Chapter 55
chapter
fifty-five
“I never believed that Heaven existed until I looked into her eyes and she became my safe haven.” - Cyrus
CYRUS
“I need you to know that I’ve kissed hundreds of women, probably slept with just as many.”
Haven stiffens beneath me, and there’s a flash of hurt in her eyes.
“Thanks for the reminder,” she snaps, turning her head away. “Maybe, I shouldn’t forgive you.”
“Look at me.”
The muscles in her jaw twitch as she stubbornly keeps her eyes on the window.
“Haven…look at me.”
With an irritated sigh, her gaze returns to mine while sparks dance in the green depths.
“I’m telling you because I need you to understand that no one has ever touched the parts of myself I keep buried. The parts that will do anything to keep you. That should scare the fuck out of you…because it scares me.”
I wait and let that settle before continuing.
“No one has ever tasted like love and absolution. You do. You always have. It was always you I was chasing when I was busy destroying myself.” I drag in a breath. “And I need you to understand something. My past will come for us. People will throw everything I’ve done in our faces.”
Running a hand down Haven’s arm, she shivers under my touch. I trace her jaw and tilt her head up.
“Let them come.” My voice drops as my lips hover over hers. “I have never told another woman I love her. I’ve never cuddled or let anyone sit in my grief and see the decay underneath. I’ve never let anyone get close enough to the truth of who I am, but you.”
The anger fades slowly from her eyes.
“Only you. I swear.” I shake my head. “I’m a fucking prick. You know that. But I will sacrifice everything I care about for you. The only thing that matters to me is you. And—you’ll still be the only one after they put me in the ground.”
Her mouth opens and closes, and I smirk because I’ve stumped her. She has no smart comeback. Years of hatred, love, and longing burn in my chest. Years of regret have finally found a place to call home.
I kiss her deeply. There is no rushing now. I want to take my time. I want her to see that I’m not just words, and let her feel what she means to me.
Reluctantly, I drag my mouth from hers and stare at her swollen lips. They taste as sweet as freshly picked blueberries and are as refreshing as a spring rain.
Haven’s breathing is a little ragged, and the pulse in her neck beats fast, but it is her eyes that shatters me.
“What?” she whispers.
“I’m trying to understand how I spent years convincing myself I hated you.”
A little smile ghosts across her face.
“And what have you figured out?”
“Sadly, I’m a really good liar.”
Haven gasps as I press closer, my forehead touching hers. Everything about this feels too important to rush. We’ve already done the feverish loss of control, and I loved it, but right now…all I want is to savor her.
“How is it that you can say something that cuts me to my core, and then make me melt in the same breath?”
“Ah, that’s simple.” I smirk and whisper a line from the new song I’ve been working on for Haven. “I was made of vice, not virtue, until your hands made the sinner in me kneel. Now every kiss of yours feels like worship, every breath a penance for wounds that never heal.”
My mouth moves to her neck, and her pulse quickens.
“You never should’ve touched me like I was worth saving, Haven,” I say against her heated skin. “That was your downfall.”
“I fell long before we ever touched,” Haven says softly, turning her head to give me better access. I lick a line up to her ear and love how she gasps as I groan in her ear.
I chuckle. “No, I mean it was your downfall because that’s when I decided you were mine.” Her cheeks burn a bright red as she nibbles on her bottom lip. “Do you know what you do to me, Butterfly?”
“No.”
I lift my head and realize our fingers are linked. Luck and good fortune have always belonged to other men, better men. Then Haven walked back into my life, and I know even monsters like me get one miracle.
HAVEN
“I’m not going to fuck you tonight. No, instead, I’m going to make you feel so worshiped that it terrifies us both,” Cy says.
He releases my wrists, but I keep them over my head. Cy doesn’t say it, but I can see that he’s pleased. In many ways, I have always been and always will be trapped by him. He pushes up, and my gaze follows his hands as he pulls his shirt off and throws it aside.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
My heart pounds hard behind my ribs as he fixes those blue eyes on me. The tattoos stand out against his skin. The dark ink of pain-filled lyrics announces who he still is despite the pretty words.
Under his gentle touch is a man who will purposely make me jealous because he loves seeing the fire in my eyes. This is a man who will bribe an officer to look the other way so he can fuck me roughly in a jail cell.
Cyrus is a grade-A asshole, and that will never change. But I’ve changed.
I don’t need him to show me his sweet side. The one I’ve always known was buried within him. No. Now I crave all the parts of him, even the ones I hate.
Maybe, I always have. Maybe that’s why we work.
He isn’t the boy who held me under water, even though he still can. This is Cyrus stripped raw. It makes my heart ache because I’m the only one who knows this version of him. When he looks at me, there’s so much need in his face it almost frightens me.
Standing from the bed, he holds out his hand. I let him pull me up, and wordlessly, he begins to undress me. With each piece of clothing removed, he strips away one more layer of scar tissue from my heart.
His fingers softly trail lines along my skin.
The gentle caress doesn’t match the desire in his dark gaze.
He is like fire and ice. Two extremes trapped in one body, warring for dominance.
But the sides calm when we are together.
My presence is a neutralizer to the chaos that threatens to tear him in two.
“Lift,” he says, tapping my legs one at a time to remove my underwear.
They disappear across the room, and I stand before him completely naked.
Cy steps back as his eyes roam over my body. My muscles tense and quake in anticipation. My nipples are hard, and my breathing is uneven. I can feel the wetness gathering between my thighs as he towers over me.
“You should run, Butterfly. Find somewhere to hide and never come back here,” Cy says, his voice low as he undoes the button on his jeans.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper, and he closes his eyes as if the words hurt.
“You should. I’m not a good man, no matter how hard I try. I’ll always be toxic, and I’m terrified that I’ll destroy you.”
Taking a step toward him, I shake my head and place my hand on his chest. His skin is hot, and I can feel the steady rhythm of his heart. I slide my palm up and cup his jaw.
“You already tried that, and I’m still standing,” I say softly.
“I choose you, Cyrus Vale, because for all the damage between us…I understand now. Love isn’t pretending none of it happened.
It’s choosing each other despite it. I forgave you long before I admitted it. You’ve always belonged under my skin.”
His breath catches a moment before he kisses me. It is more intense than before. I can feel all the grief he’s been carrying. I give myself over to it…to him. Not because I’m weak…but because, for the first time, I trust the fall.
“Lay down,” he whispers against my lips.
Cyrus peels his jeans off as I recline and watch the show. The shiny piercings on his hard cock make my mouth water. Despite my throat still being raw from his abuse yesterday, I want to do it again.
Cy crawls up the bed, and I lick my lips. He doesn’t say anything, but I spread my legs and wrap them around his waist. My fingers run through his hair, and my nails leave lines on his neck and shoulders as he drops his lips to mine.
The kiss is not fast. True to his word, Cyrus takes his time. But each passing second heightens the desperation in my body. I wiggle and press my pussy up to rub against him.
Cy groans into my mouth, and I’m barely holding it together when he starts teasing me. He grinds down on my aching clit, and I feel the piercing flicking from side to side. It’s driving me fucking insane. A whimper of desperation ripples up from my chest as I give into the sensation.
“You’re making it very hard to behave, Butterfly. And here I was trying to be a gentleman.”
He nudges the tip of his cock into me and pulls out again.
“Cy…” His name comes out breathy.
“You want something, Butterfly?”
He teases me again and again. Only pushing in enough to set my body on fire. The piercings rub just right, making me arch off the bed.
“Cy, please…”
“Tell me what you want.”
I open my mouth, but no words come out.
“Tell me that you want my big cock filling you up.”
He is so fucking cocky that I almost laugh. But I am so far gone for this man that I only manage a moan.
“Tell me to make you scream.”
“Yes…oh god, yes.”
He moves a little faster, but no deeper. My hips buck wildly under his weight.
“You want to come all over me like the dirty girl you are,” Cy whispers in my ear. “You want to feel my cock swell as I unleash deep inside you and claim you as mine.”
“Yes, I want it. Please, I need to come.”
“How many times?” He pushes deeper, and I gasp as my body stretches to accept his size. “Tell me how many times you want me to make you come?”
I can’t think straight.
“I don’t know…Cy, please stop teasing me…I need you.”
My nails press harder on his shoulders.
“How about until you pass out?”
“Yes, make me pass out,” I say, not really thinking it through in my frantic, lust-filled state.
“That’s my good girl. My cock will stay in you all night so I can fuck you again whenever I want.”
“Yes. Fuck me. Use me. Please, Cy,” I beg, the orgasm is building so slowly that my entire body aches and throbs.
“Fuck, you are beautiful when you beg. I could spend hours listening to your pleas tumble from those sensual lips.” My head thrashes from side to side.
“You have no idea how fucking sexy you get when I talk dirty to you. You turn into a sweet little slut. My perfect Butterfly reduced to a squirming mess.”
“You’re an asshole.”
Cy chuckles.
“Say, ‘Please, Cyrus, fuck me hard,’ and I’ll forget I was planning to take this slow.”
At another time, I may have considered holding out and refusing him. But I’m dialed up to a ten, and my body so amped that I’m vibrating.
“Please, Cyrus, fuck me hard,” I growl.
He smiles, and then in one hard shove, thrusts his cock inside me. I scream and arch my back as the climax slams into me. I’m coming so hard that I don’t even know what’s happening.
“Fuck…yes…you’re squirting all over me.”
There is a moment where I feel humiliation creep in, but it’s short-lived. Cy straightens his arms, changing his angle, and begins fucking me hard.
His thrusts draw out the pleasure, and before I know it, I’m tumbling over the cliff for a second time.
“Fuck yes, come for me. Coat my cock, you dirty little butterfly. It feels so good.” Cy’s face is a mask of dark passion directed at me. “Grab your ankles and hold them open.”
Legs shaking, I lift them and grip them tight as Cy shifts back onto his knees. He grabs my hips while his eyes lock on where we are joined. His arms flex, the corded muscles stand out, looking erotic as hell. The only sounds are my moans, his groans, and our bodies slapping together.
“Cy…I’m gonna come…so close,” I mumble as I race toward an impossible third orgasm.
“Yeah, Butterfly. Come for me. Look at how fucking beautiful this pussy is, taking all of me like you were made for me.”
“Oh god…right there,” I wail as he hits a spot deep inside me that makes me see stars. “Ah fuck, yes, Cy!”
The scream echoes off the walls as I somehow start squirting again.
“Fuck yes!”
Cy’s thrusts are erratic, and then he freezes. I can feel his cock pulsing inside of me as we ride the waves of pleasure. Our breathing is fast, our skin damp. When he’s done, I think that’s it. He can’t possibly go again. But as his eyes lock on mine, I swallow hard.
“Roll over,” Cy growls as he pulls out.
It’s slow, but I turn over onto my stomach, sighing as he rubs his stiff cock against me. I’m addicted to his touch. He’s made me this way. I’ll never get enough of him.
With a hand on the back of my neck, he pushes into my sensitive pussy. My body welcomes him and tightens around his hard shaft.
“Fuck I can’t get enough of you,” Cy says, voicing my feelings.
Face pressed into the pillow, hands gripping the sheets, the bed rocks with every thrust as he fucks me faster than before. The soft material muffles my cries.
“You feel so fucking good. You are made from pure sin.”
The words are sweet to my ears, but I barely register them. I scream into the pillow as he somehow manages to steal a fourth climax from my body. It’s so intense that I fear I may actually black out. The euphoric and light-headed sensation is pure bliss.
I’m floating on a cloud while Cy talks dirty to me, and his rhythm changes once more. He roars as he comes for the second time.
Cy collapses on top of me, and the heat of his body keeps me warm as our heartbeats slowly return to normal. His fingers link with mine, and I’ve never felt more whole than right now in this moment with him.
“I love you, Butterfly.”
“I love you too, Cy.”
“Those are the sweetest words you’ve ever said to me,” he says, and I smile. “Give me ten minutes, and I’ll be ready to go again, but until then, I’m staying just like this.”
I let my eyes close and smile. Only one word comes from my lips.
“Okay.”