Epilogue
ABIGAIL
One ear Later
“See you at twelve for the meeting tomorrow,” Brittany shouts to another girl living in the house. I try to stop by the place as often as possible to check on the girls and boys, but lately, I’ve been swamped.
Bodie was about to turn eight, and I was nearing twenty-three. I can’t believe how much has happened in a year. I still want to pursue my medical degree to teach Bodie that you shouldn’t rely solely on wishes you want to come true because even though they can, having an educational backup plan is always good.
When Colt posted that video of me singing in his t-shirt, it went viral. I’m pretty sure the fact that the NFL, Super Bowl-winning quarterback posted it, and not me, had something to do with its virality, but so did my voice. I’m not going to lie. I’m so grateful he posted it, because if he didn’t, I wouldn’t be in the position I am today; doing what I wished for all those years ago when Blake and I were just kids. What blows my mind even to this day is, I had no makeup on in that video and was technically naked under the shirt I was wearing, and no one paid attention to that once people heard my voice. They couldn’t believe how smooth it was like silk projected into the air as my voice lined up perfectly with the notes I played on the guitar. Then, when music agents found out I was the one behind the scenes of the album Toxic Wishes, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.
I inhaled, still feeling the bright lights beaming down on me, scorching my skin. I can still feel the sweat trickling down my back as I envisioned no one watching me. Although I prefer to be behind the scenes of music, I performed on stage for the first time last week and realized music isn’t just about the beat, melody, or words. It’s all about the performance. So I made sure I had a great one. One good enough to be recognized from the heavens above to get Blake’s attention. I sang my heart out. I was pouring a part of my soul and leaving it behind once I left that stage.
We did it.
I smiled to myself as the thought crossed my mind.
After last year's Super Bowl appearance, the royalties from Toxic Wishes have been going straight to the rental house I bought. After learning so much about real estate and reading the book Colt demanded of me, Rich Dad Poor Dad, it made more sense now why he invested in all these rental properties. After all, he will retire one day, and that day is soon approaching. I’m grateful he has thought about his retirement more than I ever would.
My motives for a rental property were a little different. I bought a lakehouse out in the Ozarks so those who struggled with drugs or eating disorders, who couldn’t afford rehab could come and stay here. It was a place to make people feel like they weren’t alone or that there was hope to get through their addictions or disorders, knowing others around them were going through the same thing.
What are you still doing here. You better get home to that hunk of a man.” Brittany said.
“I’m going, i’m going. I just been really worried about Katy. How she been doing?”
“She is fine. She still has a long ways to go but I think she’s finally realizing this is her home now, and not the one she was at.” Brittany said Andy heart leaped for joy.
“Good I was really worried about her when she told me about that last conversation she had with her mom, I mean it was horrible. I lost sleep just thinking about it.”
“I know all about it Abigail. But I got everything under control. Stop worrying. Now get on home before I drag you there myself.” She starts pulling me down the steps.
“Okay I’m leaving. Geese miss bossy.”
When a person graduated from the program I created, they became leaders and helped organize meetings and projects that portrayed the psychology part of all this. Brittany was one of those people. And even though I wasn’t in school full-time anymore, I educated myself on the psychological part of eating disorders and drug addictions.. Maybe one day, I’ll pursue my degree in the medical field as a psychiatrist, but for now, I’m putting it on hold and following my heart for once.
When I got home I immediately got to decorating.“Mom, Dad is going to be here any minute.” Bodie recently started calling me mom after discovering Colt and I were official. We didn’t want to tell him immediately, so we did a good job of staying out of the media as a couple. It wasn’t hard since I stayed home for the most part. But I told Bodie he was not obligated in any way to call me mom unless he wanted to but he said he’s been dying to call me that ever since we all lived at the lake house together. I cried tears of joy in the bathroom for hours after he confessed that to me.
Damn Hormones.
As far as my toxic family goes, my sister is the only one I talk to regularly. Although I had come to peace with my mom and all the decisions she made when it came to me, I still kept my distance, which wasn’t hard since I’ve done it my whole life. But now, instead of feeling rejected loving them from a distance, I felt empowered.
“Okay, okay. We have to wait for Grandma. She said she was bringing cookies, and your grandpa is supposed to bring the banner,” I tell Bodie as I carry the fresh juice I squeezed to the kitchen table. I know he may be late. Although Cliff has gotten so much better at being reliable, that didn’t mean he was ever on time, which drove Colt up the wall.
I stopped asking what distracted him from the basic concept of time since half the time, he would respond with, ‘Time is not real. It’s made up.’ Or my favorite excuse, ‘I can’t help when people stop and recognize me wherever I go, especially the women.’
“Hello,” Nora sing-songs as she walks inside the front door. I was washing my hands when she spotted me leaning over the kitchen sink.
“Okay, I made the cookies, but half are pink and half are blue, and I made some yellow ones because of how adorable they are.” She holds out the tray of cookies. They were shaped in different baby toys and clothes that said, Oh boy, on the blue ones, God help me, on the pink ones, and Thank God, on the yellow ones.
“That’s fine. I’m sure he will get the message right away when he sees the giant teddy bear on the porch,” I say. It was Bodies' idea, and although I hated it, I couldn’t say no after his face lit up like a little boy seeing Disney World for the first time.
“Which is adorable,” Nora adds.
“Thanks for helping me with all this.” I place a hand under her elbow as she kisses me briefly on the cheek.
“Suga, you are the daughter I never had, so you better stop thanking me. I want to help, and you better get used to it because once that baby is here, you won’t be able to get rid of me.”
I chuckle lightly as she walks off, placing the tray of cookies on the table. Bodie wanted to surprise his dad with the news. He was probably the most excited out of all of us because this meant he’d finally get what he’d always wanted, a sibling. On the other hand, I was a nervous wreck with all these unanswered questions lingering in the air. I thought we would be married before this ever happened, but with all the sex we’ve been having, I’m not surprised we got pregnant sooner rather than later. And with his history, I didn’t want him to feel trapped like he felt when he found out he was pregnant with Bodie.
Marriage has been brought up a couple of times, but almost in a fleeting moment after we just got done making love or fucking like animals, curled up with one another, talking about the future. It was never taken seriously, and I would never push the issue because I didn’t care about a big fancy wedding. I knew he loved me and was committed, by all the time and effort he put into our relationship. During the first football season as a couple, he wanted to move me out to Arizona, but I didn’t want to leave Bodie and make him feel like I deserted him, especially after receiving the news that Colt and I were an item. That’s when Colt said we both could move, but I know Bodie would miss his friends and Nora, since she was the only mother figure in his life up until now.
We fought about it for weeks, and as usual, when he finally saw the valid points I was making, he dropped the subject and agreed to finish out the year in his football career before we made any major changes. I felt relieved I got to keep a part of Bodie’s life constant, aside from flying out to see Colt as much as possible, if he couldn’t come here.
I’m not going to lie. It’s almost surreal to think this is my life now. A little over a year ago, I struggled to make ends meet, and the shocking news of where I came from added fuel to the fire. And now, I could buy anything I wanted.
Surprisingly, I felt extremely comfortable in Colt’s house, when it didn’t seem that long ago when I didn’t feel like I belonged. I can only wish we find a home of our own one day, but for now, I wasn’t complaining.
I was applying lipstick to my lips when I heard a car door shut outside.
“Shit,” I say under my breath. “He’s here!” I shout as I put my lipstick back in my purse.
Cliff walks in with the banner and champagne, and relief washes over me.
“Got some bubbly.” He says, as he walks through the door.
“Thank God, it’s just you,” I place a hand over my heart. “For once, I’m glad you’re late.”
“Late, or arriving in a timely fashion. Besides, we are celebrating, and you can’t celebrate without champagne.” He holds up the two bottles in his hands.
“Except I can since I’m pregnant.” I lowered my gaze on him.
“So we all must suffer?”
I shake my head in response.
At the last ultrasound I went to, the doctor jotted down the sex of the baby on a card and put it in an envelope. When I got home, I immediately put it in the tea jar we had kept on the counter. It was tempting to peek since I was the only one who knew it was in there right now, but I also knew myself. The main reason I didn't want to know the sex of the baby was because, if it ended up being a girl, I would stress the whole pregnancy, asking myself, would she have blue or brown eyes? Would she get my curly hair? Would she end up being ugly and made fun of because she wouldn’t look like her pretty American friends? Would she grow up feeling ugly like I did for so long? I know with loving parents, that would be damn near impossible, but that’s how deep-rooted the damage is when it comes to my daily struggle with my own image. Sometimes, I look at Colt and still can’t believe he’s mine.
“Let’s get the banner hung up before Dad does get here,” Bodie says.
“Good thinking, bud.” Cliff ruffles Bodie’s hair a bit, and Bodie scoffs. “Grandpa, I worked hard on that.” He says as he fixes his hair back in place.
“For who? The ladies?” Cliff nudges Bodies shoulder, flashing him a wink.
“Yes,” he says matter-of-factly, and we all stare at Bodie in dismay before busting out in laughter.
“Definitely a Killian,” Cliff says under his breath.
“I swear, nothing but trouble,” Nora whispers as she aligns the plates of cookies together.
Cliff walks up on the step stool as I help him angle the banner that says, Congratulations.
“A little higher,” I tell him as he sticks the tape on the wall to hold one side in place. We all get distracted by last-minute touches to the decorations when Colt walks through the front door.
“What’s this?” He says, causing us all to turn around. We are silent for a minute before shouting, “Surprise!”
One side of Colt’s lip curls up, but he looks around, trying to piece together what we are celebrating.
“Uh, I thought we were going to celebrate your birthday on Sunday?” Colt says with a scrunched-up expression.
“Dad, that’s not the surprise,” Bodie says.
“You guys do know I’m not retiring for another year. So what could we possibly be celebrating?” He stares up at the sign. “That would congratulate me?” He drops his gaze from the banner to us, raising an eyebrow as he stares at each of us.
Bodie bounces up and down slightly as if he has to pee. And when he sees the excitement on his son’s face, something clicks, and it all comes together.
“Wait, are you?” he flickers his gaze to me. And a huge smile spreads across my face,
“Are you pregnant?” He finishes his sentence, his eyes fixated on mine.
“Surprise!” Bodie shouts once more. I nod my head vigorously as Colt gapes at me.
“Oh my God, he sprints over to me, swooping me in his arms and twirling me around.
We both laugh, and Bodie comes running over to us. Colt places me on the ground, and Bodie crashes into me for a big group hug.
“W-when did you find out? I mean, how far along are you?” Colt says, his eyes moving back and forth as if I can see his brain working behind those eyes. Then he drops his gaze to my belly, examining it as if he’ll be able to know by looking at me.
“Slow down there, soldier,” Nora says as she hugs her son. I let them hug for a minute and savor the moment before I say, “I found out a few weeks ago. I’m almost four months along.”
“Wow,’ He looks down at my belly, placing a hand over it. “Do we know the sex?”
“No, I was hoping you would want it to be a surprise,” I tell him. “Like me.”
“I think it’s a girl,” Bodie says.
“With our genetics, I’m sure it’s a boy. Be a miracle if it’s a girl,” Cliff says, stretching his torso side to side as if he pulled something helping me hang the signs a while ago.
“You sure you don’t want to know?” Colt says, grabbing my hands, ignoring everyone’s comments.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
“Okay, sweetheart. If that’s what you want, I figured you would want to throw a big gender reveal party. I know you girls love doing that stuff.”
“Really? Do you think I would like to do that? Have you not gotten to know me at all.”
He chuckles lightly and gives me a gentle kiss on the lips. “Yeah, true, what was I thinking? You could care less about that crap.” We are lost in the moment, and I know Colt’s mind is moving a million miles a minute right now, but the best part is he’s not freaking out, which makes me feel relieved in itself.
“Yoo-hoo!” we hear a girl's voice as the front door opens, turning our heads that way.
“Mel?” I squint my eyes, ensuring it’s her and not the lack of sleep I’ve been getting.
“How did you all know I was coming?” She says as she takes in the surroundings of the banner and party favors.
I run over to her and almost knock her down, giving her a big hug.“What the hell are you doing here?” I say into her long blonde hair.
“I figured you had such good luck out here with Mr. Lover boy. I figured maybe I needed a change from the L. A scene and it was time to get me a country boy myself. Lord knows the men back home are getting weirder or staying true to being a bachelor for life.”
“I’m so glad you’re here.” I haven’t seen Mel since the Super Bowl, and Josh wanted to be here tonight, but he’s been swamped with classes, exams, and helping his parents' business as he continues to pursue his dream of finishing medical school for the both of us.
“What’s all the commotion about?” she asks as I pull back. Everyone goes silent, turning to me. “I’m pregnant,” I say softly, wondering if she heard me.
“Ahhh!” she screams, jumping up and down. “I’m going to be an aunt!” She brings me in for a hug again, squeezing me so tight I thought I might pop.
After hours of playing catch-up and cleaning the kitchen, we were all ready to wind down after I told Hildagaurd she could have the night off.
“How about I make us all some tea,” Nora says.
“I’ll help.” I follow Nora into the kitchen and start getting out the tea cups. I hear a jar close and immediately turn around. It’s as if it all happens in slow motion as I see her flip the card open.
“Don’t open that,” I shout.
She jerks, then turns around swiftly, asking, “Why not?”
“That’s where I hid the paper with the baby's gender. I don’t want to look at it yet.”
“What?” Nora scrunches her nose at me, and I turn to Bodie. “You aren’t allowed to look in there either, bud. Promise me?” I say.
“I promise,” he says as he stares down at his iPad, not interested in a word I’m saying right now.
Good .
Rather than listen and immediately put the card back, Nora peeked and put it back in the jar. Cliff is the first one to say something. “Nora, how are you going to do that to them?”
“What? I put it back,” she says as tears opens a tea bag then lights the stove.
“Great’ Colt says as he slumps his shoulders over. “I’m the father, and I don’t even know. How is this fair? “
“No worries, you, of all people, should know your secret is safe with me.” She winks at Colt.
Nora was like a vault, but more than that, would Colt and I try to get it out of her over the next six months? Even though this was my decision, it was killing me not knowing, so I knew it had to be eating up Colt inside as well. Becoming a mother was by far the best thing that has happened to me, and I would love the baby no matter what, but I was consumed by curiosity. If Nora let it slip accidentally, that would mean we were meant to know, right?
“The baby is going to be my baby sister or brother, which I’m hoping is a boy, but dad says I’m a horrible guesser,” Bodie says with a yawn. “I think I ate too many peanut butter cookies, Grammy.”
“What did I tell you?” Nora says. Bodie groans as he holds his stomach.
“C’mon, let's start your bath, and I’ll read you a book. Let your dad and Abigail have some alone time together.” Ciff says.
Mel was already in for the night after her third glass of wine. She looked as if she couldn’t keep her eyes open much longer, so I told her to go ahead and stay in our guest bedroom. There was no need to drive to her hotel tonight when she was barely holding on.
It was only me, Colt, and Nora in the kitchen now, and all I wanted to do was snuggle up with Colt.
“You both are just dying to know, aren’t you?” Nora says.
I looked at Colt and then at Nora, “No, I’m fine. I think it’s more fun this way.” I tried sounding convincing, but she saw right through me. Colt, on the other hand, looked as if he was about to shit his pants if he didn’t find out now.
“Be mighty funny if this baby also resembled his Uncle Blake.”
“I’m sure you would be tickled if that happened,” Colt says flatly.
Nora takes a sip of her tea. “Tickled Pink,” and walked off, leaving me alone with Colt. It took me a moment to register what she said.
Tickled Pink. I let it sink in for a few seconds before turning to Colt.
“Holy shit,” Colt says, a smile spreading across his face.
I, on the other hand, was hyperventilating inside. Colt walks up to me, wrapping his arms around me.
“She will be absolutely gorgeous.”
“I hope so. What if she gets a complex about her body because someone calls her fat? What if I start to obsess about mine because I gain so much weight, and then you don’t find me attractive anymore? Then you end up leaving me with a child, so I’ll be fat and pathetic. No one would want me after that. What if-”
He silences me with his finger over my lip, but it’s useless. I could already feel the anxiety creep up inside me. Then, to make the butterflies swarm in my stomach even faster, I watch as Colt gets down on one knee and grabs a tiny black box from his pocket. It’s the most beautiful sight. Just when I don’t think this man can get any more perfect, he all outshines my doubts.
He looks up at me with those blue eyes, I could die in, for the rest of my life.
“You know, I didn’t get with you because I find you attractive. It’s not just your body I fell in love with. Besides, you could never be fat or ugly.”
“Yeah? You want to make a bet.” I scoffed.
“Nah, I’d rather make a wish.”