Chapter 20
Arabella
After I explained that I needed to pick up supplies, I somehow miraculously convinced Reid to stay behind so I could go alone to clear my head. I think the only reason he agreed was because I started crying again.
I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t saying yes because he was right there in front of me, looking at me with his sexy face and saying all the right things.
Thankfully, Ruth agreed to take both pups. She didn’t even seem to judge me for once again frantically begging her to watch my dog because my heats are a menace.
As I walk over to the nearby corner shop for the supplies, I can’t stop thinking about Reid. I can’t believe I told him he could stay. He’s going to help me through my heat. He’s going to see just how needy I really am.
What if it’s too much for him—if I’m too much for him?
What if this is the thing that ruins everything, the thing that pushes him away?
I’m so lost in my thoughts, I don’t notice the alpha in front of me until I’m crashing right into his broad chest. I freeze, about to apologise, when his scent hits me.
Cedar and sandalwood, with a delicious hint of vanilla.
I recognise it instantly, barely holding back the desperate whine that almost slips from my lips as I look up at him.
Alec.
“Bell? Are you okay?” he asks quickly, resting a hand on my shoulder as he looks over me, clearly concerned at the smell of my fast-approaching heat.
His blue eyes are actually a little brighter than they are in my dreams and memories, and I wish my mind could always recall them as they are now. They’re like glittering sapphires.
I want to stare into them for hours, climb his body like a tree, and never let him go. I—
Fuck.
The preheat is hitting hard, burning through me much quicker than I expected.
I probably won't have long until my heat hits me full force. In retrospect, I really should’ve sent Reid to get the supplies, but I needed the chance to think, to breathe in some fresh air and calm myself down before doing this.
“Bell?” he whispers softly, his hand moving to cup my cheek.
“I need…to go to the shop,” I reply lamely. Gods, could I not have come up with something better than that?
“Supplies for your heat?” he asks, and I nod. “I’ll help you. What do you need? Food, drinks, paracetamol?”
“All of the above?” I respond uncertainly, and my words come out sounding more like a question than an answer.
“Okay. The shop’s just down that road, right?” he checks, pointing across the street to the turn just ahead.
“Yup. I figured it was close enough for a supply run,” I agree as he puts his hand on my back, guiding me in that direction. I’d complain about being manhandled, but I doubt I would’ve moved without it. I could’ve stood there for hours simply staring at him.
I’d practically resigned myself to never seeing either of them again. Now here he is, looking incredible and smelling even better.
“You decided not to go to a clinic this time?” he asks, and I swear his voice sounds a little tight, like he’s upset with my decision. Or maybe hurt by it?
It must just be that he’s worried I’ll try to do it alone and end up wandering the streets during my heat, like the night we met. It’s probably that. What else could it be?
“I’m not going to be alone,” I say to reassure him, but the smile he gives me at my words seems forced, making my stomach twist with uncertainty.
Is he…is he jealous?
No. He can’t be. It was just a job for him. For them both. He’s probably helped dozens of omegas since then. Well, maybe not dozens, but there must have been others, surely? No matter what it was for me, it wasn’t special for them. It couldn’t have been.
He’s only helping me again now out of coincidence and kindness, and hopefully not out of some kind of pity. Ugh. I sincerely hope it’s not that, at least. I don’t want this amazing alpha to pity me.
Despite the questions burning at my tongue, I keep quiet as we reach the store.
He, having a much clearer head than I do, grabs all of the things I could possibly need while I follow him around the shop like a lost chick that’s imprinted on a stranger.
He’s probably getting too much. I’m about to protest as he shoves yet another thing into the basket he’s carrying for me, but he seems to suspect what I’m about to say.
He meets my eyes with a firm look. “Don’t worry about it.”
“But I can’t—”
“If you’re worrying about the cost, don’t,” he says, his tone leaving no room for argument. He is an alpha after all. His instinct is to help omegas.
I still try to, anyway, but he ignores all of my objections as he tosses more stuff into the basket and then pays for it all.
He even puts my card back into my pocket when I try to pull it out to pay before he can.
He doesn’t let me carry any of the bags either, insisting he’ll walk me all the way home. For my safety.
He's doing this because he’s a good man, a good alpha. Not because it’s me.
He’d probably do this for any omega in distress.
He must have a hero complex or something. I try my best to frame it that way in my mind, but it’s no use. Alec could never look bad. Not in reality or my thoughts; he’s everything an omega could wish for.
We finally reach my building and come to a stop outside the main door. It takes every bit of restraint I have not to beg him to come inside, despite Reid waiting in my flat for me.
I’m so fucked up.
“Do you need help carrying these upstairs or anything?” Alec asks, seeming completely unaware of the awful, desperate ideas running through my mind about him and Reid.
“I’m on the ground floor. I picked it for the small garden at the back. It’s a good thing too, as Suki definitely needs it, even with walks every day,” I reply, quickly realising I’m rambling but unable to stop myself from clarifying, “Suki is my dog.”
I wonder where Nath is for a second but shove away the thought. I don’t need to crave any more alphas. It’s bad enough that I want to sink into Alec’s arms and breathe him in like he’s a drug and I’m an addict. I shouldn’t dare the universe to make this any worse.
“I guessed when you said ‘walks’,” he says, frowning as he glances down at the bags still in his hands. “Are you sure you don’t want me to carry these to the door anyway? They’re pretty heavy.”
“Yeah, because you thought it was a good idea to buy everything in the shop,” I tease, putting in the code for the building’s main door. It beeps as it unlocks, letting me slip inside. Against my better judgement I add, “You can walk me to the door.”
“You got it.” He follows me inside, trailing silently behind me until we reach my flat.
“This is me,” I say, knowing he needs to go now. Reid is inside waiting for me. I shouldn’t be so selfish, wanting things both ways.
It’s not like Alec and Nath were ever mine to begin with.
“I hope everything goes okay. If you need anything, you can call me. I slipped a business card into one of the bags.”
“Business card?” I echo, wondering exactly what it is that he does. That’s definitely against clinic rules, right? I didn’t exactly think to ask during my heat. Not much time for chatting between rounds of sex, sleep, and being coaxed into eating and drinking, even if I could remember.
“Just for my gym,” he explains, a rueful smile stretching his lips. “Nothing fancy.”
“I’m sure it’s great,” I reply awkwardly, startling when I hear movement behind my door. “I better go inside.”
He sets my bags down onto the floor, hesitating for a moment before he steps away. “Stay safe, Bell.”
“I’ll try,” I whisper at his back as he’s walking away before I can give a real reply. “That’s probably for the best,” I mutter to myself as I turn around and unlock my door, the reassuring scent of home and Reid thankfully calming me as I step inside.
He’s in the entryway, smiling that infectious grin of his as he pulls me into a tight hug. He squeezes me tightly, pressing a kiss to the side of my head before grabbing the bags on the floor and bringing them in for me.
As I watch him unpack the bags in the kitchen, I decide that it’s probably for the best that I lose that business card—that I make myself forget all about Alec and Nath. I need to forget about the heat we shared together and act like it never happened, because it’s never happening again.
Yet, I know that, despite my best efforts, I won’t.
I can’t ever forget either of them, no matter how guilty it makes me feel when Reid smiles at me.