Chapter 31
MADARS
The silence was going to drive me insane. Every minute that ticked past without a phone ringing or a summons to a video call had me more on edge. More nervous.
This was a mistake. We shouldn’t have told them. We should’ve just flown under the radar and hoped for the best. Beg forgiveness instead of asking permission, just like Mülly said.
Fuck.
Beside me on the couch, Connor checked his phone. I straightened, thinking he might’ve heard a notification that I hadn’t, but he just put it back down on the end table.
“Nothing?” I asked.
“Nothing. I think I’m starting to hallucinate my text tone.”
I laughed dryly. “Yeah. Me too. When do you think they’ll call?”
He shook his head. “No idea. Probably soon, especially since Vancouver’s GM wants to know if you’re signing your PTO.”
My stomach knotted. That contract was a ticking clock.
There was always a period of time to allow for negotiations, but Vancouver wanted an answer sooner than later.
So did Genève. And especially with the lack of regulations to guide them, this was probably a slow and difficult process to navigate.
There were probably lawyers being consulted, not to mention the players’ union and—I don’t know—the Oracle of Delphi or something.
Truthfully, I had no idea what was happening, only that every minute was making me insane. The longer this took, the more resigned I was that no news was bad news.
And what if it was? What if they came back with, “Absolutely the fuck not”? Then what?
Professionally, I didn’t know. I really, really didn’t, especially since a lot of that would be up to people who weren’t me.
Personally, though?
“I don’t want another opportunity like that,” I heard myself telling Mülly. “I want him.”
In the present, I sighed. “I hate this.”
“Me too.” Connor ran his fingers through my hair. “And I hate that it’s putting a damper on you getting an offer from an NAL team.”
I wanted to insist it wasn’t, because I didn’t want him to feel bad about it.
This wasn’t on him. It was just shitty timing.
I’d resigned myself to letting that opportunity slip away, which had kept me from holding back with Connor.
Since there’d been almost no chance of us both landing in the NAL, there’d been no reason to avoid getting close to him.
I didn’t regret that part. If anything, it was a silver lining to my stupid injury; if I’d known that PTO was still a possibility, who knew if I’d have let Connor in?
And now that I had let him in…
Sudden determination had me restless, and I turned to my boyfriend.
“Connor.” I took his hand in both of mine. “I just want you to know—whatever decision they make, my decision is you.”
He blinked, fingers twitching in my grasp. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t how this is going to shake out.” I brought up his hand to kiss his palm. “But you’re not optional for me.”
He stared at me in disbelief.
“If they tell me I can’t play in the NAL as long as I’m with you,” I went on, “or that one of us has to give up our connection to the NAL if we’re together, then…” I shook my head. “Then I’ll keep playing in Switzerland.”
Connor’s lips parted. “But playing in the NAL again is your dream.”
“It is. But if I have to choose between that dream and you, then I can let that dream go.”
He stared at me, disbelief etched all over his face.
“I love you, Connor,” I whispered. “Hockey has been my whole life since I was a child, and it’ll still be my whole life. If we have to live on separate continents part of the year, and I keep playing in Genève instead of Vancouver, then that’s worth it if it means I get to be with you.”
He swallowed hard, and his words came out thick. “I don’t want you to give up your dream. Not for me.”
“I don’t want to give up you.” I curved a hand behind his neck and drew him closer to me. “There are other leagues where I can still play hockey. There are other ways I can still live my dream.” I dusted my lips across his, and my voice shook as I whispered, “There’s only one you.”
Connor’s lips parted.
“If I lose my PTO, I lose my PTO.” I stroked my fingertips down his cheek. “You’re non-negotiable.”
“So are you,” he breathed, and then he kissed me.
I wrapped my arms around him and lost myself in him. From day one, I’d loved the way he kissed and the way he felt against me, but this was on a whole other level. This was the man I loved, touching me like I was the only thing in his entire world.
For as much as I’d wrestled with what to do if the League said we couldn’t be together, the answer was so plainly obvious now.
I broke the kiss and looked in his eyes.
“I’ve always thought hockey was the most important thing.
” I caressed his cheek. “I’ve focused my whole life on it.
And it is still important to me. Very important.
It’s… most of my life. I don’t want to give it up.
” I swallowed hard as my throat tightened around my breath.
“But if I have to compromise somewhere between you and hockey, then you win. Hands down. No competition.” I had to clear my throat, and even that didn’t help much.
“I’ve already let you go once, and that was before I felt like this for you.
” Shaking my head, I whispered, “I’m not making that mistake again. ”
He stared at me for a few long, silent seconds. My heart slammed into my ribs as I waited for him to say something—anything—to let me know if we were on the same page.
Finally…
“God, I love you,” he said softly, and he pulled me in close.
He buried his face against my neck, and I did the same, just holding on to him and breathing him in.
I had no idea how things would play out with the League officials, but I had Connor in my arms. However the chips fell, wherever I ultimately ended up playing hockey, I wasn’t losing him.
“We’ll figure something out,” I said. “Whatever we have to do. But I’m not letting you go.”
“I’m not letting you go either.” He loosened his embrace and met my eyes. “I don’t want to think about those things anymore. Not right now.”
The comment caught me by surprise, and I studied him. “What do you want to think about?”
“You,” he whispered as he drew me back in. “Just you.”
And then he kissed me, and all I could think about was him. Just him. The softness of his lips. The intoxicating way he always explored my mouth like it was the very first time he’d tasted me. The way my pulse raced and the room spun just from his gentle touch and languid kiss.
Christ. If I’d had even an inkling of a doubt about my decision, it would’ve gone up in flames. Connor was everything. He’d never in a million years ask me to give up playing hockey, but I couldn’t imagine giving him up in the name of playing for the NAL.
There could be a future here. One that stretched far beyond our respective careers.
I’d spent so much of my life focusing on hockey, but suddenly here was this man whose light filled all parts of my world that I’d been neglecting.
There was sex, sure, but also companionship.
Friendship. Affection. Someone cheering for me when I was on the ice, sleeping beside me when I was in bed, and effortlessly being everything else I never knew I was missing.
Hockey was my career. Connor was my future. Despite what I was quite possibly letting go of, that was the easiest decision I’d ever made.
Our professional futures would be a giant question mark until we heard from the powers that be. In this moment, though, I could live with that because one way or another, my future included him. It included this man I’d fallen for harder than I ever thought possible.
And speaking of harder than I ever thought possible…
this kiss we shared had steadily crescendoed from something soft and sweet to something much, much hotter.
Suddenly Connor was pulling the breath out of me, and I was pinning his hips to the couch with mine, making sure we both felt every inch of each other’s erections.
When I rutted experimentally against his, he whimpered into my kiss and his fingers closed around handfuls of my shirt.
Panting, I touched my forehead to his. “Fuck…”
“Good idea,” he said with a grin.
I laughed, drawing back enough to look in his eyes. “I think we’re on the same page.”
“Mmhmm. We are.” He waggled his eyebrow in a comically suggestive way. “Maybe we should get on a more suitable piece of furniture?”
I rolled my eyes, and we both chuckled as we got up and left the living room.
In no time at all, we were exactly where he’d suggested—on the bed.
Our clothes littered the bedroom floor, and Connor straddled me, our hard cocks trapped between us as we made out.
I was hungry for him, eager to drive him wild, but also unhurried.
As needy as I was in that moment, I was acutely aware that we had all the time in the world.
We could spend the entire afternoon and into the night having decadent, lazy sex, and tomorrow, he’d still be here.
Even when hockey meant we had to be apart temporarily, he’d still be here.
Still in my world in this way I couldn’t believe I’d never imagined before we’d crossed paths again in Prague.
He was here, and he loved me. I simultaneously wanted a frantic quickie just to blow off all this pent-up need, and I wanted us to spend ages driving each other wild just because we could.
Whichever way we ended up going, I wasn’t about to complain.
Connor seemed to be leaning toward taking our sweet time. After he’d kissed me halfway to heaven, he started down my neck, then my chest. As soon as I recognized his trajectory, I was a restless mess, eager to have his talented lips and tongue on my dick.