Fifteen #2
“I dropped the study and became a reluctant acolyte for platonic touch.” Lynn grinned as if she still found the answer mystifying.
“It wasn’t easy to tell people a hardened scientist drank the ‘cuddle Kool-Aid.’ Then again, Galileo didn’t have it easy when he bucked conventional wisdom either, and I have less at stake than he did.
I lost the respect of a few colleagues, but I sleep well at night knowing I did what our field trains us to do.
I set aside my biases in favor of quantifiable and reproducible evidence.
The world is round, it revolves around the sun, and cuddle intervention has both mental and physical health benefits. ”
“What the hell, Gillian! Are you grilling my clients?”
Both of them jumped up to see Daphne standing in the doorway.
“She went to Cornell,” Gillian said, as if that made any sense at all.
Daphne rolled her eyes. “Which makes it okay to ask personal questions in the room where you gave me the third degree about respecting confidentiality?”
“It’s fine.” Lynn laughed. “You know I had as much to do with this as she did. I’m a willing disciple for your ministry.
Besides, we honestly did start off talking about our alma mater, which led to science, which led to me talking about my research into platonic touch interventions.
I do love talking about my cortisol levels and surveys. ”
Daphne turned to Gillian, who merely shrugged. “I swear I didn’t press. She volunteered all her findings.”
“And you were captivated by her retelling even though I’ve shared all the same research multiple times?”
“You have,” Gillian admitted. “I should’ve listened. I should’ve been curious instead of judgmental. I let my own discomfort with professional touch, and, honestly, with you as a person, get in the way of the science I was able to hear from Lynn’s research.”
Daphne’s lips twisted in a sardonic smile. “Yes, I’m familiar with your propensity for research.”
Gillian’s face warmed, but not with shame.
She’d waited for that to come up ever since their kiss, but much to her surprise, it hadn’t.
Even looking at Daphne standing in the doorway, one hand perched on the lush curve of her hip, eyes full of mirth, Gillian couldn’t summon any of the old irritation, much less new embarrassment.
As she searched her feelings, she couldn’t quite make sense of anything other than a new kind of affection, or maybe a sense of connection.
“Maybe Lynn isn’t the only one who can make new meaning from new information. ”
Daphne arched her eyebrows, and Gillian gave her another once-over, enjoying the little thrill of leaving Daphne off-kilter for once.
Pressing her lips together to keep from smiling, she waited a beat, then said, “I won’t keep you two from your appointment.
Have a good session … whatever that means for each of you in your own context. ”
Daphne opened her mouth as if she intended to argue, but Lynn cut her off by saying, “Thank you, Gillian.”
Daphne accepted the cue grudgingly. “Yes, thank you, Gillian.”
“And thank you, Lynn,” she echoed, “for the chat, and for all the research that got each of us here.”
Daphne met her eyes and held them for a second, those dark depths swirling again to the point Gillian thought she might say something else, something more. Only after a moment, she gave one quick nod and left.
It should’ve been a victory. Certainly, Daphne had earned the right to be less gracious or offer a much bigger “I told you so.” Gillian should’ve been relieved she was let off the hook without further comment, but as she watched the woman whose commentary she’d tried for so long to avoid walk away, she couldn’t help but wonder what words had been perched on her soft lips.
“Good night, Robin,” Daphne called from her own office. “Say ‘hi’ to Sawyer for me.”
Tegan popped her head in the door. “You look cozy.”
Daphne lay on her back on the futon. “You wouldn’t think lying down all day would be as draining as it is.”
“Emotional labor is always exhausting in its own way.”
She loved her for recognizing that aspect of Daphne’s work. “You get me.”
“I do.” Tegan laughed. “My family thinks I chat with people all day. How hard can that be?”
Daphne groaned. “Yes, sit there and bear the weight of everyone else’s emotions, trauma, expectations, fears, and insecurities. Let’s see them try that at the gym.”
Tegan laughed. “Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could burn calories for all the metaphorical heavy lifting we do?”
“That’s perfect. If I ever find a magic genie in a bottle, that’ll be one of my wishes, for all of us.”
“Are you heading out, too?” Gillian’s voice came down the hall, clear and steady.
“Yep.” Tegan stepped back, and Daphne rolled on her side to get a quick look at her boss as she passed in a blur of red hair and navy blue business attire.
Her heart gave her ribs a disconcerting kick, and she scolded herself.
She’d sworn she wouldn’t do this at work.
Maybe at night, all alone in the quiet dark she could remember feeling that body against her own, but here she needed to keep her guard up. She had too much at stake.
She lay back and stared at the ceiling, listening to the sound of Tegan’s retreat and Gillian locking the door behind her.
At least it had been easy to summon some of the old fury when Daphne had found her talking to Lynn earlier.
The idea of Gillian grilling one of her clients had sparked something deeply protective in her.
Then, when it had become clear she was actually listening respectfully to the same things she’d scoffed at when Daphne’d relayed them, it’d sent her into the satisfyingly familiar anger.
It would’ve been nice to let it burn for a while, but Gillian had pulled it together, and had even left the conversation on a hint of innuendo, which was weird, because Gillian didn’t ever leave things open-ended.
Maybe Daphne had read the situation wrong. She hated how that idea hung around her every interaction now. A few weeks ago, she’d been certain she knew exactly how Gillian viewed the world and Daphne in particular.
“Hi.” Gillian’s voice came from the hallway again, this time softer. “Mind if I come in?”
Daphne sat up, waiting to make sure she was speaking to her. Seemed unlikely, given the tone, but sure enough, Gillian stood at the threshold, waiting expectantly.
“Sure.” She pushed a few stray curls from her face, realizing they probably looked like bed head … because they were. “What can I do for you?”
“Nothing. I wanted to apologize.”
Daphne’s smile spread along with the awareness this woman was sincere. “Okay. Should I ask what for? Or is this like a blanket thing? Say more.”
Gillian rolled her eyes. “I guess I shouldn’t have expected easy acceptance, but I didn’t bring an itemized list or anything.”
“I seem to remember you were a great extemporaneous speaker, captain of the debate team and all. I trust you can still think on your feet.”
Gillian shook her head, but instead of getting angry or flustered, she smiled.
It was a nice change Daphne hadn’t expected.
“Okay, challenge accepted. I suppose my apology falls into three parts. First, I’m sorry I didn’t welcome you into the office the way I should have.
I was standoffish before you even got here, and then when I realized who you were and what you did for a living, I got exponentially worse.
I clung to my professionalism instead of meeting you like a person, right where you were, which is also a part of my professionalism I failed to live up to. ”
“Wow.” Daphne couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Two,” Gillian continued, “I didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt when you tried to share information with me.
I didn’t see you as capable of being serious, and I didn’t see your job as worthy of my seriousness.
I simply didn’t want to believe you, so I didn’t.
Which leads me to point number three. I didn’t do my own research. ”
“Which is weird because you love research.”
“Right,” Gillian admitted. “If it had been anyone other than you, I would’ve gone full-on science mode.
I may’ve been actively trying to disprove you, but I would’ve given the task my most dispassionate assessment, steeped in best practices and solid methodologies.
I didn’t do any of that. I wrote you off because of who you were at seventeen and who I’ve worked hard to become since then. ”
“I didn’t exactly do much early on to break any of our old patterns, so I understand why you might’ve felt that way.”
Gillian shrugged. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t also accept a few apologies from you on that count, but I am saying I’m sorry for all my parts in how things went awry …
again. I still have a lot of concerns, but those are mine to deal with, and I should’ve handled them better or treated you better.
I also know I can be prickly, but I’m not a hypocrite.
I hold myself to the same standards I hold everyone else to.
Or at least I try. I want to believe I’m still learning and challenging myself to grow, which means sometimes I’ll get things wrong, whether it’s about high school memories or a current ethical crisis. ”
“Is it me?” Daphne teased. “Am I your current ethical crisis? Or do you keep multiple plates spinning in that area to stay in shape?”
Gillian cocked her head to the side as if giving the question serious thought. “There’ve been a few lately.”
Daphne’s curiosity got the better of her. “Does it have to do with whatever you and all your friends danced around with Brooke and Tegan, or something about Sawyer and Robin, and something sinister about Sawyer’s mom?”
Gillian eased onto the end of the futon. “It’s all gotten very complicated.”
“And we all know how well you enjoy complicated emotions.”