Twenty-Four
A vibration in her pocket alerted Daphne to the fact that her session was coming to a close. Her client must’ve felt it, because she gently rolled over and stretched out on the bed. “That was so lovely. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Daphne said, grateful to hear none of her residual tension had tainted the experience.
She’d done her best to show up and be fully present today, constantly reminding herself she wasn’t hurt or abandoned.
She’d chosen to send Gillian on her way, and she’d make peace with whatever she’d decide, at least intellectually, only climbing into bed and wrapping her arms around someone else did draw a heavy contrast between how her morning had gone and how she wished it would have.
Still, one of the benefits of cuddle therapy was that it was very hard to soothe someone else’s nervous system without also soothing your own, and she tried to focus on her gratitude for that while her client packed up her things and headed out.
As she stepped into the hallway to say goodbye, she nearly bumped into Tegan, who seemed to be doing the same thing.
“Hey,” she said as the door closed behind both of their clients. “Got a few minutes?”
Daphne checked her watch, even though she already knew the answer.
She didn’t have another client for an hour, and while she’d hoped maybe Gillian would be around the office, a quick peek through the waiting room showed her the door was closed with no light coming from underneath it. “Sure, my office or yours?”
Tegan smiled. “You’re a brave woman to willingly offer to step into a therapist’s office unprompted.”
“I live on the wild side.” They took the few steps needed to slip inside Tegan’s neat and cozy space. “But if you ask me to lie down on the couch, I’m going to charge you, not the other way around.”
Tegan laughed. “We can both stay upright and in our own seats. In fact, you take mine. I’ll take the couch.”
Daphne accepted the offer and watched Tegan settle in, but she couldn’t shake the sense that their position would do little to protect her from the questions likely to follow. “Is that to lull me into a false sense of security?”
Tegan smiled. It was a pretty and genuine expression that likely put a great many people at ease. “I’m not about to grill you. I mean, a part of me may be hoping for some hot gossip, but I mostly wanted to say thank you.”
She arched an eyebrow. “For?”
“I guess the easy answer would be yesterday. I had so much fun, but I also had fun at Friendsgiving, and the trunk or treat event, too.”
“And that’s unusual?”
“No, I always have fun with this group, but lately I get the sense something big is going on with Gillian, and while I don’t understand the full scope of what it is, I wanted to say, I approve.”
“I can appreciate the sentiment.” Daphne shifted in her seat, not quite sure where to go from there. “But I’m not sure it’s warranted.”
“Oh, it is.”
“Tegan, I don’t know what you’ve seen. Obviously, you’re astute and probably observant beyond my frame of reference, but I don’t think I can accept thanks or approval for something I don’t even understand.
What’s going on between Gillian and me isn’t a set thing, or a …
I don’t know anything for certain. We’re in a state of flux, and I’m doing everything I can to stay calm and centered and trust her to figure out what she wants. ”
“What about what you want?”
She lifted a shoulder with forced casualness even as her chest constricted.
“I’m not sure I trust myself to know that at this stage, either.
But again, I’m working not to get ahead of myself.
The ball is kind of in her court, and I know she can handle it, not just because she’s very good at handling things on courts, but also because she’s a deeply good person. ”
“She is,” Tegan affirmed quickly. “I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a more honorable and upright human than our Gilly.
She’s also deeply stressed out and overworked and committed to taking care of her people even if it comes at a personal cost to her, which it has, repeatedly.
I’ve never known her when she’s not in the midst of trying to manage something or someone. ”
Daphne managed a smile of her own. “I’ve noticed.”
“I’m sure. She’s dedicated and measured and meticulous and totally self-regulated.”
Daphne remembered the sight of her spread out on the table and had to fight to stay present. “Most of the time.”
“Unless you’re around.”
Daphne narrowed her eyes at the woman across from her, wondering if she could read minds.
“That’s a good thing,” Tegan added. “I’ve only ever known her as ‘The Boss,’ but Sawyer and Brooke have all these stories of her from grad school where she’s fun or cocky or playful.
She might not have been the instigator all the time, but she was freer then.
Even Robin, who only knew her through work, tells stories about times when Gillian was a pusher who nudged them out of their comfort zone or went along on adventures.
And I get glimpses of her wicked sense of humor from time to time, but I’ve never seen it fully unleashed, probably because I’m part of the reason her guard went up. ”
“I don’t know. I’ve known Gillian longer than anyone, but I think her guard’s been up with me the vast majority of the time.”
Tegan shook her head. “No. You should’ve seen her the first day with me.
She was all furrowed brow and steepled fingers in front of her tightly pressed lips.
I’m not sure she’s ever fully relaxed since then.
Brooke and I, we didn’t have the start to our relationship anyone would wish for, especially Gillian. ”
“I don’t know the full story, but I did get the sense some things have put you all through the wringer in the last few years.”
“Be honest.” Tegan leaned forward conspiratorially. “How’d she describe it?”
“The phrase ‘series of provocations’ might’ve come up.”
Tegan threw back her head and laughed. “From her point of view, that’s fair, and also such a Gillian thing to say.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“No. And don’t get me wrong. I have zero regrets.
At the end of the day, everything that happened led me to where I am now.
I’m ridiculously happy with Brooke, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but Gillian didn’t get to reap similar rewards.
She got only risk and anxiety and trauma with little return. ”
“Not a high ROI,” Daphne recounted with the same sense of heaviness that had plagued her since breakfast. “I promise I don’t want to be one more thing upsetting Gillian. I’m doing the best I can to make this as smooth as—”
“No, no,” Tegan interrupted. “I’m not asking for you to dull the edges. I guess I’m not asking you for anything, really.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m merely saying, maybe you are upsetting Gillian’s life a bit, but that might be a good thing. Maybe having something in her life worth getting upset about is what she needs.”
She chuckled softly. “If upsetting Gillian is what you’re after, I’m practically a pro.”
“I like that about you, and I think deep down she does, too. It’s good for her to have a personality in her life as strong as hers.
None of us have played that role lately.
She got careful and we got careful around her at times because she means so much to us.
We don’t want to let her down or disappoint her or cause more stress than we already have, and we’re all a bit in awe of her.
Hell, if I’m being completely honest, I’m legitimately intimidated by her, but from day one, you were clearly not. ”
“No.” She felt a bit of her strength return. “I feel a lot of things around Gillian, but intimidation isn’t one of them.”
“And maybe you don’t see it clearly because you only know who she is around you, but I only knew the version of her from between my arrival and your arrival, and I have to say there’s a contrast there.
She’s been brightening ever since you swept her off her feet the first day.
It’s been slow and deliberate, but yesterday made it clear there’s a transformation happening. ”
“Yesterday?” Again, Daphne wondered how Tegan could know about any of the big shifts between them.
“The snow-day part. Not whatever came later,” she clarified with a grin to suggest she did suspect more may’ve happened after they’d gone their separate ways. “It was the first time I got to see the woman Gillian had been before, and maybe still could be.”
“I don’t know if one trip down a hill—”
“It was more than that. She was playful. She was adventurous. She called off clients to go on that death trap with you, for crying out loud.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, closed the office and rescheduled things, which is huge for her. And maybe even bigger, she hasn’t shied away from her attraction to you.
I’ve known her over a year, and she’s never even cast a sideways glance at anyone around me, but when Brooke called her out about being into you, she didn’t even blink. ”
Daphne didn’t know what to do with that most surprising piece of information amid the rest of this very unexpected conversation. “I hadn’t considered the prospect of Gillian talking to her friends about the two of us.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. I guess that makes it feel more real, and I’ve been kind of afraid to let it feel real. If pressed, I guess I worried Gillian didn’t want us to be real, or worse, that she’d be embarrassed to admit we were a thing.”
Empathy filled Tegan’s hazel eyes. “I know that feeling, but it wasn’t real in my case, and it’s not in yours, either. She told us a couple of weeks ago that you’d kissed.”
Hope filled Daphne’s chest. “There’s so much I still don’t have a good handle on.”