Chapter 32
Arabella
After rolling down all the windows in my car a few inches and making sure Suki is safe and settled for the time being, I head towards the cemetery.
I bring Aunt Cara’s plant along with me, though I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe, if souls do exist after death, I want to show her that I’ve taken care of it, that I’ve never forgotten how important this thing was to her or how important she was to me.
I walk along the worn strip of grass, the natural pathway along the rows of graves made by mourners’ feet over the years.
The wind blows my hair around, tickling my neck and cheeks as I pause, staring ahead at the familiar tombstone.
Swallowing the lump of emotion gathering in my throat, I force myself forwards.
The stone could use a clean, I think, as I brush off some leaves and set my potted plant down beside it.
There’s nobody else to come and visit her here, only me.
It’s been too long since I came by to clean it up and leave flowers.
I silently promise myself to come back here as soon as possible with the stuff to clean it up properly, and my mother’s grave too.
Though it’s always been the idea of her, more than the woman herself, that I grieve when visiting that particular grave. It’s difficult to miss a woman you never got to meet and more painful to mourn the woman who raised you, with all the love she held for her younger sister.
“Hey, Auntie Cara,” I whisper, glad to have the privacy of an empty cemetery to have this one-sided discussion with a dead woman. “It’s been a while, I know. But see, I kept your Touch-Me-Not alive! Miracles do happen.”
I gesture at the plant, snorting with self-depreciation, my gut twisting a second later as I wish I could hear her laugh instead.
I can hear her familiar chuckle in my mind as clear as if she were here, warm and soft.
Her laugh always sounded kind, never cold or derogatory.
It was like sitting by the fire on a cold night with hot chocolate warming your hands as you breathe in the rich smell of it.
“I miss you,” I blurt, feeling the tears building up in my eyes.
“I wish you were here. I wish I could tell you everything that’s been happening lately and that you were here with tea and advice.
I could really use it right now. Honestly, I don’t know what you’d make of the situation I’ve gotten myself into. ”
Aunt Cara had remained single all the years I’d known her, and she’d had few friends; sadly, the closest of them had died when I was fifteen. I’d asked her once why she never mated with an alpha. She hadn’t wanted to tell me, but teenagers can be annoyingly persistent.
It was because of my mother.
Whatever loser my father was, he’d bonded with her, got her pregnant, and then abandoned her for someone else four months into her pregnancy.
The resulting pain and heartbreak from the rejected bond had weakened her to the point she’d died while giving birth to me.
Cara always said that the last bit of her had only held on out of love for me, that she’d kept going just long enough for me to see the world.
My aunt raised me my entire life but always made sure I knew who my mother was. She hadn’t wanted to replace her, only to bring me up with love and support in her memory.
Alphas had tried to ask her out over the years, but she’d always turned them down.
She wouldn’t risk an alpha destroying her, leaving her the way she’d seen my mother.
She wouldn’t ever risk leaving me alone in the world so long as she could help it.
Cancer had other ideas. She passed when I was eighteen, only a few weeks before my nineteenth birthday.
I’d found my present while going through her things after the funeral.
It was all so fucking unfair.
Why her?
Why the only family I had in this shitty world?
Despite her reluctance to have an alpha, she’d never tried to put me off the idea. She’d wanted me to be happy, regardless of what I chose to do. I know that, but it still felt like a betrayal to her memory, the way she’d chosen to live her life, when I started seeing Jake.
We’d known each other for years, growing up in the same village and attending all the same schools, and foolishly, I thought I could trust him. I thought that he was a good alpha, nothing like the man who’d left my mother to die in childbirth, nothing like the men my aunt had turned away.
I was an idiot. Naive.
When my first heat hit, I called him to come over, foolishly believing he would be the perfect alpha and that my boyfriend of nearly two years would take care of me.
I hadn’t known about the other omegas back then.
Some of them I wouldn’t know about until months after our breakup.
I lost a friend due to those revelations, and I ended up cutting off all the others afterward.
Nobody can hurt you if you keep them away, if you don’t give them the chance to get close enough to betray you.
I’d embraced my aunt’s former lifestyle, but to a degree, I know even she would’ve advised against it, especially the extremes I’d taken it to.
My aunt had spoken to people; she’d always been friendly with alphas even if she’d refused to date them.
I had refused to speak to any alpha unless it was necessary for work.
I’d brushed off every attempt a coworker or neighbour made to get to know me.
Jake might have traumatised me during my first heat and broken my heart, but I was the one who made sure I was all alone.
“I told myself you’d be proud of me for shutting everyone out.
That you were always so independent, and I could be too,” I tell the headstone, wishing beyond reason that she was here to hear this.
“I was wrong. About everything really. You didn’t want me to be alone, and I didn’t need to reject alphas the way you did, even if I understand why you did. ”
Even if you’ll always be the woman I look up to.
“I made a friend. You would like her. She’s unhinged, but in a fun way. I think…she was lonely too. She lost her daughter. If you see a Melody over there, say hi to her for me.” I swallow thickly. “Tell her I’ll keep Ruth company until they’re reunited.”
I smile a little when I imagine Aunt Cara and Ruth having tea. They would agree about at least one thing. I wince.
“You were right about Jake. He was immature. I wish I’d never started seeing him after you died. He sucked—still sucks, honestly.”
I think about Reid, about Alec and Nathan. “But maybe not all of them are so bad.”
The three of them have been more than good to me.
“I know you never bonded, but I think you’d like them. I…I like them a lot, and that makes me feel like shit. Maybe, as much as Jake sucks, he was right about one thing at least. I am needy. I want more than I should. I mean, what kind of omega wants three alphas all to herself?”
I sit silently for a moment, waiting for an answer that will never come. For her acceptance, for reassurance—fuck, I wish she was here. I need her.
“Bell?”
I jump up at the sound of my name, turning around to face him with confusion burning through my mind as my eyes confirm what I heard.
“Alec?” I whisper back, my eyes widening as I spot Nath and Reid coming up behind him. “What are you all doing here? How did you find me?”
“Your neighbour mentioned you were coming to visit someone,” he answers, his gaze shifting behind me to the headstone.
Tension coils in my stomach when I can’t interpret the expression on his face. I hate not knowing what he’s thinking. What if it’s pity? What if he was listening to me talk to a dead woman? I didn’t hear him approach.
“How long have you been standing there?” I demand.
“Not long. I only heard the last bit.”
I run my mind back, trying to remember the exact thing I said so I can figure out how bad it was and do damage control. It was—
“There’s nothing wrong with you wanting three alphas, Bell,” he says, cutting off my train of thought. “As long as everyone knows and is okay with it, it isn’t a problem.”
“But—”
“Do you have a problem with me being with Nath?” he asks, just as he and Reid reach us.
Nath shoots him a concerned look at his question, but Alec rests a reassuring hand on his arm, waiting patiently for my answer.
I glance between all three of them, guilt and uncertainty wrecking my brain as I follow his question to the logical conclusion he’s trying to point out.
But it’s not the same. The comparison he’s making.
Nath is his mate. They’ve been bonded for years.
It’s one thing for me to want both of them; how is it fair for me to also want Reid?
When he’s only mine and not theirs too?
“It’s not the same thing,” I mumble, meeting Alec’s eyes before pointedly glancing at Reid to quietly make my point without making him feel awkward.
“It’s not, not exactly,” Alec agrees but quickly continues before I can reply, “That doesn’t matter. If we are all happy with the situation, with sharing you, why does it have to be a problem?”
“You can’t really be okay with this,” I say, hearing Jake’s words in my head. It’s not normal for an omega to need more than one alpha.
He always was happy for it to be the other way around, though, wasn’t he?
“We spoke about it,” Reid cuts in, looking like he’s barely holding himself back from coming closer and pulling me into his arms. “We all want to be with you, Arabella. And hey, Toast seems to like these guys, so I know we can all get along.”
I snort at the mention of his dog.
“Toast likes everyone.”
“That's what you think. You know Suki doesn’t, though, and she likes us all. I’m pretty sure that, apart from the four of us, the only person she likes is your neighbour with the homemade dog treats,” Reid replies unrepentantly.
“You’re worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about,” Nath says gently, with an understanding in his words that makes my throat tighten. “We all want to make this work. You’re not forcing any of us into this situation. I promise.”
“How would this even work?”
“We’ll all figure it out together. I know we can,” Alec promises, finally breaching the space between us to rest his hands on my arms. “You just need to trust us.”
Trust three alphas.
A couple months ago, I would’ve laughed at the idea. It would have been insane to even consider the idea that I would ever trust one alpha, let alone three of them, and yet…
I want to. I want to trust them, for this to all be real and for everything to work out. I want it so badly.
“Bell, baby, please don’t cry,” Alec whispers, brushing away my tears with his thumbs. I hadn’t even realised I was crying. “If this isn’t what you want, we—”
I cut him off with a kiss, having to move onto my tiptoes even with him leaning down.
He returns the kiss without hesitation, his arms wrapping around me.
I pull away, reaching out an arm towards Nath and Reid, dragging both of them into a hug, one at a time, pressing a kiss to both of their lips too.
“I do want this. I want all three of you. I’m sorry. It’s not fair for me to ask you to share, but I can’t help how I feel about all of you.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Reid swears, hugging me again. “We’re just happy you want to be with us.”
“I’m happy too." I sob out the words against his chest, crying again. I’m not sure if it’s happiness or relief bringing all these tears, but it’s hard to care when his arms are tight around me.
“Do you need some more time here?” he asks gently into my ear.
I pull back, shaking my head before turning to the grave. I rest my hand on the headstone and take a deep breath.
“I hope you approve,” I whisper to her. “I think you’d have liked them. They’re nothing like the alphas you worried about. I’ll come back to see you soon. I’m sorry for staying away for so long.”
I stare at the stone for a moment more before leaning down to get my plant.
Blinking in surprise, I hover my fingers over the Touch-Me-Not curiously.
The leaves are all unfurled despite the breeze swaying them, and it feels like a silent message from her.
My chest tightens with emotion, but there’s wonder mixed with the sorrow this time.
An arm slides around me, and I look up to see Nath. Kind, caring, wonderful Nath.
“How about we head back home, together?” His hand trembles against my skin where he holds me, but the hope in his eyes and the soothing caress of his scent wash over me peacefully.
There’s a tension in the air between the four of us, like they’re holding their breaths waiting for my answer.
This moment matters. I matter.
“I’d like that,” I reply, meeting all of their eyes, seeing something unspoken in all of them. “Thank you for coming after me.”
“Nothing could’ve kept us away,” Alec murmurs, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to my forehead, and my heart could explode with joy any moment.
“You could run a million times, Arabella, and a million times we’ll find you. In every lifetime, in every universe,” Reid promises, reaching up to caress my cheek.
Make room, Aunt Cara, because I’m about to die from happiness.