Chapter 58
chapter
fifty-eight
“I’ve bled in silence so long, I forgot what it feels like to be heard.” – Cyrus
CYRUS
Two hours later, I’m pacing the penthouse suite waiting for Doctor Stevens to call with the results. I’m scared to hope for answers.
Hope is a deadly mistress that can crush as easily as it can raise you up.
Not that I want a terrible autoimmune disease, but answers…
God, to finally know the truth…there is a peace in that.
I want to know and deal with the real issue instead of just throwing meds at symptoms. I may still fear my body, but I’ll know what to expect and how to handle it—that’s a fucking dream come true.
Haven looks adorable curled up on the couch. Her green eyes follow me like I’m a tennis ball. I don’t know how or why she is giving me a chance after everything, but I believe Patrick has something to do with it somehow. Why? I don’t know, it’s just a feeling.
“Sit and try to relax,” Haven says.
“I know what will help me relax and kill time. A two-for-one.”
“Cy, you can’t solve everything with sex.”
“I can try.”
She rolls her eyes, and I’m just about to make my move when the door suddenly opens.
“Hey fuckers,” Vex calls out.
“Did you invite them?”
I look at Haven and point a finger at my bandmates as they file inside.
“Nice to see you too, jerk face,” Ledger mumbles.
They come to a stop, all lined up with arms crossed like a jury waiting to deliver their verdict.
“I did,” Haven responds casually.
My jaw clenches.
“Why?”
“I don’t think he’s happy to see us,” Vex says, and I shoot him a glare.
“Because it’s time, Cy. You need to talk to them.
They aren’t just your band. They are your best friends, practically family, and I dare say closer than your own mother.
It’s time to be honest with people who have your back.
These guys have stood by you for years. That means something. It’s special.”
Fuck my life.
Opening up is the last fucking thing I want to do right now. But I get it.
Haven smiles a devious little grin.
“Weren’t you curious why the delivery guy brought eight pizzas? Did you think I was just really hungry?”
Now that she mentions it, it was weird. Haven rises from the couch and stretches as she waves and smiles at Vex, Eren, Ash, and Ledger.
“Pizza, wings, and beer are in the kitchen. Head on in.”
“Sweet,” Eren says. “Did you get one with the pineapple and anchovies I asked for?” Haven nods, and Eren beams at her. “Knew I loved you.”
My lips press together in a hard line.
“Dude, why do you have to be disgusting?” Ash shakes his head and wraps his arm around Eren’s shoulders. “Pineapple is bad enough, but why the anchovies? That’s just fucking criminal. The crust is giving you the finger.”
“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” Eren argues, walking to the kitchen with the others.
I turn back just as Haven walks away.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“To my room.”
“You’re leaving?”
Haven crosses the floor, grabs my hand, and kisses my knuckles.
“Yes. You need to tell them everything that’s happening and what you’ve been hiding. You don’t need me here to do it.”
“What if Stevens calls?”
“Then come get me.”
Haven rises on her toes and kisses my cheek. She always has an answer for everything.
“You’ve got this.”
With a wink, she wanders down the long hall and disappears. Shit. I’m not prepared for this moment.
The guys are laughing and stuffing their faces when I walk into the kitchen. Ledger pushes a box toward me with a smile.
“You want a beer,” he asks.
I shake my head.
“No more alcohol for me.”
They all stop and stare. Needing a second, I open the fridge and grab a root beer. Then I sit down at the table with them. No one says anything. It’s as if the room is holding its breath. It’s making me edgy.
“What did Haven do to you,” Ash asks in a conspiratorial tone, and I smirk along with the others.
“Knocked some sense into me, I guess.”
“Knocked or fucked,” Vex asks.
I smile wide. “Both.”
They laugh, and the tension eases. I run a hand down my face. I’m not even sure where to begin. But going back to where it all started—the months following Patrick’s accident—feels right.
Taking a breath, I open my mouth, and the words flow.
No one interrupts me. I explain the guilt, pain, tremors, paranoia, and even rehab.
Then I dive into what has been happening over the last year.
The increased symptoms, self-medicating, and then the schizophrenia diagnosis, complete with hallucinations.
When I reach the point where Haven picks me up and whisks me off, it feels like a weight has been lifted.
My body slumps, and I finally relax.
Eren is the first to speak. He grips my bicep.
“I’m sorry you didn’t think you could talk to us about this. I can’t imagine going through all of that alone.”
“Same man. We give you the gears, but we’re your friends first and band second. You can always come to us,” Ledger adds.
I nod, choked up with emotion.
“Are you fucking kidding?” Vex crosses his arms.
“Here we go,” I mumble, and he stands from the table, his face a dark mask of fury.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Vex hits me with a glare.
“I just told you.”
“No, you dumb fuck. Why didn’t you just come to us?”
The guys look between us as I roll my eyes.
“Why the fuck do you think?”
Vex shakes his head and steps closer.
“Naw, man, don’t you dare put this on us.
I rode your ass because I knew you were fucking lying and hiding something.
Here we are, concerned and wanting to be there for you, and you kept slamming the door in our face.
We had no choice but to draw our own conclusions.
I’ve known your stupid ass since you moved to Cali, and you really think you couldn’t tell us what was really going on? ”
I stand and face off with my friend.
“You of all people should understand.”
“Why?”
“You’re not exactly the open type. We don’t even know who you’re fucking, let alone what the hell is going on in your head.”
“Cy has a point,” Ash confirms. “You’re the last one to share. Unless we tease the shit out of you enough and you crack.”
“Fine, point taken. But I’m not dealing with a health issue,” Vex counters.
I realize that he’s hurt and feels guilty. Haven really is rubbing off on me because that is not something I normally pick up on.
“I would tell you all if I had something serious going on,” Vex says.
“You mean what is naturally wrong with you is not a serious illness,” I tease back.
As the others laugh, I take Vex by surprise and grab him. I pull him into a bear hug and hold him tight. Shockingly, he hugs me back.
“I’m sorry. I was scared and embarrassed. I just wanted to be okay, and talking about it made it far too real,” I say, but he doesn’t let go.
When we finally pull back, there is real, raw emotion in his eyes. Vex pokes me in the chest.
“From now on, you fucking keep us in the loop. We always have each other’s motherfucking back. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it.”
We sit back down, and I pull out a slice of pizza. It’s cold, but still tasty. I take a bite just as my phone rings.
Dr. Stevens. My heart skips in my chest. This is it, I’ll either have a new diagnosis, or we start all over again.
“Answer it for fuck’s sake,” Ash grumbles through a mouthful of food.
“Can someone go get Haven? She needs to be here for this.”
Eren jumps up and jogs out of the room.
Standing, I answer the phone.
“Dr. Stevens, you have an answer for me?”
“Hi there, Cyrus, you were correct. You have systemic lupus erythematosus.”
I almost drop to my knees with relief. A real fucking answer…the knowledge slams into my chest. Fucking finally.
Dr. Stevens continues, “I want to schedule an appointment to go over your treatment plan and answer any questions. Please stop taking all of your prescribed medications except for the one for pain management. Can you come in tomorrow for a one o’clock appointment?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good, I have you booked. See you tomorrow, Cyrus.”
A slow smile spreads across my face as I hang up and turn back to the guys.
“Haven was right,” I say, still not believing it.
The war is just starting, but I finally know what I’m fighting. No more swinging blindly in the dark.
Ledger matches my smile and points down the hall with his thumb.
“Go.”
“Save me some pizza,” I yell, then jog away.
I’m near the entryway when Haven and Eren round the corner, and a smile spreads across my face.
Then there’s a sharp knock at the door. I’m tempted to ignore it.
Everyone I care about is in this penthouse, but the loud laughter from the kitchen means no one else heard.
The knock comes again, more insistent this time.
Shit.
The personal security detail must be reinstated ASAP.
I check the peephole and regret not following my instinct to ignore the knocking.
How the hell did my mother find us?
Teeth grinding, I open the door.
“What are you doing here, mother?”
Anita lunges, wrapping her arms around me while she pretends to cry. I’ve only seen my mother really cry once in my life, and this is not it.
Grabbing her by the arms, I slowly push her back. She puts on a perfect pout and dabs at her eyes with a tissue.
“Cyrus, I was so worried about you. I’ve been a mess.”
“You paid off a judge and got me locked up to get my attention. Excuse me if I don’t give a fuck how you feel.”
“You don’t mean that,” she says, reaching for me.
I step back as if her touch will scald me.
“Yes, I do. Why are you even here? No, forget that, how did you find us?”
She looks down at the ground, but the innocent act won’t work on me.
“Tell me.”
“I still have access to the flight logs, and Auguste always uses the same car service. They told me you were here.”
“Great, my mother is insane and a stalker.”
“I’m not insane. I’m a worried mother. I wouldn’t have had to go to these lengths if Haven hadn’t absconded with you in the night.”
I narrow my eyes.
“It wasn’t a heist, Mother. Haven picked me up from the hospital in broad daylight.”
“Whatever. You know what I mean.”