42. Abigail – “Without music, life would be a blank to me.” — Jane Austen, Emma
42
Abigail
“Without music, life would be a blank to me.” — Jane Austen, Emma
“Yeah, okay. That’s great news.” I heard Colt say as I continued to dig through all the papers when something caught my eye. It looked like a journal with a CD attached to it. I flipped through it, and there were notes and lyrics.
It was a music journal.
I rummaged through it and noticed some of the lyrics were from me, back when I would text him songs throughout the day. My heart skips a beat at the memory. It seems so far away now, but I still can feel the excitement in my stomach when I was just about to text him, thinking he would be so proud of the song I wrote.
When I come to the first page of his Journal, I nearly gasp.
My Toxic WIsh.
“What? No, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I look up and see Colt’s face morph into confusion, then anger, all within thirty seconds.
“Jesus,” he lets out a long sigh. “Okay, yeah. I’ll ask, but I don’t need the press showing up here. I don’t have a girlfriend.”
His words slice through me like a sword, and as he continues, I bleed out. I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to know what the hell he was talking about.
Was it about Naomi? Me?
I sit rooted to the ground until he ends the call. He lowers his phone and starts searching for something. I’m not sure what, but it’s obvious he’s either looking for something or checking for something on his phone.
“Is—everything okay?” I ask cautiously. Not sure what his mood may be right now.
He doesn’t answer right away. After about a minute, he says, “Did you post that video of us dancing in the kitchen?” as he turns his whole body around to face me.
I felt like the wind had just knocked me out. I was finding it hard to breathe. I wasn’t sure if I was more shocked by his reaction to that video being out there or by how it got posted in the first place.
“What? N-No,” I say, blinking rapidly.
“So how the heck is it all over the internet?”
“I have no idea.”
“That was my insurance agent letting me know the house is done.”
“That’s great.”
Colt ignores me, “And somehow, he has even seen it. It’s all over Youtube, Instagram, and now the news reporters are making it this huge big fucking deal.”
I blink once and try to process why he’s so mad right now.
“Well, can’t you just take it down?”
“No, Abigail, it doesn’t work like that. They’ll want to know how it got up there. Why it was taken and, more importantly, who you are.”
“And who am I, Colt?” I shouldn’t be pressing this right now, but I couldn’t help it. He’s the one that dared me to post it in the first place? So why is he making this a big deal?
He rakes a hand in his hair. “Not now, Abigail. I want to know why you posted it. Because it’s not like some ghost did it.”
I stood up, “I told you, I didn’t post it. I’m sorry the world saw you with me, but I didn’t post it. And why the hell are you getting mad? It was your idea.” I push at his chest with my index finger.
“That’s not why I’m upset.” He seethes, glaring right back at me.
“Oh, it isn’t, then please enlighten me.” As I leaned back, crossing my arms, it dawned on me. “Bodie,” I whisper under my breath.
“Huh?” Colt says, leaning in closer.
I bring a hand to my head, realizing I left my phone open unattended in the car beside Bodie.
“Bodie,” I say again, louder this time.
“What about him?” Colt’s voice grew more agitated by the second.
“He’s the one that posted it.” I clarify.
“How and the hell can a child post a video online.”
“It’s not that hard. I-” Quickly, stopping myself from finishing that sentence. I don’t want Colt to know I had my phone opened to that video as Bodie and I listened to music in my car as he asked me questions. I didn’t want him to know I had already watched that video a hundred times. Maybe ten minutes ago, I would have told him, but not now since he’s acting like the cold, distant Colt I met months ago .
“It’s not that hard. My phone was open, so I’m sure he went through it while I talked to you when you returned from your run.”
At the same time, Colt was about to open his mouth, the front door opened downstairs, and we heard Cliff and Bodie chatting.
“Bodie!” Colt calls out.
“It’s not his fault, I’ll take it down.”
“No, he needs to learn not to mess with other people's phones. What if that had been a video of you naked or a picture?”
I hated to admit it, but he was right. It wasn’t, though.
“Can I ask what’s your problem? I mean, what’s the big deal? It’s not like it’s a video of you inside me like you have been every fucking day. It’s an innocent, sweet moment of us dancing.”
“Not now, Abigail. And not everything is about you, okay”? There’s more to life than your grades and being called pretty. I have way more important shit to deal with.”
I flinched, taking a step back. Right when I’m about to speak, Bodie walks through the door.
“Hey, Dad, we got some mint chocolate ice cream. It’s my favorite. Abigail. Do you want some? We got a lot.”
I can’t help but smile, and his adorable, cute face washes away my anger, but the pain still remains.
“Bodie, did you post a video on Abigail's phone?” Colt asks, squashing the bubble I was wrapped in for a split second. Bodie looks down at his feet.
“It’s okay, bud, you-“
“No, it’s not okay.” Colt interrupts while he sends those blue daggers in my direction. “You don’t take people's phones and post stuff on social media.”
“I’m sorry.” Bodies lower lip begins to curl, and it takes everything in me not to run over to him and hug him. Guard him from his moody father.
A tear runs down his face.
“It’s just. You looked so happy, and so did Abigail,” he said, turning to face me. “I thought you’d be glad I posted it. And I wanted everyone to know that I found a mom.”
Pain severed through every part of my body. My knees were so wobbly I didn’t know if I was still standing.
“Oh, Bodie,” Colt says. Wiping his tears for him, kneeling beside him. “We’ve talked about this. You have a different family unit than other kids at school. But it doesn’t make you any less special than anyone else.”
“But I want a mom. All my friends have moms, and I want one.” He pouts, and I feel my heart snap in two.
“You have Grammy.”
“It’s not the same. All my friends talk about how their moms tuck them in every night. Read them stories. How they put little notes in their lunchboxes, and Abigail does that stuff for me. So she’s my mom and you can’t take her away.”
“I know, son, but it doesn’t work like that. Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose our parents. You’ll always have me and Grammy.”
Bodie swiped his nose with the back of his hand. I wasn’t sure if I should walk out now or just wait, but my insides were burning with pain. Between Bodie’s reaction and Colt’s, I was cut open, bleeding out. Bodie wanted me to be his mom, and it was so fucking sweet, but Colt, on the other hand, made it clear there was no room for me in their lives. I was only what I feared I’d be to him, nothing.
“How about we go downstairs and watch a movie with some of that mint chocolate chip ice cream you got.”
Bodie sniffled some more. “Okay, with whipped cream?”
“With whipped cream,” Colt says in a soft, gentle tone that has the ability to put my heart back together, if I wasn’t so fucking hurt by his reaction to Bodie.
“Abigail, you want some ice cream? We have plenty.” Bodie asks again.
I muster up all the strength I have left to put on my best smile and sound happy. “Oh, I would, bud, but I have to work tonight and finish cleaning this up before I go.”
“What is all this?” Bodie looks at the ground.
“Nothing of your concern, Bodie. We are just clearing out this room so your grandpa can stay here, or we can rent it out. It needed a good deep cleaning. That’s all.”
“Wasn’t this Uncle Blake’s room?”
Colt and I glanced at each other. And it’s as if Colt looked to me for help. I cleared my throat.
“Yes, and Blake would have wanted his room to be nice and clean. It’s Daddy’s fault for neglecting the room, but it’s okay because we are doing what Blake wanted us to do now. Better late than never, right?”
“Yeah,” he says. “That’s what Grammy says, too.”
“Grammy is a smart woman,” I say as tears prick my eyes. Threatening to fall down my cheeks.
“C'mon, Bodie.” Colt stands up, placing a hand on Bodies back and guiding him out the door. But before stepping out of the room, Bodie stops and walks around his dad and comes up to me to take my hand. “Abigail, I don’t care what Grandpa says. I think you’re beautiful.” He pulls me down with his grip on my hand and kisses me on the cheek. A jolt of joy surges through my body, along with a ding of disappointment. Did Cliff say something to Colt about me? A silent tear streaks down my face, and I hope Colt can’t see it. “Why are you sad?”
I shake my head. “I’m not,” I say with a slight sniffle. “I’m happy.” I force a smile in hopes that it will stop me from crying. When Bodie turns around, Colt is staring right at me. He waits until Bodie is gone before he speaks.
“You don’t have to finish this all now. We can do the rest tomorrow or when you’re free.”
“Yeah, okay, sure thing. I’ll pick up these papers and start getting ready for work.”
He tilted his head studying me, then nods in agreement. Once he was out of sight, I let out the breath I was holding in. The hope, the wish, and the dreams I had, deflated in seconds. I was nothing more than a floating balloon, twirling around, unsure where to land. But one thing I knew for sure was that Colt Killian would not be my final destination.