13. Part Two – “Music is forever, music should grow and mature with you, following you right up until you die.”-Paul Simon
13
Part Two
ABIGAIL
“Music is forever, music should grow and mature with you, following you right up until you die.”-Paul Simon
The second I see the Welcome to Missouri sign, my stomach clenches as my blood rate skyrockets within seconds. The emotions associated with this place all come rushing back like I never left. Once I said goodbye to this place, I didn’t experience feeling homesick, like most would after leaving their families and going away to college. No, for me, it felt like credence. It was as if this was never my home, it was just a stepping stone that was part of my journey. Nothing more, nothing less.
Listening to Taylor Swift’s voice on the radio made me realize I don’t feel much different after graduating with a Bachelor's Degree in Biology. I feel accomplished, but I know I have a long road ahead of me, so it’s hard to feel like I’ve made it in life yet.
I plan to become a psychologist and earn my doctorate. I want to focus on helping children who struggle with Eating Disorders, but the way things have been going with my parents, it may take longer to get there than I anticipated. I’m hoping I’ll finally get the recognition I deserve once I'm done with school since doctors are considered walking Gods of the universe. But who knows? My mom wasn’t even at my graduation since my dad and her were fighting again. So, the only pictures I have of me accepting my diploma are those others took.
I predicted this. Anytime Mom and Dad were fighting, the world stopped because it revolved around only them. I’m confident the reason they started fighting was another affair, and again, instead of leaving with what little dignity my mom had left for herself, she would nag and throw it in my dad’s face, guilt-tripping him into buying her a new car, house, or whatever she thought was his punishment at the time.
She got used to my dad's nice lifestyle; comfort was more important than mental sanity. Part of why I’m studying the human brain is because it was complicated as fuck. After all, I never understood why my parents stayed married if they were miserable.
Living away from them and my family has been a breath of fresh air. I worked my ass off during the summer so that I didn’t have to come back to this place. Although I got a full scholarship for four years at California State, I still worked part-time and switched to full-time as a bartender in the summers. I wanted to save up as much money as possible to be able to go to medical school while living on my own.
I haven’t been back to Missouri in four years unless you count the three Christmases I came up to see everyone. And if it weren't for money, I wouldn’t be coming back at all. to finish school. California has gotten so expensive after 2020 and the economy crash that it’s damn near impossible to make it without financial help. I almost didn’t blame girls for becoming gold diggers out there. If you didn’t want to live in a studio apartment or shack up with seven other girls, there weren’t many different options for surviving on your own
The music continued to play in my car, and Dancing Queen started to play. I’m instantly reminded of Blake. Even after four years, I tried not to think of him, but it was hard. I missed him every day, and I still had a lingering guilt I carried with me, no matter how hard I tried to forget.
I wondered if I had gotten there sooner, if there was a way I could have saved him, and if he would have lived. Would he be the one in California signing huge music contracts?
What if’s constantly playing in my mind to the point I see him in my dreams, thinking what happened that night was all in my head until I wake up and realize it was the reality, not the dream. I hated thinking of Blake, not because of how it made me feel but because it led to me thinking of this place. My life here and my family. My sister was married and had a little girl now. She got what she wanted, to be taken care of and become a stay at home mom, just like ours. Even though I understood she was busy with a newborn, I figured she would have come to see me graduate college. Leave the baby with her husband. Initially, her absence hurt, but now, it only made me realize how alone I am. No one would fend for me except myself. I liked it that way. It made me stronger in the end. I didn’t need anyone. People always ended up disappointing me anyway.
My phone buzzes on the passenger seat, and I answer it through Bluetooth.
“Hey, what up, Asher. Are you in Missouri yet?”
“Yes, unfortunately, I am. ” I say with a hint of playfulness behind my tone. Josh was the only guy in college that acted like he didn’t want to fuck me, not that I’m the hottest thing alive. Quite the opposite. I’m nothing special, but I grew into my features and filled out the last 4 years and guys in college will fuck anything. The classes I took were primarily males that attended, so of course, a guy became one of my best friends over the years, besides Melanie, but she was from California, so I could only wish we would see each other again soon. She and Josh were a thing in college, and that’s how I met her, but that was short-lived since they both had a huge appetite for adventure and variety, especially Josh since he was a Leo. His big, bold personality inspired Melanie to venture out more, but I knew it wouldn’t last long when I found out she was a Virgo. They had fun while it lasted, but she is too reserved for his bigger-than-life Leo ego.
“Okay, just head to my brother’s house. It’s a Thursday, and he never stays at this guest house unless he brings his daughter for the weekend, so we should be golden.”
“Are you sure your brother is okay with this?” I ask for the tenth time on the way down here.
‘Ya, he’s fine with it. I’ve had plenty of parties there. Besides, we are fucking celebrating tonight. We’ve studied our asses off this semester, and I’m celebrating you and all our hard work because I couldn’t have done it without you, Asher.”
A warm blanket covers my heart.
“Oh, and invite all the hot chicks you know.”
It’s immediately replaced with hot lava, known as annoyance. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Even though Josh was a good friend I enjoyed being around, he was still a guy. His dad, who adopted him after marrying his mom, was in the military and loved sports like every male in Missouri, especially football, so Josh learned to call everyone by their last name.
“I texted my cousins, but they haven’t responded yet.” This is probably because I haven’t told anyone I am coming home yet since Jenna’s baby shower wasn’t until Sunday. She’s getting married and having a baby, so she decided to combine the two and have a baby-wedding shower, Which she nicknamed a Braby shower.
“Keep trying. I had to stop and fill up some gas, so I'll be about fifteen minutes behind you.”
“Okay, sounds good. Should I just wait for you outside?”
“Ya, that’s fine. My friend Chris will probably be there before me, too. He said he invited some girls over. We went to Highschool together so I'm sure there will be a bunch of kids I know coming, but don’t worry, I'll introduce you to them.”
“Oh, goodie,” I say in a sarcastic tone.
“Asher, Don’t be like that. Did I mention how we studied our asses off for the finals? We deserve to have some fun.”
“I know, I'm just kidding. I would feel at ease knowing for sure I could stay at your brother's guest house. I don’t want to drink if I know I have to drive.”
“I’m positive; relax. I’m going to call him here in a bit and let him know I’m having a get-together, so just cool those nice tits of yours, and let’s have some fun tonight. Plus, there’s an extra bed upstairs, so you don’t have to worry about sharing one with me. I know you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself.”
A light laugh leaves me. “You are irresistible.”
“I know, but that’s how much I love you because I only let responsible friends stay there. So you and Chris will be crashing there tonight, but that also means you must help me clean up in the morning.”
“Have I ever let you down? Besides, you should know my ass isn’t lazy by now.”
“And it’s nice too.”
“Josh” I screech.
“Oh, stop. You know you have a great ass. How can you not? The way you work out, you put athletes to shame.”
“At least you have good taste. I’ll give you that. And you’re observant. My, oh my, how the ladies won’t be able to resist that tonight.” I joke.
“Chris is calling me. I’ll see you in a bit.” He hangs up. I look at my phone to see who texted me when I was on the call with him, and sure enough, it is my Ex.
I decided I'll text him when I’m not driving. We are no longer together, so he can wait.
Ten minutes later, I pulled up to his brother's guest house. It’s nice, like, really nice. An uneasy feeling starts to settle in, and I wonder if Josh is telling the truth about his brother being okay with us staying here. I know Josh started talking to a girl, so I'm sure he’s trying to impress her, but I'm not trying to get kicked out by the police for trespassing.
Another good thing about Josh is that we both come from Missouri, so when he went home for holidays, we always tried to fly together. At the beginning of our friendship, he tried to hit on me the first time we were alone in a car, but once he knew I wasn’t interested, he moved on and did nothing awkward. We became good friends, being each other's wingmen, study partners, and doing minuscule mundane tasks together. Plus, hanging out with him gave me good insight into guys, especially young guys. I concluded I never wanted to date someone my age. Don’t get me wrong, Josh was cute, funny, and intelligent, but we didn’t have chemistry like that, and he felt it, too. Besides, Leo’s and Scorpio’s were only compatible when sharing our dreams and passions, making us better friends than lovers.
I did date someone my age for a year, and it turned out disastrous. And that’s why I’m avoiding him. I broke up with Jared three days ago, and he’s been blowing up my phone since I left California.
Take no prisoners.
That was our tagline when I looked up our birthdays in my zodiac book. I should have seen the warning signs back then. Dependable, challenging, and financially compatible were our strengths, but intolerant, depressing, and combative were our weaknesses, and man, did we fight. I know it’s normal for couples to fight, but not like we did. We fought almost every week. Most of the time, it was due to his insecurity and immaturity. He was hot as hell but the most insecure guy I ever met. The main reason I even started dating him was because I didn't want to be a virgin for the whole duration of my college stay. So, I met him at one of Josh’s frat parties, and it’s incredible how clingy and infatuated guys become when they know you don’t give a damn. Over time, I started to care for him, and initially, I thought I was lucky to have him since he was so hot, but I soon realized how controlling and immature he was since he got mad at any guy who looked at me.
It got to the point that if I didn’t leave soon, he would get physical. I studied men like him in college. Gas lighting was a real thing, and he came from a fucked up childhood, so it’s not entirely his fault he was the way he was, but it was no excuse to be a dick. Besides, he doesn’t know this, but I saw a whole bag of cocaine and pills, and I know he was struggling to make ends meet since he had no help from his family and his dad was in prison, but I don’t put up with anything or anyone that has to do with drugs, not after Blake. I didn’t try to talk him out of it because he wasn’t like Blake. He was angry and a bully, so I knew it would be a losing battle and a waste of breath, so I broke up with him in a text. I didn’t want to go back home with a black eye, having to explain myself after all these years, as if anyone would care anyway.
One lesson I took away from college that wasn’t in my chemistry books is that most good-looking people tend to be the most insecure. It was the only time I was grateful for my dad, who made me rely on my brain and not my looks while growing up.
I pulled into the driveway and took in the beautiful Ozark mountains. Josh’s brother was in real estate, so he said he had a couple of houses he rented out here. If this was his rental house, I wondered what his real house looked like.
As I waited for Josh to arrive, I texted my cousins again. I wasn’t even sure if they would show up since they were all unreliable, but if they wanted to see me, they knew where to find me. When I looked up, I saw two pairs of headlights. I knew one car was Josh’s, so the other must have been his friend, Chris. I got out of the vehicle at the same time the guys did.
“Yo, Asher. You are ready to have some fun!” Josh says, holding up a brown bag. Chris was carrying two other bags of liquor and a beer pack.
“You know, just because we got our Bachelor’s Degree doesn’t mean we need to kill off our brain cells like we don’t need them anymore. We still have years of school left.” I told him.
“Let’s just get shitfaced for once and act like we don’t have huge careers ahead of us.”
I shrug. “Fine, I guess we deserve it.”
“That’s my girl.” he says, holding up a hand for me to high-five it.
“Chris, this is Asher. I mean Abigail.”
It was rare for Josh to call me by my first name. I hated it when he called me by my last name because it reminded me of Blake’s nickname, but now I find it comforting.
Chris gestures to the two bags of alcohol he is holding, and I give him a smile with a short wave. “Hi.”
“Josh says you're smart as shit, but I told him, for you to hang out with his dumb ass, you couldn’t be that smart.”
“The smartest people can do the dumbest things, right?” Sarcasm slips from my lips.
“C’mon, let's start getting things set up.” Josh says.
I offer to take one of the bags from Chris as we walk up the porch steps, and as soon as we walk inside, the views take me off guard. There were windows everywhere, making it feel spacious and so gorgeous. You could see the Ozark mountains from here, and I forgot how pretty greenery can be. California is beautiful, but I missed the four seasons. The simplicity of living here, the spread out housing, and the best thing of all, no traffic. I forgot how much I missed not having to rush or plan to leave an hour early to get to my destination on time.
“Do you guys mind if I freshen up while you set things up here? It's been a long day, and your girl needs a little pick-me-up,” I tell the boys.
They both say no at the same time. Chris pops open a beer, and Josh starts setting up the bar with orange juice, cranberry, coke, and tomato juice so that people can have something to mix the alcohol with. This is what I loved about guys. They were low maintenance when it came to getting ready. I went outside to grab my bag, and when I realized I didn't know what room I was staying in, I asked Josh.
“It's the first door to your left upstairs, and it has its own personal bathroom.”
“Nice,” I say as I carry my bag and head that way.
Twenty minutes later, I was refreshed and put on tight-fitting jeans, high wedge heels, and a cute top. I pulled my hair tie out, letting my curly hair fall down my back. My hair is curly but not tight curly cues, not anymore. When I was younger, all my cousins were fascinated with how tight my curls were and always teased me about them, but as I grew older, they loosened and resembled a loose curl or a tight wave. Another thing I loved about my hair was that I fluffed it up, and it looked like I spent hours on it. I put on some mascara and was done. When I walked downstairs, I could hear voices, so I assumed people were already there.
I approached the kitchen, and about seven people were standing around and talking. Mostly guys.
“Is this the chic you invited?” One of Josh’s friends asks, looking disappointed.
“No, well, yeah, but she’s my friend. Guys, meet Abigail. We had genetics, human anatomy, and chemistry together and pretty much two classes yearly for the past four years, haven’t we?”
Josh never liked to tell people how we met, which I was perfectly okay with. We kept it between ourselves.
“Yup.” I make a popping noise at the end. , “I'm Abigail.” I held out my hand.
I was such a nerd.
“Nice to meet you,” one guy says. Two guys approach me and shake my hand like I’m one of the guys, and another is invested in his phone texting a girl. The other guy waves and the one standing beside him says, “Nice rack,” as he takes a swig his beer.
“Billy, seriously? Do you have to be a dick so soon? We are just getting started,” Josh says
“What? She does have nice boobs, that’s a compliment the last time I checked.”
I took a deep breath and headed to the bar area to pour myself a drink. I was going to need to get drunk fast to survive the night.