Chapter 38 Strong Motivator #3
“That’s right,” she said. “It’s me. It’s always been me for him.
And you can’t control those things. You can’t control attraction and emotions toward one person over another.
I knew it twenty years ago.” She turned to look at him.
“I knew it and I didn’t let you know the same. I couldn’t. I know it hurt you.”
“You had no control back then,” he said, reaching his hand out for hers. She slipped hers in and threaded their fingers together.
“I did,” she said. “I could have opened up more but didn’t want to hurt you. You were going to be upset anyway, why add to it? I was used to it. You didn’t deserve any of it.”
“That’s right,” Lexi said, crossing her arms. “He didn’t deserve it. Or you. He could have died and it’s your fault he’s hurt! If he just saw me all along, none of this would have happened. Why not me, Ford?”
“Because I was always looking for Reenie and didn’t know it. And you never told me how you felt,” he said. “Ever.”
“So you could laugh at me?” Lexi asked. She was blinking tears out of her eyes and wiping them on the hem of her shirt she’d lifted.
“I wouldn’t have. And if you think that, then you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.”
“But you thought if you scared me again, that I’d leave,” Reenie said. “That after everything that happened to me, if I came back here and thought the one place that was safe wasn’t, I’d leave town again and you’d get your shot at Ford.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lexi said. Her eyes were darting all over the room, but not making contact with anyone.
Clay held up the white Tic Tac. “You dropped this when you climbed through the window. It probably fell out of your pocket.”
“Do...do you think I’m the only one who eats them?” Lexi asked. She never hesitated over her words in the past.
“You’re the only one who carries them loose in your pocket and have your whole life,” Ford said. “But I’m sure if I call my men out here and have them dust for prints, we’d find yours.”
That was when Lexi’s face paled. She’d just admitted she was in the cabin weeks ago going through Reenie’s things but couldn’t think clearly to say that.
“You could have died because of Maureen. And then I’d never have a chance for you to see me like I see you.
If she left, I could have been there for you.
To help you through it and you’d see me and what I’ve felt. ”
“Reenie has nothing to do with that,” he said. “I could die any day I go into work. Any of us can.”
He was looking at Reenie.
They’d had this discussion already. He didn’t need her worrying about this.
For her to have any thoughts in her head.
She already put the blame on herself for his injury.
“We can,” she said. “That’s life. We all have to take responsibility for our actions too.
That’s something I’m doing going forward.
” She turned to Lexi. “I’m sorry that you think this is my fault.
Maybe I’ve thought it some too. But I also know deep down I couldn’t control it.
But you, you could have decided not to take your frustration out on me.
You could have talked to Ford like an adult one on one and let him know at any point.
You have to live with those choices, just like I’m going to live with mine. ”
Reenie turned to leave, and Ford went after her.
This wasn’t about Lexi’s jealousy or whatever misplaced feelings she’d been harboring.
Feelings he hadn’t asked for and didn’t return.
If Lexi thought he hadn’t seen her before, she’d be invisible now.
After what she’d done, he’d never look at her the same again.
This was about the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Clay would fire Lexi, he knew that. He didn’t have to stay to witness it. He didn’t have to take care of it either.
It wasn’t all about him having to do it. To be the one to save her. To be the one to help her.
It was them helping themselves and supporting each other. Letting more than each other in to do it too.
“Wait up, Reenie.”
She turned to wait for him at the end of the hall. No one was around.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Sorry for everything.” She held her hand up when he went to speak.
“Even sorry that I keep saying sorry, but it’s all I’ve got today.
The next several days, weeks, months, years.
I’m going to spend it making sure you have no doubts about me or my feelings toward you.
I will never keep you guessing again like that.
It’s not right for anyone and only causes pain.
That’s my promise to you. I hope you believe me. ”
He pulled her close to his side. “I do. Not because I want to, but because I see it. I didn’t see what Lexi was feeling and that’s on me. I could have talked to her and let her down easily if I had.”
“Don’t put that on you,” she said. “I’m sick of us both thinking we are at fault.
There are evil people in this world and people who make poor decisions on emotions.
Weak or strong ones. Different days, different mindsets.
I want a reset if you’ll give it to me. I see my chance at a normal life and I’m going to grab it by the horns and ride it in whatever direction it takes me.
I hope you’ll be by my side through it all. ”
“I wouldn’t be any other place. I loved you twenty years ago but didn’t know what that meant. It wasn’t nearly as strong as it is now. We’ve made it this far, we can make it through anything.”
There’d be no doubts in his mind. He wouldn’t allow it.
It’d only hide the wonderful trip they’d had and the journey in front of them.
“A wise man once told me he’d always be there for me. I didn’t know what that meant before, but I hoped it’d held true years later.”
“It did,” he said, kissing her forehead.
“Because you keep your promises.”