Chapter 18
Nathan
Well, it’s safe to say that I am absolutely not beating the stalker allegations today.
Luckily, Arabella hasn’t seemed to notice my presence during any of the lapses in my self-control.
Fuck, this really needs to be the last time.
I can’t keep doing this. Following her on her dates with that other alpha is torture in the worst way.
Not to mention, her dog barked in my direction the last time I trailed after her, and I was so sure that she was going to notice me.
If it hadn’t been for the other dog demanding her attention, she might have.
I’d slipped away as she gave in to the lab's demands to throw its ball.
The weight of the new medication in my pocket feels far heavier than it could possibly be. Dr Hastings was an anxiety-inducing mixture of surprise and concern at our appointment earlier today.
The medication she gave us is usually effective in most cases. When it’s not fully so, it typically at least reduces the extremity of the symptoms, but they could’ve been sugar pills for all they’ve helped us.
The new medication weighing down my pocket is the alternative option offered.
If these don’t work, our options are pretty bleak, no matter how kindly or delicately she’d attempted to explain them.
The risk to our bond with each other is high, and there’s a smaller chance it could affect our ability to ever bond again in the future.
The alternative to the more powerful bond-breaking options is complete suppression of our alpha hormones, which apparently can affect far more than I expected.
The list of side effects from suppressing your designation is horrific and only made me more concerned for Arabella. What effects did her choice to suppress her omega hormones for four years cause her?
Are her bones weaker? Is she chronically exhausted?
It doesn’t seem that way when she’s running after her dog in the park, but what if she crashes when she gets home? What if she needs something and there’s nobody there to help her?
I want to go inside and knock on her door to see if she needs anything, but I know I can’t. I know that I shouldn’t even be here. I shouldn’t feel the urge to toss these new pills into the nearest bin, but how can I not resent something that’s trying to keep me away from her?
It starts to rain, and instead of finally going home like I said I would after the appointment, I duck under one of the balconies to shelter from the sudden downpour.
I check my phone. No texts from Alec, but he’s at work, so that’s expected.
He’d already cancelled two of the self-defence classes he teaches today to make the appointment; there was no need for him to bail out for the rest of his workday. Even if I wish he had.
Maybe if he’d been there to come home with me, I wouldn’t have been so fucking weak. I might have resisted coming here today.
Or maybe I would’ve just dragged him down with me.
“Hello there,” an older-sounding voice calls from the building’s main door as I’m shoving my phone back into my pocket.
I swivel around, seeing an older woman I’ve noticed around here. She seems friendly with Arabella, and I can’t help the way my fingers clench at my sides nervously.
What if she tells her I was here?
I reject the thought. She doesn’t even know I’m here because of her, so why would she mention it? It’s not like I’m carrying a big sign saying ‘Arabella’s No. 1 Stalker’.
“Are you alright, dear?” she asks, eyebrow raised as she takes in the sight of me, and I realise I never responded to her greeting.
I must look so fucking suspicious right now.
“Uh, yeah. Sorry, got lost in my thoughts for a second there,” I answer, forcing a smile. I hope it’s a smile. It feels more like a grimace.
“I noticed that.” She tilts her head, watching me closely. “Did you just move into the building? I’ve seen your face around quite a bit recently.
“Oh, um…” Shit. She’s perceptive. I’m not being careful enough.
“You know, I was wondering when they’d finally find someone to take the upstairs flat.
It’s been empty for nearly a year now.” Her words seem friendly enough, but I feel there’s an interrogation hiding underneath the layers of pleasantry.
“What are you doing standing out in the rain? I hope you’re not smoking; it’s terrible for your lungs.
Take it from an old lady who finally quit two years ago. ”
“Uhh—”
“Fucks with your hormones too,” she adds. The way she squints makes me feel exposed. Like she can see all my secrets written on my face. “Oh, sorry, I’m rattling on. Did you lock yourself out of the building, dear?”
“I—No, sorry. I was actually just visiting a friend who lives here. I just stopped to uhh—answer a message on my phone. Then I got distracted by my thoughts.”
Her forehead creases deeply into a frown, and I worry she’s about to call me out on my lie, but she only shakes her head with a quiet chuckle.
“Ah, I see. I shouldn’t have made assumptions. I wonder, were you visiting Ara—”
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I could fall to my knees and thank the universe for saving me from answering that particular question. I grab my phone and throw her an apologetic look. “Sorry, it’s my partner. I have to get this.”
She smiles and waves me off. “I won’t keep you.”
I nod, answering my phone as I speed away from the building. “Hey.”
“I thought you were going home,” Alec says instead of a greeting.
“I…I’m sorry.”
“It’s not—I didn’t call you to tell you off, babe. I’m worried.”
“I know. I’m on my way home now.”
“Okay. I’ll get dinner ready.”
“Wait, what time is it?” I blurt, pulling my phone from my ear to check it for myself. Nearly seven. I’ve been hanging around her building like a creep for almost five hours. Fuck. “I didn’t think it had been that long.”
“We’ll talk when you get back, okay? I love you.”
“I love you too,” I mumble before hanging up and letting my head smack into my palm. I don’t deserve him. I’m messing this all up. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”
The rain starts to fall even harder, drenching my clothes and making my hair stick against my skin. I walk a little faster, trying to ignore the feeling that even the weather agrees with me.
Why am I acting like a total moron?
Is it all on this false bond, or is it something deeply wrong with me?