it’s the one person I’ve been avoiding for the past two months.
The person who taught me how to love, only to crush my soul in the most painful of ways.
My heart that once beat for his affection is now solid ice, freezing more and more inside my chest. An organ that’s so vital for every other system to survive died a slow, painful death the moment those elevator doors closed between us. Why?
“Saxon?” My voice comes out in a squeak.
“Hello, tesoro.” I shake my head from side to side, a cruel smile pulling at my lips.
How dare he call me a pet name as if he didn’t obliterate my heart two months ago?
As if he didn’t point his gun at my chest and make me believe for a split second, he was going to kill me?
Without thinking, I pull my gun from the back of my waist band and point the barrel at his chest. Dead center.
“How does it feel to have a gun pointed at you, huh?” I seethe. My face grows hotter with all the emotions this man conjures within me, swirling in a dangerous crescendo of destruction. My heart has never beat so fast in my life, and I fear it may burst.
“It wouldn’t be the first time, baby.”
“Stop calling me your little pet names, Saxon. I’m nothing to you.
” I spit my words. They taste like venom leaving my mouth, but they’re true.
I was nothing to this man, even when I thought differently.
The sting of the realization is too much.
I clear my throat, straightening my posture and hold steady, my eyes fixed on the tattoo on his throat.
The beautiful flower that reaches to the back of his neck.
I can’t look into his eyes. I don’t want to try to decipher why he’s here or how he’s feeling. I need to stay strong. For me.
“Why are you here? Where’s Mack?”
“He came to me this morning and told me about your little suicide mission.” I close my eyes for a long moment. How dare Mack do this to me after all he knows about Saxon and me?
“Traitor,” I mumble under my breath.
“No, not a traitor. Just a man who loves you as if you were his own daughter and doesn’t want to lose you.
” My eyes snap to his, and I instantly wish they hadn’t.
Saxon looks different. Not physically, but there’s an aura about him that seems almost like he’s, dare I say, broken.
A feeling I know all too well. Quickly, I focus back on his tattoo.
“Sky, look at me.” I don’t. I keep my eyes down in a safe zone, away from his emotions or anything else that could make me falter.
“Look. At. Me.” It’s not demanding, but his tone is strong enough that I cave, and when I do, I lower my gun, letting it hang by my side. I look into Saxon’s dark eyes and want to crumble. His hands are in his jean pockets, and his shoulders are hunched forward, but his head is still raised high.
“I’m sorry.” I shake my head back and forth almost instantly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I broke your trust and sent you away.
I made a mistake, tesoro, and I have to live with that.
” He steps forward, but I step back, swallowing the knot in my throat as he continues, “I realize nothing I say will make the pain I’ve caused go away, but I promise you I will show you how well and truly fucking sorry I am. ”
Taking another step back, I bump into the wall and notice the bat hanging from the hook beside me. I put my gun back into my waistband, then grab the handle of the bat with both hands.
“Do you want to hit me with that, Sky?” I can’t speak. I don’t trust my own voice to not come out sounding weak and pathetic. I just nod.
“Go ahead. I deserve worse.” Saxon takes a step closer to me until he’s a mere foot in front of me.
Closing his eyes, he stands tall, waiting for me to react.
I’d love to hit this man. To cause him even a fraction of the pain he caused me.
Looking at him now, it feels as though the pain he caused me stirred up his own pain as well.
Torturing himself, in a way, by denying himself the ability to trust me.
Lifting the bat, I get into my stance and swing.
Glass shattering fills the room as tiny fragments of the mirror spray across the space. I make my way towards a stack of plates and swing the bat with everything I have. When the glass settles, I turn back towards Saxon.
“Leave, Saxon. You have no business being here. Especially if you think coming here would change my mind about doing what I’ve always had planned. You of all people should know that.” I wait for him to move towards the door, but he doesn’t. He leans his back against the wall and stares at me.
“Mack loves you, you know. Going through with your plan tomorrow will only break that man more than he already is. Are you really wanting to get yourself killed so he has to go through losing a daughter all over again?” The backs of my eyes sting, and before tears can start to form, I swing that bat at another mirror, the noise echoing through the room.
I don’t stop.
I continue with the television that’s leaning against the wall, then the row of mirrors that are lined up at the end of the room.
More dishes and knickknacks all end up scattered across the room in millions of tiny pieces.
When I stop, I take a deep breath and realize I must have been holding it for a while.
I feel as though I can’t get a deep enough breath in.
“No one loves me, Saxon. I’ve known that for a long time.
I’ve made peace with that, and you should too.
” Standing up straight, I take in a deep breath, my eyes meeting Saxon’s as my vision starts getting blurry.
I will not fucking cry in front of this man.
I swing the bat again, the small owl ceramic now in broken shards all over the floor.
“Why are you so convinced that no one loves you?” My mouth falls open for just a moment. A sadistic laugh pushes past my lips as I swing the bat some more.
“No one has ever loved me. No one has ever cared about me! The one person who did is dead now, and I hate him for that!” I swing the bat, connecting with something, but I can’t see what since my eyes are rapidly filling with tears, which pisses me off even more.
“I hate that he left me here alone to suffer and fight to survive day in and day out! I hate him so much! I hate how much I fucking miss him! Every. Fucking. Day!” I stop swinging, letting the bat fall to my side as I try to catch my breath.
“No one loves me or will ever love me for me. Don’t you see that?
” I whisper the last part, my head dropping towards the floor as the first few tears fall.
“Not even you could love me. You showed me that the moment you told me to leave.”
I hear his boots crunching across the floor that’s now littered in glass. I can see the tips of his boots in my peripheral vision, but I don’t acknowledge his closeness.
“You’re wrong, tesoro. You’re so fucking wrong.” His fingers hook under my chin, and he pulls my face towards his. My eyes blur with so many tears, but I can’t stop them.
“Because I do love you.” Shutting my eyes tight, I shake my head back and forth and take a step back from him.
“You say that now, but what happens when you wake up one day and realize the woman lying next to you is nothing more than a broken soul? A woman who’s not even sure if she can love herself.
” Finally dropping the bat to the floor, I wipe away the tears that have collected along my chin.
“You don’t love me, Saxon. You don’t mean that. ”
“Stop fighting me on this!” His voice raises an octave, as if he’s trying to hold himself back. He steps towards me again and cups my face in his hands, peering down at me.
“Stop believing that you’re not worthy of love because of what happened in your past. Or because of who you are.
You’re so much more than the trauma you’ve endured.
I’m not going away anymore, so this endless battle you’re fighting is only going to leave you exhausted.
I’m not abandoning you. I fucked up. I admit that, and I’ll forever fucking hate myself for it.
I’ll spend the rest of my days proving to you that you’re worthy of a love so pure, so real, that it feels like the fairytales my sister fucking reads about.
” A sob escapes my throat. “My love for you is real. It always has been and always will be. Every fucking ounce.” He rests his forehead against mine, and I inhale his scent.
Bergamot and citrus smelling so clean and intoxicating that it makes my knees weak.
“Forgive me for my idiocy. I should have believed you. I do believe you, and I can’t say sorry enough for breaking this trust between us.
I’m a fucking idiot, but I’ve never been in love before, and it scares the shit out of me.
Even if you don’t accept my apology, you’re going to have to get used to me, because I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.
” I hold in my sob. I hold it in with all I have, trying my hardest to stay strong against this man, but it’s becoming unbearable.
“So, tesoro, you can fight me today, you can fight me tomorrow, but my love for you is as real as the moon is round, and I won’t stop showing you just how much you deserve to be loved. Now, stop arguing with me and let me kiss you.”