Chapter 49
SKYLAR
I’ve been seeking revenge on those who’ve ever done me wrong for most of my adult life.
Making my list and hunting them down just to make them pay in the most horrific and brutal ways was something I thought would feel liberating.
Something I thought would help erase the bad from my subconscious once and for all.
I came to a crushing realization the moment my father, mother, and brother finally lay dead at my feet.
After hours and hours of inflicting the most uniquely barbaric and vicious torture techniques upon them, I imagined my trauma and years of agony would magically evaporate from my body.
Oh, how I was sorely mistaken.
While watching my so-called family die at my own hands was cathartic and freeing in a way, this didn’t eradicate the past twenty-three years of pain caused by their hands.
Not even a fraction of my misery was eliminated.
I can still feel it. The heavy sludge of despair that leaves me feeling weighed down and broken still clogging my veins.
In fact, nothing has changed at all. Except for their hearts no longer beating, I can still feel the throbbing discomfort of my past banging against my ribs. How can this be?
The guys insist they will clean up the bodies, and all but demand that me and Saxon go home to take it easy for the rest of the night.
I don’t argue. Something inside me is off, and I desperately need to get some air.
Saxon must have felt the shift in my mood the second it happened.
His attentiveness towards me is high as he intertwines our fingers and leads me up the stairs into the crisp night air of the forest. It smells of rain, the wet ground mushes beneath my shoes, and the air is damp.
I inhale a deep breath, over and over. Inhaling and exhaling far too quickly.
“Hey, hey. Easy, tesoro. Slow it down a bit. Copy me. Ready. Inhale.” I shadow his movements, the inhale lasting for a steady three seconds. “And exhale.” He repeats this three times until I no longer feel as though I’m choking.
“You alright, baby?” Resting his hands on my shoulders, he pulls me closer to his chest, waiting for my response.
How can I tell him this didn’t work? Every single person who fucked with me, broke me, terrorized me is now dead, but I still feel this overwhelming sorrow inside. A sorrow I thought would go away.
“I don’t know. I just thought that maybe all this—” I can’t form a proper sentence. My hands begin to sweat, and I rapidly come to the conclusion that maybe I am properly broken, after all. They broke me for good.
“Saxon.” My eyes swell with big, fat tears.
My future looks bleak and painful, as if my past will walk beside me forever.
How can this be my life? How will I continue on knowing all I’ve endured will stay with me?
Like a parasite clinging to me, stopping me from flourishing into a new person.
A happy person. A healed person. A whole person.
My knees hit the wet earth as I cover my face.
A soul smashing sob racks through my body.
I am irreversibly broken. How will anyone see me as anything other than a woman who was brutally torn apart by her family?
Who could love someone like me? Just as my mind is self-destructing, his thick powerful arms lift me from the ground and sit me in his lap.
Saxon.
He is here. Holding me. Cradling me to his body. Holding me together while the world around me is falling apart.
“Shh, I got you, tesoro. I got you, and I will never let you go.” His hands are all over me, rubbing my back, my hair, my arms. He’s kissing my head and forehead over and over, reassuring me that I’m safe in his embrace. He is everywhere.
“They ruined me, Saxon. I’m still broken. I can still feel everything. Everything still hurts. Why does it still hurt so bad?”
“Hey, hey, don’t you say that. You are not broken, Sky.
Do you hear me?” He pulls me from his chest so he can look me in the eyes.
His dark eyes pierce into mine with such conviction, such honesty.
“You are not broken. Don’t you ever give them the satisfaction of thinking they won, even in the afterlife.
You are still here. You are still alive and breathing.
You are the survivor they wanted to eliminate.
You won, tesoro. Do you hear me? You won, and I am so fucking proud of you, baby. So fucking proud.”
We stay like this for what feels like hours. My tears keep coming and coming, and when I feel as though my body can no longer produce any more, he lifts me up. Grabbing beneath my knees and shoulders, he holds my body against his as he walks through the dark woods towards his home.
The walk is long, but he never struggles to carry me or indicates that I’m too heavy for him.
In fact, I’ve never felt as small in my life as I feel in his arms. Reaching the back door, he kicks the frame with his boot.
Small footsteps run through the house, the door flying open as Sage’s voice fills my head.
“Oh my God, Saxon. What happened? Is she okay?” Talking a million miles a minute, Saxon continues to carry me through his house with ease.
“She’ll be okay. I think she’s in a state of shock.
I’m going to give her a bath. The guys will be here soon.
Lock the door behind me, will ya?” Hurried footsteps leave us as Saxon ascends the stairs and to his ensuite bathroom.
Gently, he sits me down on the edge of his bed, kneeling between my legs and cupping my face in his hands.
“Will you be okay here while I start a bath?” Without saying a word, I nod, my body suddenly incredibly exhausted from how hard I’ve been crying. Before leaving me to head to the bathroom, he kisses my lips so softly, so gently, a warmth spreads across my face and down my chest.
The sound of water running sounds nice as it rapidly takes the place of my father’s and brother’s screams that are still plaguing my mind from earlier. Closing my eyes, I let the soothing sound fill me up, washing away anything else that’s crippling my mind until all I can focus on is the water.
“Alright, baby, it’s ready. Let’s get you out of these clothes.” With gentle hands, Saxon strips me of my clothes. One article at a time, being so delicate. The slightest touch of his fingers sends shivers throughout my body. It feels nice. He feels nice.
Once I’m completely naked, he picks me up once again and carries me to the enormous bubble bath he has waiting for me.
Once my ass hits the warm water, a satisfied sigh leaves my mouth and every muscle in my body rapidly releases tension.
Closing my eyes, I savor the warmth of the water and the smell of lavender scented bubbles I never expected Saxon to have.
“Sit up a bit, tesoro.” I do as he says and when the water begins to overflow just a bit, I know he’s joining me.
I feel his strong thighs sliding against mine, his arms wrapping around my waist as he pulls me against his chest, and I can’t help but relax into him.
I doubt I will ever know what heaven feels like, but if I had to guess, it is similar to this moment right here.
Saxon is my heaven on earth. My slice of paradise.
The only man who has watched me split apart into a million broken shards but held me together through it all.
The keeper of my heart and soul. Broken or not, he’s been with me through everything.
Despite the good, the bad, and the sheer ugliness of my past, he’s still stayed.
As much as I fear this journey forward is going to be absolute fucking chaos and a struggle nonetheless, at least I know I have him.
I have him.