25. Emma
EMMA
Walking into the hospital feels even more dreadful than usual. I drag my feet into the elevator, wishing I would have handled yesterday differently. Yes, they overstepped as always, but after thinking it over more, I realize the guys just wanted to help out, and I most definitely overreacted.
Now I’m going to have to pay the price by sitting on my own today. There is no way the twins are going to come and sit with me after the way I acted yesterday. I can’t believe how sad that makes me. I never even admitted to myself how much I hate going through this on my own.
With a heavy heart, I drag my feet through the long corridor toward the large double doors leading into the treatment room. A nurse passes me, greeting me with a smile. I can’t even force my lips up a little. My mood is dark and gloomy as I push open the heavy door.
I glance up and freeze. Right there to the left and right of my usual chair, Easton and Preston are waiting for me.
For a moment, I just stand there in shock.
I can’t believe they actually showed up.
Preston catches sight of me first, Easton a second later.
They both stare at me like they are wondering why I’m not moving.
Sucking in a deep breath, I compose myself and walk over to them. “I didn’t think you would show,” I admit ruefully when I climb into my treatment chair.
“And leave you here all by yourself?” Preston waves me off like nothing happened. “We can’t let you get that bored.”
“Someone has to keep an eye on you,” Eason adds with a wink.
I settle in my chair just as one of the nurses comes and hooks me up to the IV. The twins are quiet as the nurse works, but as soon as she leaves, I take the quiet time to say what’s on my mind. “I’m sorry about overreacting yesterday. I should have handled the situation differently.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Easton tries to brush it off. “We overstepped, it’s none of our business…” I sense there is a but coming, but Easton decides to keep it to himself.
“Anyway… thanks for coming to sit with me,” I say awkwardly, because admitting this still feels odd. I shouldn’t like having them here so much, but dammit, I do. I was so relieved when I saw them waiting for me.
What a one-eighty my feelings toward them have made.
“Are you admitting that you like having us here?” Preston asks with a smirk.
I roll my eyes at him, but end up admitting to it still. “Yes, I like having someone keeping me company while I have to sit here.”
“And you want that company to be us?” Easton presses on, looking over at me with a boyish grin.
“Yes, I want that to be you two idiots.” I giggle.
Preston fakes an offended gasp. “Stop it with the name calling, pearls.”
“He says as he calls me a name.”
“Endearment,” he corrects me.
“I meant idiots as an endearment too,” I say with a shrug.
“Sure you did.” Easton snorts, and we all start laughing.
I’m still giggling when one of the nurses comes by to bring me a blanket. “Thank you,” I tell her as she tucks me in.
“Of course, let me know if you need anything else,” she offers with a genuine smile before heading back to the nurses’ station.
I cuddle into the blanket and let my head fall back into the cushion.
“You look cozy,” Preston says.
“They do try to make us as comfortable as possible here. It’s nice.”
“They’d better for what you are paying them,” Easton says under his breath, and I shoot him a warning look.
Not wanting to bring up my finances again, I opt for a different subject. “How is your sister doing?”
“Trying to avoid us, as always,” Easton says.
“Probably doing something she isn’t supposed to as we speak,” Preston adds.
“Oh no, why is she avoiding you?” I ask curiously.
“Because she knows she is in trouble. She is still hanging around with people who are friends with Brody. She goes to parties she has no business going to and does who knows what behind our backs,” Easton explains.
“What about your parents? Can’t they talk some sense into her?” My question seems innocent enough, but both of the guys’ mood darkens when I mention their parents.
“Our dad doesn’t really care what we do as long as it doesn’t tarnish his image,” Preston explains.
“And our mother can’t stay sober long enough to care,” Easton adds.
“That really sucks,” I offer, not really sure what else to say. I always imagined them having the perfect life; at least it looked like that from the outside. I guess I was wrong to assume.
“Visiting your house is a nice change from ours. Your grandma really loves you, and she would do anything to make you happy. It’s nice to be in such a homey environment,” Preston confesses, making me feel even more guilty.
“I don’t remember the last time we all sat and ate dinner together… Christmas, I think,” Easton says, his gaze going unfocused, as if he is recalling a memory.
“Well, you can come to dinner at my house anytime,” I invite them.
“Be careful, pearls.” Preston warns playfully. “We’ll be at your place every night if you let us.”
The thought of having them with me every day is oddly comforting.
Oh, how everything has changed.
A few weeks ago, I could not stand to be around them and now I’m looking forward to spending time with them constantly. It’s scary and exciting but, most of all, I feel happy about the future. A future with them, if you can believe it. I hardly can.
For a long time, my future involved nothing but treatments and making it through school. Now I actually have something to look forward to. And unbelievably, that something is Easton and Preston.
We spend the rest of my session talking about school and what we want to do when we finish. The twins are not sure what they want to do, but they know they don’t want to work for anyone but themselves. I also can’t imagine them taking orders from some boss.
“I want to be a teacher,” I confess. “Elementary school age would be preferred. I like working with little kids.” When I was thirteen, I used to babysit my neighbor’s five-year-old, and I had the best time doing so.
“I think you would be a great teacher,” Preston encourages me. “I can see a bunch of googly-eyed first graders following you like lost puppies.”
The thought makes me smile, because I can see that too. I can also see the twins picking me up from work, asking me how my day went. We would go home together and eat dinner with Grandma. Excitement about the future and a sense of peace settling over me.
I’m still filled with joy about my fantasy of the future when the nurse comes to my seat and starts to unhook my port. “That’s it for the day, Emma. How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” I offer with a smile. “Thank you.”
“Don’t forget the doctor wanted to see you after treatment today,” the nurse reminds me while she pulls my sleeve back over my port.
“Oh yes, that’s right. I almost forgot.” I look back and forth between the twins. “Do you mind waiting for me here?”
“Not at all,” Preston says first.
“Take your time. We’ll be here to take you home after,” Easton promises.
I nod before I kick the blanket off and climb out of my chair. Preston takes my hand and helps me to my feet.
“I’ll be right back,” I say before I make my way to Dr. Pearson’s office, which is just down the hall. I knock on the door, and he calls for me to come in.
“Hello, Emma,” he greets me with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Please, have a seat.” He points at the chair in front of his desk.
“What is this about?” I ask when he doesn’t immediately say something.
“Emma, I’m going to get straight to the point. I’ve got your recent test results back, and they are not what we hoped.”
My stomach sinks, and my chest tightens. No, this can’t be true . “What do you mean? Last time we talked…” I try to recall all the things he said. The word hopeful comes to mind. Did I misunderstand him before? Did I hear only what I wanted to hear?
“You initially reacted well to the treatment, but sometimes that can change and unfortunately it has for you.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks.
I feel like there is a weight on my chest, and I can’t breathe. I don’t know what to say or think right now. All I know is that for the first time since my diagnosis, I am very scared of death.
A few moments of silence pass between us, a million thoughts running through my mind during that brief time. My future, the future I was dreaming of less than an hour ago, is ripped from me violently.
“There are other options we can look at moving forward,” the doctor offers, but his voice is strained, like even he doesn’t believe it.
In my mind, there is only one question left to ask. I have to force the words out because the weight of them is so heavy. “How long… I mean… how much time do I have left?”
“Emma, don’t think about this yet. We can still try some other treatments.”
“And if they don’t work either, how much time do I have left?” I don’t know why this is so important to me, but I have to know. I just have to.
Dr. Pearson sighs heavily before taking my chart from his desk to flip through it. “If nothing else works… six months to a year.”
Six months to a year.
I slump back in my seat, suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion hit me.
Six months to a year.
I can’t get that timeframe out of my head. What if that’s all I have left? What if I die before I turn twenty? What am I going to tell my grandma, and what about the twins?
“Would you like to try another treatment, Emma?” The doctor drags me out of my morbid thoughts. “We can take you off your current plan and try something new. There is still hope. Don’t give up yet.”
“Of course. I’m willing to try something else. Anything really.”
“Great!” The doctor seems excited as he goes over my new treatment plan. I try to pay attention the best I can, but my mind is still in disarray.
I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I’m outside of my body looking in. Like my subconscious still hasn’t accepted the news. I feel so disconnected, like I’m pieces unable to find my way back together.